Review by Hobo Clone

Reviewed: 06/04/03 | Updated: 06/04/03

I'm Scared...

I'll have to admit that I thought I'd NEVER see a Mario game be this... this... this ATARI! Well, after I saw the first-ever commercial for it I learned that it WAS Atari! A saaaaaad year in the history of Mario... This game makes the arcade version of Donkey Kong look good! Ya know... back when Mario was called ''Jump Man'' and he was a carpenter (note the hammer). Yeah. Well, anyway, this game is boring. Boring, yet curiously addictive. Mario Bros. is a death trap in a cartridge, and here's why...

1. CHALLENGE: Does anybody know how to make a skull with a dagger stuck in it with computer symbols? I have NEVER been so happy to get a Game Over in my whole life! Sure, it was because my friend had distracted me from my personal gillotine, but hey! What are friends for? Thanks, man!
x_X 4/10.

2. CONTROL: This might be the only well-rated section in the whole review. It's a pretty smooth-running game. Not to mention that the controls are very easy to use.
^_^ 10/10. How's that for a comeback? Don't worry, it gets worse...

3. AUDIO: Let's put it this way... The music isn't very original, the sound isn't very original, therefore, as you can probably guess, the audio in general isn't very original. So far, it looks like a sad lookout for Mario Bros., because I've rated this part as another (you guessed it) x_X 4/10.

4. VISUAL: Two words: NOT GOOD. They're not bad either. I don't know about you, but in my opinion (and yes, if you didn't want my opinion you shouldn't have come here in the first place) I would give them an all time low of 2/10. But, I decided not to, simply because it's an 8-bit game. I give it a final, but very repetitive rating... x_X 4/10.

5. GAMEPLAY: Like I said before, Mario Bros. is a highly addictive game and should be warned against by the surgeon general. It's boring, repetitive, and highly predictable. I would not recommend use of this game unless you are a trained professional. A game with a plumber who jumps around and kicks monsters that come out of pipes (not to mention coins and fireballs)? Alright! Sounds like hours of entertainment comin' this way, dude! Crack out the cyanide pills and let's fire this baby up! 3/10

6. OVERALL: Dear World,

I never thought this day would come. It'll all be over soon. I've got nothing left to live for. You never really cared, did you? Too late to answer now. I just put it in the slot. Goodbye, cruel world...
And I hope you know what that means... At least you SHOULD... Yep, that's right. x_X 4/10.

Rating:   2.0 - Poor

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