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Game Script by HRahman

Version: 1.0 | Updated: 06/11/03

The Secret of Monkey Island
Game Script ver.1.0
author        : Hafiz Rahman
e-mail        : notinmybackyardplease@yahoo.com
first started : 02 June 2003
last updated  : 11 June 2003

00. Table of Contents / Version History
 I. main game script
II. miscellaneous things you may want to ignore:
    insult sword fighting script, did-you-know-that, credits, disclaimer, etc.

Ver. 1.0  11 June 2003
Finished what's currently here. DUH.

I. main game script

Okay, after what quite possibly be the shortest table of contents section ever
in the history of gaming guides, we'll start with the script already. Note
that The Secret of Monkey Island (SoMI for short) has quite a loose gameflow,
so your storyline may vary from what's listed here.

Due to the overwhelming amount of choices and story paths, I can only put ONE
kind of flow that makes the whole story, while the rest of the scripts should
be explored by yourself; I don't really have THAT much of a free time -- and
honestly -- I can't figure out an effective way to chart out the all-confusing
"SCUMM" story system as to make it an easy read. I apologize.

Opening Screen
                         Deep in the Caribbean
                          The Island of Mêlée

                      The Secret of Monkey Island
              TM & (c) 1990 LucasArts Entertainment Company.
                          All Rights Reserved.

                    Created and Designed by Ron Gilbert
            Written and Programmed by Ron Gilbert, Dave Grossman
                           and Tim Schafer

              Background Art by Steve Purcell, Mark Ferrari
                           and Mike Ebert
                Animation by Steve Purcell, Mike Ebert
                  and Martin Cameron as "Bucky"
      256 Color Art by Tami Borrowick, James Dolar, Bill Eaken,
               Avril Harrison, Iain McCaig, Jim McLeod,
                    Michael Stemmle, and Sean Turner

                 Original Music by Michael Land...
      ...Barney Jones and Andy Newell of earwax productions...
                    ...and Patrick Mundy

    Lead testing by Judith Lucero, Kirk Roulston and Matt Wood

      Brett Barett, Mark Cartwright, Wayne Cline, Jim Current,
       Dave Dahle, Justin Graham, Carla Green, James Hampton,
             Howard Harrison, Ari Hollander, Mike Kerry,
            Kirk Lesser, David Maxwell, Bret Mogilefsky,
   Aaron Muszalski, Liz Nagy, Ezra Palmer-Persen, Dave Popovich,
             Darrel Parker, Joe Pinney, Dave Ruedger,
   Matt Schneider, Damon Tripodi, John Van and J. Anthony White

                      Produced by Greg Hammond

"SCUMM" Story system by Ron Gilbert, Aric Wilmunder and Brad Taylor

Our hero, Guybrush Threepwood, appears on the screen and greets and old man.

Guybrush : Hi! My name's Guybrush Threepwood, and I want to be a pirate!

Old Man  : Yikes! Don't sneak up on me like that!

Guybrush : Er... I'm over this way.

Old Man  : Ah! Well, then, Triftweed--


Old Man  : I see. So, you want to be a pirate, eh? You look more like a
           flooring inspector. But if you're serious about pirating, go talk
           to the pirate leaders. You'll find them in the Scumm Bar.

Guybrush : Gosh, thanks! I'll do that! Bye, now. I'm off to seek my fortune.

Old Man  : Good luck.

Guybrush : (walks away, but suddenly stops)
           Um... Where did you say those pirate leaders were?

Old Man  : The SCUMM BAR.

Guybrush : Right. Thanks.
           (leaves the screen)  

Part One: The Three Trials
Guybrush walks down the dock. Eventually, he finds the Scumm Bar and enters.
Then he talks to the pirate nearby the door.

Pirate   : Ahoy there, stranger. New in town?

Guybrush : My name's Guybrush Threepwood. I'm new in town.

Pirate   : Guybrush Threepwood? Ha ha ha!!! That's the stupidest name I've
           ever heard!

Guybrush : I don't know... I kind of like 'Guybrush.'

Pirate   : But it's not even a name!

Guybrush : Well, what's YOUR name?

Pirate   : My name is Mancomb Seepgood. So, what brings you to Mêlée Island

Guybrush : I want to be a pirate!

Mancomb  : Oh, really? You should go talk to the important-looking pirates in
           the next room. They're pretty much in charge around here. They can
           tell you where to go and what to do.

Guybrush : Where can I find the Governor?

Mancomb  : Governor Marley? Her mansion is on the other side of town. But
           pirates aren't as welcome around her place as they used to be.

Guybrush : Why not?

Mancomb  : Well, the last time she had a pirate over for dinner, he fell in
           love with her. It's made things rather uncomfortable for everybody.

Guybrush : How's that?

Mancomb  : Well, there's a whole big story about what happened next... But I
           don't believe a word of it. Estevan over there at the other table
           might tell you about it. He takes the whole thing seriously. VERY
           seriously. Uh-oh, it looks like my grog is going flat, so you'll
           have to excuse me. Nice talking to you. Have fun on Mêlée Island.

Guybrush walks off and talks to Estevan, who has a scar on his face.
Estevan  : What are you looking at me for?

Guybrush : I'd like to introduce myself... my name's Guybrush.

Estevan  : Yeah, so what?

Guybrush : Who's this pirate that's bugging the Governor?

Estevan  : LeChuck? He's the guy that went to the Governor's for dinner and
           never wanted to leave. He fell for her in a big way, but she told
           him to drop dead. So he did. Then things really got ugly.

Guybrush : What's so scary about this LeChuck guy?

Estevan  : LeChuck was a fearsome pirate. He tried to impress the Governor by
           sailing off to find the Secret of Monkey Island™. But a
           mysterious came up and sank his ship, leaving no survivors. We
           thought that was the end of the fearsome pirate LeChuck. We were

Guybrush : What happened then?

Estevan  : He still sails the waters between here and Monkey Island™. His
           ghost ship is an unholy terror upon the sea. That's why we're all
           in here and not out pirating.

Guybrush : What happened to your eye?

Estevan  : Well, I was putting in my contact lens when--Hey, wait a second!
           That's none of your business!

Guybrush : Excuse me, but I'm looking for the dart board.

Estevan  : Dart board? We don't have one anymore. There was a horrible
           accident. Drinking and darts don't mix.

Guybrush : Where can I get a drink?

Estevan  : A drink? You could wait for the cook to notice you... but that
           could take all day. Just find a mug and sneak into the kitchen.
           That's what we all do. Look, this whole LeChuck thing has me pretty
           shaken up. So if you don't mind...

Guybrush leaves and talks to another pirate, a bald one with funny hat. The
pirate has an "Ask me about LOOM" badge on his clothes.
Pirate   : Aye!

Guybrush : Aye, yourself.

Pirate   : Aye.

Guybrush : Nice hat.

Pirate   : Aye.

Guybrush : So, tell me about LOOM.

Pirate   : (Face brightens)
           ("<ADVERTISEMENT>" text blinks down the screen)
           You mean the latest masterpiece of fantasy storytelling from
           Lucasfilm's™ Brian Moriarty™? Why it's an extraordinary
           adventure with an interface on magic... stunning, high-resolution,
           3D landscapes... sophisticated score and musical effects. Not to
           mention the detailed animation and special effects, elegant point
           'n' click control of characters, objects, and magic spells. Beat
           the rush! Go out and buy Loom™ today!

Guybrush : Geeze, what an obvious sales pitch.

Pirate   : Sorry, but on some topics I just get carried away.

Guybrush : Nice talking to you.

Pirate   : Aye.

Guybrush approaches a dog and, whew, talks to it too.
Dog      : Grrrrrrrr.

Guybrush : Woof.

Dog      : WOOF? Aruff roof! Woof-woof arf woof... ...warroof, Mêlée
           Island™! ...a-roof wuf: ...LeChuck! Grrrrrrr!

Guybrush : Wuf, 'LeChuck?'

Dog      : Worf woof woof ruff-ruff... Wor-roof wuf? Ruff arf-arf, bow-ruff...
           ...Governor Marley! A-OOOOOOO! A-OOOOOOO! (ruff ruff ruff) Bow-roo
           wuf rowwf-- --Arrooof-- --LeChuck! GRRRRRRRRR! Arf, oof-oof, Monkey
           Island™! *sniff* *sniff*

Guybrush leaves to the next screen and talks to the important-looking pirates.
Green P. : What be ye wantin' boy?

Guybrush : I want to be a fireman.

Blue P.  : Get lost, boy, you bother us.

Guybrush : I mean to kill you all!

Blue P.  : Get lost, boy, you bother us.

Guybrush : I want to be a pirate.

Blue P.  : So what?

Green P. : Why bother us?

Black P. : Hey, don't forget we're short on help because of this whole LeChuck

Blue P.  : So?

Black P. : So, no pirates means no swag, and no swag means no grog, and we're
           getting dangerously low on grog...

Blue P.  : Hmm... Do you have any special skills?

Guybrush : I can hold my breath for ten minutes!

Blue P.  : Well... All right, but you don't become a pirate just by ASKING.

Black P. : You'll have to go through...

All      : The three trials!

Guybrush : Er... What three trials are those?

Green P. : There are three trials every pirate must pass.

Blue P.  : You must master the sword...

Green P. : ...and the art of thievery...

Black P. : ...and the quest.

Green P. : The what?

Black P. : Treasure huntin', ya sea urchin!

Green P. : Right. You must prove yourself in each of these three areas:
           swordplay, thievery, and, er, treasure huntery; then return with
           proof that you've done it.

Blue P.  : And then ye must drink grog with us!!

All      : GROG!!!

Guybrush : Tell me more about mastering the sword.

Blue P.  : First, get ye a sword. You must seek out and defeat the Sword
           Master. Someone in town can probably direct you. Oh! You'll want to
           find someone to train you first. 

Black P. : Ha ha. Imagine trying to take on the Sword Master without any

All      : Har Har Har

Guybrush : Tell me more about mastering the art of thievery.

Green P. : We want you to procure a small item for us...

Blue P.  : The Idol of Many Hands...

Black P. : In the Governor's Mansion!

Green P. : The Governor keeps the Idol o' Many Hands in a display case in the
           mansion outside the town.

Blue P.  : You'll have to get past the guards, naturally.

Black P. : The tricky part will be getting past the dogs outside.

Blue P.  : They're a particularly vicious breed... ...you might be able to
           drug them or something.

Guybrush : Tell me more about treasure hunting.

Black P. : Legend has it that there's a treasure buried here on the island...

Blue P.  : All you must do is find the Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée
           Island™ and bring it back here.

Guybrush : Should I have a map or something?

Blue P.  : Ye can hardly expect to find a treasure without a map!

Green P. : ...and don't forget: X marks the spot!

All      : Har Har Har

Guybrush : You're a bunch of foul-smelling, grog-swilling pigs!

Blue P.  : To be a pirate ye must also be a foul-smelling, grog-swilling pig.

Guybrush : What's in that grog stuff, anyway?

Green P. : Grog is a secret mixture which contains one or more of the

Blue P.  : kerosene

Green P. : propylene glycol

Black P. : artificial sweeteners

Blue P.  : sulphuric acid

Green P. : rum

Black P. : acetone

Blue P.  : red dye #2

Green P. : scumm

Black P. : axle grease

Blue P.  : battery acid

Green P. : and/or pepperoni
           As you can probably imagine, it's one of the most caustic, volatile
           substances known to man.

Blue P.  : The stuff eats right through these mugs and the cook is losing a
           fortune replacing them.

All      : Har Har Har

Guybrush : I'll just be running along now.

Blue P.  : Leave us to our grog.

Green P. : Come back later and tell us how ye're doing.

Ready for the first quest on swordmastery, Guybrush sneaks into the kitchen
while the cook is busy serving the pirates and doesn't notice. In there, he
picks a hunk of meat, a pot, and a fish after tricking out a bird who's also
interested with the poor creature. He puts the meat into the pot o' stew and
picks up a stewed meat. Having nothing else to plunder, Guybrush goes outside
the bar and into the town.

Deep beneath Monkey Island, the ghost pirate LeChuck's ship lies anchored in a
river of lava.

LeChuck is standing on his room while a bone pirate approaches.
Bone    : Captain LeChuck...sir...I...

LeChuck : Ah... There's nothin' like the hot winds of hell blowin' in your

Bone    : No sir... Nothing like it... Ah... Sir... I...

LeChuck : (turns around)
          It's days like this that makes you glad to be dead.

Bone    : Oh yes sir...glad to be dead...

LeChuck : Ye are glad to be dead, RIGHT?

Bone    : Oh yes sir. I feel so lucky that you happened to capture my ship,
          then murdered me and everyone on board... ...yes sir... lucky.

LeChuck : Glad to hear it. Now what was it you disturbed me for?

Bone    : Ah...yes sir...well, you see, we might have a problem on Mêlée

LeChuck : PROBLEM?!? What possible problem could there be!? I've got those
          sissy pirates so scared of the sea they're afraid to take a bath!

Bone    : Well... There seems to be a new pirate in town. Actually, he's a
          pirate wannabe. Young. Inexperienced. Probably nothing to worry
          'bout. Don't know why I bothered you with it. I'll have him taken
          care of myself.
          (about to leave)

LeChuck : Wait! I'll handle this personally. My plans are too important to be
          messed up by amateurs.

Bone    : Yes sir.

The screen switches back to Guybrush, who walks through the archway and talks
to the Citizen of Mêlée.
Citizen  : Excuse me, but do you have a cousing named Sven?

Guybrush : No, but I once had a barber named Dominique.

Citizen  : Close enough. Let's talk business. You want to buy a map to the
           Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island™? Only one in existence.
           Rare. Very rare. Only 100 pieces of eight...

Guybrush : No thanks. I don't have enough money.

Citizen  : Well then, buzz off kid, it's bad for business.

Guybrush then approaches the gang of pirates on the other corner. They are the
pirate sitting on a barrel, a fat one, and a tall one. There's a rat in front
of them.
Guybrush : Hey, nice rat!

Barrel P.: Do you like rats?

Guybrush : Yes, I love rats!

Barrel P.: They're very intelligent creatures!

Fat P.   : Ha ha ha ha!!

Tall P.  : (hits Fat P. on the head)

Fat P.   : -- dpk --

Barrel P.: More intelligent than HIM. Why, there's a story around these parts
           that a bunch of rats actually crewed a ship here from fabled Monkey

Tall P.  : No, that's not right. It was actually a group of monkeys.

Guybrush : That's amazing!

Tall P.  : But true. When they arrived, they sold the ship for a pretty penny.
           Only time I've seen anyone get the better of ol' Stan in a deal.

Barrel P.: I thought it was rats...

Guybrush : Do you guys know the sneaky-looking man on the opposite corner?

Tall P.  : Wanna buy a map, eh? OUR maps are top quality, not like the
           birdcage liners you get from that clown across the street.
           (looks around)

Fat P.   : (laughs)

Tall P.  : No, just kidding. These are actually copies of the minutes of the
           last meeting of the Mêlée Island™ PTA. Can't even GIVE them
           (hits Fat Pirate on the head)

Fat P.   : -- tdk --

Tall P.  : Want one?

Guybrush : No, but I'll take one if you give me two pieces of eight.

Tall P.  : OK, that's fair.

Guybrush receives the minutes and 2 pieces of eight.
Guybrush : Say, are you guys pirates?

Tall P.  : No, we're a wandering circus troupe.

Fat P.   : (Laughs)

Barrel P.: But this rat scared away the elephant.

Tall P.  : Shut up!
           (hits Fat Pirate on the head)

Fat P.   : -- yqk --

Tall P.  : Of course we're pirates! You can't buy clothes like these off the

Barrel P.: What do you want?

Guybrush : What's in the keg?

Tall P.  : Jam            Barrel P.   : Rum

Tall P   : Rum            Barrel P.   : Jam 

Tall P.  : Er... rum and jam. It's an old pirate favorite, everybody knows

Guybrush : I'm really interested in this pirating thing.

Barrel P.: What do you want?

Guybrush : How come you're on this street corner and not on a ship, looting,
           pillaging, sacking, that sort of thing?

Tall P.  : Well, pirating hasn't been panning out so well for us...

Barrel P.: There are some UNNATURALLY talented pirates in the area right

Tall P.  : Operating out of Monkey Island™.

