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Plot Analysis by J. Phillips

Version: 1.3 | Updated: 06/02/2005

The Neverhood Chronicles Analysis
By J. Phillips
Last Updated 6.2.2005

  I.  Table of Contents

  I.  Table of Contents
 II.  Contact Info
III.  Version Info and Credits
 IV.  Introduction
  V.  The Neverhood Chronicles
      A.  Preamble
      B.  Quater
      C.  Father
      D.  Ogdilla
      E.  Bertbert
      F.  Numeron
      G.  Ottoborg
      H.  Homen
      I.  Hoborg
      J.  Arven
 VI.  Analysis
      A.  Preamble
      B.  Quater
      C.  Father
      D.  Ogdilla
      E.  Bertbert
      F.  Numeron
      G.  Ottoborg
      H.  Homen
      I.  Hoborg
      J.  Arven

 II.  Contact Info

Name: J. Phillips
E-mail:  tinted_future@yahoo.com

Feel free to e-mail me regarding large errors or omissions (disregard 
any minor grammatical errors you find).

III.  Version Info and Credits

8.15.2004 Version 1.1--Finished typing up "The Neverhood Chronicles".  
Submitted to GameFAQs.  Will analyze and add the final section 

4.25.2005 Version 1.2--Added note about the first online "Chronicles" 
(which, unfortunately, wasn't my own).  Hopefully I'll soon have time 
to make my own analysis of the game.

6.2.2005 Version 1.3--Finished the FAQ.  No more updates.  Probably my 
final work with The Neverhood, as its popularity has waned over the 
last several years and I see no reason to continue adding to my 
original FAQ for the game.

Thanks to The Neverhood, those guys who inspired me to write two FAQs 
regarding the game.
Thanks to my brother, Zach, and Tony Phalen for their encouragement.  
It was a lot to type, and only they seemed to understand why I was 
doing it.
Again, I must thank Gateway for including The Neverhood in our old 
computer.  If not for them, I would have never heard of it.

 IV.  Introduction

Wow.  That's really all I can say about The Neverhood Chronicles.  I 
just can't believe that the team that made this game amassed this many 
background and accompanying stories.  It is an overwhelming amount of 
reading material, one that could keep you busy for at least a week (or 
a day for the more avid readers--or the more avid fans of the 
Neverhood, perhaps).

I started typing up the Chronicles about a week before submitting it to 
GameFAQs.  I had some spare time between the end of my job and the 
beginning of my college education, so I thought I could do something I 
always wanted to do, but never seemed to have the time.

So, installing The Neverhood for the first time in my Dell laptop, I 
found an older laptop lying around the house and figured it was the 
perfect way to do it--I would set the older laptop on my lap and read 
the Chronicles on my newer laptop.  Needless to say, it was probably 
the quickest way of doing it.

The Neverhood is an amazing piece of work.  It is more than art--it is 
a universe of its own, filled with humorous beings, beautiful worlds, 
amazing creatures, evil villains, heroic characters, and profound 
cultures.  I have never played a game like it.

And so I bring to you this--the first* published version of The 
Neverhood Chronicles on the internet.  Let it be known that the 
analysis of The Neverhood Chronicles is my copyrighted work, and cannot 
be reprinted or published without my permission.  However, The 
Neverhood Chronicles is not my work.  I have merely included it in this 
analysis in order for readers to compare my analysis to the real 

Also, The Neverhood was made up of a bunch of goofy guys.  Looks like 
they forgot to run a spell-check before they plastered these stories on 
the Klay wall within the Hall of Records.  So if you find any errors, 
they are either the result of my old laptop being a pain or The 
Neverhood getting sick of typing and rushing their work.  Towards the 
end I started fixing their grammatical errors, however few.

So sit down and enjoy this, the first online compilation of the 
Neverhood's background.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

One more thing.

"Noom noom Numeron,
send us food
to chew-mer-on"

Enjoy your experience.

* Turns out that I'm not the first person to have provided The 
Neverhood Chronicles online.  Go to 
http://doo.nomoretangerines.com/nevhood/nevhall.htm to see the first.  
I had searched and searched and searched for any versions before mine, 
but somehow missed this one.  Thanks to "Clanker" for pointing it out 
to me.

  V.  The Neverhood Chronicles



I am Quater.  Read my words, and be my friend.

Father commands me to record the truth of history, so that readers will 
learn from those who went before.

Therefore, I give each of my seven sons one of these self-engraving, 
history-recording klay walls.  This wall automatically records the 
activity in this world, and in any other world containing one of the 
other walls.

Behold.  Anyone who tampers with the records on these walls will be 
considered the enemy of Father.  I will not like you much, either.

This wall is given by Father.  It will teach you to acquire wisdom, 
integrity, and skills for solving problems.

In each of our lives, we must make decisions.  When these times come, 
be ready to make the right choices.

Continue in what you know is true, though truth is often hard to see.  
These walls may hold the only truths you will know.



Father is a kind being whom no one has ever seen.  Father is beyond our 
comprehension.  All folks know is that he was here before there ever 
was a here.  He is happy and enjoys existing.  He is said to be great 
and powerful; and as far as anyone knows, there was no one before him.  
He is from the other side.  No one has ever been to the other side but 
it is supposed to be a great place where there is peace without death.


Quater is the only being Father has ever made.  He had been a good 
friend of Father's for many eons.  Quater is the official go-between 
for all beings and Father.  Since he himself is a being made by Father, 
not much can be learned about Father by looking at Quater.  But, if 
anything is known to anyone about Father, Quater revealed it.  Quater 
forged seven crowns for seven beings he created for Father to pour his 
approval on.  Quater left the comfort of Father's presence to pioneer a 
new world where his beings could make their own place in order to 
empathize with Quater.


Quater made Ogdilla as a kind of test-subject.  He gave Ogdilla a 
crown, although he did not have a head to set the crown on.  Ogdilla is 
a mass of blue gas that is barely self-aware.  It is said that Ogdilla 
is the spirit of adventure since on the day he was made, he left 
Quater's homeland traveling in a straight line without stopping...

He has picked up many particles from space, which have made a happy 
home for themselves on Ogdilla's back.

Ogdilla is now one million times the size he was when Quater made him, 
and his inhabitants include the Specks of Rilonate.

The Specks of Rilonate were in constant conflict with the Specks of 
Rod.  The Specks of Rod cultivated food on Ogdilla's back using their 
own spit.  The Specks of Rilonate had no spit, but occupied most of the 
surface of Ogdilla.  The Specks of Rilonate were disgusted by all the 
spitting that the Specks of Rod did, and they did not like stepping in 
it either.  

The strife between the Specks of Rilonate and the Specks of Rod carried 
on for centuries.  The conflict was never physically violent, but there 
was much whining, taunting, heated sneering, upheavals, and so on.  
This period is known as the "Oobla Senchter Hakkt," or:  "The Three 
Millennia of Conflict," although it was really more like two and a 
half.  During the "Oobla Senchter Hakkt," an incident happened that at 
once made all the Specks forget their animosity, and at the same time 
exacerbated the conflict even more.

In the eighth month on the twenty seventh day, during the eleventh year 
of the first century of the second millennium of the "Oobla Senchter 
Hakkt," the Specks of Rilonate woke up to find a strange being of 
gigantic size asleep in Screnchy Park.  There was a pond by his head 
where he had drooled while he slept.  A crowd of Specks gathered around 
the titan as the morning hours went by.  The larger the crowd grew, the 
more the Specks talked among themselves.  The hubbub finally became so 
loud that the giant awoke and sat up.  The giant showed his great teeth 
and growled at them from deep within his huge body.  The Specks fed him 
for fear of being eaten alive.  The giant could easily have thrown 
three or four of them into his mouth at once.  He was very bizarre 
looking, even for a giant; he was like nothing they had ever seen 
before.  His head had a ring of flesh on it that started almost at the 
very top then looped down and joined the head again at the jaw.  Three 
Specks, one on top of the other, could have stood up inside the ring.  
He had huge lips with which he covered his enormous teeth, while the 
Specks had no lips at all.  Above the lips, almost to the top of the 
face, were two ball-shaped things that had one dot within each of them.  
The giant seemed to use them to observe things, since the dots moved 
and pointed at whoever was speaking to him.  His torso was short for 
his size, while his legs were extremely long.  Out of his chest stuck 
three spiked horns.

For days upon end the Specks tried to speak to the giant to find out if 
he was friend or foe, to no avail.  His form of speech sounded too low-
down, deep and loud; it reminded them too much of the rumbling growl 
that came from deep within his body.  The Specks did not like it and 
they did not understand it.  They could not even tell where one 
syllable ended and the next began; and comprehending sentences was 
totally impossible.  To avoid hearing him speak, the Specks fed him 
constantly.  The Specks of Rilonate did not keep a guard posted where 
the giant was staying; they could never have over-powered him.  In any 
case, the giant never threatened them.  King Rilonate had in mind to 
win over the giant's confidence so that he might be employed to stomp 
on the Specks of Rod.  King Rilonate often went to Screnchy Park to 
speak to the giant.  He wanted to impress the giant, so he had the best 
acrobats from the Rilonate Circus come visit him.  The king commanded 
the unicyclist to do the loop-the-loops inside the ring on the giant's 
head, while a high-diver did trick dives off his huge lips into a 
barrel of water at the giant's feet.  During these demonstrations of 
the circus performers' expertise, the giant did nothing but stand still 
and smile.  Even while there were trapeze artists swinging from the 
three spikes that stuck out from his chest, the giant stood like a 
stone sculpture with a silly grin on his face.  King Rilonate redoubled 
his efforts to continue to try to communicate with the giant once he 
saw that the giant would not harm the circus performers as they climbed 
and swung upon his body.

Day after day, the king came out to where the giant was to try again to 
communicate his desire for the giant to walk over and stomp on the 
Specks of Rod.  The giant smiled a lot at the king; he nodded his head 
when the king nodded his head; he shook his head when the king shook 
his head.  When King Rilonate slapped his own forehead, the giant 
slapped his own forehead.  When the king mimed walking, and pointed in 
the direction of the Kingdom of Rod, the giant stood up and did a 

King Rilonate was furious!  While the giant was still dancing, the king 
ordered all the Specks of Rilonate to throw things at him.  Since they 
were feeding the giant all the time, the only stuff they had at hand 
was food, so they threw that at him.

The giant tried to eat as much of the food thrown at him as possible, 
but he could not keep up with the furious pace with which the Specks 
were throwing at him.  He turned and walked away from them and headed 
in the direction of the Kingdom of Rod.  Since the Specks of Rilonate 
had thrown so much food at the giant, no matter where he turned he 
stepped into it.  With each step, more and more food gunked-up on the 
bottom of his feet.  The Specks of Rilonate cheered and clapped and 
jumped up and down when the giant continued in the direction of Rod!  
The giant turned back to look at the Specks, so they stopped their 
cheering and got ready to throw more food.  But the giant did not come 
back; he continued in the way he was headed, toward the Kingdom of Rod.

So the Specks of Rilonate had a great celebration.  They hoped that as 
soon as the giant arrived in the Kingdom of Rod, he would smoosh the 
Specks of Rod who were such a bother to the Kingdom of Rilonate.

King Rilonate gave a rousing speech:

"Well, that's that for the great giant!  I suppose we owe a debt of 
thanks to the goofy colossus, for he will shortly be stepping on the 
Specks of Rod and making so much mush of them!  His immense foot will 
crush our ancient foe in an instant.  Squashed beneath his mammoth 
bulk, those unspeakable wretches will be reduced to the vile scum that 
they have always represented.  We are now delivered forever from their 
constant whining, taunting, and hectoring.  That feeble minded titan is 
our national hero!  A doltish whopper, he shall be the greatest of all 
figures in the history of Rilonate.

There is none equal to his blockheaded enormity on all of Ogdilla, but 
he did finally come through for us.  A stupendously dumb gargantuan, it 
is well, nevertheless, that we are rid of him.  And I suppose we ought 
to be thankful that the half-witted behemoth did not stomp on us too.  
I cannot think of any reason why he would come back here... can you?"

Meanwhile, the Specks of Rod heard the giant before they saw him.  His 
every step made a hollow drum sound on the debris-covered surface of 
Ogdilla.  They gathered into frightened groups, becoming more and more 
agitated as the booming steps grew ever louder.

Finally they saw him!  They saw his big ring-head, his big lips, and 
the spikes sticking out of his chest.  But what most impressed them 
were his feet.  Actually, what most impressed them was what they saw 
stuck to the bottom of his feet.  All that food that he had stepped on 
looked disgusting, but the Specks of Rod did not know that it was food.  
The Specks stood in stunned silence.  They knew that the giant had come 
from the direction of the Kingdom of Rilonate.  Their imaginations took 
over from there.

The Specks of Rod were convinced that the giant had stomped on the 
Specks of Rilonate and made mush of them.  As the giant got closer and 
closer, word went through the crowd that the giant had finished off the 
Specks of Rilonate and was now coming to their kingdom to stomp on 
them.  Some of the Specks ran away screaming; but most stood still, 
knowing that they could not out-run the fearsome giant's feet.  Then 
one Speck of Rod started clapping.  At first, the Specks next to him 
thought he was crazy, but then they started clapping too.  Soon a small 
group was clapping.  Then most of the crowd was clapping and cheering 
and jumping up and down as the giant approached.  They had figured that 
if the giant thought they were glad that the Specks of Rilonate had 
been stomped to pudding, then he might spare them and consent to be 
their hero.

When the giant reached the front of the crowd they whooped and hollered 
for a few minutes more.  Then the crowd parted and King Rod made his 
way through to the front.  There, before his people at the giant's 
feet, he made a speech:

"Oh, Great Giant!  Thank you, Mighty Colossal Allied Thing, for 
stepping on the Specks of Rilonate and making so much mush of them!  
Your immense foot has crushed our ancient foe in an instant.  Squashed 
beneath your mammoth bulk, these unspeakable hidiots (hideous idiots) 
have been reduced to the evil scum that they have always represented.  
We are now delivered forever from their constant whining, taunting and 
bantering.  You, Magnificent Titan, are our national hero!  Oh 
Necromaniacal Whopper, you shall be the greatest of all figures in the 
history of Rod.  There is none equal to your fabulous enormity on all 
of Ogdilla.  You, Tremendous Gargantuan, shall be second only to 
myself, unless of course you would rather be number one.  By the way, 
we thank you, Phenomenal Behemoth, so very much for not stomping on us 
too.  I can only offer our humble kingdom to you, Amazing Monstrosity, 
as compensation for the wonderful deed you have accomplished this day.  
It is not a kingdom worthy of your monumental grandiosity, of course; 
you won't like it much.  You will probably not like anything we offer 
you, since it is all tiny compared to your gigantean size.  But of 
course, anything we have is yours, but I don't know what you would do 
with it.  I say, do you understand me?"

The giant smiled at the Specks of Rod, who smiled back, until he spoke 
to them.  To the Specks his voice sounded slow and deep and slurred.  
They looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.  The Specks of 
Rod decided to go back to what they were each doing before the giant 
arrived.  As they left they kept looking over their shoulders to make 
sure the giant was not lifting one of his big feet to stomp on them.  
He did not move from where he stood and maintained his smile until they 
were out of sight.

The next day the giant was right where the Specks of Rod had left him, 
only he was sitting.  So, the Specks went about their daily chores, and 
occasionally they would look over their shoulders at the giant just to 
make sure he had not stood up.  This did not change for several days.  
Finally the giant got up and started following some Specks around.  He 
seemed to be watching them as they went about their everyday tasks.  He 
still smiled as he watched them, but not as much.  Day after day, month 
after month, season after season he watched them tending their fields, 
from planting to harvest.

At harvest time many Specks noticed how much thinner the giant looked 
and how little he smiled as compared to when he had first arrived in 
the Kingdom of Rod.  As they talked about it, they realized no one had 
seen him eat while he had been there.  Some of the Specks got together 
and brought food to the giant.  When he saw that they had brought some 
food to him, the giant looked horrified!  He got up and ran off, far 
away from the Kingdoms of Rod and Rilonate.

There is no official record of when the giant was seen last or who saw 
him, but a few Specks from both Kingdoms insisted that they saw the 
giant ascending into the heavens early one morning a few years after he 
ran away from the Kingdom of Rod.

About the time that the giant ran off, spies from the Kingdom of 
Rilonate came to the Kingdom of Rod and saw that the Specks of Rod were 
not obliterated.  They noticed that their enemies were not even bruised 
a little!  This report went back to King Rilonate, who was shocked and 
upset that once again the Specks of Rod had foiled his own Speck 
Kingdom.  He ordered a delegation to go to the Kingdom of Rod and meet 
with a delegation of the Specks of Rod.  When the delegation of 
Rilonate arrived at Rod there was much shock and agitation.  "You are 
supposed to be squashed!"  said the representative of Rod.

Tensions rose and accusations flew!  Each side blamed the other for 
making their king's most famous speech a pack of lies.  The delegations 
gave messages to each other to take back to their respective kings 
about how there could never be peace between the two kingdoms.  As they 
left the meeting, they all thumbed their noses at each other!  The 
"Oobla Senchter Hakkt" was back in full swing.

