Review by Shotgunnova

Reviewed: 01/16/06

Are you kiddin' me!?

It's been about eight years since I picked up this game, and back then I couldn't figure the dang thing out. But, this is the new millennium! Let bygones be bygones, it's the time for second chances...that sort of thing. On my last day of vacation, I pop in THQ's flop Pit Fighter and expect to give the thing a spin.

Story

I might be wrong on this one, but there is no story. At least I've never been able to figure out the controls long enough to get a sense of semblance for the action. I bought the game secondhand (surprise, surprise!) and, since this site has no FAQs on the game, I'm guessing no one else did either.

Basically, there's a crowd and you fight in a pit, against some goons. You can play as as an ex-pro wrestler, a kickboxer, and a ku-fu master: the typical occupations for someone battling it out in a fighting game, it seems. Stepping into the ring is where the story checks out, I guess.

Graphics

Usually the least important category to be judging anything on, I'd be lying if I said it didn't impair the game's focus and energy. People move around like cardboard cutouts, fall into positions like cardboard cutouts, and move around like cardboard cutouts. The crowd cheering you on (not that it does any good) are made up of blocky, pixelated mutants who just might be humans, but you can't tell because they blend together in a bland, repetitious manner. Your opponents aren't very detailed, and the floor looks like you're fighting on bowling lanes.

You're also not in a pit, which might just be the biggest disappointment besides the game's creation.

Gameplay

You'd think for this being a "game" in the most technical sense, there'd be gameplay, correct? Well, if you had bet money on it, you'd have just lost. The key to winning battles (assuming it's not just a theory) is to place the first hit and knock the opponent down, and then continuing to punch/kick the opponent over and over while pressing the d-pad left or right. This is about the only strategy there is, and while insanely cheap, it's the only option...besides getting pummeled by the other guy.

Sound

There's an odd assortment of crappy crowd noises and inhuman grunts from your bloody pulp of a fighter and your oft-victorious opponent. I'm fairly sure there's a bell that rings in the new round, too, but it's heard so often, it may just be my imagination at this point. Needless to say, the sound may be the apex of THQ's time and effort on this anti-masterpiece.

Pros / Cons

+ You can find it cheap

- Devoid of gameplay
- The money option seems to play no part in the game
- Instant game over if you lose to an opponent
- Animations that would make amateurs cry
- A strategic misfire, and the enemies are always better than you
- Your person doesn't "fight" in a "pit" -- ripoff!

The Verdict™: If there was a game that would ruin second chances for everyone, it would be this game. Do not come into contact with the cartridge at any cost, and if a remake is ever devised, sacrifice a lamb and pray that it disappears without further notice.

Rating:   0.5 - Unplayable

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