Barrel P.: So we've been pursuing alternate means of self-support. We're
           trying to start up a circus.

Tall P.  : It was working out well, until the rat scared off the elephant.
           (looking around, nobody laughs)
           Now you've depressed us. Go home.

As Guybrush enters a house, he picks up a chicken thing from the table.
Guybrush : Maybe no one will miss just this one thing.

Then, he goes in and meets with the Voodoo Lady.
Lady     : What may I help you with, son?

Guybrush : (How much for this keen-looking chicken?)

Lady     : Aah... I sense the guilt of stealing my chicken grows. Take it.
           It's yours.

Guybrush : Why don't you want it? Is it jinxed with an ancient voodoo curse?

Lady     : No... the pulley squeaks.

Guybrush : (My name is Guybrush Threepwood and I'm a mighty pirate.)

Lady     : Wait... ...don't say anything. I can sense your name is... ...is...
           ...Guybrush... ...Guybrush Nosehair. No... ...Threepwood. Guybrush
           Threepwood. Am I not right?

Guybrush : Lucky guess. Half the people I know are named Guybrush. 

Lady     : I suggest you open your mind. It will help you in your coming

Guybrush : Journey? What can you tell me about my journey?

Lady     : I am getting a vision...  ...I see you taking a voyage, a long
           voyage. I see you captaining a ship.

Guybrush : Yeah!

Lady     : I see...

Guybrush : What? See what?

Lady     : I see a giant monkey.

Guybrush : Yikes!

Lady     : I see you inside the giant monkey.

Guybrush : Gross.

Lady     : Wait... it is all becoming clear. Your journey will have many
           parts. You will see things better left unseen. You will hear things
           better left unheard. You will learn things better left unlearned.

Guybrush : What kind of things? I hate surprises.

Lady     : NO! The time is not right to know. When you know your purpose, come
           see me... ...I will let you know then.
           (suddenly disappears)

Guybrush : Yikes!

As he explores to the next town part, a weird whisper is heard.
Whisper  : Pssssst.

Guybrush walks into the alley, from which the whisper seems to come.
Guybrush : Hello? Anybody in here? HELLO???

Person   : (sneaking up from behind)
           You know, bad things could happen to a person in a dark, deserted
           alley like this one. And at this time of night, nobody would be
           around to see it.

Guybrush : Yeah, and bad things happen to people who sneak up on other people
           from behind.

Person   : So, you're going to give me a little attitude, eh? I'd better get
           your name.

Guybrush : I'm Guybrush Threepwood, and I'm a mighty pirate.

Person   : Listen Peepwood--

Guybrush : Threepwood! Guybrush Threepwood!

Person   : Whatever your name is, listen: I'm the sheriff around here. Sheriff
           Fester Shinetop. Take it from me--This is a bad time to be visiting
           Mêlée Island™. A very BAD time. My advice to you is to find
           somewhere else to take your vacation.
           (walks away) Somewhere safer.

Guybrush : Boy, I feel much better knowing there's an officer of the law

Guybrush walks into what seemed to be the town's jail. He talks to a man held
in one of the cell.

Man      : You gotta get me out of here! I'm a victim of society.

Guybrush : Not to mention halitosis.
           (walks away) Yuck! 

Man      : Hey, it's hard to keep my breath minty-fresh when there's nothing
           to eat in here but rats.

Next, Guybrush attempts to do something with the death-breath prisoner, so he
walks to the shop to find something that may be of a help.

Strkeeper: Ahoy there, fancy pants. Waddya want?

Guybrush : I could really use a breath mint.

Strkeeper: You're telling me! Here take one... ...please. Take a whole roll!
           That'll be one piece of eight.

Guybrush : (gives the money)

Strkeeper: What else do you want?

Guybrush : I think I'd just like to browse.

Strkeeper: Okay, but don't put your lips on anything.

Guybrush returns to the prisoner and hands the breath mints.
Man      : Ooooh! Grog-o-Mint! How refreshing! Thanks. So, have you come to
           release me?

Guybrush : Who are you?

Man      : My name is Otis. At least, I think it is. I've been in here so long
           I can hardly remember. You've got to get me out of here before I
           lose my mind completely! Can't you see I'm innocent?

Guybrush : But why are you in jail, if you're innocent?

Otis     : I was framed! I didn't touch the stupid flowers!

Guybrush : What flowers?

Otis     : The yellow Caniche Endormi flowers in the forest--It's against the
           law to pick them.

Guybrush : Can I get you anything?

Otis     : Yes... YOU CAN GET ME OUT OF HERE! Actually, something to get rid
           of these rats would be nice. I'd trade you this carrot cake my
           Aunt Tillie made. I hate carrot cake.

Guybrush : So, how's the food in there?

Otis     : Oh, you know, the usual... Slop, grog, gruel... Rats, bugs, and
           body lice if I can catch them. I have a carrot cake my Aunt Tillie
           made, even though she knows I detest carrot cake. Actually, the
           cook at the bar is an old friend of mine, and sometimes he sneaks
           me food. Like pork trimmings--mostly feet and lips--but once in a
           while... ...he brings this really odd rump roast...

Guybrush : What was so odd about the rump roast?

Otis     : Well, it's the only rump roast I've ever seen with a prehensile

Guybrush : Sheriff Shinetop sure is a jerk, isn't he?

Otis     : No kidding. Fester Shinetop is the meanest man on Mêlée Island™.
           Luckily, the Governor keeps him in check most of the time. We used
           to have a fair, decent man for a sheriff--but he recently died
           under mysterious circumstances. If you aske me, I think the new
           sheriff had something to do with it.

Suddenly, the sheriff appears.
Sheriff  : I think you've said enough, Otis!

Otis     : Whoops. (leaves)

Sheriff  : I hope you haven't been taking this filthy vagrant too seriously.
           He'd say anything to avoid paying his debt to society.

Guybrush : He IS filthy. And he smells bad too.

Otis     : Hey, thanks a lot.

Sheriff  : You've got a lot of nerve coming into this town and passing
           judgement on the locals. If there's something you don't like about
           the way we smell, you're welcome to leave anytime.

Guybrush : Sorry.

Sheriff  : Look, I don't know what you're up to... ...but whatever it is, it's
           probably illegal. So forget it. (leaves)
           Wherever you go on Mêlée™, I'll be watching. And if you try any
           monkey business, you'll end up in here for good.

The Sheriff leaves.
Otis     : Man, is he a pill or what. You see what I have to put up with?
           You'd better go before you get us both in trouble.

Guybrush leaves completely off of the town and wanders to a place in the map
called a "clearing". There appears to be a circus tent down there, and he
attempts to enter. Inside...
Man 1    : I'd get in the cannon, but the gunpowder makes me sneeze.

Man 2    : Well, I can't do it, I hurt my hand taming the lion last week.

Man 1    : I hardly think that little scratch compares to my chronic allergy.
           You get in the cannon.

Man 2    : You don't have any allergies, you faker. YOU get in the cannon.

Man 1    : No, YOU get in the cannon!

Man 2    : No, YOU get in the cannon!

Man 1    : Slacker!

Man 2    : Loser!

Man 1    : Ruffian!

Man 2    : Fop!

Man 1    : Weasel!

Man 2    : Weevil!

Man 1    : Miscreant!

Man 2    : Toady!

Man 1    : Ne'er-do-well!

Man 2    : Scofflaw!

Man 1    : Mullet-head!

Man 2    : Millet-head!

Man 1    : Pencil-head!

Man 2    : Half-head!

Man 1    : Cheese-head!

Man 2    : Harpy!

Man 1    : What?

Man 2    : Just get in the cannon!

Man 1    : No, YOU get in the cannon!

Man 2    : No, YOU get in the cannon!

Man 1    : Your mother wears combat slippers!

Man 2    : Leave our mother out of it! Get in the cannon!

Man 1    : No, YOU get in the cannon!

Man 2    : No, YOU get in the cannon!

Man 1    : You're a chicken!

Man 2    : You're a dead chicken!

Man 1    : Well, you're a dead chicken with a pulley in the middle!

Man 2    : What?

Man 1    : Just get in the cannon.

Man 2    : No, YOU get in the cannon!

Man 1    : No, YOU get in the cannon!

Guybrush : (interrupts) Why are you guys dressed up in those ridiculous

The two men suddenly approaches in an amazing pace.
Man 1    : Say there, son, how'd you like a chance--

Man 2    : --A once in a lifetime chance--

Man 1    : --To perform an amazing feat--

Man 2    : --A death-defying feat--

Man 1    : --Well, not so death-defying, really--

Man 2    : --A dangerous feat--

Man 1    : --No, not dangerous at all--

Man 2    : --An easy feat--

Man 1    : --But exciting!--

Man 2    : --With the Amazing--

Man 1    : --Adventurous, Acrobatic--

Man 2    : --And Exceedingly Well-Known--

Man 1    : --Fabulous, Flying--

Man 2    : --Fettucini Brothers!

Man 1    : That's us.

Man 2    : My brother Alfredo...

Alfredo  : And my brother Bill.

Bill     : Sound good?

Alfredo  : Good.

Bill     : It's very simple, really.

Alfredo  : See that cannon over there? All you have to do--

Bill     : --Is get in the cannon--

Alfredo  : --And we'll shoot you out of it--

Bill     : --Across the room--

Alfredo  : --Quite safe, actually--

Bill     : --So, what do you say?

Guybrush : How much will you pay me?

Alfredo  : How about 478 pieces of eight?

Guybrush : OK, sounds good.

Alfredo  : Have you got a helmet?

Guybrush : Er... no, I don't have a helmet. Will I need one?

Bill     : No helmet?

Alfredo  : Oh, you've got to have a helmet--

Bill     : --Can't do the cannon trick without a helmet--

Alfredo  : --Nosiree!

Bill     : Go get a helmet, and then we can do the trick.

Guybrush leaves, but returns again as he actually does have some sort of, euh,
helm-thing in his inventory.
Alfredo  : Have you got a helmet?

Guybrush : Of course I have a helmet. What sort of idiot do you take me for?

Bill     : Well, let's have it.

Alfredo  : We want to be sure--

Bill     : --That it's safe--

Alfredo  : --Wouldn't want you hurt--

Bill     : --Nosiree!

Guybrush shows the brothers the pot he acquired earlier from the bar.
Bill     : Ah, that will work as a helmet!

Alfredo  : Now we can do the trick.

Bill     : Step right over here, son.

They all walk to the cannon.
Alfredo  : Now, put on your helmet--

Bill     : --and get in the cannon--

Alfredo  : --and we'll take care of the rest.

Guybrush : (talks into the cannon)
           (wears the helmet and gets into the cannon)

In a second, the cannon bursts, throwing Guybrush across the room--smacking
him right onto the wooden pillar supporting the tent from the inside.
Alfredo : It works!

Bill    : I'm so relieved!

The two brothers approach the still-upside-down Guybrush.
Alfredo  : Hey...

Bill     : Are you OK?

Guybrush : (written--err, spoken--in upside-down words)
           I'm Bobbin. Are you my mother?

Alfredo  : He's all right!

Bill     : Hooray! We are spared an embarassing and financially debilitating

Alfredo  : Here's your money, sir.

Bill     : Just recompense for aiding us. We just need to change the aim a

Alfredo  : I'll try it next!

Bill     : No, I'LL do it next!

Alfredo  : No, me!

Bill     : No, ME!

Alfredo  : Slacker!

Bill     : Loser!

Alfredo  : Ruffian!

Bill     : Fop!

Guybrush leaves the circus. Now, with the money in hand, he returns to the
shop to get some stuff.
Strkeeper: Ahoy there, fancy pants.

Guybrush : (Picks the sword and the shovel)

Strkeeper: Are you waiting for me to fall asleep or something?

Guybrush : (Approaches the storekeeper)

Strkeeper: Waddya want?

Guybrush : About this sword...

Strkeeper: What about it?

Guybrush : How much is it?

Strkeeper: That's 100 pieces of eight. Take it or leave it.

Guybrush : I'll take it.

Strkeeper: Great. Best 100 pieces of eight you ever spent. What else do you

Guybrush : I'd like some rat repellent, please.

Strkeeper: Hah! I'll bet you would. But I haven't got any. What else do you

Guybrush : About this shovel...

Strkeeper: What about it?

Guybrush : How much is it?

Strkeeper: Another would-be treasure hunter, eh? That'll cost you 75 pieces of

Guybrush : I'll take it.

Strkeeper: Great. It'll pay for itself, believe me. You'll dig up 75 pieces of
           eight in no time. But hey, save some treasure for the rest of us,
           would ya? Ha ha ha! What else do you want?

Guybrush : I think I'd just like to browse.

Strkeeper: Be my guest, fancy pants.

Having the sword in hand, Guybrush seeks some form of training that would
prepare him against the Sword Master. He goes out of the town and to the 
bridge. There, he sees a Troll guarding the bridge.
Troll    : NONE SHALL PASS!!

Guybrush talks to it.
Troll    : STOP!! You must pay a toll!

Guybrush : Look behind you! A mouse!

Troll    : I'm not falling for that! Scuttle along, you scurvy sea slug!

Guybrush talks to it again.
Troll    : You can't pass until you pay the toll!

Guybrush : Stand aside, troll, I'm a mighty pirate.

Troll    : You're no pirate!  Why, the town drunk could out-insult you on his
           back. (...and probably would.)

Guybrush : I can out-insult anybody, you brainless clay doppelganger!

Troll    : I once owned a dog that was smarter than you. Take THAT and stick
           it in your repertoire!

Guybrush talks to it, again.
Troll    : You can't pass until you pay the toll!

Guybrush : Oh, please, can't I pass?

Troll    : Boy, do you sound like a wimp. I don't like wimps.

Guybrush talks to it, yet again.
Troll    : You can't pass until you pay the toll!

Guybrush : How much is the toll?

Troll    : Well, what have you got?

Guybrush : A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle?

Troll    : I want something that will attract attention, but have no real

Guybrush : My old moss-covered three-handled family credenza?

Troll    : Don't be silly. You have three chances to give me what I want.
           Then... ...I eat ya!

Guybrush talks to it again.

Troll    : You can't pass until you pay the toll!

Guybrush : How much did you say the toll was?

Troll    : I want something that will attract attention, but have no real

Guybrush picks up the fish he recently grabbed and gives it to the troll.
Troll    : Ah! A red herring! Pass.

Guybrush : (walks through the bridge)

When Guybrush isn't looking, the troll throws its club and opens up its head--
it appears to be a costume worn by someone looking real close to that of
George Lucas. The man eats the fish and puts his mask back again, right before
Guybrush turns around.

Guybrush walks to a house by the end of the island. He looks at the sign.
Guybrush : Captain Smirk's Big Body Pirate Gym
           Sword Training 30 pieces o' eight
           Cannon Firing 160 pieces o' eight (balls extra)
           Grappling Hook 130 pieces o' eight (hook extra)    

Realizing this should be the place to get the training thing, Guybrush goes
to the door.
Guybrush : I think I'll knock. It'd only be polite.

The door opens, and some tough-looking guy appears.
Guy      : What do you want, you wimpy little spineless maggot?

Guybrush : Um, could you please put out that cigar? It's not good for your
           health, and it smells terrible.

Guy      : Sure, I'd love to put it out... ...in your face!

Guybrush : Uh... ...maybe I'll just leave instead.

Guy      : Good idea.

The guy goes into the door, but Guybrush knocks it again. Captain Smirk
appears again.
Smirk    : What do you want?

Guybrush : Do you know where the Sword Master lives?

Smirk    : Forget it, kid. She'd cut your head clean off. Unless, of course,
           you got some training first...

Guybrush : Can we step inside? It's a little chilly out here.

Smirk    : What did you say?

Guybrush : I said it's a little chilly out here!

Smirk    : Hmmm... You're right. I could catch a cold.

The guy returns back into the house. Guybrush calls him up again.
Smirk    : What do you want?

Guybrush : Could you train me to be better than the Sword Master?

Smirk    : Better than the Sword Master? You?  Ha ha ha! You could never be
           HALF the sword fighter Carla is. Even with hours of hard work and
           sweatin' blood. I remember fighting side-by-side with Carla at Port
           Royal... ...the local constabulary had us cornered! It looked like
           we were done for, but then she said-- --but I digress... You just
           don't have what it takes.