King Rilonate grew tired of the thousands of years of bickering between 
his Specks and King Rod's Specks.  In a desperate move to bring about a 
day of peace, he asked for a secret meeting with King Rod at the center 
of Ogdilla.  In the thirty fourth month on the second day, during the 
eighty ninth year of the fifth century of the third millennium of the 
"Oobla Senchter Hakkt", the kings met.  The two kings reasoned for two 
weeks, trying solutions that were fair for both kingdoms, but to no 
avail.  Meanwhile, Ogdilla himself had grown so tired of the angst he 
felt on his back that he spread all of the Specks of Rod to one half of 
his back and the Specks of Rilonate to the other half of his back.  In 
a violent quake, Ogdilla split into two beings which floated 
independently from each other.  They only problem was that King Rod 
ended up on the half of the back with the Specks of Rilonate, and King 
Rilonate found himself on the half of Ogdilla with the Specks of Rod.  
King Rilonate was at first mistaken by the Specks of Rod as King Rod, 
but he quickly corrected the Specks of Rod announcing that he was King 
Rilonate.  The Specks of Rod immediately cut him into tiny pieces and 
fed him to their young.  King Rod, however, told the Specks of Rilonate 
that he was indeed their king, and since few Specks of Rilonate had 
ever seen their own king, they believed him.  Eventually, King Rod had 
the Specks of Rilonate build him a large castle which housed his 
children, who were half Speck of Rod and half Speck of Rilonate.  King 
Rod, posing as King Rilonate, lived to see his Specks harmoniously 
blend where it was previously thought impossible. 

The Specks of Rilonate did not cultivate food on Ogdilla's back using 
their own spit like the Specks of Rod; instead they rubbed their heads 
on the fine, hairy grass-like particles that had attached themselves to 
cover the Rilonate portion of Ogdilla's back.  The rubbing caused 
static charges to build and build until small arcs of lightning flashed 
off of the Specks' heads.  Ogdilla's blue gas in the immediate area of 
the arcs of lightning reacted by turning into bite-size cubes of lime-
flavored finger-snacks.  This was the sole source of food for the 
Specks of Rilonate.

Every 247 days (this was one year for the Specks of Rilonate, chosen 
arbitrarily because they did not have seasons) the Specks had their 
annual feast, which was called the "fillange per Jungi."  The great day 
began with the Concert of Rubbing, where the entire population of 
Rilonate, young and old alike, rubbed their heads on the hairy 
particles until they collapsed exhausted, unable to lift a limb.  About 
3 hours after this frenzy, some specks regained enough strength to 
shakingly pull themselves upright.  Then the male specks began the 
Harvest of Cubes while the female specks prepared gastronomic delights 
such as:  Cube Fonde; Cube Salad; Cube Roast; Cube Soup; Cube and Cube-
on-a-Stick (for the kids); Cube Paste; Cube Fillet, Cube Pie, Cube 
Relish, Cube Stuffing, Blackened Cube, Cube Kabobs, Cube Sherbet, Deep-
fat-fried Cube, Cube Cake, Deep-fat-fried Cube Cake, Barbecued Cube, 
Cube Chowder, Glazed Cube, Cube Pandowdy, Broiled Cube, Blackened Cube, 
Cube Thermador, Cube on-the-Rocks (for the adults), Steamed Cube, 
Smoked Cube, and of course, Susan's Cube Bubble Loaf.  While the 
delicious smells of cube cookery were filling the air, those who were 
not busy found time to participate in fun "Fillange per Jungi" games, 
like:  "Come Over Here," "Hey You Just Bumped My Friend's Elbow," "Are 
You Just Going To Stand There," and "This Is My Bucket".

The day culminated with the "Fillange per Jungi" dance, which they 
performed lying on their backs with their feet as high in the air as 
they could possibly get them, first prize going to the dancers with 
their feet highest up.

King Rod, whom the Specks of Rilonate thought was King Rilonate, used 
the occasion of "Fillange per Jungi" to campaign for re-election, since 
twelve days after the picnic was polling day.  The specks voted every 
year, but they only had two choices:  King Rod Green Ballot or King Rod 
Purple Ballot.  Either way, King Rod got re-elected.

"Fillange per Jungi" was the Specks of Rilonate Forgotten Day of 
Atonement.  They knew that in their past there was a definite day set 
aside as a Day of Atonement, but it was forgotten before King Rod ever 
took over the position of King Rilonate.  At least they knew there once 
was a Day of Atonement, but the Specks could not remember what they 
need atonement for.  After King Rod took the throne, a speck named 
Hefamut, during the demolition of a shoe foundry, found a vague 
historical reference to a Day of Atonement called the "Fillange per 
Jungi" and to have the marketing department think of some fun things to 
do on it.  No one could think of anything they needed atonement for, so 
the day is mostly remembered for the annual feast or for the dancing 

The Specks of Rilonate determined when one day was over and a new day 
had begun by having the Day Determiner hold the Determiner Stone out at 
her side at arms-length.  When that day's Day Determiner could no 
longer hold her arm up, the day was declared done and the next Day 
Determiner took up the stone.  Being Day Determiner was a prestigious 
honor, but no she-speck was allowed to do it more than once a year.

Rilonate specks married in threes... Two grooms and a bride, or two 
brides and a groom.  In either case the spouse with the two 
counterspouses had to alternate every day, being spouse to one, and 
then the day to the other.  Each Speck year the sequence is renewed, 
starting with the spouse who was shorted by one day the previous year.  
The marriage ceremony of Rilonate was short and simple:  The three 
specks went before the king on the assigned day of their marriage 
appointment; each stated their vows, which consisted of a promise to 
abide by the custom of spouse alternating, and a promise to never get 
ugly.  The vows were repeated in this way:  The king said to each 
speck, in-turn, "Do you, ___, promise to never get ugly?"  To which 
each responded in turn, "I do."  Then, in the case of one groom and two 
brides, for example, the king said to the groom speck,

"Repeat after me.  I, ___, take you, ___, to be one of my wedded wives, 
and you, ___, to be the other of my wedded wives."

Annulment usually stemmed from one of the two brides or one of the two 
grooms (in the case of one bride and two grooms) feeling slighted 
because he/she was not the first one named in the vow.  Divorce usually 
stemmed from one spouse being cheated out of his or her fair share of 
marriage days on leap year, when an extra day went to the spouse who 
then renewed the new year's sequence!


Quater made his next being with a form closer to his own.  He attempted 
to duplicate himself, but because he was not as good of a man-builder 
as Father, the being was not quite a perfect duplicate.

Bertbert was given powers of speech and reason, but he could not grasp 
that he was different from Quater.  He thought he was Quater and 
instantly made seven of his own crowns and started making his own 
people in his own image.  Because Bertbert was an even worse being-
maker than Quater, each generation looked worse and worse.  By the last 
generation, Bertbert's beings were not even alive, they just looked 
like blobs of meat.

The lineage of Bertbert:

Empowered by Quater to create, Bertbert, believing that he himself was 
Quater, begat another Bertbert.

This second Bertbert begat Bredbad, a weak attempt at Bertbert; but 
with a speech impediment.  

Bredbad was a wise being.  "The most wise of all," it has been said, 
although no one knows exactly who said that, but it stuck.  He did not 
write down any of his wisdom, but his son Bridabrack the Literal 
transcribed Bredbad's lectures...

The wisdom of Bredbad, the son of Bertbert, the son of Bertbert:

I am not good by nature nor am I naturally happy.

But if I fall it is a fault of my own not my mom or pappy.

I have been the witness of one thousand fallen.

For this I am not fortunate.

For me it is torture-nate.

I ponder these 'til I am withered and sullen.

Power is pleasant if served under glass, or eaten like pheasant causing 
my voice to rasp.

The killer be killed, the dancing man stilled.  When bees of plenty 
sting my heart many.

I emaciate... thinner, thinner... thinner.

Found are the three ways of Bablon:

1.  FEAR- It eats itself like a snake down a hill and finds nourishment 

The bigger it gets the more it eats until it is everywhere.

2.  GREED- Unlike fear it shrinks until the snake is something small 
and despicable.  Smelling like torch when mixed with hair.

3.  VANITY- Is the snake thinking he has strong legs that can jump the 
stream.  He floats belly-up when caught in this snare.

I will share with you my comings and goings if you will listen.

You will join me on these journeys if you hasten.  We will perish if 
you do not.

Bredbad, having no point of reference but himself, begat Bridabrack the 

Who begat Bickback.  Bickback was thin for his age and his peers mocked 
him for the purple and green skin splotches that covered his body.

Once a large crowd of descendents of Bert Bert had formed, poor 
Bickback was made to sit in the back.

He tried to hide his sadness by pretending to enjoy the back of the 
crowd.  It was there that he met the rest of the back of the crowd.  
They were pitiful beings suffering from physical maladies almost as bad 
as his splotches.

A distant cousin named Hiface offered to stand behind Bickback so that 
it would seem like he was not in the absolute back of the crowd, but 
Bickback chose to emulate the cruelty of the rest of the group by 
pointing out Hiface's abnormality--a tiny second head growing from his 
palm.  He sang a song about a thing with a thing hiding in its palm.  
Everyone laughed at Hiface for a while, then praised Bickback for his 
entertaining and funny verse.

Hiface confronted Bickback regarding this display of cruelty, but 
Bickback sang the song again until Hiface ran home crying.

The crowd acknowledged that Bickback was witty, but they still could 
not let him go to the front of the crowd because of those awful 
splotches.  This gave Bickback an idea.

One morning Bickback went to great lengths to hide his splotches.  
Using some dust, he coated himself, until finally his peers found him 
beautiful.  They quickly escorted him to the front of the crowd where 
he was commanded to write more songs about the beings in the back of 
the crowd.  Bickback wrote songs of cruelty and prejudice about them 
all.  All, that is, except for one in the back row.  He hoped that the 
front of the crowd would not notice that he was intentionally 
overlooking his brother, Lytle, who was retarded and therefore, the 
most back of the whole back row.  But, alas, someone noticed,

"Now, Bickback, let us have a song about Lytle!!!" the crowd screamed.

They figured that Bickback was saving a song about Lytle until the end, 
since it would be the funniest and easiest to write, given the subject 

Bickback looked across the crowd at Lytle who could only stare at the 
ground.  Lytle was pitiful in his brother's sight and Bickback hated 
him for not being perfect.

Bickback walked over to his brother who was drooling and looking very 
stupid.  Lytle recognized his brother and decided to hug him hard the 
way he always had.  Lytle reached out and hugged Bickback saying, "Lyle 
like Bicks!"

The crowd roared with laughter at Lytle.  They found his audacity to 
touch someone from the front row typical of his level of stupidity.  
Embarrassed, Bickback, threw Lytle to the ground and called him an 

Lytle was shocked and began to cry.  Bickback looked down at his drool 
covered arms.  The drool had wiped away some of his dust-covering, 
exposing the horrible, hated splotches.  Bickback openly wept face-down 
on the ground.  Lytle crawled over to him and held him.  The crowd was 
uncomfortable, no one knew what to do.  Just then, Bickback wiped his 
eyes and announced, "I have a song about the pitiful members of the 
back of the crowd!"

Those in the back of the crowd figured that this would be the most 
degrading song yet.  The front of the crowd cheered.  Lytle drooled.

Bickback sang in a voice so beautiful that to this day no song has been 
written to compare.  This is what he sang:

In this life I have found one thing.

It is pity incarnate of which I sing.

You have been told about the back of the crowd.

And I repeat it plenty loud.

That they are animals to be excused--

As hapless freaks which we shall use--

As ladder rungs for our speedy ascent--

To the front of the crowd where we'll invent

A strict system of attractive and not

On which side of the net you will be caught.

Align me please with the crowd's back

The front for what I care can go to hack

With their own standards based on their small group

If given the choice 'tween accepting many or few

I will love the different and accept the whole crowd

I will sing of my world long and loud

In my world I say that we the low be tall

And so Brother Lytle is greatest of all.

The entire crowd fell silent as Bickback walked over to his brother and 
held him.  He whispered in Lytle's ear, "I'm so sorry.  I have been a 
big fool."

Lytle still just drooled.  Some members of the crowd heeded Bickback's 
song and embraced the entire crowd.  Others did not and made it their 
full time concern to re-establish the lines between the front and back 
of the crowd.

Bickback lived a happy life.  He wed Phyllis, a demure little lady, 
also from the back of the crowd.

He begat Mak Mok which means "Low is high."

Mak Mok begat Mak Mak.

Who begat Mak Mak.

Who begat Mak Mak.

Who begat Mak Mak, who fashioned a two-sided being which included both 
genders, male and female, one on either side.  It was a colossal being 
named Mammur who was very proud indeed.  It considered itself 
absolutely complete, lacking nothing and independent even from its 
creator, Mak Mak.

Mak Mak could not stand for such conceit so he made a huge crowbar with 
which he pried the being into two parts:  a male being named Meen and a 
female being named Mavi.

It took all of Mak Mak's strength to pry the two halves apart.  And 
when Mammur finally split, it sent the crow bar hurtling out into 
space.  As soon as the two half-beings saw that they were no longer a 
singular whole, they started trying to put themselves back together 
again, and they have been trying to put themselves back together ever 

Mammur (or Meen and Mavi) then begat Maumat.

And the sons of Maumat were Mau Much and Marzim and Mah Tup and Manaak.

And the sons of Mau Much were Mabes and Maliva and Magbas and Mamaar 
and Macetbas;

And the sons of Mamaar were Mabesh and Maded.

Now Maded became the father of Moremin; who became a mighty florist in 
his town.  He was a mighty florist before Quater; therefore it is said, 
"Like Moremin, a mighty florist before Quater."

And the beginning of his kingdom consisted of DaisyWorld and Rosebud 
and TulifCrime, in the land of Ranish.  From that land he went forth 
into Milpitas, and built H'voney and Tt and Hoot, and Ressinsessin 
between H'voney and Tt; that is the great city.

And Moremin became the father of Midul and Mimana and Mibahel and 
Mihutphan and Misurthap and Mihulsack (from which came the peeons) and 
Mirotphack and MixtMath, the evil twins.

And Misurthap became the father of Modis, his firstborn, and Math Bath 
and the Quergenites and the Lolo Men and the Fylo Dendrites and the 
Shrub people and the Klay Wanters and the Neo-Ressinsessinites and the 
Briv and the Manaakite; and afterward the families of the Manaakite 
were spread abroad.  And the territory of the Manaakite extended from 
Nodis as you go toward Modoc, Delano, and Truckee and Chester and 
Alturas, as far as Lake Almanor.  So these were the sons of Maumat, 
according to their families, according to their languages, by their 
lands, by their nations.

Modis then begat Mah Min, who decided to wear a purple hood instead of 
a crown.

Mah Min begat Mah Nih, who liked hoods a lot, but hated his father's 
purple hood; so in rebellion, he went back to the crown-wearing 
tadition of previous generations.  This gesture pleased Quater so much 
that Mah Nih was simply caught-up into the presence of Quater to live 
forever in peace with Father, but not before he was able to create a 
poor likeness of himself, May Nee.

Who begat Way Nee.

Who begat Fwah Gee (the founder of the famous Fwah Ah Nation.)

Who begat Fep At.
Who begat Fep Pee.

Who begat Feh, who liked to sing loving songs for his sons.  He sang by 
expelling air from between five flaps of flesh on his back.  Feh sang 
this way, as a sincere gesture of love for his many sons, but the 
perpetual honking and flapping of his songs echoed up to the ears of 
Quater, who, after many years of tolerance, could finally take it no 
more.  Quater smote Feh with a bolt of energy so intense that nobody 
ever found a trace of his body.  Feh was destroyed in the prime of his 
life, but not before he was able to create thirteen sons.

Feh's thirteen sons were:  Klough, Kluff, Klau, Klimt, Kleft, Klak, 
Klink, and five sons all of whom Feh named Kloppenhomwinwitz, because 
he could not think of another name until the birth of his last son, 

In the Fwah Legends are the stories of Feh and his thirteen sons.

Feh's favorite son was named Klee (meaning, "give me more like this 

Feh often had his sons watch the FwaCattle herd in an attempt to teach 
them the value of hard work, and the responsibility of caring for the 
herd.  FwaCattle had three genders:  female; hemale; and threemales 
(threemales had the gender characteristics of all three genders).  When 
the females were nursing they exuded FwaGerkins from their hide.  
FwaGerkins were the staple of the Fwah Ah diet.  Klee was the youngest 
of Feh's sons, yet he was also the most responsible, and he was the 
only one who listened when Feh spoke to his sons the legends Fep Pee 
had told him of Father and Quater.

The other sons spent most of their time listening to their father's 
songs, but avoiding work, dreaming of ways to spend their inheritance 
as soon as their father died.  On the other hand, Klee spent his time 
tending the family herd of FwaCattle with such care that many thought 
it was his own herd.  It was the largest herd of FwaCattle in the 
nation of Fwah Ah, next to the Emperor's own herds, and Feh certainly 
appreciated Klee's care.

To show his appreciation, he slaughtered his finest FwahCalf and had 
the hide made into a fine pair of shorts for Klee.  Feh's other sons 
considered Klee an obstacle to their fun, so they started spending a 
portion of their time planning ways to get rid of him.

