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FAQ/Walkthrough by Bkstunt_31
/ Thnikamanl33t

Updated: 09/28/10


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Bkstunt and Thnikaman present:

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(         -=-   GameFAQs.com's September 2010 FAQ of the Month!   -=-         )
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                            _   .-.         ___
                           | |__| |       ,'   `. /|
 _,----._                ,-'  _,| |      /    _  '/                    ,'|
\,-.  _  \          _,--.'-. |  | |,-.  /   ,' \,'                     | |
   | | `. | ,--._  (,--. \ | |  |  _  \ |  /  _,-. ,'\,-.  ,--._       | |
   | |  | |/ ,-. )  _,-' / | |  | / `. ||  \,'    \\,  _ \ '--. ||\,-. | |,'\
   | |  | || \,'/  / ,'| | | |  | |  | | \    _   | | |_) | ,-' ||  _ \|   ,'
   | |  | | \  <,-.\ |_| | | |  |_| / /   `--' \  | |  _,' /,'| || | \ |  <
   | |  | |  `.__,' `.__ '.| |     \,'     _   |  | | /    \`-' || | | | . `.
   | |  / |             `-'| | |`.       ,' |  /  / | |     `-'\||_| '-| |`./
   | |,' /                 | | | |      / /\| /  /  | |                '-'
   |  _,'                  | '.| /      | \_,' ,'   |,'
   '-'                     '-._,'       '.__,-'


 _____ _                                    __   _   _ _      _              
|_   _| |                                  / _| | | | (_)    | |             
  | | | |__   ___  _ __   __ _ ___    ___ | |_  | | | |_ _ __| |_ _   _  ___ 
  | | | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \ / _` / __|  / _ \|  _| | | | | | '__| __| | | |/ _ \
  | | | | | | (_) | | | | (_| \__ \ | (_) | |   \ \_/ / | |  | |_| |_| |  __/
  \_/ |_| |_|\___/|_| |_|\__, |___/  \___/|_|    \___/|_|_|   \__|\__,_|\___|
                          __/ |                                              
                         |___/                                               


- ASCII art by my friend DomZ -


Hey everyone, welcome to Bkstunt's and Thnikaman's walkthrough of Deathspank:
Thongs of Virtue. Just like the first game, Deathspank, Thongs of Virtue is jam
packed with humor and fantastic dialog. It also has a TON of quests, I counted 
something around 162 quests by the time I finished. 


In the walkthrough, we'll list all the quests and provide a general guide. In 
all honesty, I didn't find Thongs of Virtue to be too hard. There's a lot more
spread-out quests here compared to the first game, and it's a bit harder in 
general. But there's also much better weapons and variety, as well as new 
co-op choices (Sorry, still no online co-op). 


First though, here are our emails, so you can contact us for FAQs (Check the
guide first), questions, or comments:

Bkstunt: Gregorio31 @ gmail.com

Thnikaman: Thnikaman.Thnik @ gmail.com


==============================================================================
                              - TABLE OF CONTENTS -
==============================================================================

   Note: Press Ctrl+F and enter in the code to skip to that section.


I. Controls.............................................................[DS01]

II. Walkthrough.........................................................[DS02]

	Prolouge: War is hell on my allergies....................[DS201]
	Part 1: Rambo and the Nun................................[DS202]
	Part 2: Something sinister is cooking....................[DS203]
	Part 3: The fall of Santa Claus..........................[DS204]
       (Optional Area) The Snowy Mountain Dungeon................[DS205]

III. Quest List.........................................................[DS03]
 IV. Runestones.........................................................[DS04]
  V. Trophies...........................................................[DS05]
 VI. FAQ................................................................[DS06]
VII. Credits and other ramblings........................................[DS07]



==============================================================================
                                 Controls                         
=====================================================================[DS01]===


As I mentioned before, the game is pretty much self-explanatory, and I'm sure
you can figure it out within minutes, but here's the control scheme:


                _,.--.,_                              _,.--.,_
               |  _____ |                            | _____  |
               |-'     `'.__________________________,'`     `-|
             ,'    __     `.                      ,'    .,.    `.
            /     |  |      \        SONY        /     (/_\)     \
           !   __  \/  __    |                  !  ,-.  `-'  ,-.  |
           |  |__ >  < __|   !__SELECT   START__| ([ ])     ( O ) !
           !       /\        ___`-.        ,-'     `-'  ,-.  `-'  |
           |\     |__|     ,'   `. \      / ,'   `.    ( X )     /|
           | `.           /       \ |    | /       \    `-'    ,' |
           |   `-.____,-. \       / |____| \       / ,-.____,-'   |
           |           ,'\ `.___,' /      \ `.___,' /`.           |
           |          /   `-.___,-'        `-.___,-'   \          |
           \         /                                  \         /
            \       /                                    \       /
             `.__,-'                                      `-.__,'


Left stick - Move
Right stick - Pan camera
Select - Open Quest Log (R1 and L1 to navigate pages)
Start - Pause the game
R1 - Open Inventory screen
L1 - Open Map screen
R2 - Block
L2 - Target enemy
D-pad/Shape buttons - Use equipped items


And there you have it. Pretty much everything is self-explanatory, it's
exactley the same as the first game, so if you played that you'll be at home
here.



==============================================================================
                              Walkthrough                        
=====================================================================[DS02]===


Here it is, our guide to Deathspak: Thongs of Virtue!


==============================================================================
                    Prolouge: War is hell on my allergies                    
====================================================================[DS201]===


The game begins with a cutscene insuring us that this is still in fact a true 
story. The cutscene brings us up to speed on Deathspank's activities since
his journy north into "Le battlefield". It is at this point we find that 
Deathspank has been captured by orque soldiers and is forced to peel potatoes 
but all these things and more are about to change. You'll also have a new main
quest. What, you don't want to peel potatoes, do you?

A quick note on co-op, the second player can drop in and out at will. This time
around, you'll have to choose between Sparkles the wizard from the first game
or Steve the ninja. Also, if you bought the game at release you can choose 
the DLC character Tannako the warrior-spider. Each character has their own
unique moves and shares the health bar with Deathspank.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Escape the POW Camp
From: Storyline 
Reward: Um, escaping? 
How to Accomplish: Um, fight your orque captors! Just keep going and you'll 
finish this quest.  

Ok, lets go over a few Deathspank-related notes right quick. I'm sure you can
tell how to use weapons, and can tell that you can equip up to eight items 
using your controller. You can also auto-equip armor in the item menu, which 
is nice, but it doesn't auto equip weapons.

We're not going to tell you the location of every single chest, or when you 
get better items, so be sure to explore a bit and check out any new weapons 
that you pick up. Some weapons have elemental attributes as well, so keep that 
in mind. The health meter and experience meter are self explainitory, but the
purple thing in the middle is your justice meter. You will get special weapons
that you can equip and use for special attacks when the justice meter is full 
(these weapons have purple arrows behind them). You'll also get special 
runestones that let you combine justice and melee attacks to do even better 
special attacks. 

Deathspank himself as one of the thongs, which allows him to resurrect at any 
nearby outhouse, meaning you are immortal. You can also use the outhouses to 
warp around. Quests are all kept tracked in your quest menu, and you can use
fortune cookies to get hints on the quests. Some quests will require you 
traveling around the world, and some you will be holding on to for a LONG time,
so keep that in mind to. Ok, let's play.


Armed with a potato pealer and your pow gear you set out down the path towards
your orque captors. Stabbing the first guard to death with said pealing device
you will obtain a semi-auto pistol (thats right, it's time for a little bang
bang action). Make sure to open the nearby chest as it contains a fire axe for
your convenience. As you walk a bit further down the path you will find a
great number of orque guards stationed there, many of which have double axes. 
The first one you kill should drop one of these and you can finally replace
your pealer. In this same area is a higher level orque with a "tesla rod". 
Kill him and this will be your first WEAPON OF JUSTICE!!! Ahem, sorry. Now head
west through the gate that is now open and you'll recieve a quest.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Make an Escape Plan
From: Storyline
Reward: FREEDOM (What, you wanted a cookie?)
How to Accomplish: Talk to your fellow POW's, they might have something 
interesting to say.

First you'll talk to the American soldier as he's the first one you'll come 
to. He'll inform you of the overall plan and suggest you obtain a uniform to 
fool the bridge guard.

Next, you'll speak with the British chap north of the American. He'll tell the
orques deep dark secret and major weakness: they can't read. Which makes your 
new task of forging documents much MUCH easier. What horrible guards. 

Lastly, we'll talk to the French fellow to your east (Gee, it seems like the 
whole world is in on this war and like it's not the first time either. Hmmmm.) 
He likes to talk in codes and informs you that to cross the bridge you'll need
to firgure out the password somehow.

Now the gate to the east will open allowing you to progress.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Find Orque Gloves/Boots/Shoulder/Vest/Helmet
From: POW Soldier 1 (American)
Reward: A charming new set of orquish diggs
How to Accomplish: Once you go through the gate leaving the camp head north on
the road. Kill jungle beasts for the clothes they ate. Be carefull of the big 
beasts as they spawn a group of smaller ones when they die. Be sure to equip 
the orque clothes.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Find an Item to Write With
From: POW soldier 2 (British)
Reward: One step closer to escape
How to Accomplish: East of the camp you'll find some wooden walkways with some 
interrigator chickens on them. Kill all the chickens and keep heading east 
until you find a rather large one. Kill him and recieve a quill.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Find an Item to Use as Ink
From: POW soldier 2 (British)
Reward: Even closer to escape...
How to Accomplish: Travel north to where all the jungle beasts are, then head 
west into the jungle. Here you'll be attacked by jungle squid tenticles. Fight
your way further west and you'll see a much larger tenticle. Kill this and it
will drop some ink. 

NEW MAIN QUEST: Find Paper to Write On
From: POW soldier 2 (British)
Reward: Two steps closer to escape
How to Accomplish: Continue north from where you fought the squids and you'll
come to a rather disgusting place filled with latrene goo's, thats right it's 
a latrene. Once you have killed all of the smaller goos attck the big one. Once
it is dead you'll recieve some toilet paper.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Forge Orque ID
From: POW soldier 2 (British)
Reward: A falsified ID for clubing and crossing drawbridges
How to Accomplish: Combine the pen with the ink and the inked pen with the 
paper in your inventory.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Learn the Secret Password
From: POW soldier 3 (French)
Reward: Secret and forbidden knowledge of liberation
How to Accomplish: As you approach the latrene you'll hear two orques talking
to each other about how much they hate their detail. One of them is occupying 
the outhouse. This is when you learn that gnomes when eaten in exccess causes 
constipation. The other orque being the good guy that he is helps his friend 
relax by telling him their soothing password "and the mighty Orque Barks Back".

NEW MAIN QUEST: Get Across the POW Bridge
From: POW soldier 1 (American)
Reward: Um... you get across the bridge
How to Accomplish: Once your fully decked out in orque garb, have combined the 
pen ink and toilet paper, and you've committed the password to memory, go east
of the control point and begin a dialog with the orque bridge guard.
After you've proven your Orqiness you'll be allowed to pass.

Once the bridge is down head across and kill the orques. Then you'll see a 
gate next to which is a first aid station that will dole out potions for you. 
So stock up on potions and head through the gate . Now begins the revolution 
er... um... well, it seems all your POW buddies have been killed with fire. 
Well now it's up to you. Head north and kill all the regular orques but avoid 
Ze Commandorque until they are all dead. Once they are begin a dialog with 
commandorque. Now you'll change into the jungle murder set which resembles 
Rambo. Nice. He will begin to attack you. He's level 4 so you should be careful 
and the missles that he calls in with his monocle will kill you in one hit. 
Hit and run tactics work well. You'll also need to kill the little 
orques that come to help, but that should be pretty easy. Don't forget to 
block if you need to and use your justice meter.

Remember that you can get a full justice meter by doing a perfect block, you 
just need to time your block to right before he hits you. You can get in a lot
of back hits by using the telsa rod.

Once he's dead you'll collect his monocle which is a great weapon of justice
that turns your enemies against one another. Now follow the path west through
another gate to the north and you'll come to a cave

   Once you exit the cave you'll walk up a path where once again you'll meet 
Sandy the tall armored red head who lied to you in the first game and then 
didn't save you from the POW camp. But I digress. A cutscene will reveal to 
you the secret of the thongs.


==============================================================================
                        Part 1: Rambo and the Nun                        
====================================================================[DS202]===


After the cutscene you'll get several main quests and a package.

NEW MAIN QUEST: The Thong of Cuisine
From: Sandy
Reward: A mighty thong
How to accomplish: Kill Worten, the cook. Keep playing, you'll have to do this
one.

NEW MAIN QUEST: The Thong of Generosity 
From: Sandy
Reward: A mighty thong
How to accomplish: Kill.... Santa?!? Sniff... Keep playing, you'll have to do 
this one.

NEW MAIN QUEST: The Thong of Compassion
From: Sandy
Reward: A mighty thong
How to accomplish: Kill the nun with a thousand names. Keep playing, you'll 
have to do this one.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Disgruntled Delivery
From: Sandy
Reward: Machine gun 
How to accomplish: Deliver the package to the Army General up north in Le
Beaux.


Keep going and you'll see a soldier up north a bit, who has a quest for you.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Recon the Comm
From: Cowardly soldier
Reward: Oddly warm gloves
How to accomplish: Find the comm tower to the west of the outpost.