Guybrush : I do so have what it takes!

Smirk    : You do not!

Guybrush : I do so!

Smirk    : You do not!

Guybrush : I do so!

Smirk    : I like your spirit. I'll do what I can. Of course... ...it'll cost
           you. What have you got? 

Guybrush : All I have is this dead chicken.

Smirk    : That isn't one of those rubber chickens with a pulley in the middle
           is it? I've already got one. What ELSE have you got?

Guybrush : I figured you'd do it for free.

Smirk    : Well, you figured wrong.  What ELSE have you got?

Guybrush : I've got 30 pieces of eight.

Smirk    : Say no more, say no more. Let's see your sword.

Guybrush : I do have this deadly-looking chicken.

Smirk    : Yes, swinging a rubber chicken with big metal pulley in it can be
           quite dangerous... ...BUT IT'S NOT A SWORD!!! Let's see your sword.

Guybrush : OK, check it out.
           (shows the sword)

Smirk    : Yes, this is a nice one. Let's get to it.

They both enter the house, to what seems to be a training room.
Smirk    : OK, ya maggot... ...why don't you whip that sword out and let's see
           what you can do with it.

Guybrush funnily swings the sword here and away.
Smirk    : Boy! You fight like a dairy farmer! I usually don't waste my time
           with vermin like yourself. But seeing as this LeChuck thing has put
           a cramp on business, I've got no choice... ...I need the money.

Guybrush : (still swinging the sword)

Smirk    : Yes... ...I can see this is going to take some special measures.
           Just want you to know...  ...I don't do this with everyone. It's
           only because I feel that special...
           ...student/mentor/pieces-of-eight bonding... ...that I'm going to
           these lengths. I'm going to put you up against... ...THE MACHINE.

Guybrush : Machine? Is this going to hurt?

Captain Smirk walks away, only to return with his odd looking machine.
Guybrush : Yikes!

Smirk    : Come at me. Don't be afraid, you won't hurt me. Use your forte
           against the foible. Distance, distance! No, beat first, then lunge.
           Use your forte against the foible.

Hours later...
Smirk    : You're starting to get the hang of it.

More hours later...
Smirk    : Not bad. You've got good form. Now I'm gonna let you in on the true
           secret of sword fighting. Sword fighting is kinda like making love.
           It's not always what you do, but what you say. Any fool pirate can
           swing a sharp piece of metal around and hope to cut something...
           ...but the pros... ...they know just when to cut their opponent
           with an insult... ...one that catches 'em off guard. You see, kid,
           your wit's got to be twice as sharp as your sword. Let's try a
           couple of insults out, shall we? Okay... ...imagine this: We're
           fighting up a storm... ...just like Carla and I were doing at Port
           Royal. There's a sudden break in the fighting and I say to you...
           ...'You fight like a dairy farmer.' You respond with?

Guybrush : You must be thinking of someone else, I am not a farmer.

Smirk    : I can see we've got a lot of work to do here. You should have
           responded with something like... ...'How appropriate. You fight
           like a cow.' You see... It's razor-sharp wit like that that wins
           fights. Let's try another. Imagine this:  You're trapped up against
           a wall... ...my sword just slashed two cuts into your face. I
           say... ...'Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob!' You
           respond with?

Guybrush : How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

Smirk    : No! No! No! That was the response from the last insult. <sigh> A
           correct response to... ...'Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a
           shish-kabob!'... ...would have been something like... ...'First
           you'd better stop waving it around like a feather-duster.' See...
           ...razor-sharp! Now I suggest you go out there and learn some

Guybrush : I can't help but feel like I've been ripped off. I'm sure you're
           feeling something similar.

So, now Guybrush takes the chance to halt some pirates and challenges them
into an insult-sword fight.
Pirate   : Aye! This better be importan'.

Guybrush : Nice night we're having, isn't it?

Pirate   : I sure hopes ya had sumpting more importan' ta stop me for?

Guybrush : How do you guys talk so funny?

Pirate   : Pirate Lingo! It's how everybody talked back then. Come on
           Guybrush, play along.

Guybrush : My name is Guybrush Threepwood. Prepare to die!
After some other fights...
Pirate   : Aye! This better be importan'.

Guybrush : Ever notice how all these roads start to look the same?

Pirate   : Yeah! Now that you mention it, they do. It's probably just that
           we're tired.

Guybrush : My name is Guybrush Threepwood. Prepare to die!

Eventually, our hero learns a whole bunch of insults and their counters, and
manages to defeat the lesser pirates.
Pirate   : Wow! You're good enough to fight the Sword Master.

Now that he is strong enough, Guybrush goes to the shop in the village, where
the storekeeper seems to know a bit more about the mysterious Sword Master.
Strkeeper: Ahoy there, fancy pants. Waddya want?

Guybrush : I'm looking for the Sword Master of Mêlée Island™.

Strkeeper: The Sword Master of Mêlée Island™? Hmmm... I don't know... 
           Nobody knows the whereabouts of her secret hideout... ...nobody
           except me. I'd have to go and ask her if it's okay to show you the
           way. Hmmm... I guess I could hike all the way over there...
           (puts a notice on the desk) Be right back.
           (stops by the door) AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! 

The storekeeper leaves. However, Guybrush follows him from behind. Leaving the
village, and into the fork that leads into the confusing paths inside the
forest; while he's at it, he finds a weird, yellow flower blooms and picks it
up. He also meets a red flower in the way, but he digress.
Guybrush : I don't think strolling through the forest picking flowers is very
           good practice for being a pirate.  

Eventually, he follows the storekeeper to the secret house inside the
forest where Sword Master lives. The storekeeper approaches the Sword Master.

Guybrush : I better just stay back here and eavesdrop.

Strkeeper: Hello again, Carla.

Carla    : I thought I told you to get lost.

Strkeeper: Actually, I'm here on business. This kid came into my store, see...

Carla    : Face it, you crusty old letch... ...you'd make any excuse just to
           come out here and bother me.

Strkeeper: Yeah, I guess so.  

Carla    : Well, cut it out. I'm sick of it. Take a hike and don't come out
           here again. Someone might follow you, and then I'd become another
           Mêlée Island tourist attraction.
Strkeeper: Hey, it's your loss, baby.

Carla    : Yeah, right. Now SCRAM.

The storekeeper leaves, and Guybrush decides it's the time to challenge Carla
the Sword Master.
Carla    : How dare you approach the Sword Master without permission... Which
           I surely didn't give you.

Guybrush : Hi, I'm selling these fine leather jackets.

Carla    : Do you have one in size 3? Of course you don't! Because you're not
           really a jacket salesman! Let's be honest: you're here to prove
           yourself to the Pirate Leaders, in hopes of one day being as
           immoral as they are.

Guybrush : Yep, nailed right on the head... gee, you're smart.

Carla    : I can tell by the sarcastic expression on your face that you've
           been fully trained by Captain Smirk. Let's get this over with.

So, it begins.
Carla    : My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me!

Guybrush : Even BEFORE they smell your breath?

Carla    : Every word you say to me is stupid.

Guybrush : I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.

Carla    : No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do.

Guybrush : You run THAT fast?

Carla    : I've got a long, sharp lesson for you to learn today.

Guybrush : And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?

Carla    : My sword is famous all over Caribbean!

Guybrush : Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all.

Carla    : Only once have I met such coward!

Guybrush : He must have taught you everything you know.

Carla    : Now I know what filth and stupidity really are.

Guybrush : I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion.

Carla    : OK, you win. Well, I hope you're happy. You can go back and brag to
           all your friends about how you beat the Sword Master. You'll need
           proof...  Here, this should convince them.

Guybrush acquires 100% cotton T-shirt, one that says 'I beat the Sword Master'
at that. So he goes to the three important-looking pirates and show them the

Green P. : Well, if it isn't the boy who wants to be a pirate. How do you fare
           on your quests?

Guybrush : I'm the deadliest scalawag what ever swung a sword!

Blue P.  : Well, defeated the Sword Master, did ye? Ye're a strong fellow! Ye
           may keep the stylish T-shirt. We have enough.

Guybrush : I'll just be running along now.

Blue P.  : Leave us to our grog.

Green P. : Come back later and tell us how ye're doing.

So, the next quest is to get into the Governor's Mansion, the place Guybrush
visits only to find out that it is guarded by deadly piranha poodles. He wants
to use the sword, but no.
Guybrush : On those helpless dogs?

Somehow, he figures to add the yellow petal from the flower he picked up
earlier with the stewed meat he carries along since sneaking into the kitchen.
That gives him a meat with condiment. As he throws it to the dogs, they appear
to like it, and suddenly fall off.
           |             IMPORTANT NOTICE             |
           |            These dogs are not            |
           |           dead, they are only            | 
           |                SLEEPING .                |
           |         No animals were harmed           |
           |         during the production            |
           |              of this game.               |

After getting into the now-unguarded mansion, Guybrush takes a priceless Ming.
After that, he enters the door next to it. Suddenly, Sheriff Shinetop appears.
Sheriff  : This looks like a job for Fester Shinetop.

Then, he also enters the door. After that:

Author's note:
the following scene is not directly shown on-screen, as it happens behind the
walls of the present room scenery players are given. However, the scene is
told clearly (and funnily) via the appearing sound effects (such as 'SMAK'), 
Guybrush's status screen (the same you see when you do things, I'll include
them like this --> :: pick up/use/walk to something ::), and the scrolling
background to show that Guybrush is walking. I'd say you should see the scene
yourself to get a better glimpse of it, because even I myself can't really
understand what I'm saying right now ^^;




Guybrush comes out and places back the priceless Ming to its place.
Guybrush : Better leave this here.
           (proceeds back to the room)


:: Hypnotize quarrelsome rhinoceros ::



:: Push ::

Sheriff  : No!

:: Push red button :: 

Sheriff  : Not the red button!






:: Look at tremendous yak ::

Guybrush : It's a big, ugly, hairy yak wearing some wax lips.

:: Push tremendous dangerous-looking yak ::

Guybrush : I can't move it.

:: Pull tremendous dangerous-looking yak ::

Guybrush : I can't move it.

:: Pick up staple remover ::

:: Use staple remover on tremendous dangerous-looking yak ::


Suddenly, the painting is shocked and Guybrush is thrown through it, making
a hole in the wall.

:: Walk to books ::
:: Pick up Manual of Style ::

Guybrush : I'll need this. I must be nuts!
           (jumps back into the hole he made earlier)

:: Pick up wax lips ::



Guybrush : (loud voice) Acck!

:: Pick up gopher repellent ::

:: Use gopher repellent with gopher ::

:: Use gopher repellent with another gopher ::

:: Use gopher repellent with gopher horde ::

:: Use gopher repellent with funny little man ::



:: Look at fabulous idol ::

Guybrush : It's beautiful!

:: Open lock ::

Guybrush : I can't open it. Uh, oh!

:: Pick up heavy chair ::

:: Use heavy chair with sheriff ::


Guybrush appears from the door on the second floor.
Guybrush : That should hold him for a while! If only I had a file I could get
           the idol!

This ends the scene.

Guybrush goes to the jail and gives the gopher repellent to Otis, who
previously asked for something to help get rid the rats in his cell.
Otis     : Hey, this might work on the rats! Thanks!  Here's the cake.

Guybrush uses the carrot cake and...
Guybrush : There's a file in it!

So, with the file in hand, he returns into the mansion.
Guybrush : I've got the file.
           (jumps into the gaping hole on the wall)

This starts the same, unshown scene again.


:: Use Manual of Style with shredder ::

:: Give stylish confetti to heavily-armed clown ::

Someone : Wheeeeee!!



:: Throw wax lips in fire ::





:: Use file on rhinoceros toenails ::


:: Use file on lock ::

:: Pick up fabulous idol ::




This ends the scene.

Guybrush is again thrown, now through the glass window on the door on the 2nd

Guybrush : Phew! That was a close one. At least I got the idol.

Sheriff  : (appears from behind the door)
           But I'm not done with you yet!

Guybrush : Uh-oh.

Sheriff  : Thought you could get out of here with the Idol of Many Hands, did

Guybrush : Look, I can explain...

Sheriff  : So can I-- You poisoned the Governor's pet poodles...

Guybrush : They're just sleeping!

Sheriff  : ...broke into her house...

Guybrush : The door was unlocked!

Sheriff  : ...and stole one of her most valuable pieces of art! 

Guybrush : No, you've got it all wrong!

Sheriff  : Oh really? Well, let's hear your explanation.

Guybrush : The pirate leaders told me to do it!

Sheriff  : Ha! 

Suddenly, the Governor appears.

Governor : What's going on here?

Sheriff  : I caught this hoodlum making off with your idol, Governor. He says
           the pirate leaders told him to do it!

Governor : Then he's not the first decent person they've led astray!

Sheriff  : What?

Governor : You heard me, Fester. The real question is, how did he get in here
           while you were on guard?

Sheriff  : I... Uh...

Governor : Just go away, Fester. I can handle this.

Sheriff  : Hmpf!
           (leaves, then talks to Guybrush) I'll deal with you later.

Governor : Sorry about him. He's new. I'm Governor Marley... Governor Elaine
           Marley. So, the pirate leaders made you do it, eh?

Guybrush : Gee...

Governor : Relax, Mr. Threepwood. I know why you're here. Believe me, you're
           not the first who's tried. Although, I have to admit, not as many
           get as far as you have.
Guybrush : Jeepers...

Governor : My lookout told me of your arrival. I've wanted to meet you ever
           since I heard your fascinating name. Tell me, Guybrush, why do you
           want to be a pirate? You don't look like one. Your face is too...

Guybrush : Grlpyt...

Governor : I see... Well, you're obviously not in the mood for idle chitchat,
           are you? I suppose you've got many more exciting things to do. I
           won't take up any more of your time, Mr. Threepwood.

Guybrush : Bgglw! Mfrnkf? Dmnkly...
           I really wish I knew how to talk to women.

Now as Guybrush tries to get out of the mansion...
Sheriff  : Where do you think you're going, Threeword?

Guybrush : I'm going to go put this idol in my safe-deposit box.

Sheriff  : Oh really? I know a really safe locker you could put it in...
           Davey Jones' Locker!!! Hand over your sword.

Guybrush : Uh-oh.

The scene shifts with both of them on the walkway in the middle of the
village. The idol is tied down with a rope to Guybrush's feet, as it appears
that the sheriff wants to drown him down the sea.
Sheriff  : This is the end of the road, my little pantalooned pal. Your
           troublemaking days on Mêlée Island™ are over. My plans for the
           Governor are far too important... ...and much too near
           completion... ...to rish letting a would-be pirate like you get in
           the way. So long, Mr. Spicecake, or Droopface, or whatever your
           name is.

The Sheriff kicks the idol down, and Guybrush is pulled down into the sea.
Sheriff  : Hmmm... This might actually turn out to be a pretty good day.

Down the sea, Guybrush survives thanks to his ability to hold his breath for
10 minutes. However, he is tied with short rope as not to be able to pick up
any dangerous looking weapons nearby him that may be of use to cut off the
tie and save himself up.
Guybrush : I can't reach that from here.

After a while, two guys come and talk to each other on the walkway above
Guy 1    : Hey, Nick, I just committed a felony!

Nick     : Did it involve that big knife you've got there?

Guy 1    : Yeah! What should I do with it?

Nick     : Get rid of it!

Guy 1    : I'll throw it in the water!

Nick     : No, don't do that!

Guy 1    : Why not? I need to ditch it!

Nick     : It might wash up somewhere! 

Guy 1    : What do I care? MY prints won't be on it! I'm throwing it in!
           (a brief pause) ...naaaah. I might need it. See you.

Nick     : See you.

The two guys leave. After some quite long while...
Guybrush : Gee, I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath...

Realizing the time is running out, Guybrush suddenly gets a glimpse of idea.
He picks up the Idol, somehow keeps in behind his clothes, and voila, he's
Guybrush : I guess I'll be needing a sword. This one will do.
           (picks a sword and climbs up the ladder)
           Well, that wasn't so hard. Now all I have to do is show this stupid
           idol to the pirate leaders and--

Suddenly, Governor Marley arrives.
Governor : You're alive!

Guybrush : Governor!

