Review by TheSAMMIES

Reviewed: 11/13/13

Do you think naked headless preteen girls are funny? Christine certainly does.

This is a huge warning. Christine is a game with underage cartoon girls getting raped and mutilated in the name of comedy. So, do you think loli porn with tons of blood and rape in it is hilarious or offensive? If you think it’s offensive, then you should probably stay away. If you’re too young, you should probably stay away also. Oh, and if you like good adventure games that have good design and well thought-out puzzles, then you should definitely satay away. Christine is a long and painful ride.

Back in the 80s, there was a company in Japan called PSK. Computers in Japan were fairly new and only a handful of people could have Personal Computers in their homes. PSK was a company that would publish your games without any questions and distribute them for a certain sum of money. Almost all of their games were pornographic in some way or another. It should be very telling when one of PSK’s most popular series is The Lolita Trilogy.

Christine was one of PSK’s many horrific porn games that they published. It’s scenes of rape and preteen lesbian sex are played more for comedy than for titillation, but it also has some other stuff like mutilated torsos and decapitations. Yes, the guy who designed this game expected you to be laughing and spanking it to his game, which is kind of sick, but whatever. Depraved fleshfests are just facts of life on old Japanese computers. Not that all porn games are depraved fleshfests. Some hentai games are pretty good and tasteful. It’s just that Christine isn’t.

Story- In Christine, you play as a schoolgirl named Jane. She’s smart, gets good grades, and even has a hot boyfriend that all her friends are envious of. Then one day, an evil witch named Christine kills Jane’s boyfriend by turning him into stone. Jane gets pissed and decides that no one steals her boyfriend away from her. She goes on a quest to enact bloody vengeance on Christine and possibly break the spell, turning her boyfriend back into a human.

Christine’s story is populated almost entirely by women who will take their clothes off. The only male character in the whole story is Christine’s boyfriend, who dies in the very first scene. The very first character you meet after the intro is a topless cat girl who is trying to sell you stuff. This should give you a great idea of what you are in for.

Oh, and the story itself is chock full of consensual lesbian sex, nonconsensual lesbian sex, bondage, torture, rape, executions, decapitations, and even an instance of necrophilia. All of this is played for comedy, by the way. If you don’t like these kinds of storytelling elements, then you should probably play something else.

Presentation- Christine has a very limited color pallet. Everything looks like it was drawn in MS Paint. Did you ever want to see what rape looks like in MS Paint? Now you can know. There are almost no backgrounds to speak of, though this is partially excusable because the game was originally on the FM-7 and that system had problems when it had to load backgrounds.

Instead of normal graphics, Christine uses draw commands. You get to see the drawing come to life as they are drawn and colored in, which is really cool. A lot of FM-7 games and ports of FM-7 games did this, and I always thought that it looked cool. Also, it can teach you to draw just like the artist of Christine! Have you ever wanted to know how to draw MS Paint graphics of preteen girls getting violated with spiked clubs? Now you can know! Doesn’t it sound fun? Kidding aside, the draw commands are cool, even if the actual content is a bit disgusting.

There is almost no sound and no music to Christine. It’s a port of an FM-7 game, and FM-7 games typically didn’t have a lot of space for stuff like music or sound effects, so you’ll just have to live with it. At least the opening has beeps and boops for music, which is something, right?

Gameplay- I could forgive Christine’s festival of loli rape and loli death if it had some actual substance behind its gameplay, but no, the guys behind this game just had to make it a frustrating mess. Christine is a traditional style text adventure. You type in commands (in Japanese) and talk to people. The game world is depressingly linear. You can’t move much and when there is a branch in the path, it’s pretty short and will lead you back to where you were or to a Game Over.

The whole game boils down to trying to guess which verb the game designers want you to type in. Did you guess the right one? Cool! Go to the next scene. Did you guess the wrong verb? Try again! Frustrating and tedious do not even begin to describe this experience.

The game does try to mix things up a little bit toward the middle. At one point, you have the option to challenge Christine to a duel. If you can’t defeat her, she’ll kill you and rape your corpse. Game over. Reload form your last save. There are also some points in the story where you need to get certain items. If you miss them, you can make the game impossible, and that is never a good thing in adventure games. The whole game of Christine is just such a mess that it’s impossible for me to recommend it. Even if you think tasteless stuff like naked little girls getting decapitated is hilarious, you’ll still probably hate this game for its bad gameplay.

Cool Fact- PSK stands for Pasokon Shop Kochi. You could buy computers from them too, not just weird porn games.

Also Try- Somewhere along the line, Japan cracked down on computer porn and PSK stopped publishing people’s stuff. The two main offenders were 177 and Saori: Bishojotachi no Yakata, games that the Japanese government deemed to explicate. While 177 is one of the worst games I’ve ever played, Saori is actually good. If you want to play something that’s controversial and fun at the same time, try that one. Japan’s war on eroge also saw the fall of arcade strip mahjong games, which is really sad because some of those strip mahjong games were really good.

Rating: 2

Product Release: Christine (JP, 10/31/86)

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