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Version: 2.0 | Updated: 12/12/14

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                              Duck Dynasty
                            by judge reinhold
                     www.youtube.com/MenDrinkinCoffee
		       Ascii Art by General Ironicus

                                Last Updated
                             December 11, 2014


*********************
* Table of Contents *
*********************

1.0 Introduction
2.0 Game Overview
3.0 Walkthrough
	i.  The Beginning
	ii.  Redneck Groceries
	iii.  The Metal Detectives
	iv.  Beaver Bustin
	v.  Frog Catcher Extraordinaire
	vi.  Fishing, Anyone?
	vii.  Tee Off!
	viii.  Pintail Pandemonium
	ix.  Redneck Joyride
	x.  The New Record
	xi.  Little Big Brother
	xii.  Go Fast Or Go Home
	xiii.  Kay's Catfish
	xiv.  A Hole In One, Literally
	xv.  Shoal Sailin'
	xvi.  River Race
	xvii.  The Taser
	xviii.  It's A Duck-Off, Waterfowl Wishlist, Day Of The Duck
	xix.  Swamp Sprint, Bayou Boating, Redneck Regatta
	xx.  The Contest
	xxi.  The Metal Detector
4.0 Common Questions
5.0 Closing Thoughts
6.0 Thanks


*********************
* 1.0 Introduction  *
*********************

The Robertsons are a fun-loving, good natured folks. Also, there's Phil
Robertson.

Willie Robertson
----------------
Willie is the man who turned his homophobic/Islamophobic dad's duck-calling
business into a multi-million dollar industry and amazing brand that sells
everything from slippers to metal detectors. He is the straight man on the
show and constantly chides his employees for never doing any work.

Si Robertson
------------
Willie's uncle, Si, is the lifeblood of the show. He carries around a plastic
cup that his mother sent to him while he was overseas fighting in the Vietnam
war. Si is just the best. Seriously, can't overstate how funny this guy is.
The show kinda leans on him to be funny/interesting a little much, but Si
always delivers.

Jase Robertson
--------------
Jase is the second funniest character on the show, and is older than Willie.
Jase is not the oldest, that title belongs to some preacher who decided to
join the show in season 4 to spread the word of God. He's named Adam or
something. Alex? Anyway, this is a legitimate reason, I'm sure, and not his
 way of becoming famous. Jase looks like a Norweigan fisherman and calls Willie
"fat" a lot. But it's more creative and less on-the-nose than how I wrote it
out just then.

Jep Robertson
-------------
Jep is the youngest.

Miss Kay
--------
Miss Kay is Willie's mom. Everyone calls her that, including her husband.
I'm not sure why. Maybe it's explained in a different season. If you know,
please tweet me on twitter @MenDrinkCoffee.

Cousin Beaux
------------
Cousin Beaux isn't on any season I've watched, so I assume he was made
up for the game.

John Luke
---------
John is Willie's oldest son, and heir apparent to the titular Duck Dynasty.
You play as John Luke for the entirety of the Story Mode. It's a shame John
Luke is one of the worst characters on the show. No fault of his own, he's
a normal, awkward teenager and not very good fodder for reality TV.

**********************
* 2.0 Game Overview  *
**********************

This video game is an escape into the paradise afforded by being a
millionaire in a swamp. You can race boats, shoot hundreds of ducks
(some of which are endangered), and prank your co-workers. People may
call them "rednecks", but I call them "fun." It's recommended you use a
controller, specifically the Xbox 360 controller, since your mouse is
moving around in your desktop as you play and you can click other stuff.
Hey, it's hard to code around stuff like that. Have you ever tried it?

**********************
* 3.0 Walkthrough    *
**********************

----------------------------------
i.  The Beginning
----------------------------------

The game starts off with a really bad cutscene. I love the show, and
man this does not land even for me. The guys yammer on and on and they
look like they were made out of potatoes. You can skip this if you want.
Here, let me help summarize: John Luke has to prove himself to the rest
of the gang by doing quests in the fictional world called Louisiana.
Once the potato-men finish talking, they will guide you to what's known
as a "duck blind." Here, if you're streaming the game, is where people will
 start to make constant references to NES classic "Duck Hunt," which is a
game 90's kids will remember. Between this and the "Duck Dynasty Warriors"
jokes both the audience as well as a co-commentator make will have you
wondering where you went wrong in life.