Governor : Hey, you can talk! Who'd have known?

Guybrush : What are YOU doing here? Come to finish the job?

Governor : No, I came down here to save your life. Fester wasn't acting on MY
           orders when he threw you in there. 

Guybrush : You came down here to rescue me? I didn't even think you liked me.

Governor : Well, our first meeting was a little awkward... You seemed to have
           trouble forming complete sentences. But, then again, so do most of
           my citizens.

Guybrush : But I'm not one of your citizens... ...I'm just a drifter, a
           nobody, a would-be pirate.

Governor : (comes closer)

Guybrush : Who would have known, or even cared, if
           you'd let me drown?

Governor : I would have, Guybrush.

Guybrush : (walks away) Oh, Governor...

Governor : (comes closer) Oh, Threepwood...

Guybrush : (comes closer) Oh, Elaine!

Governor : (comes closer) Oh, Guybrush!

Guybrush : (comes closer) Love muffin! 

Governor : (comes closer) Sugar boots!

Guybrush : (comes closer) Honey pumpkin!

Governor : (comes closer) Plunder bunny!

Guybrush : Kiss me!

Governor : (turns away) No! We mustn't!

Guybrush : What?

Governor : Not here, where everyone can see us.

Guybrush : Why, are you ashamed of me?

Governor : No, no, it's not that at all... It's just that many of these
           pirates have made advances toward me. And to avoid hurting their
           feelings, I've always told them that my father made me promise
           never to fall in love with a pirate. If they see us together,
           they'll know I was lying.

Guybrush : Okay then, let's go to your place.

Governor : Okay.
           (take some steps) But finish your trials first. I don't want you to
           be... ...preoccupied.

Guybrush : But...

Governor : (walks away)

Guybrush : I feel this sudden urge to complete the trials... ...quickly.

Guybrush returns to SCUMM bar and reports about the idol.
Green P. : How do you fare, swordsman?
Guybrush : I'm the sneakiest footpad in these isles!
Blue P.  : Ah, the Idol of Many Hands! Ye're a brave lad! And thank ye for
           stealing it for us.
Guybrush : I'll just be running along now.
Blue P.  : Leave us to our grog.
Green P. : Come back later and tell us how ye're doing.

The last trial for Guybrush is the Lost Treasure. Having bought a shovel
already, now what he needs is a map. He goes to the Mêlée Island™ citizen
who sells one.
Citizen  : Excuse me, but do-- Oh, it's only you again. Come back for the map
           to the Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island, eh? I hope you
           brought enough money this time.
Guybrush : I'll take it. It'll make a swell gift.
Citizen  : (gives the map) There ya go. You've made a wise decision. Now get

But as Guybrush checks the map...
Guybrush : I think I've been had! This is no map! It looks like... ...dancing
           |            DO THE MONKEY!!!              |
           |                                          |
           |        Back! Two-three-four!             | 
           |        Left! Two-three-four!             |
           |        Right! Two-three-four!            |
           |                                          |
           |        Left! Two-three-four!             |
           |        Right! Two-three-four!            |
           |        Back! Two-three-four!             |
           |                                          |
           |        Right! Two-three-four!            |
           |        Left! Two-three-four!             |
           |        Back! Cha-cha-cha!                |

Naturally, he complains...
Citizen  : Excuse me, but do-- Oh, it's only you again. I told you there was
           only ONE in existence. Now get lost.

However, looking at the direction clue from the map, Guybrush goes to the
fork and into the forest anyway, and indeed, he finds the strange place...
With a plaque that says:
Guybrush : 'The Legendary Lost Treasure of Mêlée Island™'
           This carefuly reproduced piece of Mêlée Island™ history has
           delighted thousands of would-be pirates and their families for
           generations. Remember, there are other pirates on this island,
           SO GO EASY ON THE TREASURE. Leave some for the next person.

He also checks a marker...
Guybrush : Here lies treasure of such unimaginable wealth... ...well, you'll
           just have to dig it up to believe it. (Paid for by the Mêlée
           Island™ Chamber of Commerce.)

Finally, he draws out the shovel and works with the X mark right below his
Guybrush : This shouldn't take too long.

Hours pass...
Guybrush : Hey, I think I hit something!
           (ducks) Oh boy! It's a T-shirt! Not my size, but a nice one
           nonetheless. Well, I guess I should put all this dirt back now.
           (returns to work)

More hours pass...
...and the hole is gone. Now with the treasure in hand, Guybrush returns to
the village, just to see the creepy scenery of a ghost ship leaving the island
towards who knows where.
Guybrush : What was that? I'm so confused.

Old man  : (suddenly comes) Hey, what are you doing just standing around? The
           Governor's been kidnapped!

Guybrush : What? By whom?

Old man  : LeChuck's got her on that ship that just sailed off. I'm afraid
           we've seen the last of her.

Guybrush : So where were you this whole time? Sleeping?

Old man  : Hey, I'm a lookout, not a bodyguard.

Guybrush : I'll go get a crew and a ship and go rescue her!

Old man  : That's not going to be easy, you know. LeChuck's taken the Governor
           back to his hideout on Monkey Island™. I'm afraid that no pirate
           on this island is brave enough to follow him there. But, hey, good
           (walks away) Oh yeah, I almost forgot... They left this note.

Guybrush : (takes the note) 

Old man  : You can have it, but I don't think you'll like what it says.
           (goes away)

When Guybrush checks the note...
Guybrush : Attention, pirates of Mêlée: Your governor is alive and well and by
           my side as she was always meant to be. If you try to find us you
           will only meet with horrifying disaster. Yours truly, Captain

Not knowing much more about which direction to go, Guybrush decides to go to
the voodoo lady again.
Guybrush : Hey! I'm back and I'm ready to know more about the future.

Lady     : (magically appears)

Guybrush : Yikes!

Lady     : So, you have returned to learn future. You must first find others
           to help in your cause.
           (magically draws up the skeleton pot) 

Guybrush : I really hate that flashing, it makes me see spots.

Lady     : Quiet! I am getting another vision. You must...

Guybrush : Must what?

Lady     : You must go to Monkey Island™. Once there, you will search for
           the Ghost Pirate LeChuck. He hides deep... ...deep beneath Monkey
           Island™. There is only one thing powerful enough to destroy

Guybrush : What?

Lady     : It's an ancient root. Once prepared, the root can destroy a ghost
           with one touch.

Guybrush : Yeah!

Lady     : I'm getting more... ...more vision.

Guybrush : Spill it!

Lady     : I see the Cannibals that live on the Island™. They... ...are
           helping you... ...or eating you... ...I can't tell, the vision
           isn't coming in clear anymore.

Guybrush : Great.

Lady     : Now go and find the one that loves you. But be warned...

Guybrush : Don't worry, I'll watch out for LeChuck.

Lady     : Not of LeChuck... of yourself and what you will find. What you will
           find out about yourself and your world. It will terrify you.

Then, the lady suddenly disappears again. Now, in an attempt to get some crew,
Guybrush talks to the Men of Low Moral Fiber (pirates).
Guybrush : Did you know the Governor's been kidnapped?
Barrel P.: Er...

Tall P.  : Well yes, we knew about that.

Guybrush : Can I interest you in a dream vacation to Monkey Island™?
           Because of this sudden change in local government, I'm prepared to
           offer you a once-in-a-lifetime price on a cruise to that scenic
           wonderland... ...Monkey Island™! And the amazing thing about
           this offer IS the price: Absolutely free! All you have to do is help
           me crew the ship, and island paradise can be yours... FREE!!
           (...and we might just rescue the Governor while we're at it.)

Barrel P.: Uh...

Tall P.  : Well...

Barrel P.: The Governor can probably take care of herself...

Tall P.  : And we are sort of busy here...

Barrel P.: - yeah -

Tall P.  : ...and we've got the circus to think of...

Barrel P.: ...we've got to find the elephant...

Tall P.  : ...and get rid of these minutes...

All P.   : (look at each other)

Tall P.  : I'm sorry, we simply CAN'T go at this time.

Guybrush seeks another help from the pirates in the SCUMM bar, only to find
that the place is empty; only empty mugs (which he collects) are seen, until
he find the cook crying down the next room...
Guybrush : Where are all the pirates?

Cook     : The Governor is gone! LeChuck and his spectral crew came and got
           her! They put her on the ghost ship and spirited her away! She was
           so good to me... ...always conveniently losing those Health Board
           reports... ...for a small consideration, of course.
           (cries again) What will become of my business? Oh, woe is me.

Guybrush : What can I do to save her?

Cook     : You must get a ship and go after her! The ghost pirate's lair is on
           Monkey Island™, everybody knows that. (Don't ask me how...) All
           you need to do is find a way there.

Guybrush : Why should I do that?

Cook     : Why, for love, my boy! Don't deny it, it's written all over your

A dark red 'LOVE' letter is written on Guybrush's face.
Guybrush : Where can I get a ship?

Cook     : Why, at Smilin' Stan's Used Shipyard, same as everybody else. Tell
           him I sent you, we're old friends.

Guybrush : Will you join me?

Cook     : Er. . .alas, I cannot go to sea. And old war injury. I'm sure you

Guybrush : Get me a drink!

Cook     : Get your own drink.

Guybrush : Right! I'm off! 

Cook     : Good luck! Be sure and wear your mittens. And your galoshes.
           (cries) And don't forget to write. Bye now.

Guybrush decides that Otis might want to join as his crew; then again, Otis
is locked in his cell, so he should get around this problem first. Knowing
that he has given the permission to get himself the grog, that ever-dangerous
drink, Guybrush thinks that it may just be the key to free Otis. So, he goes
to the kitchen and uses one of the mug to get the grog from the barrel.
Guybrush : This stuff is eating right through the mug!

Yes, and the grog might just eats right through the jail's bar as well. The
mug can't survive the grog for long enough time, though, so Guybrush has to
alternate the liquid from one mug to another until he can reach the jail.
There, he pours the grog to the cell's lock.
Otis     : Hey, great, a drink! I'm real thirsty.

Guybrush : (pours the grog)

Otis     : Yiiikes!

The lock melts.
Otis     : Wow. And to think I used to drink that stuff...
           (walks out of the cell) I'm free! Oh yeah, thanks. If there's
           anything I can ever do for you--

Guybrush : Well, actually, there is something... I'm looking for brave people
           to join my crew and sail off to Monkey Island™ with me to rescue
           the Governor. She's been abducted by the fearsome pirate LeChuck,
           and is being held against her will somewhere in his secret hideout.

Otis     : I see... Well, yes, hmmm... LeChuck, you say? Well, yes. Yes, of
           course. We must sail to Monkey Island™ and--HEY! LOOK BEHIND

Guybrush : (turns around)

Otis     : (walks away off of the screen)

Guybrush : (turns around again) I can't believe I fell for that. Pretty good
           trick, though.

(the scene shifts to LeChuck's ship)
Having just returned from Mêlée, LeChuck and his crew find their old hiding
place in the underground rivers of Monkey Island and drop anchor.

Sheriff Fester stands in the room that used to be LeChuck's, and the bone
pirate approaches.
Bone    : Captain, sir... I just stopped by to congratulate you on your
          kidnapping mission.

Sheriff : (walks around)

Bone    : Captain?

Sheriff's body is bloating weirdly.
Bone    : Captain? Are you all right?

The sheriff magically turns his body into that of LeChuck's.
LeChuck : NEVER FELT BETTER! And how fares our prisoner?

Bone    : Ah yes, the prisoner. We had a little trouble...

LeChuck : TROUBLE!

Bone    : (walks away) Nothing to worry about, sir... ...everything's under
          control. She escaped a few times... ...but we've got her locked up
          in the brig. No one's getting in or out of there.

LeChuck : For your sake I hope not.
          (walks to the window) With years of planning almost destroyed by my
          death, I'm not taking any chances now.

Bone    : You took care of Mr. Threepwood, then?

LeChuck : Guybrush Threepwood will not be a problem. At this very moment, he's
          twenty feet under water... ...probably bloated up like a fattened
          pig. 'Is eyes being eaten out by crabs. Fish peckin' at his fingers.
          Kinda makes you wish you were there to watch.

Bone    : Ah...yessir... --yech-- ...sure does at that.

LeChuck : Now go check on the root. Make sure it's locked up tight.

Bone    : Aye aye, captain.

The scene returns back to Guybrush. Going out of the jail, he sees that
someone is guarding the pathway to the Governor's Mansion.
Man      : May I help you?

Guybrush : I'm here to loot the Governor's mansion.

Man      : And do you have reservations, sir?

Guybrush : Reservations?!? For looting?

Man      : Oh yes, very popular when the Governor's away. Chaos would ensue if
           we didn't have a system. Now... ...unless you have reservations,
           you'll have to leave.

Guybrush : Why, yes I do have reservations.

Man      : And what name would they be under?

Guybrush : Threepwood, Guybrush Threepwood.

Man      : I'm sorry... ...I don't see your name here. ...we're booked solid
           for the next five hours. But I might be able to squeeze you in...
           ...around the two o'clock hour. Would that be OK?

Guybrush : No thanks, I've got a ship to catch.

Man      : Next time, call ahead.

Short for crew, Guybrush remembers the Sword Master and decides to give her a
Carla    : You've already got the T-shirt... What do you want now?

Guybrush : I want to embarass you at swordfighting again.

Carla    : Ha! I only let you win because I was sick of you coming around. I
           thought you'd stay away, but I guess I was wrong.

Guybrush : I want us to make up and be friends.

Carla    : I want you to go away and leave me alone.

Guybrush : The Governor's been KIDNAPPED!

Carla    : What? That's ridiculous.

Guybrush : (shows the note from LeChuck)

Carla    : Oh, no. This looks bad. Very bad. 

Guybrush : I'm getting a ship and a crew together to rescue her.

Carla    : Hmmm... I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but count me in.
           I'll meet you at the dock.

Finally gets a crew, Guybrush finds a house by the northeast corner of the
island. He goes there as well. The house is located at the so-called Hook
Isle, the small island apart from the main Mêlée Island. There's no bridge
connecting the two, but there is a long, stretched cable that connects two
poles on both side, and Guybrush finally finds the real use of the chicken
with pulley in the middle: to use it to hang over the cable and slide all
the way to the Hook Isle. Entering the door, he is greeted by a tough-looking
bald pirate with a skull tattoo on his chest and two meathooks replacing both
his hands.

Pirate   : Hey! I don't like visitors! Who are you? 

Guybrush : I'm a pirate, cannonball-head. Who are you?

Pirate   : My name's Meathook... ...and I think you've got a little attitude

Guybrush : I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you cannonball-head.

Meathook : That's okay. I'd rather have a cannonball-head than a pony tail. Ha
           ha ha!

Guybrush : I meant to call you chrome dome.

Meathook : Why you...

Guybrush is chased out of the house. Nevertheless, he comes in again. 
Meathook : I suppose you've come to invade my peaceful home and insult me
           again, eh?

Guybrush : Excuse me, but the sign said there were restrooms in here?

Meathook : Sorry, but that sign's a little out of date. I used to have a
           thriving tourist business here. I had animal acts, tattoo 
           demonstrations, souvenirs... But there was a little accident with
           one of the trained animals... ...one of our guests was hurt very
           badly. So I was shut down, put out of business. And since then
           I've lived here all alone... ...and the only company I have is the
           same beast that mauled that unlucky tourist. The same beast that 
           made me a hermit. A monster that, just by coincidence, is identical
           to one that attacked ME when I was just a child... ...and left me 
           with these hooks instead of hands... ...a deformed man. Geeze, now
           I'm all depressed. Thanks a lot. Can't you just leave me alone now?

Guybrush : What was your name again, cannonball-head? 

Meathook : Look, I told you not to call me that. My name's Meathook... and you
           still have a little attitude problem.   

Guybrush : I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you cannonball-head.

Meathook : That's okay. I'd rather have a cannonball-head than a pony tail. Ha
           ha ha!

Guybrush : Ha ha ha.

Meathook : Hey, you've got a pretty good sense of humor. Want to see something
           really funny?

Guybrush : Yes, please show me, Mr. Meat.

Meathook : Watch this! Say hello, Roger!

Tattoo   : Hello, Roger.

Meathook : Pretty good eh? I got a whole routine, but I don't have the time to
           do it all right now...  Maybe if we're ever on a long ocean voyage
           together... ...but until then, I'm a very busy man, so... 

