Review by Shady

Reviewed: 03/24/02 | Updated: 03/24/02

The last one.

Progress Quest is not a game.

Yeah, you read that right.

Progress Quest (a supposed MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role-playing game)) is not a game. It is a program, that's for sure, but it is not a game.

To be a game, there must be interaction between the user and the program. The only time there is interaction in Progress Quest is at the very beginning - when you create a character. You get to name the character, choose its race (ex. Double Hobbit, Panda Man), choose its class (ex. Bastard Lunatic, Tongueblade), and you roll a dice to get randomly selected stats for the character. Oh, and you get to choose whether or not you wish to participate online. That is the end of your interaction with the program.

A new screen pops up once you have made your character. This is the only screen you will see in Progress Quest. The screen shows your stats, your equipment, your spell book, your inventory, and how many quests you have finished. If you want to know what's going on with your character, you can look at the little blue/green bar at the bottom that shows exactly what is happening. Most of the time the bar will show that you are 'executing' something, whether it be a titanic undead Sand Elemental, 5 gargoyles, or anything else. There are no graphics showing the battles, either. Everything rests on that bar.

Since you cannot do anything in Progress Quest, the program relies on its humor to keep users interested. Most of the supposed humor relies on its item names. Your character will pick up 'funny' items like a 'kobold penis' and a 'beer golem foam' on his quest. While amusing at first, the items, much like the program itself, quickly runs its course.

Even at a small 346 KB, I would not advise you to download Progress Quest. It's not a game and unless you have ever played a real MMORPG before, you probably won't enjoy it. Stay away from this turd.

Best Feature: Small program size.
Worst Feature: It's not a game.

Final Analysis:
Graphics NA/10 - there is none
Sound NA/10 - there is none
Gameplay 2/10 - nothing more than a joke
Control NA/10 - you do nothing
Replay Value 2/10 - the joke runs old fast
Challenge 1/10 - you can't die or fail a quest
Overall 2/10

Rating:   1.0 - Terrible

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