The duck call mini-game is fairly simple. You have to hit controller buttons
in time with the circle to attract the ducks. People who have played Golden
Compass may reminisce fondly about that game's mini-games. That is such a
ubiquitous experience, though, so it's not even worth bringing up. You finish
helping your lovable uncles killing creatures who undoubtedly experience pain
and it's off to your next adventure: shooting cans. First, though, is the
funniest mechanic I've ever seen in a video game. You ride as a passenger in
the truck and can only change the radio! It's funny and original, honestly!

Cousin Beaux will toss bottles from off-screen. There's a button you can hit
to auto-target. Get used to it, buddy, because this is a mechanic the game is
founded upon! It's unclear why there are sometimes red bottles and othertimes
green ones. This is the mystical property of the Robertson family's ways.
Finally you will be able to drive the truck. Drive to your next waypoint,
a duckblind, where you get to call AND shoot.Now, there is a strategy to this.
First, you point the camera at the ducks to make them interested in you. Then,
once their interest bar is high enough, they will fly towards your fake ducks.
Once these idiots land, their fate is sealed: leap out from cover and shoot
them with your gun! That way, they die. You see, guns work by propelling a
small piece of metal called a "bullet" which, normally, would not kill someone
if you simply threw the metal bullet at them, unless it landed in their mouth
and they choked or something.

However, due to various physics aspects, the gunpowder ignites inside the
barrel, pushing this piece of metal outside of the barrel at super-sonic speeds.
Large objects have lots of momentum, but so do small objects travelling at high
speeds, and this allows the bullet to penetrate various substances. Please, only
experiment with guns with proper adult supervision. There are different calls,
but you don't need to care. John Luke has been around duck calls his whole life
and will use the appropriate call based on distance.

----------------------------------
ii.  Redneck Groceries
----------------------------------

Cousin Beaux tells us Miss Kay wants us to visit, in a completely flat read.
Miss Kay outlines her desire to cook a meal for her family, and guess who has
to kill the wildlife to fill out the entrees? It's you.

They yammer on forever again, Willie tries to eat soup with his hands. When the
cutscene is over, you have to drive to another waypoint. You'll see your first
sign. Signs are one of the collectibles scattered around the island. They're
funny, sometimes, but don't compare to what hilarity lies in the other
mechanics.

Go into the boat and drive it to the waypoint. This will get you to the amazing
squirrel-killing minigame. Squirrels do not need to be called like ducks, but
instead love the smell of the corpses of their mutilated bretheren. Shoot them
with your gun (see previous as to why this method works to kill things). Kill
10 of them to be treated to a cutscene with Si.

----------------------------------
iii.  The Metal Detectives
----------------------------------

Cousin Beaux informs you that Si buries things. An episode was focused around
this, with hilarious results you are soon to experience. Beaux will lend you the
metal detector. Pay attention to the mini-map in the bottom left corner. The
arrows will close in, forming an X, which is a colloqualism for spots being
marked by this very same alphabetical letter. When you are close enough to the
buried treasure, the prompt in the bottom center of the screen will change to
"Collect Treasure". The treasure is Vietnamese Dongs. You think that's funny?
Grow up.

This metal detector mini-game is one of the three collectible side-quests you
can do on the Louisiana overworld. The only way to figure out where a metal
detector is by going around the island on foot.

You'll get a foreshadowing cutscene where Phil, again, who is a pretty out of
touch human being, notes that they are losing water.

----------------------------------
iv.  Beaver Bustin
----------------------------------

Si talks about his weak prostate giving him inadequate flow and tells you to
come to a waypoint so you can kill a lot of beavers. This is an on-rails
tower-defense segment. If a single beaver makes it to the reeds, you lose and
have to start all over. So focus on protecting wherever the beavers are headed
to first and foremost. Remember whatever button lets you quick target. And
reload often. Also, watch Duck Dynasty on A&E.

Bloodlust will overcome the Robertsons as you drive around the boat shooting
beavers. Try not to start sobbing, as it'll make seeing the beavers more
difficult to see.

Once all the beavers in America are dead, you'll watch a cutscene where John
Luke briefly speaks, proving he is not a mute. They blow the dam, but this
won't make sense at the end of the game. Oh well, the continuity checkers
were busy working on the show.