Ok, the battlefield is a fun place, but for god's sake don't hit the bombs, as
they'll kill you outright. You'll also find a odd looking chest nearby that 
has a circle, zigzag, and a teardrop on it. Remember that for later, as you 
can fashion your own keys for these types of chests. 

You can go back to the cowardly soldier for another quest after scouting the
comm tower.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Radio Signals
From: Cowardly soldier
Reward: Oddly warm boots
How to accomplish:  Quick! Run the dynamite to the tower. I suggest you kill
the orque's around it first.


Again, you can head back to the cowardly soldier for yet another quest.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Behind Enemy Lines
From: Cowardly soldier
Reward: Flaming monocle runestone
How to accomplish:  Head west of the blown-up comm tower and kill Col. Orque.

Col. Orque isn't too hard, use your new monocle to take away his troops and 
lay the smack-down on him. You'll get your first runestone as a reward, which 
is awesome.

Runestones let you combine weapons and use them both at the same time, when 
your justice meter is full, for awesome attacks. Try it out when you can.  
You'll also get a side quest.

NEW SIDE QUEST: The Plan
From: Cowardly soldier
Reward: Machine gun
How to accomplish: Take the plans to the Army General in Le Beaux Kuckelle.


Now head to the Navy dock (remember your map is L1) to talk the soldiers here 
for two more quests.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Melon Protection
From: Outpost soldier (navy docks)
Reward: Undeath grenade
How to accomplish:  Buy the soldier a new helmet from Poque LaTere's Armory in
Le Beaux Kuckelle.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Mega Bomb
From: Outpost soldier (navy docks)
Reward: Greatest generation shoulders
How to accomplish: Use the bazooka to blow up the bomb past the bridge.



Now head down the docks and kill the enemies around the huge bomb. Now use your 
bazooka to blow the bomb to pieces. Fun. Be careful and don't run in to fast, 
there's exploding barrels that sometimes don't explode all at once and can kill
you.

As soon as you destroy the bomb and cross the bridge, a plane will take the 
bridge out. This gives you a side quest to use an outhouse to get back to the
outpost soldiers. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Use an Outhouse
From: Storyline
Reward: Learning how to teleport?
How to accomplish: Simply warp to the outpost soldiers via an outhouse. 


You can now do the side quest for the outpost soldier by buying him a helmet.
The shopkeeper will also have two packages for you to deliver.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Find the Taint
From: Poque Latete
Reward: Well, you get to meet a pirate. 
How to accomplish: Deliver the package to Captain Taint, in Scurvyville.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Off To Farmer Blizbane
From: Poque Latete
Reward: Minor crit. Potion
How to accomplish: Deliver the package to Farmer Blizbane, who lives north of
Le Beaux Kuckelle.


Ok, Enter Le Beaux and talk to everyone, you should  get several quests to do. 
Also check out Fort Discharge nearby for some more. You'll get ALOT of quests
after checking out the city and the fort.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Map out the North Pole
From: Army General
Reward: Molten warfare helm
How to accomplish: Sail by the buoy's around the North Pole.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Chunk of Gold
From: Army General
Reward: Molten warfare gloves
How to accomplish: Take the heart of gold from Madame Primp in Strumfuquel. 
You'll need to get her to change her costume and than try and open the odd
chest in her room. Make sure you have the right key from the locksmith.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Gun Parts
From: Army General
Reward: Bazooka
How to accomplish: Collect the gun parts scattered around the catacombs that 
you access from the Sanctuary.

NEW SIDE QUEST: For the War Effort  
From: General's assistant
Reward: Spinning tomahawk
How to accomplish: Collect 50 pieces of scrap metal. These are scattered about
and drop from killing orques.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Marching Orders
From: General's assistant
Reward: Undeath sword
How to accomplish: Deliver the marching orders to the captain at the navy docks
(complete after the Dammit! quest).

NEW SIDE QUEST: Odd Looking Chest
From: Locksmith
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Examine the odd looking chest north of Le Beaux.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Vacuum Tubes
From: Radio host
Reward: Incendiary grenade
How to accomplish: Destroy robots for the vacuum tubes at the Eisenbein 
residence.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Lost Father
From: Lucy Eisenbein
Reward: Undeath grenade
How to accomplish: You'll find Lucy's father past Tricore-7, stuck in a cage.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Mercy
From: Town medic
Reward: Fire axe 2: Hot Steele
How to accomplish: Retrieve medical supplies from the Sanctuary.


Wow, a lot of quests, right? We can do some of the side quests now, but a lot 
of them we will have to wait awhile for, some of them (like the North Pole 
quests) we can only do near the end of the game. Go ahead and try to go to 
the navy docks. What? This can't be! As you head to the captain you'll be 
mugged! Gah. You can also talk to the captain for another quest.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Dammit!
From: Storyline
Reward: Undeath bazooka
How to accomplish: Find the thieving orc south of the first broken wooden 
bridge and kill him.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Oil for the Ship
From: Navy captain
Reward: Machine gun
How to accomplish: Retrieve 10 oil barrels from the eisenbein house north of 
Le Beaux. The captain will leave a note telling you he's at the dock near the 
jungle in the east.

Well, so much for that. Well, remember the broken wodden bridge? Head there 
and kill the orcs nearby to recover the orders. Than give it to the navy 
captain. Head north to find that chest for the locksmith, this one has
a mushroom, diamond, and a teardrop. We can now come back if we need any oddly
shapped keys. You can get the one by the first outpost now if you want,  
remember it had a circle, zigzag, and a teardrop on it.

Head north and take the path east to go to the Eisenbeing residence. Here you
can collect oil and kill robots while collecting vacuum tubes. Yea! 

You'll get a new quest from the jounalist guy while having your oil delivery
delayed.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Photojournalism
From: Radio host
Reward: Minor healing potion
How to accomplish: Use the camera to take pictures by the lights arouhd the 
Destroyed City.

Head further north and you'll come to Rarmer Blizbane's farm. Here you can drop
off your package to him and get another side quest. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Rampaging Robots
From: Farmer Blizbane
Reward: Orb of brief invulnerability
How to accomplish: Kill rampaging farm robots for Farmer Blizbane.


You can head north east to get to the robots. Killing them is easy, but try 
not to smack the little purple beasts as they pack a punch. Also, check out 
the bridge to the east on your way back. You'll get two more quests. Also 
make sure to inspect the dead adventurer to the west of Farmer Blizbane's 
place.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Pesky Skeletons
From: Farmer Blizbane
Reward: Heck from heaven
How to accomplish: Kill skeletons and bring their thigh bones to Farmer 
Blizbane.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Lower the Orque Drawbridge
From: Storyline
Reward: Access to the bridge
How to accomplish: Go northeast from the destroyed city and around to the 
peninsula to find a lever that will let you across the bridge.


Head further north to reach the destroyed city. As you kill the orc's you'll 
notice that you'll get photo op opportunities, so take some photo's if you 
want. Just look for the street lamps for good photo spots. You can also find
ol' Ima and Strunken to the northwest of the destroyed city. After talking to
the two (who really shouldn't be married),  you can than grab three lemons 
from the tree. Don't leave, Strunken!!

Well,  he didn't leave too far, you'll find him south from Ima again. Like 
always, Strunken want's dung. Sigh...

NEW SIDE QUEST: Manure Matters
From: Strunken
Reward: Help from heaven
How to accomplish:  When you fight jungle donkey's in the Scurvy Jungle, 
collect their dung and give it to Strunken.

Fight your way east and you'll meet an old friend, the greem exterminator. 
Needless to say...

NEW SIDE QUEST: Queen of the Lost Jungle
From: Greem exterminator
Reward: Calvary sword of super carving
How to accomplish: Use the greem whistle on the jungle mating stone and 
defeat the greem queen.

Head around to the peninsula while killing the orcs. Here you can lower the
drawbridge that you saw earlier as well as find another odd chest, this one 
with a heart, a diamond, and a teardrop. You can get another side quest from 
the radio host as well.

NEW SIDE QUEST: On the Air
From: Radio host
Reward: Machine gun
How to accomplish:  Fix the five radio towers scattered around Farmer 
Blizbane's property.

The radio towers are spread out, one is by farmer blizbane, and you'll find 
four more past the drawbridge into blizbane's farmlands. You can also do the 
skeleton quest here.

The farmlands also have commanders that you can't hurt yet, so leave them 
alone for now. Keep fighting through the farmlands to the field outhouse and 
you'll get two more quests. You can also get another quest from the radio host
after repairing all of the towers.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Find a Detour
From: Storyline
Reward: Access to new areas.
How to accomplish: Keep playing, you'll complete this automatically.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Shoot the Recruits
From: Outpost soldier (by field outhouse)
Reward: Minor healing potion
How to accomplish: Kill the giant pips in the snowy mountains and collect 
their teeth.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Heart of Darkness
From: Radio host
Reward: Help from Heaven
How to accomplish: <eet with Scoop the Reporter. You can find him in the 
Jungle, near the south. (Or use the Jungle Outhouse). 

You can also do another side quest for Blizbane after killing the skeletons.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Thighbone Delivery
From: Farmer Blizbane
Reward: Orb of invulnerability
How to accomplish: Take the thighbones to the demon witch north west of the
Sanctuary. 

Anyway, head south of the field outhouse and you will find another radio 
tower, as well as the navy captain. Give him his oil and you'll be given a 
quest. 

Oh, you'll also find our good buddy the thongolith researcher a bit down the 
road as well. I should also mention that I gathered 50 scrap metals by now, 
and you should be getting close as well.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Save the Seamen
From: Navy Captain
Reward: Poison bazooka
How to accomplish: Rescue the seamne from the jungle greem camp

NEW MAIN QUEST: Thongolith of Compassion
From: Thongolith researcher
Reward: Great white north gloves
How to accomplish: Use the instrument at the thongolith of compassion and 
fight off the waves of enemies it spawns. Elemental weapons advised. 

Well, the thongolith is just down the path a bit, so if you do take it's 
readings you can go back to the researcher for another quest. 

NEW MAIN QUEST: Thongolith of Cuisine
From: Thongolith researcher
Reward: Desperadic gloves
How to accomplish: Use the instrument at the thongolith of cuisine and fight
off the waves of enemies it spawns. Elemental weapons advised. 

Keep heading through the jungle and you can find Scoop, the reporter who's 
papers you've been reading, down to the south. He'll give you a story to
deliver to the radio host. You can also find a mutinous pirate nearby, but 
he's a bit too hard for us right now. Just remember that he is east of Scoop.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Scoop's Secret Story
From: Scoop
Reward: Minor crit potion
How to accomplish: Take the story to the radio host in Le Beaux.


A bit north west of Scoop is the spelunker, again returning from deathspank. 
Of course, he'll want you to go get crystals for him. You'll see him standing 
near caves throughout the game. Every single time all you have to do is get
the crystal's from the cave's for him.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Jungle Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Very easy, like all the spelunker's quest. Go into the cave
to get the crystal for him. 

You'll also notice a call lever inside the cave, which is used for a quest
in the future.


Now head south into the greem camp, take out the greems, and rescue the four 
sailors scattered about from their cages. The navy captain will once again 
take off and leave a note for you. Ok, If I rescue a crew, you should wait for
me! Right?!?!

You can find the captain by teleporting to the field outhouse and heading west,
where he will be anchored up. Returning his crew will net you another quest. 
Oh, you can also do the greem queen quest now and get another greem queen 
quest from the exterminator if you so choose.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Queen of the High Plains
From: Greem exterminator
Reward: War hammer
How to accomplish: Use the greem whistle on the high plains greem mating stone
and kill the queen

NEW SIDE QUEST: Embattlements go Boom
From: Navy Captain
Reward: Hunting sword
How to accomplish: Use the C4 to destroy the four orque trooper embattlements
that you have fought through already.

You can do that fairly easily by visiting the embattlements, with three 
explosions north of Farmer Blizbane (one directly north, and two further up by
the destroyed city, around on the penisula), and one east of Farmer Blizbane.

Ok, with all that questing out of the way, go to the Mountain Base outhouse 
and keep going down the trail. You'll find some Pips who, like the last game, 
pack a punch, so remember to block and use your justice meter. My advice? 
Fire grenades, baby!

Or, y'know, bazooka's work well too.

A bit further on you'll find an odd treasure chest with a heart, diamond, and 
a star. You'll also meet the brave... er.. cowardly spelunker again. 
New quest!

NEW SIDE QUEST: Rocky Path Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Get the crystal from the rocky path cave. 

Keep heading down the very curvy path and you'll run into the home of Plaid 
Pete, who, as you'll see, is drunk off his ass. Deathspank remarks that he'll
talk to him later, when it's plot significant. Haha, this game crack's me up. 


Keep heading down the path and you'll reach the scurvy jungle. Sounds like a 
nice place. You can also visit Scurvyville, which has quite a few quests for 
you. ARR!