When Klee was out herding the FwaCattle with his brothers, he would 
often bring back a bad report to his father of how the other sons 
abused the herd and often secretly sold FwaGerkis for their own profit.  
Klee boldly told his brothers that while they were dreaming up ways to 
avoid work, he was dreaming of being Emperor of Fwah Ah.  This got on 
their nerves, and after much plotting, they did finally came up with a 
plan to get rid of Klee.

When he came out to the Plains of Choppen to check up on them, they 
grabbed him and sewed him and his fine shorts to the back of a FwaBull.  
The brothers then traded Klee and the FwaBull to some Choppenpops for 
some stewed pods.  They took these back to Feh and explained that Klee 
had been trampled in a FwaStampede, and that the pods were all that was 
left of their brother.

Feh mourned for 88 years the death of his favorite son, Klee.  
Meanwhile, the Choppenpops, never noticing Klee sewn to the back of 
their new FwaBull, traded it to the Emperor's herdsmen for a pack of 
Gaza Smokes.

Now, an Emperor likes a clean herd of FwaCattle, so his herdsmen 
scrubbed the FwaCattle daily.  While they were scrubbing the new 
FwaBull that Klee was sewn to, they noticed him crying out and begging 
to be released.  The herdsmen released Klee to the custody of 
Portenchipa, the Emperor's bodyguard.

Portenchipa made Klee his butler, and Klee took on the responsibility 
much as he did with his father's herd of FwaCattle.  Portenchipa was 
not home much, what with all the responsibilities of his own job, but 
when he was home, he did not fail to notice Klee's meticulous care of 
the house and household matters.  He actually did a better job than 
Portenchipa would have done himself.  Portenchipa would have been 
jealous, but he enjoyed the spare time too much.

In these days, each time Portenchipa had been out on one of his many 
trips away from home with the Emperor, his wife, Pettenpipa, started 
making eyes at Klee the way she should only be making eyes at 
Portenchipa.  Klee was no fool, he knew what Pettenpipa was up to, so 
he warned her with the warning his mother always used.  He said, "If 
you don't stop making eyes like that, they're going to get stuck that 

Pettenpipa could not stand to be rejected, so she kept making eyes at 
Klee, and sure enough, her eyes got stuck.  She lied to Portenchipa 
when he came home that night and told him Klee had dressed up like 
Portenchipa just to get her to make eyes at him.  Portenchipa beat Klee 
to within a foot span of his life, then threw him in jail.

But Quater did not forget Klee.

Klee once again prospered because of his faithful conduct.

After the jailer beat Klee to within a half foot span of his life, he 
put Klee in charge of all the prisoners who were in the jail, so that 
whatever was done there, he was responsible for it.  The jailor did not 
supervise anything under Klee's charge because whatever Klee did always 

Klee often told the other prisoners the stories of Father and Quater 
that he had heard as a boy.  Then it came about after these things that 
the Emperor's nephew offended the Emperor by besting him at liver 
juggling.  The Emperor was furious with his nephew, so he took away his 
status of Emperor's nephew, gave it to some guy who happened to be 
walking by, and put his nephew in confinement in the jail, the same 
place where Klee had been imprisoned.

And the jailer put Klee in charge of the Emperor's former nephew, and 
he took care of him; and he was in confinement for quite some time.

Then the Emperor's ex-nephew who was confined to jail, had a terrible 
time sleeping one night.  He tossed and turned all night long.  When 
Klee came to him in the morning and observed him, behold, he was down 
hearted.  And he asked the former Emperor's nephew who was with him in 
confinement in jail, "Why is your face so sad today?"  Then the former 
nephew said to him, "Are you blind?  Just look at my hair; I've got 
Bed-head and there is no one to interpret it!"  He said this because in 
the kingdom of Fep, Bed-head interpretations are used to foretell the 
future.  Then Klee said to him, "Do not interpretations belong to 
Quater?  Let me study your Bed-head, please."

Then Klee said to him, "This is the interpretation of your Bed-head:  
this afternoon the Emperor will restore you to the position of 
Emperor's nephew and have you released from jail.  Now, please do me a 
kindness by mentioning me to the Emperor, and get me out of this jail.  
For I was in fact kidnapped from the land of Fwah Ah, and even here I 
have done nothing that they should have put me into jail."

That afternoon the Emperor declared that his nephew who was in jail 
should be released and be restored to the position of Emperor's nephew.  
When the Emperor was asked what should be done with the guy to whom he, 
the Emperor, had given the "nephew status", the Emperor said to throw 
him in jail instead.  The Emperor's nephew did not remember Klee, in 
fact he forgot him.  But Quater did not forget Klee.

Now it happened at the end of two full years, that the Emperor woke up 
one morning with Bed-head, and his spirit was troubled, so he sent and 
called for all the interpreters.  And the Emperor had them study his 
Bed-head, but there was no on who could interpret it to the Emperor.

Then the Emperor's nephew spoke up, saying, "I would make mention today 
of my own offenses.  The Emperor was furious with me, and he put me in 
confinement in jail.  And I woke up one morning with Bed-head.  Now a 
Fwah Ah youth was with me there, a servant of the jailer, and he 
studied my Bed-head, and he did interpret it for me.  And it came about 
that just as he interpreted for me, it happened; I was restored to my 
status as Emperor's nephew." 

Then the Emperor sent and called for Klee, and they hurriedly brought 
him out of the jail.  And when he had shaved himself from head to toe 
(that is how one was presented to the Emperor in those days) and 
changed his clothes, he came to the Emperor.  And the Emperor said to 

"I presume that you can see I have Bed-head, and no one here can 
interpret it; but I have heard it said about you, that when you study a 
Bed-head you can interpret it."

Klee then answered the Emperor, saying, "It is not in me; 
interpretations of Bed-head belong to Quater."

The Emperor said to Klee, "Behold, study my Bed-head."

Now Klee said to the Emperor, "A terrible drought is coming.

"It is going to cause sky-rocketing inflation and a shortage of 
FwaGerkins and FepGerkins, throw the land into a panic, raise prices 
and drop interest rates.  But not before there is a huge surplus of 

"Now let the Emperor look for a man discerning and wise, and set him 
over the land of Fep.  Let the Emperor take action to appoint overseers 
in charge of the land, and let him exact a fifth of the FepGerkins of 
the land of Fep in the time of surplus.  Then let them gather all the 
FepGerkins of this surplus and store them up, and let them guard it.  
And let the surplus become as a reserve for the land during the drought 
which will occur in the lands of Fwah Ah and Fep, so that the land may 
not perish during sky-rocketing inflation."

The Emperor said, "Wow!  All that was in my Bed-head?"

Then he said to his servants, "Can you believe a man like this guy 

So the Emperor said to Klee, "Since you've got all the answers, you 
shall be over my house, and according to your command all my people 
shall do homage; only in the throne I will be greater than you.  See, I 
have set you over all the land of Fep."

Then the Emperor took off his shorts (he had undershorts on underneath, 
for cryin' out loud!), and put them on Klee.

And he had him ride on his second vehicle; and the servants proclaimed 
before him, "Bow the knee!"  And he set him over all the land of Fep.

Moreover, the Emperor said to Klee, "Though I am the Emperor, yet 
without your permission no one shall raise his hand or foot or left 
eyebrow in all the land of Fep."  And he gave him Gail, the daughter of 
a guy he beat in a game of wagon-hurling the previous day.

Thus, Klee became prime minister of the neighboring kingdom of Fep.

After the period of surplus in Fep, Feh's land dried-up and the 
FwaHerds wandered away, and a shortage of FwaGerkins threw the land of 
Fwah Ah into a panic, raising prices and dropping interest rates.

The Feh boys:  Klough, Kluff, Klau, Klimt, Kleft, Klak, Klink, and five 
sons all of whom Feh named Kloppenhomwinwitz because Feh could not 
think of another name until the birth of his last son, Klee, were 
forced to trek out to Fep and trade their prized ChoppenMettle statues 
for FepGerkins, dreading the odious FepAftertaste.

The Fwah Ah hate FepGerkins, to them they are "dirty".  The Fwah are so 
conditioned to despise FepGerkins that just thinking of the 
FepAftertaste causes a physical reaction.

Simply seeing a FepGerkin has been known to cause a Fwah Ah to go pale 
and become woozy.  The odor of FepGerkins sets off the gag reflex.

It is common to hear a Fwah Gentleman say, "I'd rather eat the refuse 
of my worst enemy than eat FepGerkins."  To which another might 
respond, "Oh yeah?  I'd rather poke myself in the eyes with six inch 
rusty spikes than eat a lousy FepGerkin."

To which another might reply, "Well, I'd rather eat my own head-
innards, after they'd been sucked out through my eye sockets by a great 
naturally occurring vacuum, than eat FepGerkins."

Still, another might say, "I'd rather have a full-body massage from a 
servant girl named Hela than eat FepGerkins."  To which everyone would 
respond, "Huh?"

If a Fwah Ah wants to insult another Fwah Ah, a popular saying is, 
"Your mother eats FepGerkins!"

It is considered very naughty behavior for Fwah Ah youngsters to even 
talk about FepGerkins.  The controversial Fwah Ah comedian, Loody 
Kincaid, once performed an entire live routine of nothing but FepGerkin 
jokes; of course it was an adults-only performance and was banned in 
most towns.

All the people of Fwah Ah, including Feh and his sons, realized they 
would have to choke down the FepGerkins (and most likely vomit a few 
times after eating the first three or four) or face certain starvation.

Now Klee was the ruler over the land; he was the one who sold to all 
the people of the land.  And Klee's brothers came and bowed down to him 
with their faces to the ground.  When Klee saw his brothers he 
recognized them, but he disguised himself to them and spoke to them 
with cotton in his cheeks.

His brothers ordered twelve and a half cases of FepGerkins.  Then Klee 
gave orders to fill the cases with shorts of great value.  And thus it 
was done for them.  So the brothers loaded their FwaOxen with the 
twelve and a half cases and departed from there.

At the border, Klee had his police stop his brothers.

The head policeman said, "May I see your receipt, please?"  Klough, the 
eldest, handed over the receipt to the officer.  "Says here you bought 
twelve and a half cases of FepGerkins.  Mind if we take a look inside 
these here cases?"

Klough agreed to let the police search the cases.  When these were 
opened the police of course found the priceless shorts.  The brothers 
were stunned, to say the least,; their hearts sank, and they turned 
trembling to one another, saying, "What's up with that?"

So the police escorted the sons of Feh back to Klee's house.  The 
brothers thought they were done-for, but when Klee saw them he invited 
them in and fed them delicious snacks prepared with FepGerkins, of 

While they were eating (after having thrown up at least twice each) 
Klee had their cases of FepGerkins filled with the finest Fep shoe 
laces, such as only the Emperor's family would wear.  After dinner, 
Klee released his brothers (who still did not recognize him) to go on 
their way home.

At the border, Klee had his police stop his brothers.  The head 
policeman said, "May I see your receipt, please?"  Klough, the eldest, 
handed over the receipt to the officer.  "Says here you bought twelve 
and a half cases of FepGerkins.  Mind if we take a look inside these 
here cases?"

Klough agreed to let the police search the cases.  When these were 
opened the police of course found the precious shoelaces.  The brothers 
were stunned, to say the least; their hearts sank, and they turned to 
one another, saying, "What is up with that?"

So the police escorted the sons of Feh back to Klee's house.  The 
brothers thought they were done for, but when Klee saw them he invited 
them in and had them join him in the pool.  While they were in the 
sauna, swimming he had their cases of FepGerkins filled with precious 

After they had all dried off, Klee released his brothers (who still did 
not recognize him) to go on their way home.

At the border, Klee had his police stop his brothers.  The head 
policeman said, "May I see your receipt, please?"  Klough, the eldest, 
handed over the receipt to the officer.  "Says here you bought twelve 
and a half cases of FepGerkins.  Mind if we take a look inside these 
here cases?"

Klough agreed to let the police search the cases.  When these were 
opened the police of course found the precious gauges.  The brothers 
were stunned, to say the least; their hearts sank, and they turned 
trembling to one another saying, "What is up with that?"

So the police escorted the sons of Feh back to Klee's house.  The 
brothers thought they were done for, but when Klee saw them he had them 
come in and watch a play performed in mime in his private home theater, 
then he had them spend the night.  While they were sleeping, he had 
their cases of FepGerkins filled with hewminallinterfatch (which is a 
lot like a food).

In the morning, after breakfast, Klee released his brothers (who still 
did not recognize him) to go on their way home.

But Klau, the smartest brother, said, "Before we go, I'd like to look 
in these cases of FepGerkins."

When he opened one up, of course he found the hewminallinterfatch.  He 
exclaimed, "What is up with that?"

Klee knew he had to let his brothers in on his little deception.  Klee 
said, "I'm Klee!"  And the brothers responded, "Who?"

Then Klee took the cotton balls out of his cheeks and told them the 
whole story.  He said, "It goes like this:

When I came out to the Plains of Choppen to check up on you, you 
grabbed me and sewed me and my fine shorts to the back of a FwaBull.  
Then you traded me and the FwaBull to some Choppenpops for some stewed 

Klee's brothers went back to Fwah Ah and returned to Fep with their 
father, Feh, who lived there for only a few years until Quater 
eventually smote him with a bolt of energy.

In all, the Feh family lived in Fep 410 years.

Klee, having become ruler of all the land of Fep, was compelled by his 
people to change his name to Fay Nee, which means, "Most of which still 
do not agree."

Fay Nee begat Fay Nee

Who begat Wah Nee.

Who begat Acker, who looked nothing like his father, Wah Nee, but 
nonetheless managed to create Ehp.

Like many generations before him, Acker sang to Ehp every night over 
his crib using the flaps in his back, in the tradition of Feh.  Acker 
showed all of the love a good parent should show his offspring.  He 
often stared into Ehp's face for hours until his eyes grew dry and 
tired.  Ehp was full of kindness and generosity, taught by Acker and 
likely nurtured by his grandfather, Wah Nee.

One day, while Ehp and his Grandfather were on a long trip to the 
Boneyard, Wah Nee grew ill.  Wah Nee asked Ehp to stay with him until 
he returned home to Father, for he was afraid.  Ehp daubed Wah Nee's 
brow with a cool cloth given to him by Acker.  Quater opened the sky 
and let Wah Nee enter.  This was the first time Ehp had seen Quater who 
was far more marvelous than the legends told.

Ehp grew to be a strong and handsome being, much closer in likeness to 
Bertbert than any generation before him.

Ehp became a mighty leader of other beings who saw that he was in favor 
with Quater.

Just as everybody thought the whole "each-generation-gets-worse" thing 
had finally turned around, Ehp's own creation came out looking like a 
pile of something badly burned, so he named it, "Uh Uh."

Uh Uh was not alive, so it could not begat anything.


Quater decided to make a being of greater substance than any of his 
previous creations.  Numeron looked like a pile of cubes.  He was 
obsessed with being sensible and correct in everything, following the 
rules to the letter.  Numeron rarely did anything on his own without 
asking Quater for his explicit directions.

Numeron loved his crown and wore it with much pride--perhaps a little 
too much pride.  He made three hundred duplicates of himself whom he 
would boss around, all day, every day.

These are some of their genealogies:

The first-born of Numeron was Nabris, a clone of Numeron.

The first-born of Nabris was Thopo Bean the Similar, then Leebda, 
Masbim, Mishmash, Hamduh, Bim, Dad, Eemat, Juter, Big Eefish, Shiphann, 
and Hamdeck; These were the sons of Nabris.

And the sons of Thopo Bean were Narmiz, Jok, Gok, Wim, Nyeby, Itchy 
Itch, Kashi, and Chipchape.

And the sons of Nyeby were Abesh and Naded.

And the sons of Itchy Itch were Haphe, Rephe, Macincrog, Adiba, 
Inkerkrog, and Haa.  All these were the sons of Thopo Bean the Similar.

And Numeron was the father of Numeron Junior.

The sons of Numeron Junior were Lee Mimba and Suppanuppa.

The sons of Lee Mimba were Zaphile, Loiter, Sho Horf, Malagasket, and 

The sons of Zaphile were Namet, Ramo, Eye Fez, Maytag, Zanek, Anmit, 
and Kelama.

The sons of Loiter were Thahan, Harpinbarpin, Ham Mash, and Shasa.

And the sons of Harpinbarpin were Pies, Budd, Labopunky, Noebiz, Hana, 
Nosh B'Gosh, Reez, and Nashid.

And the sons of Budd were Iroh and Mamoh; and Natol's sister was Annie 

The sons of Nosh Gosh were  Alen, Nunnybiz, The, Laybee, Yf, and Mano.

And the sons of Nunnybiz were Hoxokina-Giq and Sot, the nephew of The.

The son of Sot was Noknok.  And the sons of Noknok were Narm, Nab, 
Narthi, and Nar and Reez.

The sons of Reez were Nalbo and Nazazanatab.

The sons of Nalbo were Zuh and Narakatangbaloof.

Now these are the kings who reigned in the land of Hecka before any 
king of the sons of Numeron Junior reigned.

Aleb was the son of Royendale, and the name of his city was Havtoo.

