Review by Simon Callahan
Reviewed: 04/28/03 | Updated: 04/28/03
If you are the right age, it's great. If not, try it only if you are curious (or you want to hear the funniest thing in the world).
I rented this game out of frustration with my sister. Believe it or not, she is only a year younger than me, and she wanted to try Play With The Teletubbies! I am 19! Do the math!
Anywho, I was in the video store when she asked me to rent the game for her. After much nagging and me saying no, I finally gave in. I rented a Mature rated game to cover up the fact that I was renting Teletubbies (I also really wanted to play that Mature rated game, so it was a good cover).
Upon arriving home, my sister found something better to do before playing the game, so, out of curiosity, I popped the disk in, thinking it would be a lively jaunt through Teletubbyland (or so it's called). Something that would make my brain go numb.
After a lengthy opening FMV telling me the companies who made the game (one curiously called Asylum Entertainment, imagine that), the non-animated title screen came up, telling me to press start. A NON-ANIMATED title screen. I mean, come on! There wasn't even a theme song playing in the background! At least have the Teletubbies waving! That's all I ask!
I follow the instructions and press start. I am immersed in the Teletubby world. Oh, what a world. Flying things, and coloured things, and things that go ping! It's a mind numbing paradise! The first thing that happens is that a large, phone-thing comes up out of the ground and says 'Time for Teletubbies!' The Teletubbies show up on screen, say their names after the narrator sings them.
I should tell you now that there are three narrators. The one talking through the phone is female, the one singing is British, and the one that just speaks every once in a while is played by the guy who did the voice of George Stobbard in the Broken Sword games. I will, from now on, refer to them as female, British, and George.
After the Teletubbies say their names, they stand around swinging their arms for 30 seconds, like they are bored. No amount of button pounding will make them leave any quicker, so you are forced to watch them walk v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y off screen. When they leave, they are magically lined up again looking bored, swinging their arms. The difference this time is that they have the symbols for the Playstation buttons below them. I pressed one. More accurately, I pressed circle. The red Teletubby jumped up and down with glee, and announced that it's name was Po, for the millionth time.
This is where the fun came in, or what little there is. I started walking around with my little red tubby, and I heard it say the funniest thing. As it walked around, it was saying 'Fa***t fa***t, fa***t fa***t, fa***t fa***t fa***t, bite my bum!'
I was on the floor, laughing until my sides hurt. Who would put this into a children's game? I was informed, to my dismay, that the red one was saying 'pagis pagis', which, apparently, is the onomatopoeia for it's scooter. I still can't figure out the 'bite my bum' comment, though.
So, I navigated my tubby v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y around the screen, laughing at what it was saying, until I found an object. A large pinwheel allowed me to view FMV sequences. I don't know what purpose these sequences serve, but they were kind of funny. I exited out and an FMV of a sun appeared on screen. Not just any sun, though. This sun had a BABY in it. It laughed and giggled and squealed. It was mildly amusing.
After that, I did a few more activities, one where my tubby makes a mess by running in circles with custard on it's feet, one where it chases a vacuum cleaner with eyes around a large room, and one where it rides around on it's scooter, among others (all of which were narrated by George), and I gave up. The female narrator came up, announced that it was 'time for tubby bye-bye', and the British narrator sung the tubby's names as they jumped into their homes.
Graphics:8/10 Ok, the graphics aren't terrible. They are nice, bright, and round, but they aren't perfect. A few glitches pop up here and there, but nothing that will hinder the game.
Sound:10/10 Ok, the sound is in top form here, I will not lie to you. The soundtrack is lively, and the voices are well done. I also must give credit to the person who does the voice of Po. Without them, one of the things that brings the most enjoyment to my life wouldn't exist. The thing that brings me the most joy is chicken.
Gameplay:0/10 You want gameplay? Stick a pencil in your eye. That's all the gameplay you will be getting out of this disc.
Replay:2/10 I suppose you could play it again, just to hear the what Po says. But, other than that, no real replay value exists.
Control:5/10 You Teletubbie walks, it interacts with things. I suppose the only way to make it better is to make the tubbies actually respond to fully pressing the analog stick one way to run, instead of just taking it as a suggestion to walk slowly.
Overall:2/10 This game is good for it's age group, if you are into the double digits, only play for what Po says.
Rating: 1.0 - Terrible
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