Bayonetta – Review

1. To describe Bayonetta in one, real word would be nigh impossible. However, that won’t stop me from inventing a word… superinsanelysexyawesome. There we go. That about sums it up. I could just leave it at that and tell you to go buy the game. I won’t though, because that would be rather unprofessional.
   
   I’d heard of Bayonetta a couple of months ago, and immediately wrote it off as “weird”. While that same word still applies, I don’t attach a negative connotation to it. I’d heard that her suit was actually her hair, and that her hair would be used in many of her attacks. I could not, at the time, comprehend this, so I made no attempt to. To comprehend the insane requires one to become insane themselves.
   
   About a month before release, the demo was released and I jumped right into downloading it “just because”. I shut it off however after about 10 minutes because I couldn’t quite comprehend what was happening. Everything was moving too fast, I couldn’t keep track of the enemies, and what the hell was up with me fighting on the face of a falling clock tower? There was too much motion, and I pretty wrote the game off right there. Fast forward ahead one month, add in a little extra cash, and it was between Bayonetta and Darksiders. I redownloaded the demo, played it all the way through. It was still just alright, but I was hearing such good things! Enormously good things. Terrific, spectacular things. So, I hedged my bets, and here we are.
   
   The game opens on the clock tower scene mentioned above, however you are provided with a partner this time by the name of Jeanne. It was still wholly chaotic, and the opening cinematic didn’t provide me with much explanation for what was going on. Fast forward an undisclosed number of years, and Bayonetta is now in a graveyard with Enzo, an annoying fat man who you thankfully don’t hear anything from after the opening chapters, and Rodin (pronounced Rodan) the man who will provide you with items throughout your adventures to Paradiso and back.
   
   While the story wasn’t presented in a manner that made it especially easy to pick up on, all of the characters in the game (excluding Enzo of course) are extremely likeable. As the tale picks up speed you will find yourself caring about Bayonetta, a journalist hot on your heels by the name of Luka, and a mysterious little girl named Cereza who is somehow entangled in the middle of the angel and demon slaying. Oh yeah, you’re killing angels. Forgot to mention that. However if it helps, they can’t truly be classified as angels, and you will understand once you beat the game. I won’t say why here though to avoid spoilers.
   
   Speaking of angels, there is very much a variety of enemies presented to you throughout the game. Each chapter (of which there are 14, 16 if you include the Epilogue and Prologue, which you will) is split up into verses. Each verse represents a battle or a series of battles throughout the chapter. This may seem like an odd way to structure the game, but it works perfectly for the completionists out there, because you will then be graded individually based on how well you did on any given verse. At the end of the chapter you will be given a grade ranging from Stone to Platinum. You may even find that you missed entire verses due to a lack of exploration.
   
   While the standard enemies are fine, and often times require strategies of their own, the true stars of the show are the bosses. You are guaranteed at least one boss per chapter (at least) and they range from surprisingly big to ridiculously large to HOLY CRAP I CAN NOT KILL THAT WITH MY HAIR! Oh, but you will. Bayonetta has a trick up her sleeve, and each boss and the occasional mini-boss will end with a spectacular showing of one of the myriad of “Infernal Demons”. These are creatures that Bayonetta can and will call on to finish off the bigger baddies in spectacular and often times humorous ways. Regardless of whether it’s funny, you will always be left satisfied when Bayonetta brings out a giant dragon to smash a bosses head into a wall, or to bite him in half.
   
   Now on to the actual combat. Up until Bayonetta I had almost fully avoided action games like Devil May Cry and Ninja Gaiden. After a bad incident with Ninja Gaiden for the original Xbox (I couldn’t even get past the second boss) I swore off of them. With that far behind me though, I can completely and totally see the merits of games such as these. You will begin with a simple assortment of weapons (i.e. guns) and will soon find swords, claws, whips and even a weapon that infringingly resembles a light saber. All action games must have style, but Bayonetta far outshines any efforts I’ve seen in any game this generation or last. Bayonetta is sexy, funny and all around awesome to just watch, let alone play.
   