When Aleb died, Baburno the son of Hywya of Harzob became king in his 

When Baburno died, Mashush of the land of the Nametites became king in 
his place.

When Mashush died, Dadah the son of Dadeb, who defeated Nidiam in the 
field of Baom, became king in his place; and the name of his city was 

When Dadah died, Pe'halloo of Hackersam became king in his place.

When Pe'hallo died, Oowee of Thothot by the River became king in his 

When Oowee died, Nanahball the son of Robcha by the Sea became king in 
his place.

When Nanahball died, Dadah became king in his place; and the name of 
his city was Iap, and his wife's name was Dimethicone, the daughter of 
Padimate, the daughter of Obenzone.

Then Dadah died.

Now the chiefs of Hecka were:  Chief Anmity, Chief Emollient, Chief 
Thethe, Chief Hamabiloho, Chief Hale, Chief Nonip, Chief Zanek, Chief 
Namet, Chief Razama, Chief Le'nez, and Chief Mari.  These were the 
Chiefs of Hecka.

Now Numeron paid little attention to the beings he had already made, 
rather he focused intently on new beings to create and neglect.  
Numeron made Nabris' brother, Abris, who was a pure-hearted obedient 
follower, in spite of the fact that Numeron ignored him.

Nabris became convinced that no one could be as good as Abris made 
himself appear, and he feared that Abris would eventually displease 
Quater, so Nabris, believing that Numeron was paying no attention, 
destroyed Abris by breaking-off all of the many antlers that covered 
Abris' back and neck.

This heinous act did, in fact, escape Numeron's notice, but Quater 
himself was watching, and he smote Nabris with permanent blindness.

Now the sons of Narcolon, the son of Numeron were Leemhare, Mah, and 

And Mah became the father of Badanimma,

And Badanimma became the father of Noshhan, leader of the sons of 

Noshhan became the father of Amlas,

Amlas became the father of Zoab,

Zoab became the father of Debo,

And Debo became the father of Esse;

And Esse became the father of Baile his first-born, then Badaniba the 
second, Aemish the third, Lenathen the fourth, Iaddar the fifth, Mezo 
the sixth, Hank the seventh; and their sister were Huarez and Liagiba.

And the three sons of Huarez were Ashba, Box and Lehasa.  And Liagiba 
bore Muddy-Bingpoody, and the father of Muddy-Bingpoody was Jethro the 

And Muddy-Bingpoody became the father of Bananagrunt, and Bananagrunt 
became the father of Nosuchluk, leader of the suns of Nodice;

Nosuchluk became the father of Amwhat, Amwhat became the father of 
Goatphlegm, Goatphlegm became the father of Denturupture, and 
Denturupture became the father of Cuptpt.

And Cuptpt became the father of Vque his first-born, then Hiwyekun the 
second, Tahnana the third, Bizwic the fourth, Iaata the fifth, Ntindo 
the sixth, Ngoink the seventh; and their sisters were Beachnoodle and 

And the three sons of Beachnoodle were Corpup, Pango, and Quitit.  And 
Grahamus bore Azma, and the father of Azma was Othal the Obscure 

Now the sons of Numero Benti, the son of Numeron, were Leintho and High 
Harry Hapsicomby.  And the son of Leintho was ThatThat.  And the son of 
ThatThat was Ath.

And Ath became the father of Oprah, and Harry became the father of 
Meesh Kapeesh, for they were craftsmen.  And Meesh Kapeesh became the 
father of Nadarazuben.

Numeron was the father of Ni Ron.  Ni Ron became the father of those 
who dwell in eighty-by-fourteen-foot thatched huts and use Pygmy Shrimp 
Swabs.  And his brother's name was N-Ron, who's food had to be pre-
chewed by Ni Ron.

N-Ron became the father of all those who celebrate in Numeron's 
birthday parade, playing the Pinkerkrogg and the Ngtoilibong.

Numeron became the father of Numby.

Then Numeron became the father of Nasak the Great.

And Numeron was the father of Kilfax, who just sat there.

One year, Numeron lost half of his beings off of a cliff.  They were on 
one of their morning marches when the ground fell out from under one of 
the leaders, and half of the others followed before Numeron noticed 
their peril, and was able to convince the rest to turn back.

Though one hundred and fifty beings marched straight off the cliff, not 
all of these perished.  Many were some of Numeron's heartiest 
creations.  The two that were the strongest and came through the fall 
most intact were Numby and Nasak the Great.

The fall landed Numeron's beings in the Trench of Aramoose.

There, Numby and Nasak set up kingdoms:  The Twin Kingdoms of Numby and 
Nasak.  This did not go unnoticed by Numeron.  He saw that as soon as 
the surviving beings thought that they were outside the presence of 
Numeron, they forgot him and his world.

They began their own societies.  Numeron observed their wickedness and 
saw that it was great.  Numeron was sorry that he had ever made any 
beings at all.

He said to himself, "Not only do I have to keep cracking the whip, so 
to speak, over these beings night and day, but to top it all off, as 
soon as I am out of their sight they forget me!  At least I still have 
one hundred and fifty to keep under my thumb; and believe me I will.  
The rest of these I can destroy; I'll cause a catastrophic explosion 
throughout the Trench.  That'll show them!"

But Numeron saw that Numby was a blameless creature.  Numby was a 
righteous king; in fact, he was the only being in the Trench of 
Aramoose that remembered Numeron.  (They called it the Trench of 
Aramoose because of the Swit trees that grow there; the actual name of 
the trench was "Great Canyon of the Ruins of Desolation Number Five.")

He tried and tried for twelve and a half years to remind the subjects 
in his modest little kingdom about the past, but since Numeron would 
not take the time to make himself known they would not remember him.

His subjects thought Numby was a fine king, but they would not heed his 
warning that their creator would not tolerate their corruption forever.

Nasak the Great, on the other hand, did not think Numby was a fine 
king.  He considered Numby and his preaching about Numeron a nuisance.  
Nasak's kingdom grew every day, filling more and more of the Trench.  
The southern sector extended from the wilderness of Zinniflox along the 
side of Eebisimperut.  Then the south side was from the edge of 
Hapalanche, and the border went westward and went to the fountain of 
the waters of Neopithm.  And the border went down to the edge of the 
hill which is in the valley of Bonablink, which is in the valley of 
Buppabumjoy northward; and it went down to the valley of Dycyoonwang, 
to the slope of the Oonja Wapoong southward, and went down to Boke.  
And it extended northward and went to Sabboota and went to Soysinga, 
which is opposite the ascent of Eenta Nina, and it went down to the 
stone of Ru the son of Lu.  And it continued to the side in front of 
Left-Handed-Fletchy northward, and went down to the Left-Handed-
Fletchy.  And the border continued to the side of Hoglah-Doglah 
northward; and the border ended at the north bay of the Stinky Sea, at 
the south end of the Helio-Hogma.  Moreover, the Helio-Hogma was its 
border on the east side.  And the southern border extended from the end 
of the Stinky Sea eastward.  Then the border turned direction from the 
south to the ascent of Akakak Inzeeba, and continued to Ziniflox, and 
its termination was to the south of Radish-Barnmold; and it reached 
Huzz, and continued to Itzabiggy, even unto the great river that is 
called "Mifflewimx-the-Uncrossable Except-in-a-Couple-of-Places-Where-
It-Gets-Slow-and-Shallow," and unto the Early Risers Clubhouse.  And 
the border turned direction from Hey Wait to the brook of Ptyge, and 
its termination was at the sea.

As for the western border, it was the Amazing Colossal Sea, that is, 
its coastline; this was the western border.

And this was the north border:  they drew the border line from the 
Amazing Colossal Sea to Mount Pephilter.  They drew a line from Mount 
Pephilter to the Hotus-Kelley.  Then the border went up to the side of 
Hntma on the north, and went up through the hill country westward; and 
it ended at the wilderness of Cannbens.  And from there the border 
continued to Quelp, to the side of Quelp (that is, Reflecklel) 
southward; and the border went down to Atimantshoe, near the hill which 
lies on the south of lower Surgurt.  And the border extended from 
there, and turned round on the west side southward, from the hill which 
lies before Surgurt southward; and it ended at Sour-bead (that is, 
Sour-knobel), a city of the sons of Meesh Kapeesh.  And the termination 
of the border was at Blightensuch.  This was the northern border.

Now the eastern border reached the border of Edupated, southward to the 
wilderness of Brain-Worm at the extreme south.  Then it proceeded 
southward to the ascent of Quel From and continued to Brain-Worm, then 
went up by the south of Radish-Barnmold and continued to Larry, and 
went up to Rebaeton Perchis and turned about to Clarksdil.  And it 
continued to Stew Lumps and proceeded to the brook of Fathering; then 
the border went up to Burn Dagit, and continued on the north of 
Undoubtedly Moister, which is opposite the ascent of Surmapleet, which 
is on the south of the valley; and the border continued to the waters 
of Housenploop.  And the border went up to the top of the mountain 
which is before the valley of Twisted Balm, which is a the end of the 
valley of Guarantaph toward the north.  And from the top of the 
mountain the border curved to the spring of the waters of Rankness.  
And the border turned about from Bollixisix westward to Mount Dososky.  
They drew a line from Dososky to Shemp, and the border went down from 
Shemp to Reeply Engine on the east side of Hmhmhmhmhm, and continued 
towards Pylohylodylo (Which means, "I don't think I can put that much 
in my mouth."); and the border went down and reached the slope on the 
east side of the Sea of Often Fallen Into.  And the border went down to 
the Fibrilatin and its termination was at the Stinky Sea.

This was Nasak the Great's land according to its borders all around.

His thriving cities were all decadent and vile, but that is what 
sells--that is what the people want.  Thus his kingdom grew, even 
taking in droves of defectors from the good kingdom of Numby.

Yet, still not content with his great wealth of power, riches and 
influence, he coveted the dry, rocky land of the Kingdom of Numby.  
Nasak plotted a war of conquest against Numby.  Numeron saw all of this 
and knew that Numby's number was coming up.  So he paid a visit to 
Numby to explain the catastrophic explosion.

Numby was alone when Numeron arrived.  Numeron wanted to speak with 
Numby and his wife, Grace, so Numby went searching for her.  The 
basement was flooded, so she was not there.  She was in the attic, 
which in the Kingdom of Numby is called an "Izathelow."  So Numby found 
her there, high and dry.  They went together to the patio where Numeron 
addressed them:

"Numby, I am going to blow up this Trench with all these vile beings in 
it.  But I don't want to destroy you and Grace, so I want you to build 
a treehouse, where you can stay and remain safe during the explosion."

Numeron gave Numby a blueprint for the treehouse and described the 
exact location of the tree he wanted him to build it in.  He also gave 
him very specific details for the construction of the treehouse.  "You 
shall make the treehouse from Weetby wood.  It shall be a split-level 
treehouse with an enclosed foyer, gabled roof, with rough beam ceiling, 
bay windows in the living room and in the kitchen over the sink.  All 
the measurements are here on the floorplan."

As Numby and Grace worked on the treehouse, their neighbors, who 
formerly thought of Numby as a fine king, came out to mock the 
construction of the treehouse.

Numeron had given Numby seven days to complete the construction of the 
treehouse, and he was nearly finished.  By then, Nasak the Great had 
completed his plans for conquest and his armies were massed and 
marching toward the capitol of Numby.

Then King Numby and Grace entered the treehouse, as instructed by 

Numeron detonated the catastrophic explosion, destroying all the beings 
but Numby and Grace in the Twin Kingdoms of Numby and Nasak the Great 
in the Trench of Aramoose.

Now this great explosion had disrupted the deep panels of the world.  A 
hot, green substance belched forth from the cracks in the panels and 
filled the canyon.  Numby and Grace watched as the "Hot Green" swirled 
around the foot of the tree.  They were trapped.  Now Weetby wood is 
impossible to burn so they were safe as long as they did not leave the 
treehouse.  Many days passed as Numby and Grace grew hungry.

One evening they looked out beyond the tree and sang a song to Numeron 
regarding their hunger:

"Noom noom Numeron,
send us food
to chew-mer-on"

Numeron heard their plea, and he sent a great bird to nest in the tree 
in which the treehouse was built.  Every morning the great bird laid a 
giant egg, which landed in Numby and Grace's bed.  They gently cracked 
the eggs open to find five-course meals prepared, complete with a fine 
linen tablecloth, and brass candelabra.

They lived this way for many days until the "Hot Green" cooled to 
become just "Green".  This new form of ground felt lovely to walk on.

They lived happily for many ages.  Grace died one beautiful day, Numby 
died three days later.


Quater made a king named Ottoborg, designed to be happy and full of joy 
all day.

Robots were a subject that Ottoborg had done a lot of research on, so 
it was only natural that he made three robots to help him make seven 
little houses.  The robots names were Appie, Togor, and Bil.  Appie was 
good at digging.  Bil was good at building and Togor was good at 
painting; that is why it is said today that if anyone is a good 
painter, he is "Togor."

In a very careless way, Ottoborg made seven boys to live in his new 
houses.  The boys names were Hypen Nupen, Petri Alfonzo, Willie 
Trombone, Aloh Al, Darradious Hapsicom (who's nickname was was 
Creeker), Hondo and Ed.

Ottoborg's sons were easily identified by the loop formed on the top of 
each of their heads.  Sometimes when they walked along they would hook 
their head-hoops on branches and hang there for days.  Petri was so 
tired of getting his head hooked onto things that he cut his own head 
off, which proved to be fatal.

Ottoborg had forgotten to hold his world together with gravity, so one 
day his world fell apart in chunks and his seven sons and three robots 
floated aimlessly across creation.

Hypen's chunk of land got caught in the tail of the comet Pyrageorge 
(named Pyrageorge because it decreased in size during each orbit).  The 
tail of Pyrageorge was full of seeds because the comet once passed 
through the atmosphere of the planet Berpie.

Hypen cultivated his chunk so that he could grow flowers.  He loved 
flowers and how happy and festive they can make a place.  Often, he 
would make a wreath of some of the flowers to decorate the loop in his 
head.  Since he was the only one of his brother with a nose, it seemed 
especially fitting that this is where Hypen's chunk of land should be.  
He grew an extraordinary amount of flowers, but after a few years it 
was not enough to satisfy his growing craving for flowers.  His 
deepest, burning desire was to be King of Flowers, to have no rival in 
growing flowers.  He actually did not know of anyone else who was 
growing flowers, but his unfettered imagination went wild and he 
thought that there must be others who were cultivating and growing huge 
fields of flowers on the many planets and worlds he passed.

Year after year Hypen worked the soil of his chunk of land to try and 
get it to produce more and more flowers.  He developed fertilizers and 
plant foods.  He grew nothing but flowers, though there were plenty of 
other types of seeds he could have planted.  If he did notice some 
other type of plant growing amongst his flowers, he violently ripped it 
from the ground, cursing it and tearing it to shreds then throwing it 
onto his compost pile.  It was so upsetting to him that he would have 
to lie down for a nap afterwards.  But no matter how many flowers the 
land produced, it was never enough for Hypen.

It almost seemed that the chunk of land was desperately trying to 
please its obsessed master, straining itself year in, year out, to 
produce more flowers than it had the previous season.  For many 
centuries, in fact, it did out-perform itself; each year a dozen or so 
more flowers were produced.  And Hypen would ask, "Is that all?"  Then 
the yield began to decrease.  The land was simply over-worked and it 
needed to rest.  Hypen reacted by pressing the land harder and harder 
to yield more.  He was aggravated to no end.

The more he did to increase the yield of flowers, the less the land was 
able to produce.  Eventually, as each season went by, the yield 
decreased first 10, then 100 fold, and so on.  Most of the land lay 
barren and still.

If Hypen found anything other than a flower growing he would pull it up 
by the roots and throw it into the compost pile.

As the land grew gray and sterile, Hypen wasted away also.  The loop on 
the top of his head drooped, like a deflated tire.  His desire to make 
his chunk of land a happier place with flowers had died.  He spent his 
last days worrying and hovering over the last few flowers that 
struggled desperately to grow to maturity in the dust.  He could not 
afford the time it took to weed the desolate fields, but only a few 
spindly vines grew here and there in the in the depleted soil anyway.  
When the last flower died, so did Hypen Nupen.

Willie's chunk of land flew off into space, with Willie still inside 
his little red-roofed house.  Ottoborg never saw Willie again.

What Ottoborg did not know (which this wall does) was that Willie's 
chunk of land drifted into the most dangerous part of space.  You see, 
there were these nasty creatures called Victoids that flew about 
looking for food.  Victoids had a giant nasty mouth full of giant nasty 
fangs and of course the hair that they were covered with was nasty.

Anyway, four Victoids stumbled upon poor Willie Trombone who was alone 
just floating through space for quite some time.  Willie, being the 
friendly type, held out a friendly hand and beckoned them, "Hey, hairy 

The Victoids screamed with glee when they saw Willie's yellow supple 
flesh.  They figured that he was not a fool and that they would have to 
trick him before they could eat him.  They were wrong, for Willie 
Trombone was a fool above all other fools and all of the time that they 
spent trying to trick him only gave the drifting giant Big Robot Bil 
enough time to arrive.  Bil reached out with his mighty three arms and 
grabbed the floating chunk of land and hoisted himself up.  Bil grew 
horrified as he saw his creator's son about to be devoured by vicious 

That evening Willie Trombone dined on Victoids, saving their pelts to 
use as blankets on especially cold evenings.  Willie and Bil became 
close friends and they enjoyed each other's company for a long time 
floating in space, until one day they saw something very far away... 
something like a being in distress.

