Dr. Chaos – Review

There are some bad games out there. There are some really bad games out there. There are some games that make you want to slit your wrist and slowly endure a very painful and lonely death. Then, at the bottom of the list, we have Dr. Chaos.

At A Glance: This game was released by Pony Canyon in June of 1987. It claims "Awesome Gameplay" and "Stunning 3D Graphics". What stunning 3D graphics they were talking about? Perhaps they are referring to the First Person View graphics that you must endure everytime you enter a door, but those horrible graphics can hardly be considered 3-Dimensional and they sure as hell aren't stunning.

Game Plot: The plot of this game is the only thing that it seems Pony Canyon actually spent some honest viable time on. Your name is Michael, and your brother is a scientist that accidentally spawned all sorts of evil creatures all over his mansion. You have to fight your way through the mansion to find and save your brother. The story almost makes the game sound worth playing.

Gameplay: Ok. This is one of the worst parts of this game. You start out walking down a hallway with plenty of enemies to fight and doors to go in. The dynamics of the gameplay are nothing short of malicious. It's almost as if Pony Canyon wants you to suffer. In Dr. Chaos, there are two different gameplay views: Third Person View and First Person View. Third Person View is the more common view and is screened whenever you are in the hallway. When you fight enemies, provided that you consider hitting mice and bats with a poorly animated sword motion a "fight", you are in Third Person View. First Person View, however, is screened when you go into doorways. First Person View is a lot like Myst in the sense that nothing moves. You control a mouse cursor. You move the mouse cursor over different objects and you can choose to "Open", "Get", "Go", or "Hit" that object. The only difference from this and Myst is the fact that Myst doesn't suck.

Graphics: Just look at the mice on the ground and the monsters that randomly appear out of doorways and I think you'll agree with me when I say that the graphics suck. (it looks like Pony Canyon spent about five minutes designing the game sprites)

Sound: Above all else, super crappy background music combined with the unrealistic blunt sound effects really make my eyes bleed with fury. In all seriousness, the sounds are really, really bad. I have noticed two different background tunes, one tune for Third Person View and one tune for First Person View. I'd be willing to bet a considerable amount of money that the sound designer was tripped up on acid while designing the sound.

Weapons: You use four weapons throughout the entire game. A sword, a gun, a machine gun, and grenades. You can use the sword as many times as you wish, as it is your default weapon. The guns and grenades, however, you must conserve your ammo for the more difficult enemies.

Enemies: In the short hour that I actually conjected myself to such horribleness, I only found three enemies: a bat, an orange (?) mouse, and some gorilla looking monster that appeared from a door. The bats and mice reappear as soon as you kill them, which really defeats the purpose of killing them at all.

Levels: I played this game as a child quite often, but I never really liked it. Kind of like the way children drink vegetable juice and like it because they don't know any better. Anyway, I didn't find any actual levels. You just walk around in the mansion for the whole game killing random creatures. Now, if that's not fun, (sarcasm) then I don't know what is.

Graphics: 0
Gameplay: 0
Sound: -1
Story: 8
Fun: -Infinity
Overall: 1/10

Final Thought: Go out and buy this game so that you can laugh at how crappy it is with your friends.