----------------------------------
v.  Frog Catcher Extraordinaire
----------------------------------

Miss Kay needs three frogs to feed the 16 people who regularly eat dinner at
her house. Go across the nearby pond to the island and catch the frogs. You
can spam the button to collect them and the game will very slowly catch up to
the number you caught. This is the last overworld collectible you can get.
The frogs will respawn after either time or distance, I'm not sure. They do
respawn, most assuredly, unlike signs and buried treasure. It's worth
collecting the unlocks because you can unlock a better gun, which is
important both for duck hunting missions later in the game as well as
fulfilling the stereotype of a rural southerner.

Oh, there's a sign nearby too. Check it out, it's anti-beaver.

----------------------------------
vi.  Fishing, Anyone?
----------------------------------

Your aggressive itinerary of leisure activities continues as John Luke's dad,
Willie, invites you out fishing. Follow the waypoints (let's just assume from
now on that you will follow waypoints when available and we can save us both
some time) and get into the jon-boat. No, it's not named after John Luke, you
crazy cat!

Drive your boat into the big yellow circle (sorry if you are color blind, or
you are color blind but do not know it yet and this is how you found out) and
then press the prompt to start fishing. Aim at the ripples in the water, hold
down your casting button and release when it turns green. Now, wait for what
sounds like a toilet backing up. That, of course, means a fish is on your hook.
You need to keep the fish centered, and reel it in. If the tension is too high,
release the reel, otherwise your line will snap.

You need to catch 8 pounds (or 500 kilograms for European readers, or 2
stone for our UK readers) of fish to succeed, so keep at it.

You're now given a choice: meet up with your dad to shoot more bottles,
or pull pranks in the warehouse with your funny uncles. Well, the choice
is clear! More bottle shooting!

----------------------------------
vii.  Tee Off!
----------------------------------

It's a contest between you and your cousin Cousin Beaux. Don't shoot the red
bottles! Otherwise this game is the same. Beaux gives you ample lead time. If
you are having difficult with this part, try using a game memory editor. Search
for the memory address of how many bottles you have, then shoot another one,
and search those results for the new number. Edit the value to be very high,
and sit back and relax.

----------------------------------
viii.  Pintail Pandemonium
----------------------------------

Finally, Beaux offers to go shoot ducks. It's what you've been waiting the
entire game for. You have a limited timeframe to shoot 32 ducks. I suggest the
Mallard Murderer gun if you have unlocked it already. If not, be patient. Try to
get your "ducks in a row" and kill them in pairs. My god, I think I discovered
the origin of an idiomatic expression.

----------------------------------
ix.  Redneck Joyride
----------------------------------

The cutscene was disappointing, I'll admit. The show is funny!

Drive towards your waypoint, don't be afraid to get out and look at signs. The
Robertson elders apparently don't mind sitting in the car while you do.

Willie has bought a new airboat to more easily traverse the swamp. You'll learn
to dread this mechanical abomination soon enough. Drive it to the dock and learn
how it moves.

Your duck calling will be tested for the first time, try not to be nervous. It's
all very simple. You have to kill 35 ducks in 8 minutes. Nobody even seems to be
collecting the ducks, you're doing it for fun, you psychopath.

----------------------------------
x.  The New Record
----------------------------------

You have to catch 7 fish. Quantity over quality is the name of the game this
time, my man.

Drop off Uncle Si at the dock, and bid him farewell for now.

----------------------------------
xi.  Little Big Brother
----------------------------------

FIANLLY things get good! That dastardly Willie is tired of paying his employees
to sit around watching Youtube, so he installs a camera to... confirm his
employees are sitting around watching Youtube. This does not sit well with Jase,
who suggests turning the tables on his younger brother, using his son!
Oh, how deliciously ironic!

You'll be transported to the warehouse. Go forward and you'll learn about the
amazing stealth mechanic reminiscent of Solid Gear. Get into the box and start
sneaking. You'll be treated to a cutscene and an explanation of how stealth
works in Duck Dynasty. If you see the "!" bubble, you should probably stop.
You may have time to keep moving until it's completely full, but if they see
you, it's all over. Move while Willie's "!" is gone.