Guybrush : The Governor's been KIDNAPPED!

Meathook : What? That's preposterous!

Guybrush : Oh really?
           (shows LeChuck's note) Take a look at this note they left. 

Meathook : Oh no. This is horrible! What are we going to do? 

Guybrush : We could get a crew together and sail off after them.

Meathook : What an idea! Now, if only we had a captain...

Guybrush : What about me?

Meathook : YOU? HA HA HA HA! That's a good one.

Guybrush : Hey, I'm serious.

Meathook : Really? 

Guybrush : Really.

Meathook : Okay, let's see you prove it. Walk this way.

The both of them walk to a gigantic door.
Meathook : There's something in here that I want to show you. ...something
           horrible. Something so horrible that I stay awake at night just
           thinking about it... But I don't mean to scare you. I'm sure a big,
           brave guy like yourself will have no problem facing this monster.
           After all, it's much smaller than the beast that bit off my hands
           so many years ago.
           (opens the door, only to reveal another steel door behind it)
           Let's just hope you're quicker than I was.
           (unlocks the steel door) Oh, I just remembered something... I never
           did get around to feeding him this week. Silly me.
           (opens the next door) I'll let you open this last door yourself.
           Just let me get out of your way.

Guybrush : Wait!

Meathook : Getting cold feet?

Guybrush : No, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Meathook : You're supposed to open that little door... ...and, if you're brave
           enough... ...touch the beast inside.

Guybrush : Oh, is that all?

Meathook : (leaves) Okay. Go ahead... ...if you've got the guts.

Guybrush opens the door.

The beast behind the door, the one Meathook's been blabbering about, appears
to be a... green parrot. Gubrush tickles the 'murderous winged devil'.
Parrot   : Braaaak!

Meathook : (comes) I don't believe it.
           (closes the door) You are a brave man after all. You faced the
           beast I've feared all these years. You had the guts to do what I
           never could. I feel like such a coward. I'm not good enough to be
           on your crew. I'm not even good enough to swab your decks.

Guybrush : Oh, come on, Meathook. You're a big, strong, good-looking guy with
           a talking tattoo. You can swab my decks any time!

Meathook : Really?

Guybrush : Sure.

Meathook : I can still be on your crew?

Guybrush : Just pack your stuff and meet me at the dock.

Meathook : Oh, thank you, thank you! I won't let you down.

Guybrush : (walks out of the house) 

Meathook : Hey, maybe I'll get the chance to show you my whole tattoo routine
           when we're at sea!

Guybrush : Wow, this is sounding better and better all the time.

Now that he's got another crew, next is to get a ship. Guybrush goes to the
ever-glowing area in the island that appears to be a ship dealer place.
Man      : Howdy! I'm Stan of Stan's Previously Owned Vessels. ...and I'd
           stand on my head to make you a deal. What sort of craft are you
           looking for? Big? Little? Fast? Slow? You want it, I got it. And if
           I don't got it, I'll get it. I want to make you a deal that YOU'RE
           happy with. Because if YOU'RE not happy, I'M not happy. But I KNOW
           you're going to leave here happy today. How do I know? Just look at
           all these ships! I've got something for everyone! Come take a look

They walk to the dock area.
Stan     : So tell me--  What are you interested in looking at today?

Guybrush : Let me see the best ship you've got.

Stan     : Hey, it's nice to meet a man who appreciates quality. I've got JUST
           the boat for you! Walk this way.

Now before them is a big, red ship.
Stan     : Now this... This is a ship fit for a king! I mean, we're talking
           fifteen staterooms--a fireplace in every one. We're talking two
           pools--one indoor, one outdoor. We're talking rotating ballroom.
           We're talking heated crow's nest. We're talking two hundred feet of
           ocean-going decadence. And all for one low price. Speaking of
           price... Let's talk about money--YOUR money.

Guybrush : Money is no object!

Stan     : Well, it is with me. How much you got?

Guybrush : All I have is this rubber chicken.

Stan     : Is it one of those rubber chickens with a pulley in the middle? I
           already got one of those. You wouldn't happen to have any OTHER
           means of finance, would you?

Guybrush : Actually, I was hoping to get one on credit.

Stan     : Sorry, kid. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. That's just old
           Stan's philosophy. If you've got a job, the storekeeper in town
           might extend you some credit. Then we'd have something to talk
           about. Unless, of course, you've already got some other means of

Guybrush : Oh... no more than 174 pieces of eight.

Stan     : I think we must be talking about completely different ships here.
           You've obviously been out of the ship market for quite some time. I
           doubt you're carrying enough cash on you for this transaction. You
           wouldn't happen to have any OTHER means of finance, would you?

Guybrush : On second thought, this may not be the ship for me.

Stan     : Of course it isn't! You're looking for a much bigger boat, I can
           tell. So what else can I show you?

Guybrush : Something not too expensive, but built to last.

Stan     : Affordable quality? Hey, that's my motto! I've got JUST the boat
           for you! Walk this way.

Stan walks Guybrush to a viking sort of boat.
Stan     : Now I can see you're a no-frills kind of guy. But I can also tell
           that quality means a lot to you. I mean, just look at the way you
           dress. Rugged. Like this baby. She comes from a land far to the
           North... ...where the sea is as unforgiving as the men are tough
           and-- --hey, you wouldn't happen to be from there would you? You
           just seem to have a sort of Nordic quality about you... Anyway,
           we're talking about a real value here... Let's talk about money --
           YOUR money.

Guybrush : Oh... no more than 174 pieces of eight.

Stan     : I'm glad this ship doesn't have ears, my friend. Because if she
           did, she'd slap your face. I don't think you've got the cash for
           this transaction either. Yo do have SOME other means of payment...
           Don't you?

Guybrush : On second thought, this may not be the ship for me.

Stan     : Okay, but I got five other guys coming to look at this baby today.
           Don't count on it being here if you change your mind. So what else
           can I show you?

Guybrush : That spiffy blue one by your office looks nice.

Stan     : Of course it does. It's mine. And it's not for sale. What ELSE can
           I show you?

Guybrush : I really don't have that much to spend.

Stan     : Have no fear! Every ship I sell is a bargain! But if you're looking
           for a real steal... I've got JUST the boat for you! Walk this way.

They go to the furthest ship.
Stan     : This here is the famous "Sea Monkey." --The only ship ever to make
           it to Monkey Island™... ...and come back with anyone aboard left
           alive. Or, should I say, anyTHING. You see, two previous owners of
           this ship were two adventurous pirates. They set off, like many
           before, to find the legendary Secret of Monkey Island™. And,
           like many before, they disappeared forever. Their fate--a mystery.
           Almost as mysterious as how this ship returned to Mêlée Island™
           without a single human aboard. Some claim it was sailed back by a
           crew of chimps. 

Guybrush : Chimps? There aren't any chimps in the Caribbean! 

Stan     : Oh, shut up. It makes a good story. Anyway, this baby's mine now...
           That is, until someone makes me an offer. How much would you like
           to spend?      

Guybrush : Oh... no more than 174 pieces of eight.

Stan     : Look... This is a very reasonably priced ship... but not that
           reasonable. I don't think you've got the cash for this transaction
           either. You do have SOME other means of payment... Don't you?

Guybrush : On second thought, this may not be the ship for me.

Stan     : Well heck, I can understand that. Nothing wrong with being
           indecisive. Even if it is a waste of my time. So what else can I 
           show you?

Guybrush : Actually, I'd like to go think about it some more.

Stan     : Sure, sure. Think it over. I don't want you to feel pressured or
           anything. Bye now.

Guybrush walks to leave the place, but suddenly...
Stan     : I forgot to give you my card.

Guybrush : (receives the card)

Stan     : And here's something else to remember me by.

Guybrush : A compass?

Stan     : An extra strong magnetic compass--

Guybrush : With your picture on it...

Stan     : That's right! It always points directly back here, so if you're
           looking for a good deal, you know where to go! I'll be right here
           when you come back, But I can't guarantee that any of these ships

Guybrush : Right. (leaving)

Stan     : They're moving fast today! Yessiree... Can't hardly keep anything
           in stock.
           (a brief pause) He'll be back.

Knowing that he has nearly any money to afford one of those ships, Guybrush
decides to get the credit from the storekeeper. So he goes there.
Strkeeper: Hey, where'd you go? I hike halfway across the island to try and
           get you a reservation with the Sword Master-- --who, by the way,
           says you can go jump in the lake-- --and when I come back, you're
           gone! See if I ever do you a favor again! Waddya want?

Guybrush : I'm interested in procuring a note of credit.

Strkeeper: You are, are you? Got a job?

Guybrush : Yes, of course I do.

Strkeeper: All right. I'll get one of my notes and we'll fill it out.

The storekeeper walks to the upper floor and opens the locked safe.
Meanwhile, Guybrush silently notifies the combinations needed to unlock it.
The storekeeper grabs the note and walks back down.
Strkeeper: Let's see here... What did you say your occupation was?

Guybrush : I'm a grog-swilling, foul-smelling pirate.

Strkeeper: Foul-smelling, yes... Grog-swilling, maybe... But a pirate? Don't
           make me laugh. Come back when you've got some tattoos or a pegleg
           or at least an eyepatch, for crying out loud.

The storekeeper returns back the note.
Strkeeper: What else do you want?

Guybrush : I'm looking for the Sword Master of Mêlée Island™.

Strkeeper: Look, I told you, she doesn't want to see you.

Guybrush : Maybe if you asked her again? Hmmm... I guess I could hike all the
           way over there... ...AGAIN. Be right back.
           (leaves) AND DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!

Now that the storekeeper is gone, Guybrush is free to unlock the safe with
the combinations he secretly took note earlier.
Guybrush : Hmmm... There's nothing in here but this note.
           (grabs the storekeeper's note)

With the note in hand, Guybrush returns to the Used Ship Emporium.
Stan     : Howdy! Great to see you again! I knew you'd come back! Everybody
           does! You know WHY they come back? Just look at all these ships!
           I've got something for everyone! Come take a look around! So what
           else can I show you?

Guybrush : Uh... could I see that red one again?

Stan     : I knew it! I knew it! Just can't get her out of your mind, can you?
           Walk this way. Now here's a ship... ...that's definitely worth a
           second look. Let's talk about money--YOUR money.

Guybrush : I got credit from the storekeeper. Will you take it?

Stan     : I'd love to. I really would. I USUALLY do. But not for the amount
           this baby's going to run you. Maybe one of the other ships would be
           more in your price range. So what else can I show you?

Guybrush : Uh... could I see that Viking one again?

Stan     : Sure! No problemo! After all, I've got nothing better to do than 
           haul my butt up and down this dock showing some guys like you the
           same ships over and over again all day long! Walk this way. Can't
           keep your eyes off her, can you? What kind of price range were you
           thinking of?

Guybrush : I got credit from the storekeeper. Will you take it?

Stan     : I'd love to. I really would. I USUALLY do. But not for the amount
           this baby's going to run you. Maybe one of the other ships would be
           more in your price range. So what else can I show you?

Guybrush : Uh... how much do you want for yours?

Stan     : I told you, it's not for sale! Geeze, you're annoying... But, hey!
           So am I, right? What ELSE can I show you?

Guybrush : Uh, could I see that cheap one again?

Stan     : Why not? I got all day! Walk this way. Hard to stay away from a
           good mystery, isn't it? Just how much were you looking to spend

Guybrush : I got credit from the storekeeper. Will you take it?

Stan     : Hey, of course! Your credit's always good at Stan's... It doesn't
           matter if you've had credit problems in the past... Divorce...
           Bankruptcy... Chronic gambling mishaps... I mean, who am I to
           judge, right? If the storekeeper trusts you enough to give you a
           letter of credit... ...then you must be a honest man with a steady
           income, right?

Guybrush : Uh... right.

Stan     : Let's get down to brass tacks, shall we? I know you want it... 
           ...you know you want it... ...and I know that you know that I want
           to sell it, so...

Guybrush : Well, what do you think it's worth?

Stan     : You could sail this puppy away TODAY, for just 10000 pieces of
           eight. How does that sound to you?

Guybrush : Let's talk extras.

Stan     : Extras? You want to talk extras? Great! This baby's LOADED with
           extras! For instance... Did I tell you about the porthole

Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk.

Stan     : Okay, but don't blame me if you run into an iceberg or something.
           But wait, there's more! Did I tell you about the anti-lock anchor?

Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk.

Stan     : Sure, throw safety to the wind. But wait, there's more! Did I tell
           you about the rack-and-pinion rudder?

Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk.

Stan     : Well, I guess it'll float without it... ...barely. But wait,
           there's more! Did I tell you about the velour sail covers?

Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk.

Stan     : Hey, travel light, I can understand that, sure. Of course, mutiny
           is an ugly word... But wait, there's more! Did I tell you about the

Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk.

Stan     : Wow, does your wife know you're such a cheapskate? But wait,
           there's more! Did I tell you about the elevator made with wood from
           burgundy wine casks?

Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk.

Stan     : Yeah, I guess that IS kind of decadent, isn't it? But wait, there's
           more! Did I tell you about the simulated wood siding?

Guybrush : I think I can live without that particular piece of junk.

Stan     : Okay, but I'm telling you: Barnacles HATE simulated wood. But wait,
           there's more! Did I tell you about the porthole defoggers?

Guybrush : Enough about extras, already. 

Stan     : Okay, where were we...

Guybrush : Well, what do you think it's worth? 

Stan     : You could sail this puppy away TODAY, for just 7300 pieces of
           eight. How does that sound to you?

Guybrush : I'd like to make you an offer. 

Stan     : Great! How much?

Guybrush : I'd like to pay 2000 pieces of eight.

Stan     : Sure, I guess we can start out at the bottom. I got all day. I'm
           going to be getting a whole new shipment next week, so you got me
           over a barrel. I've GOT to sell this baby, even if it means losing
           my shirt.

Guybrush : I'd like to make you an offer.

Stan     : Great! How much?

Guybrush : How does 3000 pieces of eight sound?

Stan     : That's a little bit more like it... ...but not much. I know you can
           try harder than that. Just tell me, what would it take to get you
           to sail this ship away... TODAY?

Guybrush : I'd like to make you an offer.

Stan     : Great! How much?

Guybrush : Okay, okay. 4000 pieces of eight.

Stan     : That's a little bit more like it... ...but not much. I know you can
           try harder than that. You realize, don't you, that they just don't
           make them like this anymore.

Guybrush : I'd like to make you an offer.

Stan     : Great! How much?

Guybrush : All right! 5000! But that's my final offer!

Stan     : Five thousand pieces of eight?!?
           (brief pause) Okay! Okay! It's killing me, but okay! And I thought
           I was going to give my children Christmas presents this year... 
           Just take it out of here. I'm GLAD to get rid of it. Oh yeah, do
           you have that note from the storekeeper with you? 

Guybrush : (gives the note)

Stan     : Thanks. ...I've got to run these numbers by my boss... ...he'll
           think I'm nuts, but I'll talk him into it. You meet me at the dock
           with your crew. I'll bring the ship and the papers. I just want to
           say that I really feel like we got to know each other today. I
           mean, I really felt some bonding here. And I don't just say that to
           everybody! It's been great doing business with you. Really.
           (walks away) 
           (Sucker.) See you at the dock, and don't forget your crew. All
           three of them. 

Everything seems ready, so Guybrush heads to the dock area in the village,
where Stan is already waiting with the Sea Monkey down the sea.
Stan     : Hey! It's a good thing you showed up. Ten people have offered to
           buy this baby off me while I've been standing here waiting for you.
           But I said, 'NO WAY.' 'I know a guy who's in love with this ship,
           and it would break his heart to lose it.' Am I right? Of course I
           am! I mean, just look at her! Sleek... ...aerodynamic... ...a
           buoyant, barnacle-covered beauty.

A falling star shows behind the ship.
Stan     : I think we're having a real moment here. I've changed my mind. I
           can't give her up. You can have your money back. How could I sell
           something so dear?

Suddenly, one of the Sea Monkey's pole is broken, drops off to the sea.
Stan     : Then again, a deal's a deal, right? Right. Catch you later. Good
           luck. Enjoy. I'm outta here.
           (leaves) Whoops! I almost forgot to give you this free seafaring
Guybrush : (accepts the brochures)
Stan     : My gift to you. Just remember where you got it. STAN'S!!!
Guybrush : Maybe I should have gotten that extended warranty after all.