NEW SIDE QUEST: Pirate's Best Friend
From: Insecure pirate
Reward: Major Stealth Potion
How to accomplish: Finds some parrots on chicken island for the pirate. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Treasure Map
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: Feeling heroic?
How to accomplish: Find the captains mutinous pirate members:

1. In Scurvyville Jungle
2. East of Scoop, in the Jungle
3. Past Hanna's house, by the UFO
4. By the Crazy Husband Spelunker Cave
5. On spider island


NEW SIDE QUEST: Pirate Without A Cause
From: Treasureless pirate
Reward: Grenade
How to accomplish: Bring back a generic treasure for the tresureless pirate 
from skeleton island. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Pour Le Roi et Le Pays
From: French pirate person 
Reward: Epic chest of awesomeness
How to accomplish: Plant the 10 french flags across the world.


Find the "Stand de Drapequ"'s around the world.
1. East of Scurvyville
2. By the Sanctuary
3. Fort discharge
4. Sierra mountains (as far west as you can go)
5. By the Oasis
6. By Worten's
7. Outside of  Worten's
8. Spider Island
9. Strumfuquel
10. Dino graveyard.



NEW MAIN QUEST: Lemon
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: Falchion
How to accomplish: Get the lemons from Strunkens farm, nortwest of the
Destroyed City.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Keys to the Ship
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: A ship!
How to accomplish: Get the keys from Plaid Pete. You'll need the rum and 
lemons before you get the ship, though. 

NEW MAIN QUEST: Rum
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: Hammer of Frozen Dooms
How to accomplish: Kill Worten to be able to buy rum from Strumfuquel.



Quite a few quests, some of which we can't do right away. Some we can. Some 
will take literally the whole game to do.

If you want, go ahead and do the plaid pete quest, it's a rather fun fight and
you can get a shiny new runestone, the Undeath Railroad. You'll also get a 
wishing coin, which we'll need later. You can also complete the jungle donkey
dung quest for Strunken, which nets you another quest:

NEW SIDE QUEST: Dino Droppings
From: Strunken
Reward: Poison club the second
How to accomplish: Kill a tyrannoraptor for its dung. It is located in the 
dino graveyard. 

Well, for now head east through the cave (after killing the donkey's in the 
nearby jungle). Keep going through the caves and you'll complete the detour
quest you got long ago. Nice.

Kill the commanader (again, bazooka) for some nice equipment and keep heading
north. Killing the purple pips here will give you their teeth as well. You'll
also find the spelunker again to the northwest of this area.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Snowy Mountain Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Cave, crystal, done.

This cave also has a special runestone for us, the Nature Tesla Rod. Nice.
Go into the next cave. Squash the puny ants until you see the dragon further 
in. Well, this is Big Poppa Dragon. Get in a few cheap bazooka shots and than 
go to fight him. When he's about half way dead he'll use a big fire breathing
attack, during which you can get in some more bazooka shots or cheap shots at
his back.

He's not too hard, I won easily at level 6.

When he dies you'll get ANOTHER runestone. This one is the Undeath Calvary. 
Again, nice!


Okay, for those of you that bought the game when it first came out, you'll
notice that there's a cave to the east, called the mysterious cave.

Inside you can find a frozenish monk, with another quest.

This area is meant to come back to later, as the enemies in the narrow paths 
are extremly hard for now, but keep this area in mind. I went through it by
myself at level 15 and Thnikaman and I went through it co-op at level 13. It's
a great place to level as well as get the best armor in the game from.


NEW SIDE QUEST: A Silent Quest
From: Frozen monk
Reward: Shank's Mega-Bloody Motor-Saw
How to accomplish: Kill the Taking Tree at the end of the Dungeon.

Anyway, back to the main quest.

Keep heading down the path and you'll enter the Dark Forest. You'll also find
another journal page from Dr. Eisbein. You'll als see a Salmonella Ghoul 
chicken thingy that you'll get a quest from.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Feed the Salmonella Ghoul
From: The Salmonella Ghoul
Reward: Help from heaven
How to accomplish: Lure a stoopid chicken from the Sanctuary to the Salmonella
Ghoul. Yummy.

Keep heading north and go right to the Dark Forest Lake. You'll find another 
chest that has a circle, diamond, and a crescent on it. You'll also encounter 
good old Rich Cabin nearby, which of course means more side quests. You'll 
also find the Spelunker nearby as well.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Rub It In
From: Rich Cabin
Reward: War Hammer
How to accomplish: Give the magazine to Derek Oil, in his estate west of 
Strumfuquel.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Crystal in the Dark
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Cave, crystal, done.

This cave also has a nice runestone for us, the Flaming Calvary.  

Head back out and kill your way towards the Sanctuary. You can also explore 
around for a few treasure chests. Here you can find some of the medical 
supplies and listen to stories from the tourist monks (make sure to listen to 
these stories, guys), but the monk on the stairs won't let you enter. He keeps
saying only those near death may enter.

Well, you know what needs to be done. Go forth and .... almost die! Yes, now 
that your heart beat is on the screen, you can now go in. Now you'll see the 
nun scolding some people for walking on the grass. Urgh.. don't you hate that 
rule? What else is grass there for? Now talk to these two monks and convince
Darren to go skinny dipping, than you can run down to the lake and take their
monk gear. 

Equip it and head back to the Sanctuary where you saw the nun enter. The monk 
will enter the building, so follow him. You'll also find a library book on the
floor, as well as a new quest.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Enter the Catacombs
From: Plotline
Reward: Entrance to the catacombs
How to accomplish: You need to burn five forbidden books in the sanctuary room.
One is given to you right off the bat. you can find three more in the library 
in Le Beaux. The last one you need to get from Mr. Frangtrangle, who is past 
the Tricore-7 robot.



North past the Sanctuary is another Eisben journal. Nearby is Hanna's place. 
She's the witch that Blizbane wanted the package deliverd to. Once you do 
you'll be given several new quests (talk to the well too, for another quest).

NEW SIDE QUEST: Make a Wish
From: The talking well by Hanna's place
Reward: Minor Healing Potion
How to accomplish: Rind wishing coins to give to the talking well. You can 
give the well additional coins you find at anytime.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Heroic Remains
From: Hanna
Reward: Poison Club
How to accomplish: Find the tomb of the unknown ghoul slayer west of the dark
forest outhouse.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Do Bearalopes... In the Woods
From: Hanna
Reward: $240
How to accomplish: Kill bearalopes to get their droppings. Geesh, this game 
and droppings... You'll have to wait for the bearalopes to respawn to get all
the droppings.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Red Alien/ Green Alien
From: Hanna
Reward: Minor Stealth Potion
How to accomplish: Kill red aliens and collect their goo behind Hanna's place.

Head up behind Hanna's house to meet your first alien!! Well, it's not too 
special, it seems Deathspank already knows the creature. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: A Safe Return
From: Green alien
Reward: Ray gun
How to accomplish: Recover the space ship parts from the red aliens.


Explore the area behind Hanna's house to find the red aliens, where you can 
get the ship parts and goo. There's also a pirate deserter back here, but's 
he's level 16 and has a ranged weapon, so leave him alone for now.
   
Once you get Hanna's quest done, you'll get a new quest.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Magical Ward
From: Hanna
Reward: Command killer sword
How to accomplish: Return to Farmer Blizbane


Return to Farmer Blizbane and you'll get a new undead killer sword and a new 
quest.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Undead Commanders
From: Farmer Blizbane
Reward: $3960
How to accomplish: Use your new sword to kill the undead commanders. 
Finally, sweet vengence.

Now you can keep heading up pash Hanna's house.

You can also find Dr. Eisbein up the road, who will give you another quest.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Father in a Cage
From: Dr. Eisbein
Reward: Super soldier spade
How to accomplish: Kill the mark 6 robots to finD the key punchcard. The 
robots are a little ways past Dr. Eisbein. 

The robots are easy to kill and only up the road a little ways. After freeing
the good doctor, he'll want you to deliver plans to his daugher Lucy. Warp 
back to Le Beaux. Since thats so easy to do, I'll give you the quest that Lucy
gives you after you deliver the plans as well.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Tricore-7 Plans
From: Dr. Eisbein
Reward: Undeath grenade
How to accomplish: Warp to Le Beaux and talk to Lucy.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Robot Scans
From: Lucy Eisbein
Reward: Minor Speed Potion
How to accomplish: Scan a Mark-7 robot with the scanner Lucy gave to you. They
can be found at Wortten's Factory.


Be careful how far you go up, the Tricore 7, which is the huge robot looking
background thing, can kill you in one hit. So walk around it! You'll 
eventually meet the very large, obnoxious Leprechaun. He'll give you a riddle
to cross his rainbow bridge, but no matter what you answer you will be wrong. 
After a while you will insult him and have to fight.

He grows bigger every once in awhile and will push you back, but just keep at
him and he'll fall fast enough. Just swinging Fire Axe 2 was good enough for 
me to kill him. Once he's dead he'll drop a runestone, Poison Railroad, as well
as a library book that you'll need to get into the Sanctuary. Since we have all
the forbidden books, lets head back there. Equip all your monk gear again, 
especially if you are auto-equiping equipment. Don't forget to take your 
auto-equip option off at this point.

Go into the temple of altars and place all the books onto the pedestals than 
hit the switch. Now move onto the center of the star and head down into the 
catacombs. 

Down here the monks will welcome you since you are wearing your monk robes. 
None of the catacomb inhabitants will harm you, in fact, so keep it that way 
for now. You can also find gun parts scattered about. Head downwards and here 
you'll come to the first real puzzle of the game.

Hit the switches in this order to pass:

1. Brown 
2. Orange
3. Red
4. Brown
5. Red
6. Blue
7. Yellow
8. Green
9. Yellow


Now you can move onward to the store room, which holds plenty of barrels and 
a TON of gun parts. You should be able to finish the gun part quest by 
visiting here.

Now go through the dungeon and you'll eventually see the Nun surronded by five
different barriers. Go down each of the colored paths and talk to the silent
monk brute's, each of who will give you an item. Use that item on the device
nearby to take down the barrier.

You can now talk to the Nun, who will tell you that she controls the powers
of the five gods that you learned about from the tourist-monks. She'll than
turn into each of the gods, or rather make the statues come to life.

Now we have a choice, we can either fight the statues or talk our way out of
it. Talking our way out not only saves us a fight, but it makes the Nun 
weaker in the end.

The first statue, Beatrice, will knock all your weapons out of your hands. I
recommend using the fire axe 2 to continually hit her, and when it happens 
just run up and pick up the fire axe to continue hurting her. After she's dead
you will have all your weapons again.
 
To talk your way out of it, just answer: "Nine years of work couldn't capture 
it's perfection."



The next statue, Lucy, will hit you taking away money. Ouchy ouch. Smack her 
through your wallet pains as fast as you can. 

To talk your way out of it, just answer: "I give all that I have to the 
downtrodden."


The next statue, Susan, will slow you down and poison you. She's not too bad, 
honestly, just block when you need to, use your justice, and smash her to bits.

To talk your way out of it, just answer: "That which makes flowers bloom and 
birds sing."


Albert, the next statue, will make you run away from it... and sometimes will 
shrink you. He is also resistant to fire and has a very weak projectile 
attack, so use your ranged weapons.

To talk your way out of it, just answer: "The last thing you ever lifted."


The last statue, Walter, will randomly make all your items move to differnt 
slots, but he hits like a girl and your items will go back to their original 
slots after a little while, making Walter no challenge at all. Plus, I mean, 
you can SEE where your items are so just look and hit whatever button your 
weapons pop up on. 

To talk your way out of it, just answer: "I'm confused."


After going through all the gods, the Nun will start to fight, using her ruler
as a weapon. Hit her with your best weapons. She's not hard at all since you 
talked your way through the gods, maybe requiring one potion throughout the 
fight, and afterwards you'll recover the thong of compassion and be treated to
a cutscene. You'll also get the gate key to the west. Nice.

Notice, the Nun will be harder depending on how many gods you fought instead 
of talked to, as she will inherit their special attacks, so best to talk your
way through.


Afterwards, you will again meet up with Sandy and get two new quests.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Open The Gate To The West
From: Storyline
Reward: Access to the west
How to Accomplish: Kill the nun.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Cantankerous Delivery
From: Sandy
Reward: Revolver
How to Accomplish: Deliver the package to the sheriff of Strumfuquel


==============================================================================
                  Part 2: Something sinister is cooking                       
====================================================================[DS203]===


  Once you pass through the gate to the west you'll see an elevator. Take it 
up and suddenly you'll be in the wild west. Up ahead the road forks if you go 
west you'll quickly find a man and  woman standing next to a stage coach. 

Talk to them to recieve your first quests. Walk a bit to the west and you'll 
discover the road to Strumfuquel has been blockaded by the White Rock 
Banditos.

  Also, If you head east down the path you'll find the secret greem camp. 
Here you can complete the queen of the high plains quest. Beware the robber 
greems when they hit you you'll drop cash. You can pick it back up but it's 
still a chore. 

NEW MAIN QUEST: White Bandito Blockade
From: Approaching the blockade
Reward: Passage into Stumfuquel
How to Accomplish: Complete the damsel and stage coach driver quests.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Neither Rain Nor Sleight...
From: Stage Coach Driver
Reward: 3 major stealth potion
How to Accomplish: Travel North past the ghosts and skeletons ( remember your 
nature club for the ghosts) into the White Bandito's camp you'll find the 
mailbags scattered about their camp.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Fancy Hats
From: Damsel
Reward: $11960
How to Accomplish: In the same White Bandito camp as well as on the road 
leading up to it you'll find the hats. You'll see them as the are hard to 
miss.