   Most of your fighting will be done with the Y and B buttons, with the occasional use of the X button to keep your combos going. Y is punch, B is kick, and X fires off your guns. A will let you jump, and a quick press of the Right Trigger will send you into a dodge. Pull off a dodge right before an enemy lands a blow, and you’ll be treated to Witch Time. Think of it as bullet time with more punching. Some may fault the game for its lack of a block button, but Bayonetta is not about blocking. It is about gracefully stringing together a combo, dodging an attack at the last minute, letting loose a series of devastating punches/ kicks/ slices/ shotgun blasts while the enemy is stuck in slow-mo, then pulling off a badass torture attack that puts your enemy in a guillotine and slices their head off.
   
   For my first run through, I almost exclusively used the shotguns. I had some pistols on my feet, and about 2 chapters before the end I realized that I could also equip different weapons to my feet. So, more shotguns. It doesn’t stop there however, and as you collect more LP’s (records that Ronin uses to somehow create weapons in the underworld) and unlock more weapons, you’ll find many combinations. Whip and Ice Skates. Sword and Rocket Launchers attached to feet. Light saber with laser pistols. The only rule is that some weapons cannot be attached to your feet (i.e. swords and whips).
   
   Now, as for that guillotine remark two paragraphs back. Bayonetta also features a magic bar, and upon filling it up you will be able to do one of the many torture attacks. Each is loosely based around torture techniques used on actual witches, such as the guillotine, a casket with spikes, and a horse with spikes on it that I don’t even want to know about. Each of these will either kill your enemy of choice, or at the very least drain a ton of their health.
   
   As far as unlockables go, you will not be left wanting for things to collect. There’s the aforementioned LP’s, witches tombs to find, Alfheim portals which lead to mini-challenges (mostly kill a certain amount of enemies with either a certain amount of health, or a certain amount of time, or both), and blood tears of which there are 101 of. You get them by completing certain challenges, or capturing the certain red crows throughout the game. Many are tied to the Alfheim portals as well. Upon beating the game you will then gain access to a very extensive art gallery, featuring everything you’ve fought and everyone you’ve seen in all of their costumes as full 3D figures that you can rotate and ogle at. Along with those you will finds tons of concept art and a very extensive library of music taken from the game.
   Everything you do is saved across all playthroughs, so you can get something on normal in a specific chapter, and immediately use it in hard difficulty on any other chapter you have played through. I really like this save system, because it allows someone who is fairly new to games like this (such as myself) to not only practice a certain level before taking it on, but to also get more helpful weapons without having to beat the game on Hard.
   
   Despite everything I’ve said, Bayonetta is not perfect. My largest complaint would be that everything in Rodin’s store costs waaaaaay too much. While this ensures that you have work to earn what you want (at first) it may also lead some to frustration. After beating the game I went to a certain boss and just started wailing on him to build up my combo to earn a lot of halos (the games currency). My second complaint is… nothing. I expected something to come to me, but I can think of nothing. The story may be confusing, but that’s not a problem if I actually care about the characters. You will see every major boss again, but they are more or less just cameos on your way to the final confrontation. It took me 12 hours to beat, but I’m still not done by a long shot. The ending was pitch perfect, and as far as levels and structure go, I wouldn’t change a thing.
   
   Bayonetta reminds me in a lot of ways of Resident Evil 4. They both came out of left field and completely blew me away. They both belong to genres that I had more or less officially rebuked (RE 4 being that of the survival horror). They both have an immense amount replay value, and much like RE 4 I suspect that Bayonetta will be a game that pine for every once in a while long after I’ve put it back up on the shelf. It’ll find its way into my console, and I’ll play it like I just bought it. Completely entranced with its brush with perfection. Bayonetta has blasted its way onto my list of favorite games of all time. Where Super Mario Bros. 3 was at #2, Bayonetta now takes its spot right behind Resident Evil 4. Bayonetta has done something that I have not seen since 2005. Taken gameplay that I should not like, put it in a world that should not work, given it a story that makes no sense, but at the end of it all everything comes together.
   
   Bayonetta ends with a spectacular, implausible trip across the galaxy. However if you’re anything like me, your trip to the sun will simply be the beginning.
   
   I officially give Bayonetta 9.8 out of 10. Minus .1 because no game is perfect as rule. Minus .1 because everything is too darn expensive for your first playthrough.
2. Rating: 
   9
3. Product Release: Bayonetta (US, 01/05/2010)

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