Otis comes.
Otis     : Hey, long time no see.

Guybrush : Have you come to be on my crew?

Otis     : Hey, I could never pass up a chance to make some easy money.

Carla appears.
Guybrush : Money?

Carla    : Yeah, we are getting paid for this, right?

Guybrush : How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

Carla    : You never did know when to use that one.
           (sees Sea Monkey) So what's that waterlogged wreck doing out there?
           How we are going to get our ship in here with that pile of scrap in
           the way? 

Meathook comes.
Meathook : Where's the cabin boy? I need him to go back to my place and pick
           up my bags.

Carla    : What's going on here?

Otis     : Where's our ship?

Meathook : Where's our crew?

Guybrush : This isn't going to be as easy as I thought.

Part Two: The Journey
Through the courageous leadership of Captain Freep -er- Threepwood, the Sea
Monkey is finally underway. Undaunted by their lack of navigational equipment
or expertise, the crew begins to plan their voyage.

The scene shows everyone onboard.
Guybrush : First of all... I'd like to say it's great to be working with such
           a fine crew. The voyage ahead is not going to be easy. It's going
           to take skill, endurance, and most of all... TEAMWORK. First I
           thought we'd assign some duties.

Otis     : What is it we were suckered into doing again?

Guybrush : (shows a paper) I made a list.

Carla    : 'Suckered' is right.

Otis     : I don't see what the big deal is with rescuing the Governor. She
           can clearly take care of herself. The way I look at it... We've got
           this GREAT ship... ...well... ...we've got A ship. Why don't we
           kick back, tie a rope to the wheel and cruise for a while. I could
           use a little work on my tan.

Meathook : Come to think of it, I've been a little stressed out lately. I
           could use a rest.

Carla    : Then it's decided... ...we cruise the Caribbean.

Guybrush : --sigh--

Inside the captain's room.
Guybrush : I'm doomed. 

Inside he picks up a feather pen and an ink bottle. He opens the drawer and
finds a book there.
Guybrush : It says: 
           "Captain's log, March 10th."
           "First mate Toothrot and I have been searching for Monkey
            Island™ for over a month with no success."
           "The directions we purchased on Mêlée proved to be a recipe, not
            a map as we had believed."
           "Captain's log, March 12th."
           "I wish Toothrot would take a bath."
           "Captain's log, March 17th."
           "I wish Toothrot would stop snoring."
           "Captain's log, March 23rd."
           "Toothrot is really starting to get on my nerves. I figure it's
            only a matter of time before we come to blows."
           "Captain's log, April 2nd."
           "As a gesture to restore our frienship, Toothrot offered to fix
            dinner tonight."
           "Captain's log, April 3rd."
           "I don't know how we did it, but we've arrived at Monkey 
           "Both Toothrot and I passed out from the soup he fixed last night.
            When we awoke, Monkey Island™ was sitting off the bow."
           "Captain's log, April 4th."
           "Toothrot and I filled the rowboat with supplies and are ready to
            set out to Monkey Island™."
           "We are both excited at the prospect of being the first civilized
            people to learn the Secret of Monkey Island™."
           "Captain' log, April 5th."
           "We had to turn around and return to the ship. Toothrot forgot to
            go to the bathroom before we left."   
           "We'll set out again tomorrow."
           (turns around) That's the last entry. 

Guybrush walks out of the room, finds the rest of the crew having a little
good time under the sun.
Guybrush : Hey guys, what's happening?

Otis     : Beat it, Guybrush.

Guybrush : Is there anything I can do to get you guys to help me?

Meathook : Er, excuse me Guybrush... ...you're blocking the sun.

Guybrush : I'm going to give you mutineers five seconds to come to your
           senses! Then I'm going to start kicking some butt!

Meathook : Excuse me Guybrush... ...does the word 'keelhaul' mean anything to

Guybrush : Keelhaul / Ke(e)l-hol
           1: to haul under the keel of a ship as punishment or torture.
           I see your point, thanks.

He still tries.
Guybrush : I hear the weather's pretty nice over by Monkey Island™.
Otis     : Nice try, Guybrush, but no banana.

Desperate with all his mutinous crew, Guybrush climbs the rope ladder to the
crow's nest. There, he picks up the Jolly Roger, the official pirate's flag.
He returns and then walks down the hatch, into another door to a kitchen of
some sort. He opens the cupboard and see a whole set of cereal there. He picks
Guybrush : Hmmmm.... I loved this stuff when I was a kid. I liked the way it
           chewed up the roof of your mouth.

He opens the cereal.
Guybrush :  Crunch Crunch Crunch Crunch GREAT! A toy prize inside.

He checks the prize.
Guybrush : This is no prize! It's a small key with a finely engraved monkey on

He picks a pot, then walks out of the kitchen and into another hatch. It seems
to be a storeroom or something. He checks a chest and find a fine wine inside.
He also picks a giant piece of rope. He opens a keg and finds gunpower inside,
which he picks some. The rest of the things are locked, so he goes back to the
captain's room. He uses the small key in the cabinet, and he picks the small
chest inside.
Guybrush : Man, that's heavy. Filled, no doubt, with gold and jewels. 

He opens it and picks the stuff inside.
Guybrush : He look! A piece of paper. And some cinnamon sticks.

The piece of paper reads:
           |       DIRECTION TO MONKEY ISLAND!!!      |
           |                                          |
           |      Pre-heat pot to 450 degrees         | 
           |      Add the following ingredients:      |
           |                                          |
           |       1 Cinnamon stick                   |
           |       4 Leaves of Mint                   |
           |       1 Human Skull (pressed)            |
           |       1 squirt Squid Ink                 |
           |       2 pts Monkey Blood                 |
           |       1 Live Chicken                     |
           |       3 oz. Brimstone                    |
           |       1 or more of the following:        |
           |         pyridoxine hydrochloride,        |
           |         zinc oxide, yellow 8,            |
           |         mine mononitrate and BHA.        |
           |                                          |
           |Let bubble over low flame until thickened.|
           |       Serves crew of four.               |

Guybrush decides to give the recipe a try and so off he go to the kitchen.
First, the Cinnamon Stick into the cooking pot ('I love cinnamon.') Then,
in place of the 4 leaves of mint, he puts down the breath mints ('Good thing
I've got a million of these.') He definitely has no pressed human skull, but
the Jolly Roger looks somehow like one, so he adds it anyway. Next, the ink
from the captain room should serve well in place of Squid inks ('Just a
drop.') There's no monkey blood around, but the fine wine might just be as
red ('That should be enough.') Next is the time for the loyal rubber chicken
(with pulley in the middle) to replace the Live chicken ('About time I got rid
of this worthless artifact.'), and he gets the brimstone from the gunpowder.
He throws in the additional minutes, the cotton shirt, staple remover,
T-shirt, LeChuck's note, feather pen, the bookmark, cereal...
Guybrush : (walks away seeing the pot's making weird green smoke)
           Yikes! I think I'm getting dizzy!

Overcome by the fumes and stench, Guybrush quickly loses consciousness.
Moments later the voodoo spell kicks in, turning the ship to an unknown
heading and off on its mysterious voyage.

Days pass...
Guybrush : Fsspt. I feel awful.

He walks out and gets surprised by the sight of an island nearby.
Guybrush : Holy Monkey Bladders! It's Monkey Island™.

Enjoying the sight ('WOW!!! This was well worth $59.95 + Tax'), he talks to
his crew.
Guybrush : Hey look... ...we've made it to Monkey Island™.

Meathook : Let us know when you've found the Governor... ...we've got an extra
           chair she can use.

Guybrush goes down the hatch and gets another gunpowder. Then he returns to
the cannon. He puts the giant piece of rope with cannon, then the piece of
rope with fuse. He returns to the kitchen and uses Stan's business card with
the fire, so he gets himself something to trigger the cannon. He places some
of the gunpowder into the cannon nozzle and uses the burning business card on
the fuse. While the fire's at it, he wears the pot and quickly moves into the
cannon, which blows him straight to the Monkey Island.

Part Three: Under Monkey Island
Guybrush lands, somehow, on the beach of the island and a grey monkey appears.
Monkey   : ook ook ook ook eep eep eep

Then comes a man.
Man      : Hi! I'm Herman Toothrot! Don't bother to say hello. I've only been
           waiting twenty years to talk to somebody civilized, I don't mind.
           (brief pause) Fine. By the way, you might want to think about
           putting out that fire. Someone could be hurt.

Toothrot leaves, and Guybrush can finally stands up. He reads a note stuck on
a banana tree.
           "There will be a meeting Wednesday evening to discuss the recent
            occupation of the Sacred Monkey Head by the ghost pirate
           "...and the subsequent impact on the environment and the tourist
           "All Monkey Island™ cannibals are encouraged to attend."  

Guybrush picks a banana and walks to the jungle. There, he walks west to the
western part of the island where the path ends on a fort. He enters.
Guybrush : The trail ends here.

He picks a spyglass, and he pushes the cannon until the cannonball comes out.
Suddenly, Herman Toothrot comes.
Herman   : Hey, nice spyglass. Looks just like -- Say, where IS my spyglass?
           Oh, perfect. I'm gone five minutes and somebody comes in here and
           dumps gunpowder all over the floor. Naturally I don't think YOU had
           anything to do with it. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that you
           cam in here to prowl around right after some MYSTERIOUS person
           dirtied up my nice clean floor.

Guybrush : Er, sorry.

Herman   : Um... I'm afraid I must be going now. Pressing business, you know.
           (looks at player) -- hee hee --

Herman leaves. Guybrush picks both the gunpowder and the cannonball, then
leaves the fort as well. He then visits a beach to the south of the fort.
There's nothing but a note there, which he reads.
Guybrush : It's printed on letterhead!
           "To the ghost pirate LeChuck:"
           "We must ask you once again to curtail your nightly activities in
            the Sacred Monkey Head area."
           "Decent people are trying to sleep."
           "Kindly keep the noise level down."
           "--The Monkey Island™ Cannibals"
           "We saw you taking that woman with the scarf down there!"

Suddenly Herman appears again.
Herman   : Look at that fabulous ship out there! Did you come in that? You're
           braver than you look. Actually, it looks a lot like a ship I used
           to own...

Guybrush : I got taken by a guy named Stan...

Herman   : Stan of Stan's Used Ships? On Mêlée Island™?
           (looks at player) Heh heh heh heh

Guybrush : Are you some kind of a castaway?

Herman   : What do I look like, the caretaker?
           (looks at player) Listen to this guy: Am I some kind of a castaway?

Guybrush : Who are you talking to?

Herman   : Why, the people watching, of course.

Guybrush : (looks at player) Um... sure.

Herman   : My name's Toothrot. Herman Toothrot. I live here. Well, not RIGHT
           here. In the fort on the volcano.

Guybrush : Were you stranded?

Herman   : You think I stay here for my health?
           (looks at player) Hoo, boy.

Guybrush gets out of the beach and moves east to the previous area. Then, he
goes north and to the river fork.
Guybrush : Boy, it sure is HOT here.
           (checking at rock on top of note) I'm no geologist, but judging by
           these conchoidal fractures... ...I'd say this is a piece of flint!

He picks both the flint and the note.
Guybrush : "To the Monkey Island™ Cannibals:"
           "I don't mind you worshipping in front of the Sacred Monkey Idol
            which doubles as my home and secret base of operations..." 
           "...but could you please refrain from leaving messy sacrifices on
            my porch."
           "Also, please DO NOT ENTER the Monkey Head."
           "--G.P. LeChuck"

Guybrush leaves the river fork and goes to a pond where there lies another
note, and a corpse of man hanging on the tree. He looks at the note.
Guybrush : "Herman--"
           "Please return our key to the Monkey Head."
           "--the Cannibals"

Herman comes.
Herman   : This is an old friend of mine, the one I sailed here with. He's
           lost weight. Never looked better.

Guybrush : He looks pretty bad...

Herman   : You never saw him when he was still alive!

Guybrush : I'm Guybrush. I'm here to rescue someone.

Herman   : Well, here I am. Glad you came to rescue me-- --though you might
           have been earlier. The fine on that overdue library book should be
           pretty big by now. Let's go.

Guybrush : Er... That's not exactly what I meant. I sailed here in pursuit of
           the Governor of Mêlée Island™, who's been kidnapped by a ghost.

Herman   : Oh fine, DON'T rescue me. I like it here. The rain on my head, the
           wind at my back... ...the bugs on my plate...

Guybrush : Um... Well, perhaps I could take you back, too... ...but I've got
           to rescue the governor, first. I think she's on that ghost-ship

Herman   : Oh, OK.

Guybrush : What happened to your pants?

Herman   : What pants?

Guybrush : How did you get stranded here?

Herman   : Well, I sailed here with a friend of mine twenty years ago. We hope
           to discover the Secret of Monkey Island™. But my friend met with
           a horrifying and tragic accident... ...which claimed his life...
           ...and I couldn't sail the ship back by myself. I trained a bunch
           of chimps to crew the ship and sail it back to Mêlée Island™.
           They were supposed to get help and come back for me... ...something
           must have happened.

Guybrush : How come you didn't just go with the chimps?

Herman   : WEEKS on a boat full of monkeys.
           (looks at player) Oh, joy.

Guybrush : You're the only one on the island?

Herman   : I'm the only CIVILIZED person on the island. There's a native tribe
           of hunter/gatherers-- --well, HEADhunter/gatherers, actually-- 
           --but I don't talk to them. They ARE cannibals, but they're not
           dangerous... ...unless you lend them something. 

Guybrush : Did you lend something to the cannibals?

Herman   : I lent my banana picker to them, and they never gave it back. As
           collateral they gave me this enormous cotton swab. It opens the
           Monkey Head, see? Not like I ever need to go into the Monkey
           Head... ...but if they want it back, I've got to have my picker
           first. It's a matter of pride, you know.

Guybrush : Why don't you just give me the key to the Monkey Head?

Herman   : No, I need it to get back my banana picker.

Guybrush : Excuse me, I've got pressing business to attend to.

Herman   : Yes, me too.
           (looks at player) -- hee hee hee --

Guybrush goes back to the river fork. Realizing that the dam there is making
the rest of the river dry, he decides to do something about it. He places a
handful of gunpowder on the dam. Then, he opens the spyglass and finds a nifty
lens inside it. He uses the lens, with the help of the sun, to burn the
gunpowder... Suddenly the dam burst out and water starts flowing.
Guybrush : AAA!!!

He returns to the pond and finds out that it's now filled with water. The
corpse is now on the ground, and he easily picks the rope from it. He returns
to the river fork and climbs up the footholds. Uphill, he sees another note.
Guybrush : "To the Monkey Island™ Cannibals:"
           "Please stop moving this."
           "It is delicately balanced."
           "--Herman Toothrot"

He checks the 'primitive art' nearby.
Guybrush : It's either an incisive representation of the futility of man...
           ...or it's a log and a couple of rocks.

Guybrush walks up another foothold and finds himself on a high surface with
the surrounding island scenery. Suddenly, Herman comes again.
Herman   : I never get tired of this view. Even if I HAVE been looking at it
           for twenty years now. Even if it is the ONLY view on the island.

Guybrush : Yes, it IS a nice view. Excuse me, I've got pressing business to
           attend to.

Herman   : Yes, me too.
           (looks at player)
           -- hee hee hee --

Guybrush pushes the rock nearby and sees a huge rock floats and falls, and
suddenly the rock is thrown right to the Sea Monkey far down the beach. The
hit drowns the Sea Monkey.
Guybrush : Whoops...

He returns down and sees another note.
Guybrush : "Mr. Toothrot:"
           "Please remove this dangerous object."
           "Lemonhead knocked a rock onto it from the cliff above and nearly
            injured someone who was putting up a swing on the banana tree on
            the south beach."
           "--the Cannibals"

Guybrush pulls the 'primitive art' twice, changing its direction, and returns
back up the foothold. He places another rock and pushes it. The rock hits the
banana tree further down the beach.
Guybrush : Wow! Looked like it hit the big banana tree on the beach! I bet the
           odd against that are incredible!