Now head south again to the stage coach and turn them in and you'll recieve 
yet another quest from the stage coach driver. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Pretty, Pretty Hand
From: Stage coach Driver
Reward: Terrible Lizard boots
How to Accomplish: Head back to the Bandito camp and kill the orque chief to 
get his hand and take it back to the coach driver.

While your up that way you should head west from the camp until you find some 
giant ants kill them (Note: fire ants are immune to fire damage) and head 
north where you'll find the spelunker again. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Ant Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Just get the crystal. However, be careful of the lvl 12 
ants inside.

Now return to the stage coach driver with the pearl hand. Now since that 
bussiness is complete the path to strumfuquel is now open. So continue west 
until you find the town here a plethora of quests awaits you. 

At the North end of the town is a flag post for the "Pour Le Roi Et Le Pays" 
quest.

Go into Madame Primps Brothel and speak to her. Turns out she's a prostitute 
and she's got a heart of gold. She also has a lot of costumes if you want the 
trophy you have to pick every postition from the menu. Once she goes to change 
check the chest for what shapes it needs. Once you get the key go back and get 
her to change again. When she does open the chest and she will attack you kill 
her and she will drop her heart of gold which will give you the chunk of gold 
you need for the chunk of gold quest.

[Note: Here's a list of all the costumes that you can see, as given to me by
Robin Gwin. Thanks Robin!]

1 Totally Traditional.
2 Patty cake.
3 Make heroic whoopie.
4 The birds and the bees.
5 Double von prong.
6 Bishops scepter.
7 Gorillas wheelbarrow.
8 Rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle.
9 The saucey sasquatch.
10 The isoseeles inversion.
11 The one eyed pirate.
12 Chunky peanut butter.
13 Purple pagoda.
14 The twirling fantastic.
15 Spider monkey.
16 The skillful zombie.
17 The forbidden planet dance party.
18 You must be this high to ride.
19 The john gault railway.
20 The plaid bagpipe.

NEW SIDE QUEST: From One Law Man to Another
From: Stage Coach Driver
Reward: 3 Major Healing Potions.
How to Accomplish: Just go to Strumfuquel and deliver it to the sheriff.

You'll find the sheriff near the center of the town so that you can deliver 
the note from the stagecoach driver and sandy's package to him.
 
He'll also have some quests for you. Head further west from the sheriff and 
you'll see the Haunted Crotch bar. Hurray, surely nothing could stand in the 
way of piratedom now lookout rum here I.... oh. It seems Grimtub Hobblepotty
the bartender and owner of the bar has had his licour license stollen by this
worten woman we've heard so much about. Drat and double drat.

There are A LOT of quests you can get here. Again, some we can do and some will
wait for awhile.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Nitro Run
From: Engineer
Reward: Terrible Lizard helm
How to Accomplish: Before accepting this quest head south along the tracks and
kill the fire ants there. Then return to the engineer get the Nitroglycerine 
and take it south to the conductor.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Liquor License
From: Grimtub Hobblepotty
Reward: The ability to purchase Rum as well as other potables.
How to Accomplish: You'll get Grimtub's Liscence after killing Worten.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Rattler Snakeskin Boots
From: Sheriff of Strumfuquel 
Reward: 8 grenades
How to Accomplish: Go back to the white rock orque camp and kill orques until 
they drop the boots. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Going Home
From: Sad Widow
Reward: 10 undeath grenades
How to Accomplish: Once you speak with her take her east towards the haunted 
farm (the one north of the elevator), being careful not to get too far ahead.

Once you drop her off at the farm she'll ask you to find her missing husband.

NEW SIDE QUEST: The Lost Husband 
From: The Sad Widow
Reward: Chest of the Golden Lion
How to Accomplish: The Husband is further down the western area, to the 
northwest of Worten's.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Trillion Dollar Bill
From: Banker
Reward: 5 ice grenades 
How to Accomplish: Go to the Blue Basin Orque camp and kill the Orque chief 
there.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Money Troubles
From: Banker
Reward: Fire resistance potion
How to Accomplish: Deliver the theft report to Derrik Oil.


NEW SIDE QUEST- Queen of Greem Island
From: Greem Exterminator
Reward: Orb of wicked invulerability
How to Accomplish: Once you have a ship travel to Greem Island, kill the queen
greem there and take her mating gland.


NEW SIDE QUEST: The Waiting Deputy
From: Sheriff of Strumfuquel
Reward: Awesome armor potion
How to Accomplish: Once you've completed all the quests in the Blue Basin
Bandito camp to the west the blockade they put up will go down. Just on the
other side of it to the North is the deputy. Deliver the warrant and evict 
those troublesome peace loving monks.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Sandy Snowbellies
From: Prospector
Reward: Plate Shoulders of Siding
How to Accomplish: Go to the cave in the Sandy Desert and use the blasting 
caps anywhere in the cave for a rock sample.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Blood Mountain Bacon
From: Prospector
Reward: 5 poison grenades
How to Accomplish: Go to the cave in the Blood Mountains and use the blasting
caps anywhere in the cave for a rock sample.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Dino Rashers
From: Prospector
Reward: Necklace of Use
How to Accomplish: Go to the cave in the dinosaur graveyard and use the 
blasting caps anywhere in the cave for a rock sample.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Prickly Pork
From: Prospector
Reward: Gold Key
How to Accomplish: Go to the cave in the Cactus Forest and use the blasting 
caps anywhere in the cave for a rock sample.


Once you complete the snake skin boots quest the sheriff will have another 
quest for you to do. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: 37.8 Liter Hat
From: The Sheriff of Strumfuquel
Reward: Venomous crown
How to Accomplish: As you walk don the tracks you'll come across another
blockade. Just south of this blockade is the red orque camp kill their chief 
and you'll get the hat.

Travel south following the tracks and you'll see a path leading north with a 
sign that says Dereck oil over it. This path will lead you to the tar pits. 
Here you will not only find Derrik Oil (In the northern most part of the tar 
pits), whom you must take Rich Cabins magazine to, but also two spelunker 
caves (one in the east and one in the west).

On the path towards the western cave before the dino graveyard you'll find 
another flagpost.

Once you enter the dino graveyard you'll see the very large Tyrannoraptor from 
which you must collect poop for Strunken.   

NEW SIDE QUEST: Tar Pit Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Get the tar pit crystal from the nearby cave.
 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Grave Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key 
How to Accomplish: Get the grave crystal from the nearby cave.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Oil Hand
From: Derrik Oil
Reward: Gold Key
How to Accomplish: Return to the dino graveyard and kill some Raptors until 
they drop the parts.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Wealthy Bastard
From: Derrik Oil
Reward: Awesome armor potion
How to Accomplish: Return to Rich Cabin with Derik's magazine.

Once you return to Rich Cabin he of course has another magazine. Prepare 
yourself, the media war is on. I recommend using your portable outhouse for 
this part.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Proving His Worth
From: Rich Cabin
Reward: Poison grenades 
How to Accomplish: Return to Derik Oil with Rich's magazine.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Banking and Gouging 
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Promotional wristwatch
How to Accomplish: Return to Rich Cabin with Derik's magazine.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Look who's Running Things
From: Rich Cabin
Reward: Calvery Sword of Mega Carving
How to Accomplish: Return to Derik Oil with Rich's magazine.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Financial Philistine
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Self winding pocketwatch
How to Accomplish: Return to Rich Cabin with Derik's magazine.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Who's the Boss
From: Rich Cabin
Reward: Orb of undead might
How to Accomplish: Return to Derik Oil with Rich's magazine.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Nouveau Riche 
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Venomous boots
How to Accomplish: Return to Rich Cabin with Derik's magazine.

Once you get done with that ordeal you may as well go turn in the dino poop 
to Strunken. No point carrying that stuff around, and he'll want you to gather 
more dung.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Frozen Treats 
From: Strunken
Reward: Great Axe
How to Accomplish: Get frozen manure from the frost giant island, north of the
Island cave. You'll need the ship for this.


Once you've spoken with Strunken return to the Dino graveyard and gather the 
oil derrik parts for Derik Oil. Once you return them to him he'll have some 
more quests for you.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Oil Fixin's
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Ice Bazooka
How to Accomplish: Just head south from Derik to find them, they're all over 
the tar pits. Fixing them will spawn oil monsters, so be ready.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Oil Monsters
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Incendiary Grenade
How to Accomplish: Kill oil monsters in the tar pits and collect their bits.


Once you return to Derik Oil he'll ask you yo kill the big mama oil boss to 
ensure the oil monsters don't come back. You'll have to go to the oil cave in 
the tar pits and kill her. He'll give you the scented oil you'll need to draw 
her out.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Big Oil Boss
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Awesome stealth potion
How to Accomplish: Head to the oil cave in the eastern part of the tar pits. 
Once inside use the scented oil Derik gave you to draw her out. Once "she" 
comes out kill her, it's not very difficult. Gather her head and return to 
Derik Oil (though I'm not sure the oil monsters have heads).

Now that you've finished all of the Derik Oil quests head south and follow 
the tracks further west. Here you'll run into the Damsel and Stage Coach 
Driver again.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Fancy Jewelry
From: Damsel
Reward: Desperadic Helm
How to Accomplish: Head west along the tracks until you reach the blockade.
From here head south into the Red Renegade Bandito camp, the jewelry will be 
scattered about the camp.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Stagecoach Wheels
From: Stage Coach driver
Reward: Venomous chest
How to Accomplish: Kill orques in the Red Renegade orque camp and they will 
drop the wheels.

Also in this camp is the 37.8 Liter Hat you need for the sheriff. Just kill 
the orque chief.

Once you've gathered everything you need from the camp return to the Damsel, 
Stage Coach Driver and Sheriff. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Gunslinger Gloves
From: Sheriff
Reward: Boots of siding
How to Accomplish: Go to the Blue Basin Bandito camp and kill their chief.

Before you move on, head west of the stage coach into the sandy desert. 
There are a good many quests to complete in this area. The first of which 
you'll get from the worthless coward of a big game hunter. He's directly off 
the beaten path near an outhouse. From there head west and you'll meet Lawrence
of the sandy desert. Follow the western edge of the desert south from Lawrence 
and you'll eventually see a spelunker near a cave (you know what that means). 
This cave also happens to be one of the caves you need to collect a sample 
from for the prospector. Go southeast from the cave and you'll see an oasis 
where there's not only a hermit with a quest but also another flag post for 
that French lady. 

While your there head to the center of the desert and kill the dragon there. 
Beware though it's a doozie.  The Mammoth Ice Tusk from the Snowy Mountain 
cave helps a ton.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Worm!
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: 250 Sub Machine gun (pffft)
How to Accomplish: You'll find the queen south of where Lawrence is standing 
just kill her and she'll drop the shell.

Once you return with the shell the hunter will have another creature for you 
to kill.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Silk Road
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: 5 Grenades (double pffft)
How to Accomplish: In the southeastern corner of the desert you'll find the
spider amongst some skeletons, just kill it and return to the hunter with the
spinnerete.

Once you turn in the spinnerete the hunter has another quest that he would 
like to take credit for doing.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Royal Pip
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: Ice bazooka 
How to Accomplish: For this quest you'll have to travel to the blood mountains.
Head west along the tracks until you see a small camp of orques. From here head
south down the path. The first thing you'll see is a small group of pips, one 
of which (a big white one) is the pip king. Kill him and collect his head.

Of course the big game hunter is the type of guy who's always got something 
else to kill, que next quest...

NEW SIDE QUEST: Nice Rack
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: 300 machine gun (sigh)
How to Accomplish: For this quest you'll need to return to the Dark Forest. In
the cave north of Rich Cabin you'll find the bearalope sire. Kill him and take
his antlers to the hunter.

Once again the hunter requests you kill yet another beast.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Just the Tip 
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: Terrible Lizard Chestpiece
How to Accomplish: You'll have to travel all the way back to the Destroyed City
for this one. The tenticle monster is south of the Destroyed City and just 
north of where the zappers are located. Once it pops up kill it collect it's 
tip and return it to the hunter.

Finally, he has now had you kill all the things he's always wanted to kill.
You can now move on to Lawrences quest.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Enlisted Help
From: Lawrence of the Desert
Reward: Terrible lizard gloves
How to Accomplish: Apparently recruite means kill because thats what you do. 
Head south from Lawrence and you'll find a small camp filled with ghouls. Kill
them to collect their fingers and return to lawrence. 
 
And since thats all you have to do for him we'll go ahead and knock out the 
spelunker quest. Remember to use the blasting cap in the cave to collect the 
sample. Just use it anywhere in the cave. 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Sandy Desert Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Get the crystal from the nearby cave.

Well that was easy, let's see what this hermit wants. Oh, he has a mighty quest 
for us. Well, not a quest persay, he basically tells us to go get killed and 
leave him alone. Who knew a hermit could be such a jerk. Of course Deathspank, 
being the do-gooder that he is, takes it as a quest...

NEW SIDE QUEST: The Most Dangerous Creature
From: Hermit
Reward: None (That's right, when you assume someone is giving you a quest when
they're not they don't usually reward you).
How to Accomplish: Kill the hideous stinker and bring it's head to the hermit. 
You'll find it northwest of Worten's.


It'll be a bit before we can kill this mighty beast. So let's head on down the 
tracks. First person you see will be the engineer again, turns out these 
blockage things are a constant threat to the railroad. Nearby, to the 
northwest of the engineer, is the thongolith of Cuisine that you needed to run
tests on.
 