Aloh Al kept a journal after Ottoborg's world broke into chunks.  Here 
is copied the only known surviving excerpt from that diary:

"My chunk of land has whooshed through a mysterious cloud of blue gas.  
The cloud is larger than some worlds that I have seen.  I made a spur-
of-the-moment decision to jump off of the chunk and onto the gas.  
There is such a clutter of junk on the outer surface of the blue gas 
that it is virtually solid, yet kind of springy-sproingy.

Wow!  Am I tired!  I think I will lay myself down to take a snooze on 
the junk that clutters the surface of this blue gas for I have not 
slept since before Ottoborg's world fell apart.

I do not know how long I was sleeping, but I woke up because I felt 
something tiny and creepy crawling on my knee!  I reached down and 
swatted it with my hand; there was just a yellow spot of goop when I 
brought my hand up to see what kind of bug it was.  Then I heard the 
weirdest whiney-moany noise I have ever heard.  I looked up and around 
and behind me, but I did not see anything.  Then I looked down on the 
ground.  I found myself surrounded by very little beings; some were 
laying down, I guess they must have fainted after seeing one of their 
own squashed by my big hand.  I knew they were not bugs then because 
they were all staring at me, and because they were not all crawling 
over me, or biting me, or injecting their eggs under my skin to 
incubate there and hatch later.

These are very teeny-tiny beings, indeed; when I compare them to 
myself, the tallest is only as big as my thumb.  Each tiny being has a 
great head in comparison to the rest of its body.  In fact, the head 
takes up as much space as the body.  The two remarkable features of the 
head are the size of the head compared to the little body, and its 
almost perfect roundness; it is like a melon on a sliver!

Each being's head has a mouth, but other than that, there is only one 
other facial feature:  their globe-heads are divided into an upper and 
lower hemisphere by dark line at the equator.  I perceived this dark 
line to be (all in one) the eyes, ears and nose of these beings, since 
they employed them much in their observation of myself and, with their 
mouths also, in communication with each other.

I was very hungry, as I had traveled on my chunk of land for forty days 
and forty nights, or something like that.  My first thought was to eat 
a handful of the little beings, but they held up their hands to ward me 
off and wailed in high-pitched whiney shrieks.

The little beings understood that I was famished from the disgusting 
rumbling noises that my stomach made.  Seemingly from thin air, they 
produced tiny, delicate green crystals in great abundance.  In my hand 
they appeared as so many granules of green sugar, except not gritty; 
rather, these were gummy, and had a flavor that made me think green 
thoughts.  AS fast as I would pop a handful of the green stuff into my 
mouth, the little beings would bring me more.  They also brought me a 
cup, though to them it would be a tub, of green liquid, which after I 
drank it, I perceived it to be wine made from the green gummy crystals.  
It had a very fine flavor, and it made me think rather mellow green 

As much as the "Big Heads" (my name for them) speak to me, I never 
comprehend a single word they say; but I must help them drink their 

One tiny being, who does most of the talking, seems to be in charge, 
since the others are always paying attention to him and they jump to 
action after he speaks.  I suppose he is the father of these tiny 
beings.  While he was speaking, he also did strange dances.  He looked 
really stupid, waving his arms about like that.

After a few weeks of the father trying to talk to me, some others of 
these "Big Heads" dressed in tight colorful clothing came to bother me.  
Some rode upon wheely-thing around and around inside the loop on my 
head!  One had the nerve to bounce up and down on my lips; I should 
have just opened my mouth and swallowed him whole!  The only thing I 
did not really mind was the three beings that did flips and somersaults 
on the three spikes that stick out of my chest; that was kind of fun!

Days and days of the same thing now:  eating green gummy crystals, 
drinking green wine, watching the "Father Guy" (my name for him) flail 
about like he does and listening to his high pitched whining.  Usually 
I just sit and smile at him, but when my cheeks get sore I imitate 
whatever he is doing.  If he nods, I nod.  If he shakes his head, I 
shake mine.  I will not write in this diary unless something weird or 
exciting happens.

How long have I been here?  It is very hard to keep track of time when 
nothing new happens.

Once again the "Father Guy" came out to bother me with his high pitched 
whining, although it seemed more fevered this time.  He kept pointing 
off away from where we sat, then he stood up and stomped about, always 
pointing.  It looked like a dance to me; as far as I knew it was a 
dance since I had never seen any of these little beings dance, so I 
stood up and danced.  I tried to make the steps of my dance like the 
"Father Guy's", but he was not at all pleased with my imitation.

I was busy trying to perfect my dancing step when I was suddenly hit 
from all sides by food!  I assumed that it was my part in this strange 
dance to try and catch as much of the food as I could in my mouth.  I 
was doing pretty well, if I do say so myself.  I suppose I have an 
advantage over the little beings, since my mouth is so much bigger than 
any of theirs; perhaps this is why I was chosen for this special part 
of the dance.

More of the "Big Heads" joined the crowd that was throwing the food at 
me, so that I finally could not keep up with the torrent of food.  I do 
not mean to criticize, but many of the beings did not have very good 
aim.  I was ducking and jumping, doing my best to get my face into 
place to catch the food, but a lot of it just splattered against my 
body!  A lot more just landed on the ground, so that I stepped in a 
bunch of it as I moved around.  And still more of the "Big Heads" came 
out to where we all were and they joined in the food throwing!  I felt 
a little ridiculous since I could not possibly keep up the pace of the 
dance.  And the little guys really showed no sign of letting up.  By 
now a big circle of the beings surrounded me, all of them whining and 
shrieking some chant, I suppose.  I decided to step out of the circle, 
and figured I would get another chance to get this dance right sometime 
later.  But even after I stepped out of the circle, they continued to 
throw food at me!  I did not even try to catch it; I really wanted to 
practice this dance and try to do better the next time.  As I stepped 
further away to get out of their throwing range, they finally stopped.

They stopped their whining and shrieking chant too, and soon the "Big 
Heads" were cheering and clapping.  I turned back to accept their 
applause.  I think they appreciated that I tried so hard to catch all 
of the food, because as soon as I turned back, they started throwing 
more.  I did not want to dance this food-catching dance any more!  I 
turned my back to the "Big Heads" with big round heads and walked away 
as fast as I could.

Before I knew it, I was walking up to another group of tiny beings.  
These beings remained silent as I approached; no whining or shrieking 
or moaning.

These beings are just as tiny as the first beings I lived amongst, but 
they have different heads.  Their heads seem to be the right size for 
their little bodies.  Their faces are featureless except for a long, 
needle-like proboscis.  These tiny beings seem to use this protuberance 
for all their communication and all their senses:  sight, smell, taste, 
hearing, feeling.  Some of these beings pointed their needle noses here 
and there over my body as I approached, but most kept them pointed at 
my feet.

Just before I stepped up in front of the "Needle Noses" (my name for 
them), they began clapping.  By the time I actually stopped, they were 
cheering and whooping and jumping up and down.  This went on for quite 
a while.  Then they began to quiet down and the crowd began to split 
down the middle.  I noticed one "Needle Nose" coming through the crowd 
to stand in front of me. 

This "Needle Nose" seemed to have the respect of all the other "Needle 
Noses" because they all gave their attention to him as he stood in 
front of me; I could tell because all their needle-like noses were 
pointed at him instead of me.  He must be their "Father Guy".

After looking me over for a while, the "Father Guy" started speaking at 
me.  I did not understand anything that he said to me, but I smiled at 
him the entire time that he spoke to me.  I kept smiling at them all 
after the "Father Guy" finished; I was trying to think of something to 
do!  I decided to say something back to them.

"Well, it's really nice," I said, "for all of you to come out to greet 
me today.  You know, I couldn't stand for any more of that food 
throwing dance that the "Big Heads" do.  You don't have a food throwing 
dance, do you?  Do you guys understand me?"

I smiled some more after I finished and waited for something to happen.  
All the "Needle Noses" did was turn around and walk away!  They kept 
looking over their shoulders as they left, but they did not seem to 
care if I followed or if I stayed where I was.  I decided I might as 
well stay where I was.  I sat down and waited to see what would happen.  
For days and days I sat there and nothing happened.  At first the 
"Needle Noses" kept looking over their shoulder at me, but after a few 
days they seemed to forget I was there!

After a week or so of being ignored, I was hungry, so I followed some 
of the "Needle Noses" around as they went about their daily chores, and 
every so often they would look over their shoulders at me.  Mostly, 
what they did all day was spit on the ground.  It was a disgusting 
sight!  They would form lines and walk through the fields and the spit 
on the ground, day after day.  All the time, spitting!  Day after day, 
no matter where I was, no matter what I observed them do, they were 
always spitting!  I do not know why I did not notice it before.

Then I noticed all their food came from the fields they had been 
spitting in all this time!  Food from spit!  Now that they were 
harvesting, they had time to notice me.  For the first time since I 
arrived in the "Needle Nose" land, they offered me food.  How could I 
accept it after seeing them spit all the time to produce the food?  I 
ran away, sickened to my stomach.

After what I am sure must be something like 100 years, I could not take 
living among any of these tiny beings any more; I was being starved by 
the "Needle Noses" and I did not want to go back to the "Big Heads" to 
have them throw more food at me during their crazy dance.  I felt 
defeated and hung my head in dejection.

Now, since I was standing on a cloud of blue gas, as the gas swirled 
and spun I could often see through the gas or at least deep into the 
center of it.  Something fuzzy, as if in the distance on the other side 
of the cloud, caught my eye.  The shape grew larger and a little more 
defined as it came close.

All at once I clapped my hands and whooped for joy!  I did not need a 
crystal clear view of the object to recognize it as the very chunk of 
land that had broken off of Ottoborg's world and brought me to this 
miserable place.  At once I realized what was happening:  the chunk of 
land was caught in a circular orbit and the blue gas must be going in a 
straight line that took it through two points in that circle.  I cried 
out, 'For sure, I am the luckiest of all of Ottoborg's sons!'

Carefully, as it passed through the cloud of blue gas, I jumped off the 
springy surface of debris and onto my chunk of my father's world.  I 
have not been on the chunk of land for about three minutes, long enough 
to make this latest entry into my journal.  Gee, it's great to be back 
'home' again!  I hope I never..."

Here the excerpt of the diary ends abruptly.  It is said that Aloh Al 
was on suddenly smashed into a dirt clod that collided with it head-on.  
Both the chunk and the clod were traveling at great speeds upon impact.  
Nothing was ever seen of Aloh Al again.

Creeker's chunk of land was the biggest and it was full of lakes.  
There was actually more land covered by water than not.  Creeker 
survived many centuries on the chunk--long enough to learn how to 
create and build giant replicas of butter knives, enormous buckets 
filled with oversized sesame seeds, and huge loaves of bread, among 
other things.

Creeker used the soil of the dry land on his chunk as the material for 
his sculptures.  Whenever he would get tired of looking at one of his 
colossal sculptures, he would just throw it into a lake.  Each of the 
colossal sculptures displaced enormous amounts of water, covering up a 
little more dry land each time one was thrown into a lake.

When he was not sculpting, Creeker would be out scrutinizing one of his 
previous sculptures.  He was very critical of his work.  He always 
concluded that the sculpture did not communicate the concept that was 
the impetus behind the work; or he saw a hair or a bug sticking out of 
the clay.  In any case, he was always frustrated.

None of his works seemed to express his vision just the right way.  He 
could not quite put his finger on the problem, but his general feeling 
was that it had to do with the size of the sculpture.

"If only it was a little bit bigger...", he would often say to himself.  
Then he would heave the thing into the nearest lake.

His mind was focused intently on making each new sculpture larger than 
the previous one, whether it be a giant replica of a Red Pod bulb or a 
mostly empty jar that had been sitting in the back of a valley for 
eight weeks.  Eventually, he spent very little time examining his 
finished works, but with an exclamation of disgust he would throw the 
work into the nearest lake (which, after a while, seemed to be 
conveniently closer and closer) just as soon as it was done and 
immediately start on the next one.  The replicas were by this time so 
large that he had to climb them to work on the upper parts.

The largest sculpture Creeker ever completed was of a baby's arm 
holding an apple.  It was such a titanic work that he had to use spikes 
and ropes to get up it.  When he finished, he had to rappel down the 
back of the arm.  He backed up to get a good look at it, but could not 
back up very far since he was on a beach.

Again, his disgust and frustration overcame him as he said, "No, no, 
no.  That's not it at all!"  Then Creeker rushed at the base of the 
sculpture to push it into the water.  He barely budged it, but it was 
top heavy since the apple at the top was enormous, so that his push was 
enough motion to cause the sculpture to fall over.  Creeker turned to 
start on a new sculpture, (he had in mind a great pair of tongs digging 
into a bucket of sand) and he never saw the tidal wave that fell upon 

Hondo's chunk of land ended up on the back of a giant animal that lived 
in a desert on an undocumented planet.  Hondo seemed to like the animal 
enough, and he was so small that the animal did not detect his 
existence.  There was not much that Hondo could tell about what the 
animal looked like.  It was a colossal beast compared to Hondo.

He took many survey journeys that went on for days and days across the 
top of the beast to see if it looked different from other locations.  
As he walked, he noticed the color of the ground changed; presently he 
would be passing over an area that was brown, then fifteen feet or so 
further he would pass over an area that was yellow.  The surface he 
walked on was hard and mostly smooth, but it was terraced into short, 
flat little hills all over.  When he came to the edge, he was looking 
around and he almost fell off.  He got down on his stomach to look over 
the edge.  There was nothing between him and the ground which was very 
far away; if he had jumped, the fall would have broken every bone in 
his body.

He was on the lip of an overhang, and he reached under it to see if he 
could feel how far back it went, but the overhang went straight back 
and kept going.  Then he carefully lowered his head over to look and 
see how far back this overhang went.  He could not see it though, there 
was so much dark shadow he could only see about as far as his hand 

Hondo got up and decided to walk directly away from the edge.  He grew 
very tired almost immediately as the surface began ascending right 
away.  It took a day to reach the summit, so he slept there.  In the 
morning Hondo was able to see very far from the top of the animal.  The 
sky was all blue, and the land was all beige.  He saw that the highest 
hilly part of this animal sloped down in all directions around from 
where he stood.

Ed's Chunk just spun in place, forever.


Quater made Homen and gave him two crowns and let him decide what to do 
with the extra one.  Homen had a son named Pinto Bunyan to whom he 
immediately gave his second crown.  Pinto Bunyan helped Homen with all 
that he did.

Homen made a bunch of beings called Ynts.  The Ynts were blue and 
looked like little bugs.  The Blue Ynts spent their first day of 
existence fashioning small spears.  Soon the Ynts had broken up into 
small communities.  Each community had a specific task to accomplish 
which helped all of the other Ynt communities.  Blue Ynt South was in 
charge of growing food.  Blue Ynt North built housing for other 
communities, and so on and so forth.  

All was peaceful and working efficiently, so Pinto Bunyan made some 
Ynts of his own--only his were white.

Now it came about, when the White Ynts began to multiply on the face of 
the land, and daughters were born to them, that the sons of the Blue 
Ynts saw that the daughters of the White Ynts were beautiful; and they 
took wives for themselves, whomever they chose.  The Hutza Mutza were 
in the world in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of Blue 
Ynts came into the daughters of White Ynts, and they bore children to 
them.  Those were the mighty Ynts who were of old, Ynts of renown.  The 
White Ynts instantly mingled with Blue Ynts but they refused to 
acknowledge the community system of the Blue Ynts.  The White Ynts 
enjoyed the fruits of all the Blue Ynts' hard work, but did not help 
them work at all.  It only took one White Ynt to throw an egg at a Blue 
Ynt one morning to cause a dreadful feud.

So Hemhemhema, of the Blue Ynts, rose with all the Blue Ynts of war to 
go up to White Ynt East; and Hemhemhema chose 30,000 Blue Ynts, valiant 
warriors, and sent them out at night.  And he commanded them, saying, 
"See, you are going to ambush the city from behind it.  Do not go very 
far from the city, but all of you be ready.  Then I and all the Blue 
Ynts who are with me will approach the city.  And it will come about 
when they come out to meet us as the first, that we will flee before 
them.  And they will come out after us until we have drawn them away 
from the city, for they will say, 'They are fleeing before us as at the 
first.'  So we will flee before them.  And you shall rise from your 
ambush and take possession of the city.  Then it will be when you have 
seized the city, that you shall set the city on fire.  See I have 
commanded you."  Most of those Ynts of war in attendance could not 
understand Hemhemhema for the language he used was flowery and 
outdated.  Still, few in attendance there from among all of those in 
attendance did harken and understand.  Even did they reckon the sayings 
of Hemhemhema.  And straight-away did they clue-in their buddies who 
were just lollygagging about, scratching their heads.  At once all who 
heard this explanation did understand Hemhemhema's plan, so Hemhemhema 
sent them away, and they went to the place of ambush and remained 
between White Ynt West and White Ynt East, and the west side of White 
Ynt East; but Hemhemhema spent that night at the Wagon Leisure Inn.