Out of curiousity, Guybrush walks to the rightmost part of the platform.
Suddenly, it breaks down! Guybrush falls down the mountain! 

             |       Oh, no! You've really screwed up   |
             |    this time! Guess you'll have to start |
             |       over! Hope you saved the game!     |
             |                                          |
             | [Restore]     [Restart]       [Quit]     |

After that (fake) Gameover window, Guybrush is thrown up back again.
Guybrush : Rubber tree.

He returns to the beach with the banana tree and finds another banana there.
He picks it up. Next, he go to a 'crack' on the map and sees an oar down.
He uses the rope with a strong branch to get down. However, it appears that
he'd need another rope to get down to the oar, so he return to the map and
seeks for the rope on Herman's fort.
Herman   : (suddenly comes) Hi! I'm not bothered a bit by the fact that you
           waltzed right into my home without bothering to knock.  

Guybrush : I would have knocked, but I couldn't find a door.

Herman   : Well, that's OK. Next time be more careful.

Guybrush : Excuse me, I've got pressing business to attend to.

Herman   : Yes, me too. -- hee hee hee --

Guybrush walks back to the crack and uses the new rope on the sturdy stump.
Now that he can grab the oar, he can use the rowboat at the beach. So he goes
Guybrush : I can paddle it with these oars.

He paddles northeast and arrives at another beach. There is a bottle there.
Guybrush : There's a message in it! It's a memo...
           "To: Herman Toothrot" 
           "From: Yammer, Hem, and Haw, attorneys at law"
           "Re: Suit against cannibal tribe over malicious tossing of your
            oars into a chasm."
           "I think we have a case here."
           "We can probably soak them for emotional distress and possibly
            punitive damages as well."
           Hmm. Sounds like Legalese. I don't think I can translate the rest.

To the east of the beach is a clearing, which Guybrush visits next.
           "Worshipping is permitted, but please DO NOT ENTER the Monkey
           "-- G.P. LeChuck"

He walks further and sees a giant monkey head. Herman comes again.
Herman   : That Monkey Head's some piece of work, eh? Nasty case of yellow
           waxy buildup, though. 

Guybrush : Yes, it's quite impressive.

Herman   : It'd be a great tourist attraction, if anybody could ever find this

Guybrush : Excuse me, I've got pressing business to attend to.

Herman   : Yes, me too. -- hee hee hee --

Somehow, Guybrush can talk to the totem pole.
Guybrush : Hi! Seen any big, ugly, scary, see-through pirates around here?

And to the other one.
Guybrush : Hi! Is there anything good to eat on this island?

...and to the skulls.
Guybrush : Hi! I'm here to rescue the Governor of Mêlée Island™.

...and the corpses.
Guybrush : Hi! I think I'm going nuts. I've got to hurry up and rescue the
           Governor and get off this island!

And so, he jumps back to the rowboat and goes to the northern part of the
island. He lands on another beach and sees another note.
Guybrush : "Cannibals--"
           "I'm not giving you bloodsuckers your key to the Monkey Head until
            you return my banana picker."

He walks to the jungle and into a village. He checks a hut ('It's an empty
hut.'), another one ('This hut is VERY empty'), the one with hanging skeleton 
('I can't see inside from here. But I'll bet it's empty.'), the next one
('Boy, this is the emptiest hut I've ever seen.'), the one further ('No two
ways about it--this hut's empty.'), on the other side ('Why? It's empty.').

He goes and picks some banana near a big stone head. When he tries to leave,
though, there are three cannibals waiting for him. The red-head one, squid-
head one, and the lemonhead one.
Red H.   : Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just glad to see us?

Squid H. : You've got a lot of nerve stealing from the notorious Monkey
           Island™ cannibals!

Guybrush : You're cannibals?!

Red H.   : Well, yes. Although, lately we've been trying to stay away from
           red meat. 

Squid H. : Only for health reasons. We're still as vicious as ever.

Red H.   : Especially with tourists who try to steal our stuff for souvenirs.
           Well, what do you have to say for yourself?

Guybrush : Look behind you! A three-headed monkey!

The three of them turns around, while Guybrush tries to walk away. But...
Red H.   : Hey! Do you really think we're that stupid? I wouldn't push it if I
           were you.

Suddenly, a three-headed monkey actually appears!
Guybrush : Look behind you! A three-headed monkey!
Red H.   : Ha! We're not going to fall for that old trick AGAIN! I guess we'll
           eat you now. Unless... If you had some sort of offering for us...
           ...something that we could pass on to the Great Monkey... ...we
           might be persuaded to let you leave here uncooked. Well?

Guybrush hands them the T-shirt from Sword Master.
Red H.   : We appreciate the natural fibers, but no thanks.

And then the money.
Red H.   : Ha! Your currency means nothing to the Great Monkey!

After some few tries...
Red H.   : Obviously you have nothing for us. We might eat you, we might let
           you go. We'll have to talk about it with the village nutritionist.
           Come. Let me show you our guest hut.

Guybrush is locked inside a hut. Outside...
Red H.   : THAT should do it.

The three of them leaves. Now inside the hut, Guybrush sees a memo.
Guybrush : "To the ghost pirate LeChuck:"
           "We must protest your 'acquisition' of our voodoo antiroot."
           "We realize that it presents a hazard to you and your crew, but 
            this is thievery!"
           "The Monkey Island™ Cannibals"

He picks a skull and Herman's banana picker. Somehow, he finds a loose board
on the floor and manages to open it. When he tries to get in...
Guybrush : I might fit through that hole, but I don't think this banana picker

So he puts the picker back to its place and somehow gets out of the hut.
Meanwhile, the cannibals are having a conversation.
Red H.   : ...and no, I'm not getting squeamish. I'd LOVE to eat the guy!

Squid H. : So let's do it!

Red H.   : But think of your arteries!

Squid H. : We ARE cannibals, for crying out loud!

Red H.   : Yeah, but cannibals have to watch their saturated fats just like
           everyone else.

Guybrush sneakily walks out of the village. Then he uses the rowboat to get
back to the first beach he visited, down south. He walks out of the beach
and finds a monkey inside the forest. He gives it all his 5 bananas. Somehow,
this makes the monkey follows him. Now that the monkey can't follow him to the
rowboat, he decides to take a walk to the Monkey Head. There, he pulls the
nose of the totem pole. This opens the gate to the Head; but when he leaves,
the gate closes again. Thankfully, the monkey that follows him mimics his act
and opens the gate for him. Now Guybrush can enter the gate. There he sees
a lot of idols scattered on the ground, yet he can only get the wimply little
idol one.
Guybrush : I doubt anyone will miss this piece of junk.

When he tries to pick another...
Guybrush : This is much too heavy to pick up... let alone carry around this
           godforsaken island for god knows what reason.

He returns to the cannibal village. However, the hut with Herman's banana
picker is locked, and as he walks away, the cannibals are there again.
Red H.   : Ah, the banana thief returns to the scene of the crime.

Squid H. : Maybe we should just eat him right now.

Red H.   : Do you have any idea how much cholesterol is in one of these
           things? Now then, how did you break out of our hut and why did you
           come back?

Guybrush : Don't eat me! I'm a mighty pirate!

Red H.   : (to the rest of the cannibals) That means his skin will be leathery
           and his meat tough and stringy.
           (back to Guybrush) We'll give you one more chance to trade
           something of yours for your freedom. Well?

Guybrush gives them the wimpy little idol.
Red H.   : Hey, wow! This is impressive! LEMONHEAD!!! Take a look at this.

Lemon H. : Oooh, that's nice. Simple. Just like one of mine. And little. Like
           mine. And it says, "Made by Lemonhead"... ...just like one of mine!
           We should take this to the Great Monkey.

Red H.   : Yes, I agree. We are very grateful to you for this fine gift. If
           there's ever anything you need on Monkey Island™, just come see

Somehow, the cannibals unlock the hut's door, and so Guybrush can enter and
pick the banana picker. When he gets out, Herman is already out there, talking
to someone.
Herman   : All I want is my banana picker back. But will they give it to me?
           They want the Monkey Head key back FIRST. THAT'LL be the day! Don't
           you think they're being unreasonable? It's not as though I'm asking
           for a lot. All I want is my banana picker back.

Guybrush : (approaches)

Herman   : Oh, hi! I was just looking for the natives, to get them to return
           my banana picker... ...but I can't seem to find them.

Guybrush : I have your banana picker. (gives the picker)

Herman   : Hey, thanks! I thought I'd never see this again! Here, you can take
           this key to the Monkey Head back to the natives.

Guybrush : (receives the key) OK. And don't worry, I won't use it or anything.
           Excuse me, I've got pressing business to attend to.

Herman   : Yes, me too. -- hee hee hee --

Guybrush leaves the village, but comes in again to meet the cannibals again.
Red H.   : Have you come back to let us repay you for your fine gift?

Guybrush : Well, actually, there is something...

Red H.   : Tell us. What is it?

Guybrush : Money. I want money.

Red H.   : That's not exactly what we had in mind. Is there anything ELSE we
           could do for you?

Guybrush : I need a ship.

Red H.   : How did you get here if you don't have a ship?

Guybrush : Well, this big rock fell out of the sky...

Red H.   : I see. Say no more. Well, I'm sorry, but we don't have a ship. Is
           there anything ELSE we could do for you?

Guybrush : I'm looking for somebody. 

Red H.   : Here? On Monkey Island™?

Squid H. : We're the only people living on Monkey Island™.

Red H.   : Well, the only civilized people.

Guybrush : I'm looking for 30 dead guys and one woman.

Red H.   : I don't think I want to hear any more about it.

Squid H. : Maybe he's talking about those dead pirates.

Red H.   : Oh yeah. THOSE guys.

Guybrush : Then you've seen the ghost pirate LeChuck and his cadaverous crew?

Squid H. : Those jerks have been bugging us for months!

Red H.   : Zooming around here in that creepy ghost ship of theirs... 
           ...wailing and moaning until all hours of the morning...

Squid H. : ...scaring away all the cruise ship business.

Red H.   : Normally, when we have problems with the undead, we just cook up
           our standard potion of exorcism and be done with it.

Guybrush : Give me the potion! I'll use it on LeChuck!

Red H.   : We can't.

Guybrush : Why not?

Red H.   : Well, the main ingredient of the potion is a very rare root...
           ...in fact, there's only one in existence.

Squid H. : We only use a little bit at a time, you see.

Red H.   : But LeChuck stole the whole thing!

Guybrush : LeChuck came in here and stole your root? What a cad!

Squid H. : Oh, and I suppose stealing bananas is any better?

Guybrush : Where is he hiding it?

Red H.   : He's in a place beneath this island... ...somewhere in a huge
           system of catacombs... ...a hellish place filled with the wailing of
           tortured souls trapped forever in the rock... ...where the walls
           bleed and the air is thick with the rancid smell of pure evil.

Squid H. : Tourist used to line up for hours to see it.

Guybrush : What happened? Health department shut you down?

Red H.   : No, we lost the key.

Squid H. : It was stolen!

Red H.   : Well, we loaned it to a hermit who lives on the island.

Squid H. : And until that crusty old pantless weirdo brings it back, we're 
           keeping his banana picker.

Guybrush : I'm off to find LeChuck and get the root!

Red H.   : Sorry, but it's just not that easy. Trying to find LeChuck could be
           very dangerous.

Squid H. : You'd never find your way through the catacombs without the--

Red H.   : Hey! Ixnay on the Eadhay of the Avigatornay!

Guybrush : The what?

Red H.   : Nothing.

Squid H. : Nothing.

Guybrush : Why are you guys talking in pig Latin?

Red H.   : (To the other cannibals) I see he is baffled by our native dialect.

Squid H. : We could at least tell him what the head does.

Red H.   : Well, it's a navigating tool--

Squid H. : It's a head. It was once attached to a navigator.

Red H.   : We've kept it alive magically so we could take advantage of its
           innate sense of direction. Getting through the catacombs without it
           is impossible.

Squid H. : But it's our only one, so you can't have it.

Red H.   : I guess we have nothing to offer you.

Lemon H. : And after he gave us that nice idol, too...

Red H.   : Feel free to come to the Great Monkay and visit your idol any time.
           (to the others) So anyway, Lemonhead, what was that you were saying
           about tropical oils?

Lemon H. : Well... 

Guybrush is ignored, but he tries to talk to them again.
Guybrush : --ahem--

Red H.   : Excuse us but we're in the middle of a serious discussion.

Guybrush : I know, but I really need that navigator head thing.

Red H.   : I told you, we only have one. We don't know how to get another one.

Lemon H. : Sorry.

However, Guybrush has a leaflet about navigationing with him, and thinks they
may want it for exchange, so he gives it a shot.
Red H.   : Well, look at this. It looks like instructions on how to get a

Squid H. : We could give him our head, and use these instructions to get
           ourselves a new one!

Red H.   : Yes, I suppose we can give you this now.

Guybrush : (receives the head) Thanks.

Red H.   : Looks pretty good for a dried up old head, doesn't it?

The head is shown close up. Definitely not a good sight indeed.
Red H.   : We keep it wrapped in this magical necklace that makes it invisible
           to ghosts. Oh, look. I think he likes you. Just follow his nose,
           and he'll lead you to LeChuck's hideout in the catacombs. Then get
           the root from LeChuck and come back here... ...and we'll mix up a
           batch of our special, enzymatic ghost-dissolving solution.

Squid H. : And you can pour it on LeChuck like salt on a slug!

Guybrush : Yeah!

Red H.   : Good luck. 

The now-friendly cannibal guys leave, and Guybrush continues the journey to
the Monkey Head. He uses the monkey head key in the gigantic monkey's ear,
and it opens. He walks inside.
Guybrush : I had a feeling that in hell there would be mushrooms.

He follows the path and uses the voodoo head, which then shows him the way to
LeChuck's ship. He walks into the ghost ship, where a bunch of ghost crew are
partying around of some sort. Guybrush walks in, but a ghost notices him.
Guybrush : Uhh... You wouldn't happen to have a root I could borrow? Yikes!
           (runs away)

Outside, he realize that he needs the head's necklace to turn himself
invisible, so he can fool all those pirate guards. He talks to the head.
Head     : Okay, we're here. Now what do you want from me?

Guybrush : Hello, head.

Head     : Hello.

Guybrush : Thank you for leading me to the ghost ship.

Head     : Hey, no problem. When you only have one job... you do it well. Know
           what I mean?

Guybrush : May I please have that necklace?

Head     : No, but thanks for asking so politely.

Guybrush : Why can't I have it?

Head     : I've got a bad feeling about this place. I think I might need it.

Guybrush : Why can't I have it?

Head     : Look, don't be a nag, okay?

Guybrush : Maybe I'll just take it...

Head     : Maybe you'd better not.

Guybrush : I don't want to have to hurt you...

Head     : And I don't want to have to make you regret it.

Guybrush : What're you going to do? Bite me?

Head     : Remember, you need me to get out of this place. If I wanted to I 
           could strand you here forever.

Guybrush : If I wanted to I could dropkick you into the lava.

Head     : (brief pause) On second thought... Hey, what good's a necklace if
           you don't have shoulders?

Guybrush uses the necklace.
Guybrush : This feels weird.

He goes into the ship again and enters LeChuck's room. There's a key there,
but it's far from reach, so he uses the magnetic compass from Stan to get it.
It works. Then, he tries to open the door to the opposite side.

Ghost    : What was that??? (closes the door)

Guybrush goes down the hatch. He passes the sleeping room and reaches a place
with some ghost pigs and chickens. He picks ghost feather from the chicken. He
returns to the sleeping room and uses the feather with the sleeping ghost's
foot. The sleeping ghost drops his jug o'grog, which Guybrush picks. He goes
back to the ghost pig room and uses the key from LeChuck's room with the hatch
there. It opens, and down he sees a lot of rats guarding a 'greese' barrel.
He tries to walk through them, but...
Guybrush : Yikes! I hate rats!

He puts some of the grogs into the dish, and the rat drinks it. It collapses,
and Guybrush can now pick some of the grease.
Guybrush : Yech, it's all over my hands.

Guybrush returns up and uses the grease on the squeaky door.
Guybrush : This should stop it from squeaking.

It's true, and so he can enter the room. There's a sleeping guard there, but
he manages to pick ghost tools.
Guybrush : Oh good, more inventory.