West of that is the Cactus Forest and another cave. Once again this is one of 
the cave the prospector wants you to check out so use your blasting cap 
inside.  

NEW SIDE QUEST: Cactus Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Get the crystal from the nearby cave.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Dynamite Shuffle
From: Engineer
Reward: $14,200
How to Accomplish: Your best bet here is to scout your way through the blood 
mountains until you come to a bunch of people. Once you've discovered the 
shack outhouse take it back to the red orques outhouse, get the dynamite, take
the red orques outhouse to the shack outhouse, head noth to the tracks follow 
them to the blockage and give the dynamite to the Conductor. But, be quick 
about it as the dynamite has a short fuse.

Now that the blockage is cleared you can find out what all those people want.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Spare Change
From: Man Missing His Money
Reward: $19,520
How to Accomplish: Head back along the path you came from and kill the green 
shirted orques there. Then head North to the small orque camp you saw earlier 
and kill them. This should give you all the money you need.
 
NEW SIDE QUEST: Pass the Pan
From: Prospecter Dude
Reward: $16,800
How to Accomplish: The Monks are the ones that have his pan, and are North of 
the engineer that is further west down the tracks. You'll need to complete the
deputies quest in order to anger the monks so you can kill them and loot the 
pans from their persons.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Stagecoach Jacking
From: Stagecoach Driver
Reward: Plate Chest of Siding
How to Accomplish: Head further west down the tracks till you come to an 
engineer. Once you do, begin walking south down the nearby path. This path 
will lead you into the Blue Basin Orque camp. You'll see a stage coach sitting
in the camp, you can't miss it. Interact with it to recover it. Then return it
to the stage coach driver

NEW SIDE QUEST: Now With Wings!
From: Damsel
Reward: Gloves of Siding
How to Accomplish: When you enter the Blue Basin Orque camp you'll see the 
feminine products littering the ground. Gather them up and return them to the 
damsel.

In this camp you can also find the gunslinger gloves for the Strumfuquel 
Sheriff and the trillion dollar bill for the Strumfuquel Banker. Both of which
are dropped by the orque chief there. Once you complete these you may as well 
turn them in. In fact the banker will reward you with another quest.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Foreclosure
From: Banker
Reward: $32,400
How to Accomplish: Post the foreclosure signs at each of the 9 strumfuquel 
mortgage houses.
 
PLACES TO FORECLOSE:

1. Eisenbiens Residence- North of Beaux Kuckelle
2. Ima and Strunken's Farm- North of Destroyed City
3. Hanna Haybenstance's House- South of the Monistery
4. Haunted Farm- East of Strumfuquel
5. Strumfuquel House- North end of Strumfuquel
6. Lawrences Hut- west of Big Game Hunter
7. Railway Shack- Near the Shack outhouse
8. Burnt Up House- Sierra Mountains south of Lewis Clark
9. House in Le Beaux- West of the General in Le Beaux

Not all of these are accesable now, but you can do several of them if you wish.


Now go back to the shack outhouse and follow the tracks further west. 
Speak with the engineer you come across to get his quest.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Acid Reflux 
From: Engineer
Reward: Venomous gloves
How to Accomplish: Once he hands you the acid there is no time for anything 
but running it down the tracks. So thats what you do run west down the tracks,
ignoring the robots in your way, and give the acid to the conductor. The acid
will start to take chunks out of your health, so use a health potion if you 
need to, just to be safe.

Once you've help desolve the troublesome boulder you'll notice a sign to the 
north which reads Worton's. Next to this sign is the deputy you need to talk 
to. He needs you to enforce the law for him.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Eviction Notice
From: The Deputy
Reward: $16,800
How to Accomplish: Head east down the tracks until you see a rocky road to the
north near the engineer platform. Follow this path and you'll soon come to a 
temple plagued with peace loving monks. Yuck!! To the far right is a sign 
upon which you can place the eviction notice. This of course will drive the
peacful monks to acts of violent violence.

Once you've rained justice upon the monks pios heads and collected the 
prospecting pans that drop you can turn those quests in respectively.

If you keep heading north past the factory you'll come across the spelunker 
again.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Crystal of Blood.
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Enter the cave to the west and retrieve the crystal.

On your way to the cave you'll have to fight the legendary hideous stinker. 
Once you kill it you'll recieve not only it's head but also an Undeath Shovel 
runestone.

This cave is one of the caves you need to get a sample from so drop your 
blasting cap and look out. Also, inside the cave is one of the mutinous 
pirates you need to kill. By now you should definitely be able to kill him 
off.

Outside the cave is the Sad Widow's Crazy Husband. You know the one she wanted 
you to find. Well, he's not to keen on returning to his wife.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Rio Loco
From: Crazy Husband
Reward: Shoulders of the Golden Lion
How to Accomplish: Enter the cave and kill the queen, she'll drop the keepsake
you need. Return to the Haunted Farm and give it to the sad widow.

Well I guess she took that well. While your out and about return to the hermit 
with the stinker head he didn't ask you to get. Suprised you didn't die, the 
hermit sends you off to get a well guarded idol from the Jungle.

NEW SIDE QUEST: The Temple of Idol-ness
From: Hermit
Reward: Unsafe gloves
OBJECTIVE- Head to the jungle and find an idol to return to the hermit.
How to Accomplish: You may remember earlier that there was a lever you couldn't
use in the jungle cave. Well you can go there now and use it. At first there 
will only be three guards (which hardly seems "well guarded") but once you pull
the lever a small army of them will come. Once you despatch the guards head 
across the now bridged gap and get the idol. Return it to the hermit for your 
reward. Have some justice ready to go and a health potion handy.

Now he'll tell you once again to get lost. Which of course Deathspank takes 
as a challenge quest to lose himself. WOW!!

NEW SIDE QUEST: Intro to Existentialism
From: Hermit
Reward: None
How to Accomplish: Leave. Go. Go AWAY. Leave the hermit ALONE.

With those quests complete there's nothing left to do but enter Worten's 
factory. Of course the secretary will stop you as soon as you enter. Turns out 
it's difficult to make an appointment to see Worten. Now if only I were an 
employee. 

NEW MAIN QUEST: T.G.I.W Birthday Song
From: Secretary
Reward: $8.50 an hour with benifits after a year
How to Accomplish: Talk to Tina at her taco stand in Strumfuquel. She'll only
sell you the birthday cake special if it's your birthday. You can use the
library card as ID but it has to have todays date on it. To find out the date
pick up a newspaper from the newspaper stand outside the Haunted Crotch in 
Strumfuquel. If you're library card does not display the correct date you can 
change it at the Le Beaux Kuckelle library. Then return to Tina who will 
begrudgingly sing you the birthday song. Remember it and sing it to the 
secretary afterwards.
 
NEW MAIN QUEST: T.G.I.W Drug Test
From: Secretary
Reward: The comfy knowledge that your drug free
How to Accomplish: In the southern most part of the factory you'll see a door
to the infirmary, inside is the drug-testing machine. At this point you know 
what to do.

NEW MAIN QUEST: T.G.I.W Uniform
From: Secretary
Reward: Fitting in with the crew
How to Accomplish: In the eastern end of the factory you'll see the breakroom 
door. Enter and take the vest off of the corkboard. You'll need to collect 6 
pieces of flair from the torn vests that the orque ninjas drop. Combine them
in your inventory.

While inside the factory be sure to get a scan of the mark-7 robots. When your 
in Le Beaux Kuckelle to change your library card turn in the quest to 
Lucy Eisennein.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Destroy the Tricore-7
From: Lucy Eisenbein
Reward: Free the enslaved robots
How to Accomplish: Go to the Tricore-7 in the Dark Forest. Place the
programmed crystal on the ground near the tricore-7. Then, kill mark 6 robots 
in the area. The discharge from them will damage the Tricore-7. Make sure to 
kill the healer bots as well.

Once you've got the uniform, the song and the drug test report head back to 
the secretary. She'll give you a swipe card you need to access the restricted 
area of the factory.

This area is full of traps to avoid such as pumping pistons, a burning floor 
room, and a area where condiments drop on your head.

Once you pass these areas the door to wortens kitchen will be before you.
When you enter you'll see worten before you. After you talk to her you'll find 
out what her secret ingrediant is. Once you are enightened (or disgusted)
the battle will begin.

First, before you fight you'll have to return to the Le Beaux library 
and check out the book how to speak Japanese which will also give you a trophy.

Now, return to the arena and speak with the Japanese judge. He'll tell you his 
favorite foods which you then tell to your adopted orphan daughter what 
to get. she'll put them in the oven and out comes the dish. Give it to the 
judge and he'll order his ninjas to attack Worten. After a brief fight she'll 
fall. Sandy will show up with a package and a cutscene for you. You'll also 
get the Ice Jackhammer Runestone and the liquor license.

Take the liquor license to the Haunted Crotch to get some rum, and you can 
finally get that pirate ship you akways wanted.

(Bk's thoughts on the chef: Easy as hell, I was level 19 and using Shank's 
mega chainsaw. Don't know if cooking matters, I didn't do the Japanese quest 
before fighting Worten, but it's a good idea to. If you didn't, don't worry, 
you can still learn japanese afterwards. I didn't really see her use any
special moves.)


==============================================================================
                      Part 3: The fall of Santa Claus                      
====================================================================[DS204]===


After the fight you'll get another cutscene, as well as the Ice Jackhammer 
runestone. You'll also get a liquor liscense, meaning you can finally get rum!
You will also get a new side quest from Sandy. Use the nearby warp to exit.


NEW SIDE QUEST: I'm Sick of Deliveries 
From: Sandy
Reward: Nothing
How to accomplish: Take the package to the thongolith researcher in 
Strumfuquel.


Well, we might as well go to Strumfuquel to deliver the package and get our 
rum. If you haven't gone west of Worten's yet, go ahead and check it out now.
You'll also discover Lewis Clark (witty) needs some help.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Gone With the Rain
From: Lewis Clark
Reward: Unsafe Helmet
How to accomplish: You'll find the items scattered throughout the Sierra 
Mountains, so just explore a bit. 

A bit south from Lewis you can find another foreclosure... well what's left of
it anyway. This should be your last forecloser house, if you're missing any, 
check the list by the quest name (The quest name is Foreclosure). Make sure to
grab the TNT while your at it. You can find Lewis's supplies scattered around 
this large area, so just explore and grab them all up. You'll also run into 
the spelunker again (what is this, the dozenth time?) who will, of course, 
have a quest for you.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Sierra Mountains Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Cave, crystal, done.


Well, when you're ready, go talk to the engineer, and you'll get a cool 
cutscene as well as the "well-educated" trophy. You'll also have made a path 
through the mountain. Good job! There's also a french flag holder nearby, so 
grab it. The area in the cave is a tribute to all the people at hothead games 
who made Deathspank. And yes, you can kill them. But why would you want to do 
that???

Ok, now lets go get our pirate ship. Yes! About time, right? Well, we can only
get on and off at docks, but now we can explore quite a bit. Oh, before I 
forget, you can also visit the library to learn japanese and get another 
trophey (and a cool cutscene).


NOTE: I also had over $2,000,000 dollars at this point, so I bought the last 
two runestones from the weapon shop. They are:

Flaming Tomahawk  (fire weapon / tomahawk)
Ice Tomahawk (ice weapon / tomahawk)


We have some options on what to do, since the ocean is a fairly big place. You
can do several of the side quests now, such as the parrot parts, since chicken 
island is a short ways north of Scurvyville. Skeleton Island, with the generic
pirate treasure, is also nearby to the west. Greem Island is also to the west,
it's the bigger one. You can kill the final queen greem there. There's also a 
cliche island betwen chicken island and greem island, that has a dead man and 
a treasure chest. 

Sailing north east you'll notice shamrock island, which doesn't have anything 
worth noting besides an outhouse, and than another island a bit further north 
east which has the island cave and a quest from the spelunker.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Island Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Cave, crystal, done.

And that's the last we'll see of the spelunker. The island north of here is 
frost island, where we can do Strunken's frost giant poop quest. Now we may as
well go visit the island to the far west, which is spider island. There's 
another outhouse here as well as a pirate to kill and a french flag to plant.
Also, sail south of spider island to find an island not on the map that's yet
another tribute to the hot head games staff. You can kill the orcs and get 
another outhouse here. For turning in the map to Cpt. Taint you'll get a new 
quest.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Taint's Treasure
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: Petty cash
How to accomplish: Sail to X island and take out the mutinous pirate captain.


Well, after that you should be done with all your side quests, leaving us with
three main quest. Now let's map the north pole, just use the ship to sail 
around it and hit all the buoy's, than report to the Army General. You'll now 
have a new main quest, which you might as well do know since we have nothing 
else to do (you have the option of talking to the general whenever you want to
storm the north pole).

NEW MAIN QUEST: Storm the North Pole
From: Army General
Reward: Access to the north pole
How to accomplish: Talk to the Army General.



Well, poor soldiers... they die so needlessly. Anyway, after the cutscene 
you'll be at the north pole, where you can chop down the orcs and do the last 
thongolith researcher quest. You might as well do the thongolith quest now, as
the reideer pens are blocked off for now. Head north to meet Santa Claus. After
that you'll be in a new location with a new quest.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Muffle The Mirth
From: Storyline
Reward: Stop Santa from knocking you out.
How to accomplish: Hit levers 1 and 3 to find the exit.