Now Hemhemhema rose early in the morning and mustered the Blue Ynts, 
and he went up with the elders of Blue Ynt before the Blue Ynts to 
White Ynt East.  Then all the Blue Ynts of war who were with him went 
up and drew near and arrived in front of the city, and camped on the 
north side of White Ynt East.  Now there was a valley between him and 
White Ynt East.  And he took about 5,000 Blue Ynts and set them in 
ambush between White Ynt West and White Ynt East, on the west side of 
the city.  So they stationed the Blue Ynts, all the army that was on 
the north side of the city, and its rear guard on the west side of the 
city, and Hemhemhema spent that night in Sid's "Garden Spot" Lodge.  
And it came about when the king of White Ynt East saw it, that the men 
of the city hurried and rose up early and went out to meet the Blue 
Ynts in battle, he and all his people at the appointed place before the 
desert plain.  But he did not know that there was an ambush against him 
behind the city.  And Hemhemhema and all the Blue Ynts pretended to be 
beaten before them, and fled by the way of the wilderness.  And all the 
people who were in the city were called together to pursue them, and 
they pursued Hemhemhema, and were drawn away from the city.  So not an 
Ynt was left in White Ynt East or White Ynt West who had not gone out 
after Blue Ynts and they left the city unguarded and pursued Blue Ynts.

Then Homen said to Hemhemhema, "Stretch out the spear that is in your 
hand toward White Ynt East, for I will give it into your hand."  So 
Hemhemhema stretched out the spear that was in his hand toward the 
city.  And the men in ambush rose quickly from their place, and when he 
had stretched out his hand, they ran and entered the city and captured 
it; and they quickly set the city on fire.  When the men of White Ynt 
East turned back and looked, behold, the smoke of the city ascended to 
the sky, and they had no place to flee this way or that, for the people 
who had been fleeing to the wilderness turned against the pursuers.  
When Hemhemhema and all Blue Ynts saw that the men in ambush had 
captured the city and that the smoke of the city ascended, they turned 
back and slew the men of White Ynt East.  And the others came out from 
their city to encounter them, so that they were trapped in the midst of 
Blue Ynts, some on this side and some on that side; and they slew them 
until no one was left of those who survived or escaped.  But they took 
alive the king of White Ynt East and brought him to Hemhemhema.

Now it came about when the Blue Ynts had finished killing all the 
inhabitants of White Ynt East in the field in the wilderness where they 
pursued them, and all of them were fallen by the spear until they were 
destroyed, then all the Blue Ynts returned to White Ynt East and struck 
it with the spear.  And all who fell that day, both male and female, 
were 12,000 (all the people of White Ynt East).  For Hemhemhema did not 
withdraw his hand with which he stretched out the spear until he had 
utterly destroyed all the inhabitants of White Ynt East.  So Hemhemhema 
burned White Ynt East and made it a heap forever, a desolation until 
this day.  And he hanged the king of White Ynt East on a tree until 
evening and at sunset.

Hemhemhema gave a command and they took his body down from the tree, 
and threw it in at the entrance of the city gate and raised over it a 
great heap of stones that stands to this day.

So Itchigoplasty and all the White Ynts who were with him arose by 
night and lay in wait against Blue Ynt South in four companies.  Now 
Pimento Loofa the son of Texadrill went out and stood in the entrance 
of the city gate, and said, "Who is Itchigoplasty that we should serve 
him?"; and Itchigoplasty and the White Ynts who were with him arose 
from the ambush.  And when Pimento Loofa, of the Blue Ynts, saw the 
White Ynts, he said to Factotron, "Look, Ynts are coming down from the 
tops of the mountains."  But Factotron said to him, "You are seeing the 
shadow of the mountains as if they were Ynts."  And Pimento Loofa spoke 
again and said, "Behold, Ynts are coming down from the highest part of 
the land, and one company comes by the way of the Diviners' Sandwich."  
Then Factotron said to him, "Where is your boasting now with which you 
said, 'Who is Itchigoplasty that we should serve him?'  Are these not 
the White Ynts whom you despised?  Go out now and fight with them!"  So 
Pimento Loofa went out before the leaders of Blue Ynt South and fought 
with Itchigoplasty.  And Itchigoplasty chased him and he fled before 
him; and many fell wounded at the entrance of the gate.  Then 
Itchigoplasty remained at Blue Ynt West, but Factotron drove out 
Pimento Loofa and his relatives so that they could not remain in Blue 
Ynt South.

Now it came about the next day, that Blue Ynts went out to the field, 
and it was told to Itchigoplasty.  So he took his White Ynts and 
divided them into three companies, and lay in wait in the field; when 
he looked and saw the Ynts coming out from the city, he arose against 
them and slew them.  Then Itchigoplasty and the company who was with 
him dashed forward and stood in the entrance of the city gate; the 
other two companies then dashed against all who were in the field and 
slew them.  And Itchigoplasty fought against the city all that day, and 
he captured the city and killed the Blue Ynts who were in it; then he 
razed the city and sowed it with salt.

When all the leaders of the tower of Blue Ynt South heard of it, they 
entered the inner chamber of the temple of Holmarrk (or "The Door").  
And it was told to Itchigoplasty that all the leaders of the tower of 
Blue Ynt South were gathered together.  So Itchigoplasty went up to 
Mount Chlorescent; he and all the Ynts who were with him, and 
Itchigoplasty took an ax in his hand and cut down a branch from the 
trees, and lifted it and laid it on his shoulder.  Then he said to the 
Ynts who were with him, "What you have seen me do, hurry and do 
likewise."  And all the Ynts also cut down each one his branch and 
followed Itchigoplasty, and put them on the inner chamber and set the 
inner chamber on fire over those inside, so that all the men of the 
tower of Blue Ynt South also died, about a thousand men and women.

Then Itchigoplasty went to Blue Ynt Southwest and he camped against 
Blue Ynt Southwest and captured it.  But there was a strong tower in 
the center of the city, and all the men and women with all the leaders 
of the city fled there and shut themselves in, and they went up on the 
roof of the tower.  So Itchigoplasty came to the tower and fought 
against it, and approached the entrance of the tower to burn it with 
fire.  But a certain female Ynt threw a 16 ton weight on 
Itchigoplasty's head, crushing his skull.  Then he called quickly to a 
young Ynt, his armor bearer, and said to him, "Draw your spear and kill 
me, lest it be said of me, 'A female Ynt slew him.'"  So the young Ynt 
pierced him through and he died.  And when the White Ynts saw that 
Itchigoplasty was dead, each departed to his home.

When the Blue Ynts and the White Ynts started to fight, so did Pinto 
Bunyan and Homen.

Quater stepped-in, and took Pinto Bunyan's crown away and gave it to a 
new being he made called Arven.


Quater wanted to see what would happen if he made a creative being with 
a big heart.  Quater named him Hoborg, meaning "big heart".

Hoborg was given a crown and he set-out into a void of clouds as Quater 
watched him from a distance.

Hoborg liked the idea of making a place for some beings of his own.  He 
knew that the clouds that swirled around him would make a perfect sky, 
so he just needed to make some land.  One thing that concerned Hoborg 
was that perhaps some of his beings would come out bad.  He wanted to 
make beings which he could enjoy forever, but he did not want to force 
them to love and respect him.  He decided that he would make his beings 
with the ability to choose right and wrong.  Working everything out in 
his head, he figured he could make one child at a time and see if he 
turned out good before he started on the next.  Hoborg made a tiny 
scale model of his world in Klay (or clay) to see if it looked the way 
he had imagined it.  He spent about twenty years designing the shapes 
and colors of this place which he would call The Overhood.  He needed 
some klay to make his world and the only place where klay could be 
found that was of the purity and quality Hoborg wanted, would take four 
hundred years to reach.  He was so anxious to get started that he asked 
for help from Quater.  

"Quater, thank you for making me with such a fine crown... everything 
in life is just wonderful but I was wondering..."  Hoborg got down on 
one knee.  "Can you help me get to the Klay of Highest Quality?"  
Quater laughed, "That would take even me a long time to reach!  What's 
wrong with the clay I that I have already given you?"  Hoborg answered, 
"I like the clay you gave me for planning things, but I was hoping for 
the best ingredients for my beings.  You see, I want them to last 
forever and clay only lasts for a few thousand years.

Quater was impressed, "Here is a scope that will help you see as far as 
you need to.  You will be able to pick the shortest path to the Klay 
which should save you quite a few years of travel."

Hoborg received the scope, "Oh, thank you Quater!  You are very 

Hoborg started on his journey that same day.  Looking through the scope 
he could clearly see the mountain of Klay he needed to build The 

Every day was the same, Hoborg awoke before sunrise so that he could 
travel far without heat.  But before he set off to travel each morning, 
he thought lofty respectful thoughts about Quater.  Hoborg, in his 
ever-so-deep voice, would sing songs to the ground about how good it 
was to have been made.  After a morning's journey, Hoborg would cover 
himself up in soil and rest.  He resumed his mission in the afternoon 
and walked toward the great Mountain of Klay until late in the evening.

After 20 years of travel, Hoborg grew very lonely.  Soon he could not 
stand to go on.  He found a chunk of land upon which he could stop and 
rest.  It had one spindly vine growing on it, and Hoborg lay down 
beside it to enjoy the shade it provided so he might be delivered from 
his discomfort.  And Hoborg was extremely happy about the plant.  But 
at dawn the next day a worm came and attacked the plant and it 
withered.  And it came about when the sun came up, that a scorching 
east wind and the white light of the sun beat down on Hoborg's head so 
that he became faint and begged to die, saying, "Death is better to me 
than life."

Hoborg could not get himself to do anything, he just lay there.  Hoborg 
began to scrape, absent-mindedly, at the dirt where his hand lay.  Then 
he said, "Scraping is better to me than death."  It was a fine, dry 
dirt that was packed down and baked hard by the white sun.  His fingers 
bent, lifted and stretched; bent, lifted and stretched; bent, lifted 
and stretched, scratching relentlessly.  His fingers scraped through 
the layers of fine dust and grit day after day.  Just a few grains of 
dust and grit required weeks of scraping before it broke loose from the 
ground, the ground was that hard and compacted.  More and more dirt 
added to the pile under his palm each month.  During the years that 
passed, the only sounds he heard were the scraping of his hand on the 
dirt and his breathing.  After a pile big enough to pick up formed 
under his hand, he grabbed it, spat on it and squeezed it and squeezed 
it and squeezed it until his hand turned white and his knuckles made 
popping noises.  Hoborg sat up and looked at what lay in his palm as he 
opened his fist.  He saw that he had formed a clod of dirt.

Now the worm that had attacked the spindly vine and caused it to wither 
popped his head out of the ground and admired the clod, saying, "My, 
what a nice clod of dirt you've got there!"  Looking Hoborg up and 
down, it asked, "Did you make that all by yourself?"

"Yes, I did," said Hoborg.

"If I were you," said the worm, "I'd stay right here and make more dirt 
clods.  You could fashion them into beings and populate this chunk of 
land with them.  After all, did you really see a pile of Klay through 
the scope Quater gave you?  Or did you just want to see it because 
Quater said you would be able to see it?"

Hoborg answered, "Actually, Quater said the scope would enable me to 
see the shortest path to the Klay, and because of that, I should save 
quite a few years of travel.  But I've been traveling for so long..."

And the worm said to Hoborg, "You haven't saved any time in your 
journey.  You haven't ever seen Klay, have you?  I wonder if Quater has 
ever seen Klay?"  When Hoborg though of it that way, he also began to 
wonder.  Was there even such a thing as Klay?  He had only heard about 
it; he'd never seen any.  Then a thought occurred to Hoborg.  Sure, it 
had taken many years to collect enough dirt to make this one clod, but 
he had plenty of time, and he knew there was plenty of dirt right here; 
he did not have to keep searching for Klay.  Or he could continue his 
journey, not even knowing when or if he would reach his goal.  He 
considered making more dirt clods and creating clod-beings right there 
to populate the chunk of land he had stopped on to rest.  Sure, it 
would take a lot of spit, but Hoborg figured he would find a way to 
work-up enough.  And now that he had a purpose for scraping he could 
use both hands and save time.  First he would finish creating a being 
from the dirt clod he already had made.

Hoborg knelt beside the thing he had put together.  The hideous outrage 
of dirt stretched out, and then, as he worked the clod with his hands, 
it began to show signs of life, and stirred with an uneasy, half-vital 
motion.  Frightful it must have been; for supremely frightful was the 
effect of his endeavor to mock the stupendous mechanism of his own 
creator, Quater.  His success terrified Hoborg; he cast away his odious 
handiwork, horror-stricken, as far and with as much velocity as he 
could throw it.  He hoped that, left to itself, out wherever it might 
land, the slight spark of life which had received such imperfect 
animation, would subside into dead matter.  Hoborg went to sleep in the 
belief that the silence of the grave would quench forever the transient 
existence of the hideous clod which he had looked upon as the cradle of 
life.  He slept; but in a dream he was awakened; he opened his eyes; 
beheld the horrid thing standing at his side under the spindly vine (in 
Hoborg's dream it grew back), and it looked on him with yellow, spit 
oozing, but speculative eyes.

Hoborg awoke (for real), and was horror stricken because he saw 
something far away, and it was growing less and less far away with 
every minute.  At first he thought it was the clod-creature coming back 
to get him, but as it got closer, he could see that it was much bigger 
than a dirt clod.  A short while passed before Hoborg could make out 
the shape.  It was a piece of land with a little red-roofed house on 
it.  There was a big robot and a little being on it.  Hoborg realized 
that these folks would pass him if he did not act quickly so he took 
off his belt from around his waist and made a lasso.  He figured that 
it still was not long enough to reach this passing land mass, so in an 
act of desperation he gouged chunk of his chest out and rolled it into 
a great snake that extended the end of his belt.  This contraption was 
long enough to lasso the land, which halted when the cord went taut.  
The big robot pointed to Hoborg's chest and said, "Meeee Bil.  Meeee 

Hoborg waved and answered, "Meeee Hoborg.  I am Hoborg."

The smaller being (slightly smaller than Hoborg, but one fiftieth the 
size of Bil) pointed to Hoborg's chest and said, "Me think hims 
pointing your torso, big ouch!"

Hoborg had not realized that his guts were oozing out of the large 
fissure he had created in his chest.  "Good Quater!  What am I going to 

The small being took off his own belt and instructed Bil to carry him 
down to where Hoborg was.  The being jumped into Bil's hand and he 
walked over to where Hoborg sat, about to pass-out.  "Me Willie," the 
stranger said as he tied his belt over Hoborg's chest, clamping the 
severed sections together, and closing up the self-inflicted injury.

Hoborg placed his hand on Willie's shoulder, "Hello Willie, I am Hoborg 
and you just saved my life!"

Willie did not seem to acknowledge this statement.  Hoborg figured 
Willie was not altogether sane, but he was grateful just the same.

After a few days of rest, Hoborg decided it was best to continue on his 
journey.  Hoborg asked Bil and Willie if they wanted to join him.  Bil 
just said, "Meeeeeee Bil.  Meeeee Bil," and Willie mumbled a bunch of 
gibberish to himself.

Hoborg liked their company, but he figured that they did not want to 
come along so he tearfully said good-bye.  Hoborg was surprised to find 
that when he walked, Bil and Willie followed him.  Hoborg did not 
question them, he just grew happy inside and continued toward the Klay.

Big Robot Bil (Hoborg found out his full name because it was engraved 
on the back of his foot) proved most useful for carrying Willie and 
Hoborg and the little red-roofed house over canyons too steep to climb.  
Hoborg noticed, while being by Big Robot Bil, that Bil's chest had a 
switch inside it marked "good" at the present setting and "bad" on the 
other setting.  Hoborg dared not find out what the "bad" setting did, 
but he thought it must be a poorly thought-out attempt at dealing with 
the same problems he had when he was planning the making of beings that 
were capable of doing right and wrong.

Within a few more years the three made it to the Klay.  It was a 
mountain of the purest Klay in the known universe and Hoborg found it 
to be of higher quality than he or even Quater imagined it would be.  
He filled his crown up with a few good sized hunks of Klay; Bil and 
Willie carried a few hunks to help.  All together, Hoborg figured there 
was enough to make his Overhood and about two thousand beings.

On the way back to where Hoborg had started his journey, a Tickberger 
came upon the trio.  A Tickberger is something all icky and sticky that 
Quater always said to run away from.  Hoborg yelled for Bil to grab 
Willie and himself and make a run for it.  A Tickberger is made to want 
what other beings have.  He could tell that they had a bunch of Klay so 
he licked his lips, exposed his fangs and said, "Klaaaaaay!"  As fast 
as Bil could run, it was not fast enough to out run the nimble 
Tickberger.  The ID panel on the back of Bil's foot was removed with 
one swipe of Tickberger's razor sharp claw.  Hoborg saw that Bil was 
slowing down and that they would soon perish if they did not do 
something quick.  Hoborg threw all of the spare Klay over to the ground 
below.  He figured the amount remaining would still be enough to make a 
medium sized world and about five hundred beings.  The problem was that 
as soon as Hoborg dumped the Klay, Tickberger gobbled it up, and it was 
still closing in on Bil.  Hoborg nervously threw some more Klay out and 
this time Tickberger ate it but slowed down considerably.  This was not 
good enough, since Bil also was slowing down considerably from the 
exhausting pace.  He simply could not carry on much longer.