Si will complain about having Beaver Fever, which is a real disease. You will
then see a bizarre cutscene that has nothing to do with anything.

----------------------------------
xii.  Go Fast Or Go Home
----------------------------------

Your mom, who is possibly from a different planet according to the way she
delivers her lines, tells you that Willie bought everyone their own personal
airboat to race.

I don't know why rich people have such a bad reputation in America.

Sadly, this is a frequent quest, and there's not much to explain since it's a
race. Try to stay on the inside lane, like Dale Jr says. If you think it's a
lost cause, restart from the checkpoint. There are no banana peels or whatever
they use in games like Forza to help you out. It's all skill.

----------------------------------
xiii.  Kay's Catfish
----------------------------------

You gotta catch 30 pounds of catfish. The banquest is slowly assembling itself.
Try different bobbers and lines, I guess. The guy I saw play this caught a 9
pound flathead catfish, so maybe focus on those kinds.

----------------------------------
xiv.  A Hole In One, Literally
----------------------------------

I'm not sure what's literal about the holes being in one, but I'm a yuppie.

This mini-game is a little overengineered. You have to not shoot the following:
1. Red balls
2. Balls being targeted by Phil (he is a sensitive diva and will cry if you
shoot the balls he "had a bead on")

You will lose if the other guys land 20 balls on the green. You have 3 minutes
to survive.

----------------------------------
xv.  Shoal Sailin'
----------------------------------

It's another airboat race. Good luck.

----------------------------------
xvi.  River Race
----------------------------------

It's another airboat race. Good luck. Uhhh, look for shortcuts.

----------------------------------
xvii.  The Taser
----------------------------------

Your crafty mom tells you it's time to avenge your family's honor by tricking
your uncle Jase into testing out bogus duck calls. That Willie is gonna ship...?
Well, at any rate, this is the best mission in the game, so prepare yourself
for fun!
Sneak past Si, but what's this? Willie is heading right for you! Quick, get
into the box!
Good. You're safe, but now Si is awake. For some reason, you have a radio.
Switch it to the radio stations that make Si sleepy. These are funny, give them
a listen.
If you're a joyless pragmatist, every other station makes Si become more awake.

The next section has you sneaking past Willie, who is constantly moving boxes.
Keep one box between you and him. There are exactly enough for you to make it
past, how fortunate for you. After you complete this section, Willie will pick
up the box John Luke is hiding under. Willie must have Beaver Fever himself,
because it does not seem odd to him the box is upside down and empty.
Willie being surprised at something, exclaiming "good grief!"
I have no idea what is meant to have happened off-screen.

You must sneak past Si in this section. Stop moving when the game mechanic tells
you to. Finally, you're back in the box. Call the phone to make Willie answer it
and move while his back is turned. You're treated to a hilarious cutscene
regarding contemporary memes and have, at last, pranked your uncle. Good work!

----------------------------------
xviii.  It's A Duck-Off, Waterfowl Wishlist, Day Of The Duck
----------------------------------

Call ducks, wait for the ducks to group together or land.
Shoot them with your gun. Be patients. Try different guns.
The "Plucker Elite Black" is good. These mini-games are a little repetitive.
I don't know how people have the energy to write FAQs.
This has taken me like 2 weeks to muster the energy to write this garbage.

----------------------------------
xix.  Swamp Sprint, Bayou Boating, Redneck Regatta
----------------------------------

I'm gonna lump these together too since they're the same mini-game. Restart if
you fall behind, wonder where your life went wrong.

In Redneck Regatta, the last man drops out each lap, theoretically making it
easier.

----------------------------------
xx.  The Contest
----------------------------------

Now's your chance to prove Phil wrong in his views on women/minorities by
beating him at catching fish. I don't think there's much you can influence here.
You may be able to delay the guys by driving your boat near where they fish to
scare off their catches, but you must fish as well. When you're finished, you
will get a foreshadowing cutscene wherein Jase falls into the water only for an
enormous fish to emerge shortly thereafter.

----------------------------------
xxi.  The Metal Detector
----------------------------------

This is it! The final mission! Be sure to create a backup save and visit the
villages before you go past the point of no return.
Ha, ha. That's just a little RPG humor for you there. This final set of missions
will test everything you've learned in the game to its limit.