Well, this place is fun. Full of Santa's letters and no way out. Well, ok, the
no way out is a lie, as all you have to do is hit levers 1 and 3 to make a 
bridge to the cell with a door, leading to the reindeer fields. You can hit 
other combinations to get potions if you wish. 

Head north and take out Santa's sleigh team. Rudolph has some charging moves 
and a nose-laser, but should be no challenge for you. Afterwards equip the 
ear muffs and head over to Santa again.


You'll now have to face Santa's coal monster, which fight like a ice giant 
from the ice dungeon, so just block and hit until you get it down to 
half-health. When it's around half health it will sprout flames and send out 
burning embers which act like bombs, so equip your best ice weapon and finish 
it off.


Afterwards Deathspank will make Santa-ka-bob and Sandy will reclaim the thong,
telling you to go to her secret base to have all revealed to you.

NEW MAIN QUEST: Secret Base
From: Sandy
Reward: Access to the secret base.
How to accomplish: Take the mini thongolith to the thongolith researcher and 
than use the mini outhouse out of your items menu.


Well, once you show the thongolith research the mini thongolith, he will give
you a teleporting outhouse that will take you to... the moon?!? Apparently the
secret base is on the moon. Huh... Here, take the path to the left to find an 
armor set from the future as well as a Zero G fire extinguisher. You can use
it to put out the Zero G fire, of course, next to the thongolith of peace. 
Keep heading north and fight your way past the space marines (take THAT, Halo!)
until you get to Sandy. This leads to one very big decision...
 

Do you let Sandy kill you, or do you fight? 

Choose whichever choice you want, there is no "wrong" answer.

If you fight, you'll go up against Sandy. She will teleport around and smack 
you. She can also call in space marines, turtles with bombs strapped to them, 
and a UFO to rain fire down upon you. The space marines should be laughable to
you by now, especially if you have the Mammoth Ice Tusk. Kill the turtles with
your ray gun, and just run away from the UFO. Keep hitting Sandy with your best
weapons (preferably the Mammoth Ice Tusk) and she will fall. 


Whichever ending you choose, congrats on beating Deathspank: Thongs of Virtue.


You can restart the game to do the ending that you did not choose, as well as 
get the tail of two endings trophy.


==============================================================================
                 (Optional Area) The Snowy Mountain Dungeon                   
====================================================================[DS205]===


The Snowy Mountain Duengeon came with the game if you bought it right away, as
it was bundled in with Tannako the Spider Warrior. It's located east of the
Snowy Mountain outhouse and is definitely meant for higher level players.

After playing through it twice, I definitely know my way around. The first time
I went in solo, and was around level 15. The second time I was playing with 
Thnikaman and we were around level 13. 

For doing in solo, level 15 is pretty good. You'll level up quickly and find 
some of the best armor and weapons in the game, and you'll even be able to 
equip them early with Eubrick's cards, which is good since there's a kick-ass
fire weapon that you can equip at level 18 (16 with Eubrick's help). I forget
the fire weapon's name, but it's the one with the arm holding the dagger!
Since most of the enemies in this dungeon are ice-based, having this weapon 
and being able to use it is a must. 

When going in at level 13, even with Tannako at my side, the going was ROUGH.
We died quite a few times, but leveled up fast and got those good weapons.

Besides the regular enemies, there's only two enemies of note. The first is
Neopolitin, who seems to guard a gate behind him. He tries to freeze you in 
place and can summon small spiders to help him out. Keep moving when you can
and use your best fire-based attacks. 

Once you defeat him, you'll have to face the Taking Tree. 

He CONSTANTLY shoots spells at you while occasionally summoning a regular 
enemies to fight you. Alone, I killed off the enemies and hit the tree with 
my best weapons while blocking when I was expecting the tree to shoot. The 
tree shoots at regular intervals and is pretty easy to dodge. You'll want some
good food and potions for this part, of course.

With two players, one can take care of the enemies while the other wails on
the tree. True, both players will have to take care and watch out for the 
tree's spells. But boy, it's nice to have Tannako webbing enemies up and 
getting so much health back.

So, my advice is to go in at around level 14-15 and get those awesome fire 
and ice weapons, as well as the artic explorer armor. 


==============================================================================
                                Quest List                    
=====================================================================[DS03]===


**MAIN QUESTS**



NEW MAIN QUEST: Escape the POW Camp
From: Storyline 
Reward: Um, escaping? 
How to Accomplish: Um, fight your orque captors! Just keep going and you'll 
finish this quest.  


NEW MAIN QUEST: Make an Escape Plan
From: Storyline
Reward: FREEDOM (What, you wanted a cookie?)
How to Accomplish: Talk to your fellow POW's, they might have something 
interesting to say.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Find Orque Gloves/Boots/Shoulder/Vest/Helmet
From: POW Soldier 1 (American)
Reward: A charming new set of orquish diggs
How to Accomplish: Once you go through the gate leaving the camp head north on
the road. Kill jungle beasts for the clothes they ate. Be carefull of the big 
beasts as they spawn a group of smaller ones when they die. Be sure to equip 
the orque clothes.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Find an Item to Write With
From: POW soldier 2 (British)
Reward: One step closer to escape
How to Accomplish: East of the camp you'll find some wooden walkways with some 
interrigator chickens on them. Kill all the chickens and keep heading east 
until you find a rather large one. Kill him and recieve a quill.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Find an Item to Use as Ink
From: POW soldier 2 (British)
Reward: Even closer to escape...
How to Accomplish: Travel north to where all the jungle beasts are, then head 
west into the jungle. Here you'll be attacked by jungle squid tenticles. Fight
your way further west and you'll see a much larger tenticle. Kill this and it
will drop some ink. 


NEW MAIN QUEST: Find Paper to Write On
From: POW soldier 2 (British)
Reward: Two steps closer to escape
How to Accomplish: Continue north from where you fought the squids and you'll
come to a rather disgusting place filled with latrene goo's, thats right it's 
a latrene. Once you have killed all of the smaller goos attck the big one. Once
it is dead you'll recieve some toilet paper.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Forge Orque ID
From: POW soldier 2 (British)
Reward: A falsified ID for clubing and crossing drawbridges
How to Accomplish: Combine the pen with the ink and the inked pen with the 
paper in your inventory.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Learn the Secret Password
From: POW soldier 3 (French)
Reward: Secret and forbidden knowledge of liberation
How to Accomplish: As you approach the latrene you'll hear two orques talking
to each other about how much they hate their detail. One of them is occupying 
the outhouse. This is when you learn that gnomes when eaten in exccess causes 
constipation. The other orque being the good guy that he is helps his friend 
relax by telling him their soothing password "and the mighty Orque Barks 
Back".


NEW MAIN QUEST: Get Across the POW Bridge
From: POW soldier 1 (American)
Reward: Um... you get across the bridge
How to Accomplish: Once your fully decked out in orque garb, have combined the 
pen ink and toilet paper, and you've committed the password to memory, go east
of the control point and begin a dialog with the orque bridge guard.
After you've proven your Orqiness you'll be allowed to pass.


NEW MAIN QUEST: The Thong of Cuisine
From: Sandy
Reward: A mighty thong
How to accomplish: Kill Worten, the cook. Keep playing, you'll have to do this
one.

NEW MAIN QUEST: The Thong of Generosity 
From: Sandy
Reward: A mighty thong
How to accomplish: Kill.... Santa?!? Sniff... Keep playing, you'll have to do 
this one.

NEW MAIN QUEST: The Thong of Compassion
From: Sandy
Reward: A mighty thong
How to accomplish: Kill the nun with a thousand names. Keep playing, you'll 
have to do this one.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Recon the Comm
From: Cowardly soldier
Reward: Oddly warm gloves
How to accomplish: Find the comm tower to the west of the outpost.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Radio Signals
From: Cowardly soldier
Reward: Oddly warm boots
How to accomplish:  Quick! Run the dynamite to the tower. I suggest you kill
the orque's around it first.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Behind Enemy Lines
From: Cowardly soldier
Reward: Flaming monocle runestone
How to accomplish:  Head west of the blown-up comm tower and kill Col. Orque.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Mega Bomb
From: Outpost soldier (navy docks)
Reward: Greatest generation shoulders
How to accomplish: Use the bazooka to blow up the bomb past the bridge.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Map out the North Pole
From: Army General
Reward: Molten warfare helm
How to accomplish: Sail by the buoy's around the North Pole.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Chunk of Gold
From: Army General
Reward: Molten warfare gloves
How to accomplish: Take the heart of gold from Madame Primp in Strumfuquel. 
You'll need to get her to change her costume and than try and open the odd
chest in her room. Make sure you have the right key from the locksmith.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Gun Parts
From: Army General
Reward: Bazooka
How to accomplish: Collect the gun parts scattered around the catacombs that 
you access from the Sanctuary.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Lower the Orque Drawbridge
From: Storyline
Reward: Access to the bridge
How to accomplish: Go northeast from the destroyed city and around to the 
peninsula to find a lever that will let you across the bridge.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Find a Detour
From: Storyline
Reward: Access to new areas.
How to accomplish: Keep playing, you'll complete this automatically.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Thongolith of Compassion
From: Thongolith researcher
Reward: Great white north gloves
How to accomplish: Use the instrument at the thongolith of compassion and 
fight off the waves of enemies it spawns. Elemental weapons advised. 


NEW MAIN QUEST: Thongolith of Cuisine
From: Thongolith researcher
Reward: Desperadic gloves
How to accomplish: Use the instrument at the thongolith of cuisine and fight
off the waves of enemies it spawns. Elemental weapons advised. 


NEW MAIN QUEST: Lemon
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: Falchion
How to accomplish: Get the lemons from Strunkens farm, nortwest of the
Destroyed City.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Keys to the Ship
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: A ship!
How to accomplish: Get the keys from Plaid Pete. You'll need the rum and 
lemons before you get the ship, though. 


NEW MAIN QUEST: Rum
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: Hammer of Frozen Dooms
How to accomplish: Kill Worten to be able to buy rum from Strumfuquel.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Enter the Catacombs
From: Plotline
Reward: Entrance to the catacombs
How to accomplish: You need to burn five forbidden books in the sanctuary room.
One is given to you right off the bat. you can find three more in the library 
in Le Beaux. The last one you need to get from Mr. Frangtrangle, who is past 
the Tricore-7 robot.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Open The Gate To The West
From: Storyline
Reward: Access to the west
How to Accomplish: Kill the nun.


NEW MAIN QUEST: White Bandito Blockade
From: Approaching the blockade
Reward: Passage into Stumfuquel
How to Accomplish: Complete the damsel and stage coach driver quests.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Nitro Run
From: Engineer
Reward: Terrible Lizard helm
How to Accomplish: Before accepting this quest head south along the tracks and
kill the fire ants there. Then return to the engineer get the Nitroglycerine 
and take it south to the conductor.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Liquor License
From: Grimtub Hobblepotty
Reward: The ability to purchase Rum as well as other potables.
How to Accomplish: You'll get Grimtub's Liscence after killing Worten.


NEW MAIN QUEST: T.G.I.W Birthday Song
From: Secretary
Reward: $8.50 an hour with benifits after a year
How to Accomplish: Talk to Tina at her taco stand in Strumfuquel. She'll only
sell you the birthday cake special if it's your birthday. You can use the
library card as ID but it has to have todays date on it. To find out the date
pick up a newspaper from the newspaper stand outside the Haunted Crotch in 
Strumfuquel. If you're library card does not display the correct date you can 
change it at the Le Beaux Kuckelle library. Then return to Tina who will 
begrudgingly sing you the birthday song. Remember it and sing it to the 
secretary afterwards.
 

NEW MAIN QUEST: T.G.I.W Drug Test
From: Secretary
Reward: The comfy knowledge that your drug free
How to Accomplish: In the southern most part of the factory you'll see a door
to the infirmary, inside is the drug-testing machine. At this point you know 
what to do.


NEW MAIN QUEST: T.G.I.W Uniform
From: Secretary
Reward: Fitting in with the crew
How to Accomplish: In the eastern end of the factory you'll see the breakroom 
door. Enter and take the vest off of the corkboard. You'll need to collect 6 
pieces of flair from the torn vests that the orque ninjas drop. Combine them
in your inventory.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Storm the North Pole
From: Army General
Reward: Access to the north pole
How to accomplish: Talk to the Army General.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Muffle The Mirth
From: Storyline
Reward: Stop Santa from knocking you out.
How to accomplish: Hit levers 1 and 3 to find the exit.


NEW MAIN QUEST: Secret Base
From: Sandy
Reward: Access to the secret base.
How to accomplish: Take the mini thongolith to the thongolith researcher and 
than use the mini outhouse out of your items menu.






**SIDE QUESTS**



NEW SIDE QUEST: Disgruntled Delivery
From: Sandy
Reward: Machine gun 
How to accomplish: Deliver the package to the Army General up north in Le
Beaux.