Hoborg decided that he would have to be happy with about twenty beings 
in a small neighborhood as a world.  With that, he dumped most of his 
Klay over with just a bit left for his greatly reduced plans.  It 
worked this time since Tickberger stopped completely and could not 
follow them since he was stuffed with so much Klay.

Bil continued under Hoborg's guidance, holding the little red-roofed 
house on his shoulder where Willie and Hoborg could ride and room 
together.  After many years' journey, Hoborg returned and was ready to 
build "The Everhood", a neighborhood that would last forever...

...so long as nothing went wrong.


Arven is a sleek and fast being who created thousands of beings from 
the first moment he was given a crown.  Besides his crown, there is an 
aerodynamic fin off the back of his head because he is so fast.

His style of creating is fast:  get in, create, get out.  He does not 
keep account of the worlds he creates nor the beings he creates to 
inhabit them.  Quater made Arven quiet, serious, lean and efficient.  
Arven has spoken only once to some of the beings he has created.

Quater wanted to make a being who would fill up the rest of creation 
with more worlds and planets and beings.  Arven does not even take the 
time to create beings who will be creators themselves.  Arven now has 
seven worlds that his beings inhabit:

NCFDO is a world consisting of a group of seven planets, each with a 
civilization of its own.  The inhabitants of each planet have a 
distinct mythology with the common element of the seven planets 
fighting amongst each other.  But they never do in reality.  This makes 
the various races of the seven planets fear each other intensely, 
though there is no real need to do so.

The seven planets are:

Idsnak--inhabited by the Skullmonkeys.

Skullmonkeys look like monkeys with skulls for heads.  Skullmonkeys 
spend the whole day chasing each other in a nervous, hyper-active way.  
While Skullmonkeys would love to scare the young of other 
civilizations, they can not, for other worlds are not accessible to 
them.  For this reason, transportation research is a primary concern of 
the smarter Skullmonkeys.  Alpha Jaw, the leader of the Kingdom of the 
Skullmonkeys hoped to have a spaceship of some kind built to fly to 
planets full of youth to scare.

One day while Alpha Jaw busied himself with detailed plans of a great 
ramp to launch a great rocket, his assistant Hairy Jo climbed down the 
great fort and decided to rest at the watering hole.  Hairy Jo drank 
deeply from the pure waters and looked at himself in the still 
reflection.  He poked his finger in his ovicular foramen and wondered 
what it would be like to have flesh on his head.

"I am very ugly," thought Hairy Jo.

This was an odd thought since most Skullmonkeys have no concern for 

"For this reason I will cast myself into the water and live no more," 
he said, then jumped.  His body made a loud splash and he felt the cool 
water touch every part of his body.  His hair grew deeply saturated 
with water until all of the air bubbles wriggled their way up to the 
surface.  Hairy Jo exhaled and sank even deeper, far deeper perhaps, 
than any other Skullmonkey had ever gone before.  Weightless, he 
refused to move or struggle.  Dark waters surrounded him and he thought 
about his youth.  Hairy Jo remembered a particularly unpleasant day 
many years before when he was just a lad-Skullmonkey receiving his 
lesson from and elder named Low Jaw.

"Many are the hairs on our backs," said Low Jaw, "and likewise are the 
number of Skullmonkeys on this world."

Hairy Jo looked up to Low Jaw as a father figure.  For weeks, Hairy Jo 
followed every move Low Jaw made.  If Low Jaw went into the forest to 
forage for nuts and grubs so went Hairy Jo.  If Low Jaw tended to his 
garden, so did Hairy Jo.

One especially warm and beautiful day Hairy Jo was on his way to Low 
Jaw's cave when he saw a great crowd gathered around the entrance.  
Many Skullmonkeys were howling to show their mournful state.  Low Jaw's 
wife was the gloomiest of all... she was like a brittle fall leaf blown 
into a corner.  Hairy Jo pushed his way to the front of the crowd 
demanding to see his mentor.  Low Jaw gently swung by his neck, hung 
from a braided piece of cloth his two children had made.  His children 
were the first to find him in this state.  The peculiar thing that 
Hairy Jo recalled, was that he had shaved himself completely naked.

Arnod--inhabited by the Rrs.  Rrs observe other planets and 
civilizations hoping one day to apply all that they have learned to 
their own civilization.  This is not likely, since they find comfort in 
research and are terrified of application.  Rrs are extremely advanced 
in the arts of the mind which they use to read other beings minds.  
Every other generation in the Rrs lifeline produces an Omega Rr.  Omega 
Rrs have such superior mind control that they can use their minds to 
form physical doorways between worlds.  This has been outlawed by 
Arven, and only because Quater brought this to his attention.  But the 
Omega Rrs were not stopped until after they had moved a few Ynts, 
Skullmonkeys, and even Rrs to other planets.

Ba'ak--inhabited by Half-Skullmonkeys, who are half Blue Ynt.  Called 
"Blut-Ynt-Skullmonkeys" these beings look just like White Ynts since 
the mating of a Skullmonkey with a Blue Ynt causes a loss of 
pigmentation in the offspring resulting in a Blue Ynt that appears to 
be white.  There is no other visual effect of the offspring from the 
Skullmonkeys, though their behavior is more like that of a Skullmonkey 
than the community-building Blue Ynts.

Guhrli--inhabited by Proto-Skullmonkeys.  These pitiful beings have to 
bury themselves up to their necks every night in the rich Guhrli soil 
to keep from dying of dehydration.  They can only eat HoBread, which 
can only be made by grinding up the largest Wx and adding them to 
HoBatter before it rises.  (Arven corrected all of these limitations in 
the final design of Skullmonkeys.)  Guhrli has a monthly orbit that 
floats so close to Wx that the Proto-Skullmonkeys can harvest the 
plumpest Wx for their HoBread.  Due to the Proto-Skullmonkey's tie to 
the soil of Guhrli every evening, colonizing Wx with Proto-Skullmonkeys 
is not possible.

Wx--inhabited by Wx.  Wx are fat, furry and yellowish in color.  Wx 
reproduce asexually and often, which would create an overcrowding 
problem if they were not harvested each month by the Proto-

Hapsborg--inhabited by one Rr and one Skullmonkey who became best 
friends.  The Rr's name is Rrheostan and the Skullmonkey's name is 
Mazzimoast.  Their first year on Hapsborg was one of confused emotions.  
Because of the myth of the seven planets fighting amongst each other, 
Mazzimoast and Rrheostan feared each other, but they were lonely and 
longed for companionship also.  Rrheostan, behaving in perfect Rr 
fashion, wanted to study Mazzimoast and all of his habits.  He spent a 
lot of time following the Skullmonkey's tracks to see where he went, 
examining his feces to see what he ate, and climbing up trees to see 
where he lived.  They found that helping each other was their only 
chance at happiness and survival.  While they were extremely productive 
during the first hundred years of friendship, they now just sit in 
front of their houses swapping grossly exaggerated stories of their 
first year together.

Yanko--inhabited by the followers of Mai Kea.  Mai Kea was said to live 
on Hapsborg, though in reality he did not exist at all by any known 
records.  Yankites (beings of Yanko) find pleasure in making intricate 
art works for Mai Kea.  Perhaps the greatest works of art known to 
Quater are made in Yanko.  It is for this reason that no one has the 
heart to tell the Yankites that Mai Kea does not exist.

The other six worlds that Arven made:

PLASNO is an enormous cloud of beings, each too small to be seen by the 
naked eye.  Rrs have projected their minds there.

ALFATIC is the world of the R'Goss.  Each successive generation is born 
bigger than the previous.  As the R'Goss of each generation get into 
their senior years, you hear them make statements like, "These punks 
think they're so big!" or, "When I was your age, we had to stand on a 
chair to get the fondue pot down from the top kitchen cabinet."

The houses of their ancestors are not usable for the newer generations; 
they just can not fit through the front doors.

ALPA FANALPA is a world where the adults are ruled by their children.  
The children send the parents on time-consuming, frivolous tasks that 
keep the parents from doing anything but what the children desire.  One 
might think that a society like this could collapse in anarchy.  But to 
satisfy each whim of their children, the Alparanese (or parents) 
constantly develop new technologies.  For instance, when a child, 
looking up at the evening sky, said, "I want to see what that white dot 
is, up there!" and threw a fit, his Alparanese worked night and day 
till they invented a telescope.  When other children saw it they all 
wanted one, so a telescope factory was built.  In similar ways, 
advances are made throughout Alpa Famalpa.

Alpa Famalpa families have from one to three children, rarely more.  
One child, being childish, may say, "Yes!" when she is asked if she 
wants a baby brother or sister.  She does not have the ability to 
realize that she will have to share command of the Alparenese with her 
sibling, since the Alparenese must be obedient to all their children.  
That child will not be fooled again if she is asked a second time after 
the birth of her sibling.  Later, when the new baby is old enough to 
answer, the Alparenese may be able to ask him while the older sister is 
not around (and if she has not already warned the boy of the danger of 
a third sibling) if he wants a baby brother.  If a third child is born 
into the family, the older two will rarely ever let the Alparenese out 
of their sight; this prevents the Alparenese from getting the chance to 
ask the youngest if he or she wants a baby sister or brother.

As a favor to Homen, Arven made the world FLIMBY for the White Ynts.  
Most of the White Ynts were taken by Arven so the Blue Ynts could live 
in peace once again.  The White Ynts depended on the hard-working, 
resourceful Blue Ynts for survival, since the White Ynts are shiftless, 
no-good bums.  To survive being in a world with no blue Ynts, the 
smarter White Ynts (called "Rogling") conned the not-so-smart White 
Ynts (called "Habling") into "converting" into Blue Ynts.  Here are 
some tales of the Rogling conning the Habling into being Blue Ynts:

One night, Papto, tired of wandering in the woods of Flimby, saw the 
light from a window of a treecutter's cottage.  Papto did not have his 
own cottage because he was too lazy to build one.  He thought to go to 
the cottage to see if the Ynts inside would let him stay, so he went to 
the door and knocked.

The treecutter's wife opened the door and said, "Shoo!  I don't let 
anyone in while my husband is not in the house!  Go away, already!"  
And she slammed the door in his face.

Papto was hungry, too, and he had smelled the dinner cooking in the 
cottage while the door was open.  He looked around for something to eat 
and saw a discarded Gflutoburger box on the roof of the cottage.  He 
hoped there might be a Gflutoburger still in the box, but if not, even 
licking the Gflutoburger sauce from the bottom of the box would be 
delicious.  After quietly making his way onto the roof, Papto found a 
hole in it through which he could spy on the wife of the treecutter.  
Obviously the treecutter was too lazy to fix the hole.  When he peeked 
through the hole, Papto saw a beautiful table set out with savory junk 
roast, klootifish, and wine.  The treecutter's wife and the county tree 
censor were seated at the table ready to dine.

Now Papto heard the treecutter lumbering home just then, and so did 
Mrs. Treecutter.  The treecutter was as nice a guy as you would want to 
meet, but his one quirk was that the mere sight of a county tree censor 
put him into a fit of rage.  And that was why the censor was paying a 
neighborly visit to the wife, because he knew that the treecutter was 
out; and the good woman would therefore fix up the best vittles she 
had.  As Papto watched through the hole, she threw everything on the 
table into cupboards and drawers and hid the censor in a trunk she used 
as a coffee table.

"What are you doing on my roof?" the treecutter asked Papto.  "You'd 
better come in and eat dinner with me and stay in the spare room."

Papto brought the Gflutoburger box in with him, but kept it out of 
sight.  The wife acted very glad to see them both and set the table and 
gave them each a big bowl of Toriweet (a gray, tasteless paste).  
Papto's mouth watered thinking about the junk roast, klootifish, and 
the other delicacies he had seen.  He brought his Gflutoburger box up 
to his ear and opened and closed it a few times.

"What have you got there?" asked the treecutter.

"Oh, that's my Gflutospirit-guide," answered Papto.  "He says don't eat 
this Toriweet, eat the junk roast, klootifish, and other things he had 
a Gflutospirit hide in the cupboards just now."  "Super!" exclaimed the 
treecutter, who jumped up and found all the wonderful food which his 
wife had hidden there, but which he thought the Gflutospirit had 
brought forth.  The wife of the treecutter dared not say a word, but 
put all the food on the table.  Now Papto put his box up to his ear 
again and opened it and closed it.

"What's he say now?" asked the treecutter.

"He says don't forget the wine behind you in that drawer."

So Papto and the treecutter enjoyed the wine also.  The treecutter 
wanted to see the Gflutospirit this guide used to provide these 
wonderful things.

"Can the guide conjure the Gflutospirit here for us to see?" asked the 
treecutter.  "I wouldn't be troubled about looking at him; now that we 
finished off that wine I'm kind of loopy!"

"But of course!" said Papto.  "This guide does whatever I tell it to 
do, don't you?"  Here he nodded at the Gflutoburger box in his hand.  
"He says 'Yes'.  But the Gflutospirit is very ugly; we might puke if we 
were to look upon it so soon after eating."

"So who's afraid of a little barf?  What will he look like?"

"Well, you see, he'll look just like a county tree censor."

"Gah!  That is ugly!  I must tell you, I go into fits of rage when I 
see a county tree censor; but I'll be okay knowing that it's really a 

So Papto opened the box and whispered into it, then he put it up to his 

"Very well," said Papto.  "He's in the trunk you use as a coffee table.  
We may go look at it now, but don't let it out of the trunk!"

"Help me hold the lid," said the lumberjack.  And they all went over to 
the trunk where the wife had hidden the county tree censor.  They 
opened the lid and peeked in; then the treecutter slammed the lid 

"Wow!  He is ugly!  Yuck!"

After that, they agreed they needed another drink.  They opened another 
drawer and found another bottle of wine.

Much later, the treecutter said, "You must sell me the Gflutospirit-
guide in the box.  Ask as much as you want.  I'll pay anything."

"No, I could never do that," said Papto, "just imagine what I can use 
him for!"

"Oh, I do so want that Gflutospirit-guide so much!  Oh, please, please, 
please, please, please, oh please, pleeese, oh please, please, please, 
please, oh oh, please, oh please, please, please, please, please, puh-
leeease, please, oh please, please, oh please, please!" cried the 
treecutter; and he kept on begging.

"Well," said Papto, at last, "if you promise that you and your wife 
will pretend to be Blue Ynts for the next three years for me, then I 
will give you this Gflutoburger box."

"It's a deal!" said the treecutter.  "But you must take that trunk with 
that Gflutospirit that looks like a county tree censor away with you; 
it gives me the creeps!"

When Papto left in the morning, he took the trunk.  On his way, on the 
other side of the woods, was a very deep river.  The water rushed by 
under the bridge he was crossing and the river thundered in the quiet 
of the forest.

"Whew!" said Papto.  "I'm tired!  This trunk feels like it's full of my 
brother's weights.  I think I may as well throw it in the river, and if 
it floats home to me, great; if not, no big deal."

Then he lifted one end of the trunk, just a little.  "No!" cried the 
censor from within the trunk, "let me out first!"

"Aaaaaah!" screamed Papto, pretending to be frightened, "The 
Gflutospirit is still in there!  I'd better throw him in fast, so he'll 

"No, no, no!" exclaimed the censor.  "I'll be a Blue Ynt for you for 
three years if you let me out."

"I could do that!" said Papto.  And for the next three years he did not 
lift a finger.

Not much is known about ELBEETO, except that it is a twin of Flimby, 
and that it lies on the far side of a huge gulf of yellow plasma.  
Space currents momentarily blow the yellow plasma away, revealing 
Elbeeto to the patient observer. 

SUMP is a world consisting of a group of hollow planets that exist 
within each other.  Including:

Outer Junn--inhabited by Wx, about a million times as Wx itself.  
Because there are no Proto-Skullmonkeys to harvest them every month, 
about one half of the population is crushed to death by their 
collective weight.

Mezzo Abbernun--inhabited by Abbers.  Abbers suspect that there is a 
world above their Outer Junn Floor Sky, because of the occasional Wx 
carcass oozing through a crack or hole, but this is an unproved theory 
to them.  Some Abbers have drilled their way through the Mezzo Abbernun 
to find Inner Abbernun.  These travellers, however, never returned to 
the surface to tell what they found.  This has prevented most Abbers 
from attempting the journey but a few hundred have.