Everyone is gathered at Phil and Kay's house to get ready for dinner. However,
Jase has lost his wedding ring, like the season 3 episode! Oh no! You gotta help
him! There's a hurdle, though: for no reason at all, Miss Kay and John Luke's
mom are adamant about no one entering or exiting the house! Time to use the art
of stealth. Miss Kay has been zombified, allowing John Luke to sneak past her
while Si revs up the lawnmower. Be careful on the leaves!

This next part is obtuse. You have to not only avoid moving when Miss Kay or
Miss Mom are looking out toward your field, you also have to avoid your dog's
infected bladder. Seriously, folks, get that poor dog to a vet. John Luke is too
much of a whiny baby to keep calm when a dog urinates on what it assumes are a
pile of leaves, and he will start shrieking as though he were doused with acid.
There seems to be a mechanic you can exploit: if the dog sees you walk around,
he gets excited and tries to play. This will then make him seek out a different
pile of leaves once you lie down. This can be advantageous, however, there are
way too many variables at play for you to be able to reliably do this. Try to
circle around from the right side of the field and keep a pile of leaves
between you and the dog. It may take some doing, so I'm sorry.
I've told you everything I can.

This next segment is easier than it seems, in contrast to the prior one. The
dog will bounce between you and Jase. Meow when he gets close to Jase, and
then move when Jase meows back and the dog's back is turned.
Finally the nightmare is over.

You and Jase will drive out to where he lost his ring. Use the metal detector to
find where the fish is and then cast your reel. You will be greeted with a
hilarious message implying the fish will attack you. When you are about to reel
in the fish, you will get prompted to cut the line and start again with seeking
it out with the metal detector, with slightly less time granted. You'll have to
do this process in total three times to bring in the fish along with Jase's
ring/dignity.

This is the final segment. You must help destroy the beaver dam. You can't
switch guns, but the gun you have gets reloaded with more than one bullet at a
time, so feel free to reload often.
This isn't drastically different from the prior beaver massacres. Eventually
Si will reveal he keeps napalm around, and will toss it into your view. Wait for
Willie's signal before shooting, and then that's it. You'll be treated to the
final cutscene, the segment that ends every episode of Duck Dynasty where
everyone eats dinner and Willie brings it all into perspective for us.

----------------------------------
xxii.  Collectibles
----------------------------------

You can revisit the various frog spawn points to collect 50 frogs. They will
keep spawning even after you've collected 50.

The signs will notify you when you're close by, so use the ATV or truck and
drive around the island until you collect them.

Sadly, the metal detector will only indicate you can use it while you're on
foot. Try going to the middle of the golf course, the northwest part of the
mainland, the curvy hairpin road with the abandoned shack in the western half of
Louisiana. There's also a metal detector point slightly south of the main spawn
point of Phil and Kay's house. There are no metal detector points in the
isolated regions only reachable by boat, they are only in the two main chunks of
land traversible by the ATV or truck.

******************
* 4.0 Questions  *
******************

Q: I've completed an airboat race and now I don't know where to go!
A: Make sure you don't have any quests waiting for you. Unfortunately you must
do them all before being allowed to proceed. Check if there are any rogue ducks
or boats on your map. Also, make sure a vehicle isn't parked on top of a quest.
The game should not break on you.


*************************
* 5.0 Closing Thoughts  *
*************************

People poo-poo Duck Dynasty for being a bad reality show about rednecks. If
they'd actually watch the show, however, they'd learn it's an overly scripted
sitcom with funny characters and funny editing. I'm not looking forward to the
day when another Robertson says something as offensive as Phil, but until that
day comes, I will enjoy watching the show and sneering whenever Phil is on the
screen. Thank you.


***************
* 6.0 Thanks  *
***************

Thanks to all the tasters who subscribed to us on YouTube,
"www.youtube.com/mendrinkincoffee".
Thanks to Diaper Chris for playing this game and No Internet Name Anthony for
saying stuff while he did it. Thanks to General Ironicus for the ASCII art,
which lead to this FAQ's creation. Thanks to  ?@GoldS_TCRF for adjusting the
formatting, even though I get the feeling it'll get broken again here.

Thanks to GameFAQs for making me tediously marginize my text to fit within 80
characters perhaps in support of people browsing on their Amigas.

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