NEW SIDE QUEST: The Plan
From: Cowardly soldier
Reward: Machine gun
How to accomplish: Take the plans to the Army General in Le Beaux Kuckelle.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Melon Protection
From: Outpost soldier (navy docks)
Reward: Undeath grenade
How to accomplish:  Buy the soldier a new helmet from Poque LaTere's Armory in
Le Beaux Kuckelle.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Use an Outhouse
From: Storyline
Reward: Learning how to teleport?
How to accomplish: Simply warp to the outpost soldiers via an outhouse. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Find the Taint
From: Poque Latete
Reward: Well, you get to meet a pirate. 
How to accomplish: Deliver the package to Captain Taint, in Scurvyville.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Off To Farmer Blizbane
From: Poque Latete
Reward: Minor crit. Potion
How to accomplish: Deliver the package to Farmer Blizbane, who lives north of
Le Beaux Kuckelle.


NEW SIDE QUEST: For the War Effort  
From: General's assistant
Reward: Spinning tomahawk
How to accomplish: Collect 50 pieces of scrap metal. These are scattered about
and drop from killing orques.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Marching Orders
From: General's assistant
Reward: Undeath sword
How to accomplish: Deliver the marching orders to the captain at the navy docks
(complete after the Dammit! quest).


NEW SIDE QUEST: Odd Looking Chest
From: Locksmith
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Examine the odd looking chest north of Le Beaux.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Vacuum Tubes
From: Radio host
Reward: Incendiary grenade
How to accomplish: Destroy robots for the vacuum tubes at the Eisenbein 
residence.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Lost Father
From: Lucy Eisenbein
Reward: Undeath grenade
How to accomplish: You'll find Lucy's father past Tricore-7, stuck in a cage.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Mercy
From: Town medic
Reward: Fire axe 2: Hot Steele
How to accomplish: Retrieve medical supplies from the Sanctuary.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Dammit!
From: Storyline
Reward: Undeath bazooka
How to accomplish: Find the thieving orc south of the first broken wooden 
bridge and kill him.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Oil for the Ship
From: Navy captain
Reward: Machine gun
How to accomplish: Retrieve 10 oil barrels from the eisenbein house north of 
Le Beaux. The captain will leave a note telling you he's at the dock near the 
jungle in the east.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Photojournalism
From: Radio host
Reward: Minor healing potion
How to accomplish: Use the camera to take pictures by the lights arouhd the 
Destroyed City.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Rampaging Robots
From: Farmer Blizbane
Reward: Orb of brief invulnerability
How to accomplish: Kill rampaging farm robots for Farmer Blizbane.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Pesky Skeletons
From: Farmer Blizbane
Reward: Heck from heaven
How to accomplish: Kill skeletons and bring their thigh bones to Farmer 
Blizbane.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Manure Matters
From: Strunken
Reward: Help from heaven
How to accomplish:  When you fight jungle donkey's in the Scurvy Jungle, 
collect their dung and give it to Strunken.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Queen of the Lost Jungle
From: Greem exterminator
Reward: Calvary sword of super carving
How to accomplish: Use the greem whistle on the jungle mating stone and 
defeat the greem queen.


NEW SIDE QUEST: On the Air
From: Radio host
Reward: Machine gun
How to accomplish:  Fix the five radio towers scattered around Farmer 
Blizbane's property.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Shoot the Recruits
From: Outpost soldier (by field outhouse)
Reward: Minor healing potion
How to accomplish: Kill the giant pips in the snowy mountains and collect 
their teeth.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Heart of Darkness
From: Radio host
Reward: Help from Heaven
How to accomplish: <eet with Scoop the Reporter. You can find him in the 
Jungle, near the south. (Or use the Jungle Outhouse). 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Thighbone Delivery
From: Farmer Blizbane
Reward: Orb of invulnerability
How to accomplish: Take the thighbones to the demon witch north west of the
Sanctuary. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Save the Seamen
From: Navy Captain
Reward: Poison bazooka
How to accomplish: Rescue the seamne from the jungle greem camp


NEW SIDE QUEST: Scoop's Secret Story
From: Scoop
Reward: Minor crit potion
How to accomplish: Take the story to the radio host in Le Beaux.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Jungle Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Very easy, like all the spelunker's quest. Go into the cave
to get the crystal for him. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Queen of the High Plains
From: Greem exterminator
Reward: War hammer
How to accomplish: Use the greem whistle on the high plains greem mating stone
and kill the queen


NEW SIDE QUEST: Embattlements go Boom
From: Navy Captain
Reward: Hunting sword
How to accomplish: Use the C4 to destroy the four orque trooper embattlements
that you have fought through already.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Rocky Path Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Get the crystal from the rocky path cave. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Pirate's Best Friend
From: Insecure pirate
Reward: Major Stealth Potion
How to accomplish: Finds some parrots on chicken island for the pirate. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Treasure Map
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: Feeling heroic?
How to accomplish: Find the captains mutinous pirate members:

1. In Scurvyville Jungle
2. East of Scoop, in the Jungle
3. Past Hanna's house, by the UFO
4. By the Crazy Husband Spelunker Cave
5. On spider island


NEW SIDE QUEST: Pirate Without A Cause
From: Treasureless pirate
Reward: Grenade
How to accomplish: Bring back a generic treasure for the tresureless pirate 
from skeleton island. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Pour Le Roi et Le Pays
From: French pirate person 
Reward: Epic chest of awesomeness
How to accomplish: Plant the 10 french flags across the world.


Find the "Stand de Drapequ"'s around the world.
1. East of Scurvyville
2. By the Sanctuary
3. Fort discharge
4. Sierra mountains (as far west as you can go)
5. By the Oasis
6. By Worten's
7. Outside of  Worten's
8. Spider Island
9. Strumfuquel
10. Dino graveyard.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Dino Droppings
From: Strunken
Reward: Poison club the second
How to accomplish: Kill a tyrannoraptor for its dung. It is located in the 
dino graveyard. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Snowy Mountain Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Cave, crystal, done.


NEW SIDE QUEST: A Silent Quest
From: Frozen monk
Reward: Shank's Mega-Bloody Motor-Saw
How to accomplish: Kill the Taking Tree at the end of the Dungeon.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Feed the Salmonella Ghoul
From: The Salmonella Ghoul
Reward: Help from heaven
How to accomplish: Lure a stoopid chicken from the Sanctuary to the Salmonella
Ghoul. Yummy.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Rub It In
From: Rich Cabin
Reward: War Hammer
How to accomplish: Give the magazine to Derek Oil, in his estate west of 
Strumfuquel.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Crystal in the Dark
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Cave, crystal, done.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Make a Wish
From: The talking well by Hanna's place
Reward: Minor Healing Potion
How to accomplish: Rind wishing coins to give to the talking well. You can 
give the well additional coins you find at anytime.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Heroic Remains
From: Hanna
Reward: Poison Club
How to accomplish: Find the tomb of the unknown ghoul slayer west of the dark
forest outhouse.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Do Bearalopes... In the Woods
From: Hanna
Reward: $240
How to accomplish: Kill bearalopes to get their droppings. Geesh, this game 
and droppings... You'll have to wait for the bearalopes to respawn to get all
the droppings.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Red Alien/ Green Alien
From: Hanna
Reward: Minor Stealth Potion
How to accomplish: Kill red aliens and collect their goo behind Hanna's place.


NEW SIDE QUEST: A Safe Return
From: Green alien
Reward: Ray gun
How to accomplish: Recover the space ship parts from the red aliens.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Magical Ward
From: Hanna
Reward: Command killer sword
How to accomplish: Return to Farmer Blizbane


NEW SIDE QUEST: Undead Commanders
From: Farmer Blizbane
Reward: $3960
How to accomplish: Use your new sword to kill the undead commanders. 
Finally, sweet vengence.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Father in a Cage
From: Dr. Eisbein
Reward: Super soldier spade
How to accomplish: Kill the mark 6 robots to finD the key punchcard. The 
robots are a little ways past Dr. Eisbein. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Tricore-7 Plans
From: Dr. Eisbein
Reward: Undeath grenade
How to accomplish: Warp to Le Beaux and talk to Lucy.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Robot Scans
From: Lucy Eisbein
Reward: Minor Speed Potion
How to accomplish: Scan a Mark-7 robot with the scanner Lucy gave to you. They
can be found at Wortten's Factory.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Cantankerous Delivery
From: Sandy
Reward: Revolver
How to Accomplish: Deliver the package to the sheriff of Strumfuquel


NEW SIDE QUEST: Neither Rain Nor Sleight...
From: Stage Coach Driver
Reward: 3 major stealth potion
How to Accomplish: Travel North past the ghosts and skeletons ( remember your 
nature club for the ghosts) into the White Bandito's camp you'll find the 
mailbags scattered about their camp.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Fancy Hats
From: Damsel
Reward: $11960
How to Accomplish: In the same White Bandito camp as well as on the road 
leading up to it you'll find the hats. You'll see them as the are hard to miss.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Pretty, Pretty Hand
From: Stage coach Driver
Reward: Terrible Lizard boots
How to Accomplish: Head back to the Bandito camp and kill the orque chief to 
get his hand and take it back to the coach driver.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Ant Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Just get the crystal. However, be careful of the lvl 12 
ants inside.


NEW SIDE QUEST: From One Law Man to Another
From: Stage Coach Driver
Reward: 3 Major Healing Potions.
How to Accomplish: Just go to Strumfuquel and deliver it to the sheriff.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Rattler Snakeskin Boots
From: Sheriff of Strumfuquel 
Reward: 8 grenades
How to Accomplish: Go back to the white rock orque camp and kill orques until 
they drop the boots. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Going Home
From: Sad Widow
Reward: 10 undeath grenades
How to Accomplish: Once you speak with her take her east towards the haunted 
farm (the one north of the elevator), being careful not to get too far ahead.


NEW SIDE QUEST: The Lost Husband 
From: The Sad Widow
Reward: Chest of the Golden Lion
How to Accomplish: The Husband is further down the western area, to the 
northwest of Worten's.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Trillion Dollar Bill
From: Banker
Reward: 5 ice grenades 
How to Accomplish: Go to the Blue Basin Orque camp and kill the Orque chief 
there.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Money Troubles
From: Banker
Reward: Fire resistance potion
How to Accomplish: Deliver the theft report to Derrik Oil.


NEW SIDE QUEST- Queen of Greem Island
From: Greem Exterminator
Reward: Orb of wicked invulerability
How to Accomplish: Once you have a ship travel to Greem Island, kill the queen
greem there and take her mating gland.


NEW SIDE QUEST: The Waiting Deputy
From: Sheriff of Strumfuquel
Reward: Awesome armor potion
How to Accomplish: Once you've completed all the quests in the Blue Basin
Bandito camp to the west the blockade they put up will go down. Just on the
other side of it to the North is the deputy. Deliver the warrant and evict 
those troublesome peace loving monks.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Sandy Snowbellies
From: Prospector
Reward: Plate Shoulders of Siding
How to Accomplish: Go to the cave in the Sandy Desert and use the blasting 
caps anywhere in the cave for a rock sample.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Blood Mountain Bacon
From: Prospector
Reward: 5 poison grenades
How to Accomplish: Go to the cave in the Blood Mountains and use the blasting
caps anywhere in the cave for a rock sample.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Dino Rashers
From: Prospector
Reward: Necklace of Use
How to Accomplish: Go to the cave in the dinosaur graveyard and use the 
blasting caps anywhere in the cave for a rock sample.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Prickly Pork
From: Prospector
Reward: Gold Key
How to Accomplish: Go to the cave in the Cactus Forest and use the blasting 
caps anywhere in the cave for a rock sample.


NEW SIDE QUEST: 37.8 Liter Hat
From: The Sheriff of Strumfuquel
Reward: Venomous crown
How to Accomplish: As you walk don the tracks you'll come across another
blockade. Just south of this blockade is the red orque camp kill their chief 
and you'll get the hat.

  
NEW SIDE QUEST: Tar Pit Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Get the tar pit crystal from the nearby cave.
 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Grave Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key 
How to Accomplish: Get the grave crystal from the nearby cave.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Oil Hand
From: Derrik Oil
Reward: Gold Key
How to Accomplish: Return to the dino graveyard and kill some Raptors until 
they drop the parts.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Wealthy Bastard
From: Derrik Oil
Reward: Awesome armor potion
How to Accomplish: Return to Rich Cabin with Derik's magazine.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Proving His Worth
From: Rich Cabin
Reward: Poison grenades 
How to Accomplish: Return to Derik Oil with Rich's magazine.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Banking and Gouging 
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Promotional wristwatch
How to Accomplish: Return to Rich Cabin with Derik's magazine.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Look who's Running Things
From: Rich Cabin
Reward: Calvery Sword of Mega Carving
How to Accomplish: Return to Derik Oil with Rich's magazine.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Financial Philistine
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Self winding pocketwatch
How to Accomplish: Return to Rich Cabin with Derik's magazine.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Who's the Boss
From: Rich Cabin
Reward: Orb of undead might
How to Accomplish: Return to Derik Oil with Rich's magazine.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Nouveau Riche 
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Venomous boots
How to Accomplish: Return to Rich Cabin with Derik's magazine.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Frozen Treats 
From: Strunken
Reward: Great Axe
How to Accomplish: Get frozen manure from the frost giant island, north of the
Island cave. You'll need the ship for this.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Oil Fixin's
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Ice Bazooka
How to Accomplish: Just head south from Derik to find them, they're all over 
the tar pits. Fixing them will spawn oil monsters, so be ready.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Oil Monsters
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Incendiary Grenade
How to Accomplish: Kill oil monsters in the tar pits and collect their bits.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Big Oil Boss
From: Derik Oil
Reward: Awesome stealth potion
How to Accomplish: Head to the oil cave in the eastern part of the tar pits. 
Once inside use the scented oil Derik gave you to draw her out. Once "she" 
comes out kill her, it's not very difficult. Gather her head and return to 
Derik Oil (though I'm not sure the oil monsters have heads).