He returns to the ghost pig room and uses the tools with the glowing crate.
Guybrush : This should do it...


He looks inside the now-open crate.
Guybrush : I'll just grab this old root and be on my way.

With the voodoo root in hand, Guybrush leaves the ship.

A long walk, a brief row, and a short hike later...

Guybrush arrives in the cannibal village. The cannibals welcome him.
Guybrush : I did it! I got the root! (hands the root)
Red H.   : Wow! Look, he's not kidding! Here it is!

Squid H. : He's not such a wimp after all!

Red H.   : Come on, let(')s go make the brew of the fermented root. 
           (To Guybrush) Wait here. We'll be right back.

When the cannibals go, the three-headed monkey appears again.
Guybrush : I'd love to have you stuffed. I'd make a fortune.
Monkey   : (leaves)

The cannibals appear again.
Red H.   : (hands a jug)  There it is.

Squid H. : One squirt of that stuff and the ectoplasm really hits the fan!

Red H.   : And, if you have any left over, it's delicious with a little
           vanilla ice cream. Good luck.

Guybrush : Thanks.

Guybrush leaves the village.

After some more furious paddling...

Guybrush arrives at the ship area again, only that the ship is not there. One
of the bone pirate guy is there.
Bone     : EEP! You scared me half to death!

Guybrush : What happened to the ship?

Bone     : They all left for the wedding.

Guybrush : What wedding?

Bone     : LeChuck is marrying the Governor of Mêlée Island™.

Guybrush : WHAT? But how will they... Where is the wedding?

Bone     : There's a lovely church on Mêlée Island™. They're headed there.

Guybrush : Mêlée Island™? Oh, no! Why are YOU still here?

Bone     : My head fell into the lava there, and I had to chase after it...
           ...and when I came back they had gone! Shame, too. I hate to miss
           the wedding.

Guybrush : I've got to go after them! I've got to stop that wedding!!

Bone     : Bye!

Suddenly, Herman Toothrot appears.
Herman   : Bob! What are you doing here? 

Bob      : Oh, I missed the boat to the wedding.

Herman   : Hey! No problem! We can take mine! Let's go!

Guybrush : ...hey... How did you get in here without a head?

Herman   : I have a head.

Guybrush : If you have a ship, why are you waiting to be rescued?

Herman   : Why, heck, if you're stranded, you've GOT to be rescued. Says so in
           the rules.

Guybrush : Will you take me to Mêlée Island™?

Herman   : I'll lend you my ship, if you promise to rescue me with it.

Guybrush : OK.

Herman   : Let's go. 

Last Part: Guybrush kicks butt
Guybrush is already on the village of Mêlée Island.
Guybrush : Well, that was certainly easier than the trip TO Monkey Island™.
           I wonder where Toothrot's gone to NOW? Now I'll have to stop the
           wedding by myself!

Guybrush walks to the church, but then...
Guybrush : Yikes!

Ghost    : Hey! Wait a second!

Guybrush : I'm selling this fine mouthwash.

Ghost    : Is it mint-flavored? I only like the minty kind.

Guybrush : (squirts the magic liquid, beating the ghost completely) Cool!

Guybrush walks and is stopped by a grim spectre.
Ghost    : Do you have an invitation to the wedding?

Guybrush : I must have left it in my other pants. Bye now.

Ghost    : Not so fast, buddy! You don't look very ghostlike to me. You're
           very pink...

Guybrush : I suffer from a rare pigmentation efficiency syndrome.

Ghost    : You don't SOUND much like a ghost, either. Could you wail and moan
           or rattle some chains or something?

Guybrush : My chains are at the cleaners being degreased.

Ghost    : Well, OK. But where's that dank, musty, beyond-the-grave ghostly

Guybrush : It's busy being overpowered by your OWN deathly stench.

Ghost    : Watch it... If you're really a ghost, prove it. Let's see you pop
           your head off.

Guybrush : You mean the head on this root beer?
           (shoots the ghost) This stuff's great! Watch out, LeChuck! There's
           a new sheriff in town, and his name-- --Hey! I'd better get to the

Guybrush enters the church...
Priest   : ...if there be any man with reason that these two... ...er...
           ...people should not be united in blissful matrimony... ...let him
           speak now or forever hold his peace.


Priest   : Hey!! Who's that?

Guybrush comes closer.
LeChuck  : You!

Guybrush : Take THIS, you vaporous voodoo vermin!

LeChuck  : Take WHAT? Are ye trying to bribe me?

Suddenly, a rope falls down and Governor Marley slides down from high above.
Guybrush : Governor!

LeChuck  : Governor!

Priest   : Governor?

LeChuck  : What's going on?

Elaine   : Oh, Guybrush, you mad fool! I'm impressed that you came to rescue
           me, but it really wasn't necessary. I had everything well in hand.
           Unfortunately, your arrival has made it necessary for me to tip my
           hand early.

LeChuck  : ...how... ...who... but... ...what... ...I... ...um...

Guybrush : How did you manage to escape?

Elaine   : Oh, that was easy. LeChuck is a bozo,

LeChuck  : Hey!

Elaine   : and lots of his crew members were friends of mine, when they were

Guybrush : I thought LeChuck was going to marry you.

LeChuck  : Yes, so did I!

Elaine   : Yes, so did he! But I arranged for a little surprise when it came
           time to kiss the bride.

Guybrush : If you're here, then who's that in the dress?

The bride turns around, revealing that they are actually two monkeys from the
Monkey Island, holding a bottle of root beer.
Guybrush : What?

Elaine   : Don't scare them! They have my ghost-zapping root beer bottle!

Guybrush : Oh, I'll get it!

The apes run away...
Guybrush : ...oops...

Elaine   : Nice going, Guybrush. Now I've got to chase them down to get my
           voodoo root beer back. (leaves)

Guybrush : ...but... ...I... ...er... ...hey... 

LeChuck  : You dared to come here and confront me! I can't believe your

Guybrush : Well, I can't believe your stupidity.

LeChuck  : Yeah? Well, I can't believe your frivolity.

Guybrush : Well, I can't believe your enormity.

LeChuck  : Yeah? Well, I can't believe your mobility.

Guybrush : Well, I can't believe your atrocity.

LeChuck  : Yeah? Well, I can't believe your fragility.

Guybrush : Well, I can't believe your alacrity.

LeChuck  : I grow tired of you. (prepares his twisting punch)

Guybrush : ...Er... ...say, now... ...let's not be hasty...

LeChuck punches Guybrush all over the Island, and follows. The bottle is
thrown away.


Guybrush is punched away again.


...and again. He falls headfirst to the Grog machine near Stan's.
Stan     : Good to see you, son. How's the ship? If you're interested in
           trading up, I can give you a fair price for it.

LeChuck lands nearby.
Stan     : Howdy, pardner. You know, just by looking at you, I can tell you're
           a man of the world. A man with an eye for quality. A man who knows
           a good bargain when he

LeChuck  : (punches Stan away)

LeChuck shakes the Grog machine and pulls Guybrush out. Guybrush quickly picks
up a bottle of root beer that falls out, and is being punched again. He is
thrown to random places on the island, but as he gets the chance, he uses the
root beer on LeChuck.
LeChuck  : --urk-- Gasp! --choke-- Aiiieeee! (dies)

LeChuck  : --urk-- Gasp! --choke-- Aiiieeee! (dies)

LeChuck's head is shown flying all above the island. The explosion makes some
fireworks above Mêlée Island™. Back to Guybrush...
Elaine   : (approaches) Hey...

Guybrush : Yikes! Don't sneak up on me like that!

Elaine   : Sorry.

Guybrush : That's OK. You know, LeChuck was a deviant, obnoxious, slithery,
           creepy-crawly sort of a guy, but I'll say one thing for him...

Elaine   : What's that?

Guybrush : He sure looks nice exploding against the night sky.

Elaine   : Yes, it's very romantic. Can I buy you a root beer?

Guybrush : Actually, I'm a bit sick of root beer. While I was in the machine
           over at Stan's-- Gosh, I hope Stan's OK...

Stan is shown falls down into the ocean.
Guybrush : I wish me crew could have seen this...

Inside the hut of the cannibal village...
Otis     : You know, I can't shake the feeling that Guybrush was somehow
           responsible for that big rock sinking the ship...

Carla    : Yeah. As soon as we find a way off this island we're going to have
           ourselves a little chat with Mr. Threepwood...

Otis     : Let's get out of this hut, first.

Back to Guybrush.
Guybrush : At least I learned something from all of this...

Elaine   : What's that?

Guybrush : How to deal with frustation, disappointment, and irritating
Elaine   : That sounds like something my husband would say.

Guybrush : Yikes! 

Credits roll
The Secret of Monkey Island

Featuring Spiffy as the dog in the bar

Additional Design
Noah Falstein

Additional additional Design
Everyone else at Lucasfilm Games

Sword Fighting Insults
Orson Scott Card

Last Minute Assistance
Tami Borowick and Ron Baldwin

Additional Art
Avril Harrison, Jim McLeod and Gary Winnick

Art and Animation for Disk 22
Jenny Sward

Special Guest Film Director
Hal Barwood

Bulletproofing and Radiation Shielding
Kerner Complex Security

Chocolate Supply Supervision
Andrea Siegel and Alexa Eurich

Lucasfilm Games General Manager
Steve Arnold

Managing Director
Doug Glen

Director of Operations
David Fox

Marketing Manager
Stacey Lamiero

Public Relations
Betsy Irion

Art Department Supervisor
Gary Winnick

Associate Marketing Director
Kelly Flock

Manufacturing Coordinator
Meredith Cahill

Product Support
Brandy Wilson (supervisor)
Liz Nagy and Carla Green

Production Assistants
James Wood and Carol Traylor

Administrative Support
Wendy Bertram, Alexa Eurich, Paula Hendricksen,
Debbie Ratto, Andrea Siegel and Lisa Star

Additional Testing
Lisa Star, Tami Borowick, Michael Stemmle,
Tony Hsieh, Wallace Poulter, Ron Baldwin,
Wendy Clark, Sam Chan, Frank Toriello,
and John Sinclair*

*who finally bought a 286

Sam and Max appear courtesy of Steve Purcell

Cobb™ and Seagull™ appear courtesy of LOOM™

Soundtrack not available on CD, Cassette or LP

Book also not available

The Secret of Monkey Island

A Lucasfilm Games Production

TM & (c) 1990 LucasArts Entertainment Company.
All Rights Reserved.

Turn your computer off and go to sleep!

II. miscellaneous things you may want to ignore:
insult sword fighting script:
This be the list of the insults and the proper counter-insults. Note that
one answer is worthy of two insults, one from the pirate and another from
the Sword Master.

|No.|  Pirate               | Sword Master           | Counter
| 1 | Soon you'll be        | My tongue is sharper   | First you better stop
|   | wearing my sword like | than any sword.        | waving it like a    
|   | a shish-kabob!        |                        | feather-duster.
| 2 | You fight like a      | I will milk every last | How appropriate. You
|   | dairy farmer.         | drop of blood from     | fight like a cow.
|   |                       | your body.             |
| 3 | This is the END for   | I've got a long, sharp | And I've got a little
|   | you, you gutter-      | lesson for you to      | TIP for you. Get the
|   | crawling cur!         | learn today.           | POINT?
| 4 | I once owned a dog    | Only one have I met    | He must have taught
|   | that was smarter than | such a coward!         | you everything you
|   | you.                  |                        | know.
| 5 | Have you stopped      | I hope you have a boat | Why, did you want to
|   | wearing diapers yet?  | ready for a quick      | borrow one?
|   |                       | escape.                |
| 6 | I got this scar on my | My last fight ended    | I hope now you've
|   | face during a mighty  | with my hands covered  | learned to stop
|   | struggle.             | with blood.            | picking your nose.
| 7 | I've heard you were a | My sword is famous all | Too bad no one's ever
|   | contemptible sneak.   | over the Caribbean!    | hear of YOU at all.
| 8 | I'm not going to take | You are a pain in the  | Your haemorrhoids are
|   | your insolence        | backside, sir!         | flaring up again, eh?
|   | sitting down!         |                        | 
| 9 | You're no match for   | I've got the courage   | I'd be in real trouble
|   | my brain, you poor    | and skill of a master  | if you ever used them.
|   | fool.                 | swordsman!             | 
|10 | You have the manners  | Every word you say to  | I wanted to make sure
|   | of a beggar.          | me is stupid.          | you'd feel comfortable
|   |                       |                        | with me.
|11 | People fall at my     | My wisest enemies run  | Even BEFORE they smell
|   | feet when they see me | away at the first      | your breath? 
|   | coming.               | sight of me!           | 
|12 | There are no words    | There are no clever    | Yes there are. You 
|   | for how disgusting    | moves that can help    | just never learned
|   | you are.              | you now.               | them.
|13 | My handkerchief will  | My name is feared in   | So you got that job as
|   | wipe up your blood!   | every dirty corner of  | a janitor, after all.
|   |                       | this island!           |
|14 | Nobody's ever drawn   | No one will ever catch | You run THAT fast?
|   | blood from me and     | ME fighting as badly   |
|   | nobody ever will!     | as you do.             |
|15 | You make me want to   | If your brother's like | You make me think
|   | puke.                 | you, better to marry a | somebody already did.
|   |                       | pig.                   |
|16 | I've spoken with apes | Now I know what filth  | I'm glad to hear you
|   | more polite than you. | and stupidity really   | attended your family
|   |                       | are.                   | reunion.

Tell me if I miss some insults.

...if you let Guybrush stay under water for more than 10 minutes after the
scene where the Sheriff drowns him, he could die? His skin will first turn
light blue, then blue, then purple, and he will eventually turn into a weird,
greeny fresh corpse. More interestingly, he will automatically float inside
the water and the usual act options (the 'walk', 'open', 'use' and all) will
be replaced with:

Float         Bob 
Bloat         Stare 
Decompose     Order hint book 

None of these option works (and it's actually a game over; you will need
to reload), but if you choose 'order hint book', Guybrush will say:
"Call-1-800-STARWARS for details."

...if you keep on using the rope on the cannon and picking up the fuse during
Part II, the rope turns from 'giant piece of rope' to 'small piece of rope',
'tiny piece of rope', 'dinky little rope', and 'infinitesimally small rope'?

...you can speed up Guybrush's walk on the overworld map of Monkey Island?
All you have to do is click a valid destination (i.e. everything that has
a name label, like 'river', 'fort', and all). Guybrush will double his speed.
This can also be done later with the rowboat; simply click the map's border
(the upper/lower/northeast/wherever part) so it goes faster as well. This
doesn't work in the (relatively smaller) Mêlée Island, though.

- Allah SWT, The Beneficent, The Merciful -

CJayC, for giving me a medium for this self-therapy (writing stuff, I figure,
could restore some sanity in me. Weird, yes, but better than hammering my own
head to the wall, I say.)
TERbaik, at whose house I played SoMI for my first time some years ago,
ta2k, whose both generosity and annoyances lead me somehow to this game,
my band, for not throwing me up to the passing cars for playing horribly bad
during a practice session the same day I started this guide
adinda; aishiteru masaka ne, sonna koto ienai. Heh. Perhaps.
and kiroro, because the above 'aishiteru...' thing was theirs.

this work is not copyrighted and I don't care if you take this and claim to
the world it's your work. Think of it, it's not even *mine*. All these
scripts are probably the work of Ron Gilbert and those people who crafted the
game, and all I do is to document them for some unknown reason. With that
being said, you can extract information from this work the way you want it to.
Modify it, burn it into cd's, save it into your harddisk, whatever. You are
your own mind, you take responsibility of all your deeds anyway. I'm off of
that completely.

the creation of this guide basically involves a friggin' lot of Alt-Tabbing
and Alt-Entering. The game plays in MS-Dos mode, so I should Alt-Enter it to
bring it into the windowed mode. Then I load up the ever-loyal Wordpad and
start to write down the game, involving furiously alternating between the game
and the work, and turning off the Winamp when my wee MP3 collection gets a bit
irritatingly boring. Usually, after a scene, the screen quality turns down for
whatever reason, so I need to Alt-Enter the game again to restore the quality.
After that, when a dialogue ensue, I return it to the windowed mode again and
start picking the words again...


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