Review by Mariner
Reviewed: 12/05/01 | Updated: 12/05/01
Trust me, it's THAT bad.
As I was browsing this site, I found something rather strange. A game, with 4 reviews, and they were all 1/10s. What? Surely the game can’t be that bad. Oh, I knew it would be terrible, but to think that 4 different people all couldn’t find any redeeming value whatsoever in this game? It was absurd. Certainly, some part of it had to be, well, half way decent at best. Something’s wrong. So I figure I’d give it a try and see if I could find any value in it so that I could give this poor underrated game something better than a pointless 1. I failed in that objective. The game is truly horrendous.
Genre - Fighting (If you want to call this fighting...)
Story - 2 - You are one of three people. Don’t ask me their names because I don’t care. Anyways, you are fighting people for money in a pit fight or something. There’s nothing more. At least there shouldn’t be more. If there was, then someone has to beat them over the head for spending more time on the story than they did with the actual game. So sorry, you’ll get no Chinese girls fighting to avenge their father here, although I wish someone would avenge those of us who played this game.
Graphics - 1 - Have you ever played an NES game and thought to yourself, “wow, those graphics are good for the NES. In fact, they could probably pass for decent SNES or Genesis graphics!” Perhaps you have. There are a few games out there that deserve it. But have you ever done the reverse? Have you ever said “Whoa, these SNES graphics look worse than most NES games I’ve seen!”? If not, then pick up this game. The characters look like rubbish. I’m not sure what style the animators were going for, but bad certainly fits the category. They are blocky, unrecognizable, and, well, bad. As for the background, the people in the back cheering you on or something consist of 2 colors! Why? I don’t know. It all follows from the complete lack of time and effort put into this game. But that’s the good part. The bad part is the animation. One can almost say there is none. You are standing still. For a brief second your arm moves out and then you are standing still again. Then you are on the ground. Then you are back up. Then you are still standing still, yet moving across the screen. If the graphics alone are low NES caliber, than the animation would be acceptable only on the Atari.
Sound - 3 - It’s bad enough that I have to look at the game, but do I have to listen to it too? You can tell you’re in for a musical treat when you hear the magnificent opening theme. There isn’t any. They didn’t even bother to put in a bloody opening theme! On the other hand, it’s got to be the best score in the game. Because the actual game music just isn’t worth listening to. It’s subdued fortunately, but it’s pointless, repetitive, and out of place. The crowd “cheers” and fighters’ “grunts” sound somewhat humanlike. Keep in mind I define humanlike very loosely.
Gameplay - 0 - I doubt even a masochist could have the slightest amount of fun with this game. First up is controls. Like you would expect, they’re horrible. They are slow for one. For another, there’s no depth. Punch is punch (we think, it’s hard to tell with these animations). As far as I can tell, there’s no high punch, low punch, fast punch, slow punch, or anything else. This isn’t the sort of thing you can spend hours practicing on. Collision detection is pretty poor too. Good luck trying to judge what punches will land and what don’t. Of course, you can’t tell when you hit someone unless you are looking at their strange NES style hp (I guess adding a power bar was too high tech for them). Not that it matters, because you wouldn’t care. The other people you fight certainly aren’t interesting, or at least the first two weren’t (I certainly didn’t have the heart to go any further). On the whole, I think I had more fun playing severely glitched up games than this.
Challenge - 1 - Hmm, how does one define challenge? Is it hard? Yes. So does that mean the harder the better? Not necessarily. Consider a game where you had to guess a number between 1 and 1000 before you could pass. The number changes each time you try. Is that hard? Certainly. Does that benefit the game. Certainly not. Apply that logic here. The game’s faults, along with a ridiculous battle system, make the game too hard to care about. What is this ridiculous battle system? Well, you get hp. However, you get less hp than your opponent. There is no way to replenish this. That doesn’t sound too bad now, does it? Wrong. When I mention that there is no way to replenish it, I mean throughout the whole game. Every hit you take makes you closer to death. Combine that with poor collision detection and stuff, not to mention that you will eventually have to start fighting multiple opponents (so I hear), and the game becomes not worth it (not that it was ever worth it in the first place). Still, though, you can always rely on continues and passwords, right? Of course, except, no. That would require an extra 10 lines of code or something, and, hey, that’s too much work.
Replay - 0 - Ha, whatever. How can this game have any replay value when it has no value to begin with? There’s three different characters, except they all play basically the same. The differences certainly aren’t worth going through it again. There’s also two player as well. Yay! Now two people can suffer instead of just one! As the red mage would say, I could literally feel this game sucking away at my brain-thinky score thing. No replay value here.
Overall - 0.5 - I strongly recommend anyone who has an SNES emulator and doesn’t mind that sort of thing to download this game and gape in horror at how poor this game is (for everyone else, don’t bother trying to rent it, as no money should be spent on this game ever). It’s an experience that will make you appreciate other games even more. Every once in a while, you’ll come across a ridiculously low review or hear someone comment about a certain game as the worst ever. After playing this game, you can chuckle silently to yourself at the person’s simple ignorance and naiveté. For you will know what it means to truly be a horrendous game. I’d declare this the worse game ever, but I know that as soon as I do I’ll find one that makes this one look like Street Fighter. I don’t think I could stomach anything worse than this. Anyways, while you are laughing at the patheticness of this game, I will be finding ways to make my millions. Only then will I be able to gather all the people who worked on this project together with all the people who bought this game. Only then will the poor souls who unknowingly bought this thing gain the sweet justice they deserve.
Rating: 0.5 - Unplayable
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