NEW SIDE QUEST: Fancy Jewelry
From: Damsel
Reward: Desperadic Helm
How to Accomplish: Head west along the tracks until you reach the blockade.
From here head south into the Red Renegade Bandito camp, the jewelry will be 
scattered about the camp.

NEW SIDE QUEST: Stagecoach Wheels
From: Stage Coach driver
Reward: Venomous chest
How to Accomplish: Kill orques in the Red Renegade orque camp and they will 
drop the wheels.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Gunslinger Gloves
From: Sheriff
Reward: Boots of siding
How to Accomplish: Go to the Blue Basin Bandito camp and kill their chief.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Worm!
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: 250 Sub Machine gun (pffft)
How to Accomplish: You'll find the queen south of where Lawrence is standing 
just kill her and she'll drop the shell.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Silk Road
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: 5 Grenades (double pffft)
How to Accomplish: In the southeastern corner of the desert you'll find the
spider amongst some skeletons, just kill it and return to the hunter with the
spinnerete.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Royal Pip
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: Ice bazooka 
How to Accomplish: For this quest you'll have to travel to the blood mountains.
Head west along the tracks until you see a small camp of orques. From here head
south down the path. The first thing you'll see is a small group of pips, one 
of which (a big white one) is the pip king. Kill him and collect his head.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Nice Rack
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: 300 machine gun (sigh)
How to Accomplish: For this quest you'll need to return to the Dark Forest. In
the cave north of Rich Cabin you'll find the bearalope sire. Kill him and take
his antlers to the hunter.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Just the Tip 
From: Big Game Hunter
Reward: Terrible Lizard Chestpiece
How to Accomplish: You'll have to travel all the way back to the Destroyed City
for this one. The tenticle monster is south of the Destroyed City and just 
north of where the zappers are located. Once it pops up kill it collect it's 
tip and return it to the hunter.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Enlisted Help
From: Lawrence of the Desert
Reward: Terrible lizard gloves
How to Accomplish: Apparently recruite means kill because thats what you do. 
Head south from Lawrence and you'll find a small camp filled with ghouls. Kill
them to collect their fingers and return to lawrence. 
 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Sandy Desert Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Get the crystal from the nearby cave.


NEW SIDE QUEST: The Most Dangerous Creature
From: Hermit
Reward: None (That's right, when you assume someone is giving you a quest when
they're not they don't usually reward you).
How to Accomplish: Kill the hideous stinker and bring it's head to the hermit. 
You'll find it northwest of Worten's.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Cactus Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Get the crystal from the nearby cave.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Dynamite Shuffle
From: Engineer
Reward: $14,200
How to Accomplish: Your best bet here is to scout your way through the blood 
mountains until you come to a bunch of people. Once you've discovered the 
shack outhouse take it back to the red orques outhouse, get the dynamite, take
the red orques outhouse to the shack outhouse, head noth to the tracks follow 
them to the blockage and give the dynamite to the Conductor. But, be quick 
about it as the dynamite has a short fuse.



NEW SIDE QUEST: Spare Change
From: Man Missing His Money
Reward: $19,520
How to Accomplish: Head back along the path you came from and kill the green 
shirted orques there. Then head North to the small orque camp you saw earlier 
and kill them. This should give you all the money you need.
 

NEW SIDE QUEST: Pass the Pan
From: Prospecter Dude
Reward: $16,800
How to Accomplish: The Monks are the ones that have his pan, and are North of 
the engineer that is further west down the tracks. You'll need to complete the
deputies quest in order to anger the monks so you can kill them and loot the 
pans from their persons.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Stagecoach Jacking
From: Stagecoach Driver
Reward: Plate Chest of Siding
How to Accomplish: Head further west down the tracks till you come to an 
engineer. Once you do, begin walking south down the nearby path. This path 
will lead you into the Blue Basin Orque camp. You'll see a stage coach sitting
in the camp, you can't miss it. Interact with it to recover it. Then return it
to the stage coach driver


NEW SIDE QUEST: Now With Wings!
From: Damsel
Reward: Gloves of Siding
How to Accomplish: When you enter the Blue Basin Orque camp you'll see the 
feminine products littering the ground. Gather them up and return them to the 
damsel.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Foreclosure
From: Banker
Reward: $32,400
How to Accomplish: Post the foreclosure signs at each of the 9 strumfuquel 
mortgage houses.
 
PLACES TO FORECLOSE:

1. Eisenbiens Residence- North of Beaux Kuckelle
2. Ima and Strunken's Farm- North of Destroyed City
3. Hanna Haybenstance's House- South of the Monistery
4. Haunted Farm- East of Strumfuquel
5. Strumfuquel House- North end of Strumfuquel
6. Lawrences Hut- west of Big Game Hunter
7. Railway Shack- Near the Shack outhouse
8. Burnt Up House- Sierra Mountains south of Lewis Clark
9. House in Le Beaux- West of the General in Le Beaux


NEW SIDE QUEST: Acid Reflux 
From: Engineer
Reward: Venomous gloves
How to Accomplish: Once he hands you the acid there is no time for anything 
but running it down the tracks. So thats what you do run west down the tracks,
ignoring the robots in your way, and give the acid to the conductor. The acid
will start to take chunks out of your health, so use a health potion if you 
need to, just to be safe.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Eviction Notice
From: The Deputy
Reward: $16,800
How to Accomplish: Head east down the tracks until you see a rocky road to the
north near the engineer platform. Follow this path and you'll soon come to a 
temple plagued with peace loving monks. Yuck!! To the far right is a sign 
upon which you can place the eviction notice. This of course will drive the
peacful monks to acts of violent violence.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Crystal of Blood.
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold key
How to Accomplish: Enter the cave to the west and retrieve the crystal.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Rio Loco
From: Crazy Husband
Reward: Shoulders of the Golden Lion
How to Accomplish: Enter the cave and kill the queen, she'll drop the keepsake
you need. Return to the Haunted Farm and give it to the sad widow.


NEW SIDE QUEST: The Temple of Idol-ness
From: Hermit
Reward: Unsafe gloves
OBJECTIVE- Head to the jungle and find an idol to return to the hermit.
How to Accomplish: You may remember earlier that there was a lever you couldn't
use in the jungle cave. Well you can go there now and use it. At first there 
will only be three guards (which hardly seems "well guarded") but once you pull
the lever a small army of them will come. Once you despatch the guards head 
across the now bridged gap and get the idol. Return it to the hermit for your 
reward. Have some justice ready to go and a health potion handy.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Intro to Existentialism
From: Hermit
Reward: None
How to Accomplish: Leave. Go. Go AWAY. Leave the hermit ALONE.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Destroy the Tricore-7
From: Lucy Eisenbein
Reward: Free the enslaved robots
How to Accomplish: Go to the Tricore-7 in the Dark Forest. Place the
programmed crystal on the ground near the tricore-7. Then, kill mark 6 robots 
in the area. The discharge from them will damage the Tricore-7. Make sure to 
kill the healer bots as well.


NEW SIDE QUEST: I'm Sick of Deliveries 
From: Sandy
Reward: Nothing
How to accomplish: Take the package to the thongolith researcher in 
Strumfuquel.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Gone With the Rain
From: Lewis Clark
Reward: Unsafe Helmet
How to accomplish: You'll find the items scattered throughout the Sierra 
Mountains, so just explore a bit. 


NEW SIDE QUEST: Sierra Mountains Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Cave, crystal, done.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Island Crystal
From: Spelunker
Reward: Gold treasure chest key
How to accomplish: Cave, crystal, done.


NEW SIDE QUEST: Taint's Treasure
From: Cpt. Taint
Reward: Petty cash
How to accomplish: Sail to X island and take out the mutinous pirate captain.


==============================================================================
                                Runestones                   
=====================================================================[DS04]===


Here's a list of all of the game's runestones and how to use them, as well as
where they can be found. 


Flaming Cavalry

Use a melee fire weapon with a Cavalry Sword.

Found at: Found inside the Dark Forest cave, behind Rich Cabin's place.



Flaming Tomahawk

Use a melee fire weapon with a Tomahawk.

Found at: Any weapons store for $1,000,000



Ice Tomahawk

Use a melee ice weapon with a Tomahawk.

Found at: Any weapons store for $1,000,000



Ice Jackhammer

Use a melee ice weapon with a Jackhammer.

Found at: You get this runestone after defeating Worten.



Undeath Shovel

Use a melee undeath weapon with a Soldier Spade.

Found at: Kill the Stinker northwest of Worten's (This quest comes from the 
Hermit at the Oasis).



Undeath Railroad

Use a melee undeath weapon with a Railroad Sledgehammer.

Found at: Kill Plaid Pete for this runestone.



Undeath Cavalry

Use a melee undeath weapon with a Cavalry Sword.

Found at: Kill the Big Poppa Dragon in the Snowy Mountain Cave.



Nature Telsa Rod

Use a melee nature weapon and a Telsa Rod.

Found at: Find in a gold chest in the Snowy Mountain Cave.



Poison Railroad

Use a melee nature weapon and a Railroad Sledgehammer.

Found at: You get this runestone after defeating Mr. Frangtrangle.



Flaming Monocle

Use a melee fire weapon and a Monocle.

Found at: Complete the quest "Behind Enemy Lines" near the beginning of the 
game.


==============================================================================
                                 Trophies                   
=====================================================================[DS05]===


Who doesn't like trophies? Here's all the trophies you can get in the game 
and our comments on the best way to do it!

(This is for the PS3, of course, although I imagine the 360 has the same 
achievements).


Orque Impostor (Bronze)  ~ Convince an Orque Guard you are an Orque.

You will get this one by just playing through the game.


Death of a Penguin (Bronze) ~ Kill the Evil Nun.

Another one you will get by playing through the game. 


Primp V.I.P (Bronze) ~ See all 20 of Madame Primp's Outfits.

Make sure to visit Madame Primp and see all 20 of her costumes for this 
trophy. You gotta do this BEFORE you open her treasure chest.


Well Educated (Bronze) ~ Get an Engineering Degree

Talk to the Conductor to the far west in the Sierra Mountains for a cool
cut-scene and this trophy.


Raise Your Mast (Bronze) ~ Go Sailing in a Pirate Ship

You'll get this one once you get the boat. You'll do this automatically as 
you play through the game's main missions.


Konichiwa (Bronze) ~ Learn to speak Japanese

After talking to the Japanese judge's at Worten's, the "Learn how to speak
Japanese" book will be available in the library in Le Beaux. Check it out
to get this trophy.


Dispenser of Justice (Silver) ~ Kill 3000 enemies

Well, I didn't get this one after playing through the whole game AND the DLC
dungeon, so you may have to wander around the world killing enemies until you
get this trophy.


To Serve Man (Silver) ~ Kill Worten

Another one you will get by playing through the game.


A True Hero (Gold) ~ Reach Level 20

The best place to level in the game has to be the DLC frozen dungeon east of 
the Snowy Mountain outhouse. You can also find some high level enemies on the
various Islands around the North Pole. 


Mystic Transport (Bronze) ~ Discover all 44 teleporting outhouses.

These are easy to find, but you'll have to play the entire game to get them
all. There is one that isn't on the map, which is south of spider island.


Ruin Christmas (Silver) ~ Kill Santa Claus

Another one you will get by playing through the game.


A Tale of Two Endings (Silver) ~ Watch both game endings.

You'll know when you have to make this choice. You can than restart the game
(hit continue from the main menu) and make the second choice to get the 
trophey.


Frozen Justice (Gold) ~ Kill the Taking Tree

This is the end-boss of the DLC "Snowy Mountain" dungeon, just kill the 
Taking Tree to get the trophey. See the Snowy Mountain dungeon section if you
need help/tips.


==============================================================================
                                   FAQ                   
=====================================================================[DS06]===


Feel free to send any questions in to our email, just be civil and at least 
try to use the walkthrough before you ask. Since we didn't list the contents
of every chest, I really can't help you find where to get such-and-such sword,
or what monster drops what items, so keep that in mind. 

We'll post some FAQ's as soon as we get some. Hopefully you can find 
everything you need in the guide. 


==============================================================================
                         Credits and other ramblings           
=====================================================================[DS07]===


 o Guide Related:

DomZ for his Ascii Art at the top. Check out his site at:

 - http://www.freewebs.com/domz_ninja/asciiart.htm

Brandon Davis for the lawmen reward! Thanks man!


 o Personal:

Bkstunt: My wife Lisa and daughter Sadie. Also to the makers of Deathspank, 
you guys are hilarious. Can't wait to see what you make next! 

Thnikman: My wife for putting up with my late nights, Bkstunt for his part in 
the gig, and hothead for making such a glorious display of gamery.

As I learned on my first walkthrough, copyrights are pretty silly for this 
kind of thing, so please, if you want to use this walkthrough on your site, 
simply ask us by emailing one of us above, and we'll more than likely say yes.


~FIN 

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