Review by Demon Slayer

Reviewed: 10/17/05

I'm not a Doom fan, but it starts out something fierce...

... and then proceeds to travel down that all too familiar road called Boredom Ave, which crosses with Repetition Street.

To really understand where I'm coming from, you must know a little of my Doom history. I have none. In fact, when I saw that Doom 3 was coming, I thought to myself, "oh, look, another Doom. It doesn't even look all that appealing."

And it didn't. The characters looked like a shiny quarter which, because of having been polished so much, lost its face. Despite all of this, I rented it. I expected a below par game experience with a little twist of fun online. I hit the nail on the head. Except for the online part. Most everything about it was terrible: the graphics, while a step in the right direction, were over-polished trash; the weapons and sounds were generic and boring; and the game play—which was certainly the most important factor—was about as entertaining as watching cheese twist and contort in the microwave; it starts out fun, and eventually just becomes burnt and hardened and no longer does anything. That was Doom 3.

I didn't even know there was to be a Doom 3 expansion, and I didn't care, either. However, one day I had been invited to a "LAN" party at a friends house for some competitive Halo 2 playing... and there I discovered that he had recently purchased Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil. His Xbox did not work, so he lent it to me, and it was good.

Now I can honestly say from experience that all Doom has been throughout the ages is repetitive trash. So here's my breakdown of Doom 3: ROE...

Graphics: Sure, graphics aren't important, and to be fair, they certainly do not get ino the way. But you know what? I don't care for them. Why do all creatures from hell have to be refractive? They all glow. They all look metallic. Heck, even the Doom Guy looks metallic. Not to mention the terrible looking faces... if you want graphics, don't suffer the consistency. 8/10

Sound: The weapon sounds are almost so bland it's painful. The machine gun might as well be a BB gun. In fact, the double barrel shotgun was the only gun that really appealed to me at all, and it tore through ammo far too easily... though, the creature sounds (and the occasional maniacal laugh) are pretty frightening and awesome. 7/10

Story: What? There's a story? You mean I have to destroy the artifact, but yet wield its powers to do so? Oh, wait, there's a catch? Of course there's a catch! Yeah, the catch is this: you have to waste a few hours doing the same thing over and over (kill several creatures, transfer power, repeat) in the same boring settings in the same run-of-the-mills scenery with the same tiresome arsenal. Yawn. 3/10

Game play: The game play is about as interesting as the story. Yay! Kill stuff. To make matters worse, everything dies exactly the same way. I want some ragdoll physics at least! Watching creatures blow up into chunks of gore or melt away in fire loses its novelty very early on. I think the most exciting aspect of the game is the occasional storage locker input or power transfer. Oh, and the most painstakingly boring arcade game in the sarge's room. 5/10

Overall: If you're a fan (and there are a whole helluva lot more fans than I had ever imagined) then I'm sure this game works for you. If you're a sensible human being who has a more refined taste for senseless violence, play Deus Ex or something... at least you have neat ragdoll physics and "customizable" deaths!

I give this game the insulting score of 5/10.

Rating: 5

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