Abbers fall into three castes.  The first is the intellectual, 
inquisitive caste called the Frankites.  The second is the warring 
Abbers called the Dazzites.  The third is the religious caste called 
the Ee's.  The Frankites spend their time in pursuit of knowledge about 
the other worlds of Sump:  Outer Junn and Inner Abbernun.  The 
Frankites are not respected by either the Dazzites or the Ee's.  The 
Ee's accuse the Frankites of messing with their religious mythologies.  
The Dazzites think the Frankites are a bunch of sissies.  The Frankites 
developed the theory of a world above their Outer Junn Floor Sky 
because of the occasional Wx carcass oozing down through a crack or 
hole.  The Abbers have no way of reaching the Floor Sky, but a drop or 
two of the disgusting, rotting flesh of the Wx's from Outer Junn 
sometimes trickles down.  The Frankites have developed a science out of 
the study of stuff that falls from the sky.  They have formed theories 
of what the world above must be like.  Theories of a world within 
theirs are called the "Crankules Inner Abbernun Conjecture" after the 
Frankite named Crankules who is said to be the first Abber to say, "I 
wonder if there's a world within our world?"  The Frankites have led 
expeditions into caves, crevices and holes in the ground.  Most 
expeditions run into dead-ends; the ones that do not have never come 
back to report what they found.  The Ee's say this just confirms what 
they have known all along, that Inner Abbernun houses a Door to the 
Other Side.  Although a few Frankites say there are no doors, most 
agree that there may be something like a door somewhere in the 
universe. The Dazzites consider the Frankites research into doors their 
only useful function in society.

The Ee's spend their time in pursuit of the knowledge of mythologies.  
Some Ee's follow Father; some Ee's follow Quater; some Ee's follow 
Arven.  Some follow Father and Quater; some follow Quater and Arven; 
some follow Father and Arven.  Some Ee's follow all three together:  
Father, Quater, and Arven.

Most Dazzites want nothing to do with a Door to the Other Side.  They 
would be very interested, though, if someone found a door to another 
world that they could conquer.

Abberwabbee is the notable high priest of the Ee's.  Kapangdazz, Chief 
Warrior of the Dazzites is plotting to assassinate him due to 
Abberwabbee's doctine of peace which threatens the Dazzite warrior 

Inner Abbernun--which is said to house a door to the other side.  All 
of the Abber cultures have a mythology regarding the door and a special 
name that identifies that mythology.  Here are some of the more popular 

Lipocarrutherrs--The door is all around us.  This is the mythology of 
the door amongst a small group of Frankites, called the Ricks.  They 
believe that the door is just a natural consequence of the evolution of 
all living things.  They are fond of going out to the Eubendy forests 
and hugging the Eubendy trees.  Ricks desire to become one with nature, 
then, they believe, they will be able to see the way to the door.  
Until you become one with nature, they say, you cannot hope to see as 
nature sees.  And, according to the Ricks, nature sees all.

Winthrrop Ballyhoo--We have already gone through the door.  This is one 
of many mythologies found amongst groups within the Ees.  This group 
within the Ees calls itself the Marffees.  They believe whole-heartedly 
that there is a door, but they also believe that all have passed 
through the door in one instant sometime in the past.  The Marffees say 
that since we are all on the other side of the door, there is no need 
to look for it.

Shempocalrrisian--Each of us has a door within himself/herself.  This 
is also a mythology from a group with the Ees, called the 
Shempocalrrisianites.  It is said that Shempocalrrisian found the door, 
but did not go through it.  Instead, he ground the door to a fine dust 
then put the dust into the drinking water of Mezzo Abbernum.  Since 
that day, the first time an Abber takes a drink of water, they are said 
to have a door to the other side within them.  The Shempocalrrisianites 
hold a water-drinking-rite for their babies.

Rrmbek--We can find the door only when we have tallied up enough good 
deeds.  Strangely enough, this is not another mythology from the Ees, 
instead it comes from the Frankites.  Those of the Frankites that 
believe this myth are pseudo-scientific and perpetuate the myth started 
hundreds of years ago by Jabberph.  Jabberph was insane, but he was 
able to string together sentences full of scientific and theological 
sounding ideas.  Those who did not know better and did not want to take 
the time to research Jabberph's claims would say, "Hear, hear!" when he 
came to their street corner to speak.  Jabberph, although enrolled in 
the Frankite schools, attended class only occasionally.  He spent most 
of his time digging for imaginary buried treasure or counterfeiting 
money; with the latter he would pay classmates to do his homework for 
him.  It was on what was to be the last of his treasure hunts that 
Jabberph said he found the scroll of Rrmbek.

Jabberph said that the scroll of Rrmbek explained that if one does 
enough good deeds one will be given a pair of X-ray glasses with which 
the door can be found.  Jabberph said that good followers of Rrmbek who 
have disappeared are the only proof one needs to believe the 
authenticity of the scrolls (which, by the way, no one has ever seen).  
The fact that they disappeared, Jabberph writes, shows that they got 
their glasses and went straight to the door.  No one has yet been found 
who can name a missing follower of Rrmbek.

Prrokoschmoko--Life stinks, and then you fall through the door; maybe.  
This mythology has a small support amongst all three castes of Abber.

Klarrczmun--A very good being made the door long ago and only told one 
good Abber how to find it.  Before he found it, though, he told one 
other good Abber and thus the knowledge of the door has been passed 
down through the generations.  It is said that somehow knowledge of the 
door's existence became public, now anyone can find the door, if one 
goes about it the right way.  To do so, one must attach oneself to a 
good and righteous person to get taken through the door when the 
righteous person goes through.  This mythology also has a small support 
amongst all three castes of Abber.  They are called Klarrczmun by other 
Abbers.  The key here, it is believed, is to staple yourself to a 
righteous Abber so that when he does find the door and go through, you 
will go with him.  This myth states that an Abber named Klabberz, who 
lived next door to Toogabberg, thought Toogabberg knew how to find the 
door.  Toogabberg was a very nice guy, but Klabberz though he was the 
nicest guy there ever was.  Klabberz figured that if anybody had a 
chance of finding the door it would be Toogabberg.  So Klabberz got a 
very powerful stapler and with it attached himself to Toogabberg.  It 
is said that when Toogabberg found the door and went through, Klabberz 
went through, too.  Therefore, Abbers who believe this myth are always 
looking for someone who is considered righteous to whom they can staple 
themselves.  If a Klarrczmun is seen trying to staple himself to 
another Abber by other Klarrczmuns, they also will try to attach 
themselves.  Usually, friends will help get a Klarrczmun off the nice 
Abber, but if an Abber is tackled by several Klarrczmun, the Dazzite 
police are summoned to remove them.

Burrntoowie--Arven made the door and immediately declared that none 
shall pass through it upon penalty of death.  He only told anyone about 
it to taunt them with its inaccessibility.

Flimperrty--The door was brought to Inner-Abbernun by Merlopax the 
Kleptomaniac.  There are many legends of Merlopax; he is a folk hero 
among the lazy Abbers who do not want to be involved in any castes.  In 
this tale, Merlopax left Mezzo Abbernun and stole the Door to the Other 
Side and brought it back to Mezzo Abbernun only to lose it to 
Merlopaxpax the Con-man.

Appilow Pinsmarr--The door is a gift from Father.  There is nothing 
anyone can do to find the gift of the door, Father himself must show it 
to you.  And then you must decide if you are going to go through the 

Innagorradavida--One finds the door during the heat of battle, dying a 
victorious death.  This is the favorite door mythology among the 

Jyan't Rroeb't--The doorway is all that is real and all of Abbernun is 
but a dream.

Tingleyspald--The doorway was built by a giant turtle.

Rroy Al--Only 3,667 Abbers are allowed through the door.

 VI.  Analysis

Okay, so what exactly is the "analysis" portion of my FAQ?  Basically, 
it's the only part of the FAQ that I own.  The entire Neverhood 
Chronicles belongs to, of course, the Neverhood team (which has since 
disbanded, so unfortunately there will be no more Neverhood games).  
After reading the Neverhood Chronicles, I realized that there were a 
lot of references to other sources, mostly the Bible.  This is 
basically my attempt to root out those sources and compare them to the 
writings of the Chronicles.


This one is very obvious.  Quater is the Neverhood version of Jesus 
Christ, leader of the Jews in his time and the Christian Messiah.  He, 
just like Jesus, was the spokesperson for an even higher being.  He 
spoke with the inhabitants of their world, directly affecting them and 
their lives, and was the ultimate go-between the mortal world and the 
immortal world.

Also, Quater states, "Behold.  Anyone who tampers with the records on 
these walls will be considered the enemy of Father."  This is a direct 
reference to Revelations Chapter 22, verses 18-19, which states:  "I 
warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book:  If 
anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described 
in this book.  And if anyone takes words away from this book of 
prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and 
in the holy city, which are described in this book."

Later on Quater says, "Continue in what you know is true, though truth 
is often hard to see."  Willie uses this phrase almost word for word 
when he gives you the final key.


Father is basically God or perhaps Allah, the highest immortal being.  
The "other side" is Heaven (or maybe even a kind of Nirvana).  It isn't 
the best description, but it is apparent that Father is an omniscient, 
immortal being, but not necessarily benevolent (being "kind" isn't 
quite the same thing).


This is where the biggest difference between God and Father is 
mentioned.  Father only made one being (Quater), and the Christian God 
is believed to have created all beings and all things.  Quater is 
mentioned to be some sort of pioneer, leaving Father and going on his 
own journeys.  It is unknown if Quarter is omniscient or immortal.


Sounds kind of like "Godzilla", but since Ogdilla is just a sort of 
sentient gaseous being, I doubt there is any relation.

This story isn't much about Ogdilla at all, because I guess there isn't 
much to say about a big, dumb cloud of gas.  Instead, the story centers 
on the Specks of Rilonate and the Specks of Rod, who live on Ogdilla's 
"back".  These two "species" are constantly in conflict (which involves 
"much whining, taunting, heated sneering, upheavals, and so on").  The 
story focuses mostly on the arrival of a giant in Screnchy Park (who 
the heck knows what that is).

This giant is a dude by the name of Aloh Al, who happened to be Willie 
Trombone's brother.  In the story of Ottoborg, we hear Aloh Al's 
version of what happened.

The Specks of Rilonate tried to communicate with him, but were 
unsuccessful in all attempts, and continued trying because they wanted 
to use him as a weapon against the Specks of Rod.

Eventually, the Specks become frustrated and throw tons of food at him, 
and he hurries away from them, where he meets the Specks of Rod.  They 
see the food on his feet and immediately assume he's squashed all the 
Specks of Rilonate.  The King of Rod gives a "rousing" speech, not 
unlike the one the King of Rilonate gave just before Aloh Al left their 

Aloh Al stays with the Specks for several seasons, which was only a few 
days to Aloh Al (as is described in "Ottoborg"), considering that his 
voice was deep and slurred to the Specks of both kingdoms.  

After a season or two, the Specks of Rod offered some of their food to 
Aloh Al, which was cultivated by their own saliva.  This disgusts Aloh 
Al and he runs away, never to be seen again by either kingdoms (he ends 
up trying to get back to Ottoborg's world, which is consistent with the 
specks' reports of him flying away into the heavens, and is killed in 
the process).

The Specks of Rilonate and the Specks of Rod discover that their 
enemies are still alive, and they continue the "Oobla Senchter Hakkt" 
for a while longer, which really pisses Ogdilla off.  He splits into 
two beings, successfully separating the warring factions of specks, and 
drifts away from... himself, I guess.  King Rod and King Rilonate ended 
up on their enemies' half, and King Rilonate is quickly chopped up and 
devoured by the Rods.  King Rod, however, is sneaky and takes the place 
of King Rilonate.

The rest of the story delves into the traditions and customs of the 
Specks, and it's extremely boring.


Bertbert is essentially a clone of Quater.  There is a picture of him 
on the Hall of Records, so it can be assumed that it is the best 
representation of Quater himself.

Bertbert creates a second Bertbert, who creates Bredbad, who is a clone 
of a clone of a clone, and has a speech impediment.  He was considered 
to be extremely wise, and he coined the "Three ways of Bablon."  
"Bablon" is a semi-reference to Babylon, but I'm not sure where the 
"three ways" comes from.

This story mostly tells of the lineage of Bertbert, which is similar to 
a lot of Old Testament texts (such as Numbers, Joshua, and especially 

I'm not sure where the dilemma with Hiface, Bickback, and Lytle comes, 
or if it's even a reference to something in particular.  In any case, 
there is a good moral to the story.

Thus begins the story of Feh and his son, Klee.  This story is a direct 
reference to Joseph, his cloak of many colors, and his exile into 
slavery (which can be found in Genesis, starting in chapter 37).  Feh 
is the counterpart of Jacob, and Klee is the counterpart of Joseph.  
They are both herders of their father's flocks (sheep or FwaCattle, the 
first time a "Fwa" animal is mentioned--the little dudes always getting 
squished in the game are FwaSheep).

Portenchipa is the counterpart of Potiphar, one of Pharaoh's officials 
in Egypt.

Klee goes through much the same stuff that Joseph went through, such as 
having to deal with his master's wife, being thrown into jail, and 
reading bed-head (synonymous to dreams in the Bible).  He even goes up 
in rank in jail the same way, and meets his master again the same way.

The tricks Klee pulls on his brothers near the end is similar to the 
way Joseph treats his own brothers in Genesis.

Poor Uh Uh.


Lineage prevails most of the beginning of this chapter in the Neverhood 
Chronicles, again being similar to the style used in the Old Testament.

Numeron is the most logical of the seven beings created by Quater, 
possibly because is a pile of cubes.  Who knows.

Two kingdoms are created below Numeron's world, and these two places, 
Numby and Nasak, are more direct references to the Bible.  They 
represent Sodom and Gomorrah, the cities whose story starts in Genesis 
chapter 18.  Then it quickly turns into Noah and the great flood, which 
can be found in Genesis chapter 6.  The treehouse Numby and Grace build 
represents the ark Noah built, and the explosion represents the great 
flood as mentioned in the Bible.  

The great bird that delivers the eggs for food is similar to the quail 
and the manna given to the Israelites during their search for the 
Promised Land in Exodus 16:3.


Here is the introduction of Bil the robot, who is also apparently the 
brother of Willie Trombone and Aloh Al (who we've encountered in a 
previous story).

I don't recognize Hypen Nupen's story, but it's possible that it's a 
reference of some other story that I'm not familiar with.

This story also marks the beginning of Willie's story, which is also 
continued on in Hoborg's portion of the Hall.  The "being in distress" 
is Hoborg himself.

The next part of Ottoborg reveals the other side of what happened on 
Ogdilla.  It's quite interesting to see the other side of it, actually.  
Aloh Al says "after something like 100 years", but jeez, that's a long 
time, and the Specks said he only stayed for several seasons.  This 
period of time is unknown.

The other stories aren't as interesting, and they have no connection 
between any other stories or The Neverhood itself.


Homen's story mostly focuses on Ynts, which are evil bug-like creatures 
you can find in Skullmonkeys, the sequel to the Neverhood.  Nothing 
explains what happened to the white Ynts, or even how the blue Ynts 
made it to Idznak (or Idsnak) and became evil until the story of Arven.  
It's odd because Ynts don't seem so bad in this story.

The story of Hemhemhema and Itchigoplasty and their battles are 
reminiscent of many battles told in the Bible.  I couldn't find a 
specific battle, but they resemble Gideon's story told in Judges as 
well as perhaps Joshua's story.

Pinto Bunyan, who was the son of Homen, had his crown taken away by 
Quater.  It now sits atop the head of Arven, who may very well be the 
most interesting of all the beings created by Quater.


Hoborg is a lot like the Christian God as well, as he is benevolent and 
chose to give his beings the ability to choose between right and wrong.

The worm he encounters on the way to the Klay is much like the serpent 
Adam and Eve encountered in the Garden of Eden.  It tempts him into 
doing something he shouldn't, and even causes him to doubt his own god.

Hoborg eventually meets Willie and Bil, who are still floating along on 
the chunk of land Ottoborg made.  The red-roofed house that Willie 
still lives on in the Neverhood--you can find it by using the claw car 
on the side of the lake and riding it up to the top, where Willie's 
home is.  Inside is even a photo of Ottoborg, captioned with the word 

The end of this portion of the Hall of Records somehow finds its way to 
the bottom of the ocean near the Florida Keys, suggesting that there is 
a connection between our world and the Neverhood's universe.  The 
Neverhood is over two million years old, then, and I wonder what 
exactly became of it.  Too bad the Hall of Records doesn't go into more 

The very first world created by Arven was Idsnak (later on spelled as 
"Idznak"), which is inhabited by the Skullmonkeys and which Klogg 
eventually lands on.  Not much is mentioned about it, other than two 
Skullmonkeys who commit suicide because they are tired of their own 
"ugly" existence.

This is where the arrival of Ynts is explained.  The Rrs involved 
themselves in some sort of practice which involved creating Omega Rrs, 
who were able to make doorways between worlds.  This was outlawed by 
Arven (who actually didn't care--Quater made him do it), but not after 
some Ynts were moved to Idznak.

I really like the story about Papto and how he tricks the White, not-
so-smart Ynts to become "blue", hard-working Ynts to serve him.  
Interesting tale, but I wonder if it had any dire consequences for 
Papto down the road?  Most of these stories hold some sort of moral 

The Shempocalrissian theory sounds a lot like a certain fictional Star 
Wars character, only his first name has been replaced with that of a 
famous Stooge.  Innagorradavida sounds like a song that was popular 
back in the day.

This document Copyright (c) 2004 J. Phillips and can be in no way
reprinted, posted on any other web site, or used for anything else
other than personal use whatsoever.

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