Review by asfjdkdagfj

Reviewed: 08/06/07

How could a game so bad be related to a show so good?

About the game:

The main characters are Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman. You choose one of these four to start as your main person, but it switches to one of the other 3 when you switch a weapon (a character each can hold 2). It's a first person shooter that runs on the Turok 2 engine with hilarious weapons (cow launcher, yellow snowballs) and equally funny enemies (clones, cows). The story is that a comet is heading towards South Park and Stan Kyle Kenny and Cartman have to find a way to stop it AND deal with the evil beings it creates.

The graphics in this game are...not very good. The characters look quite nice, almost holding true to the cutouts you see on the television show. The textures for buildings, buses, etc. are terrible. They all look fuzzy and plain, there's nothing that stands out among them, at all. It's like the developers just copied and paste the same texture over and over. Nothing about the buildings change throughout the game, they're all the same no matter what area you're in. If you walk up to buildings you can see through them and stare at blank nothingness, poor. The mountains don't even have snow on them, it's just drawn on. The main ground in this game is snow, so as you would expect it's white. You might be thinking "Well, what's so bad about that?" well, what's so bad about that is that it's ALL white. No dirt, no animal tracks (yes, animals are in this game) and not even small lumps, perfectly clean, smooth snow. The only way it changes is if you hit it with a weapon, and that doesn't even stay around. Now the worst part about this game graphics wise is this eerie fog that makes it so you can't see more than 12-15 feet in front of you. Before you ask, no, this isn't part of the game, it's just bad graphics. This makes the game even uglier than it already is, and makes it hard to see where anything is, especially charging enemies.

The sound is a love/hate thing depending on who listens to it. I personally loathed it. Each character has a handful of phrases that they repeat whenever encountering/attacking enemies, most involving curses. This gets very old by the time you've finished the first chapter. The voices of the characters themselves identical to to the show, so that's a plus. The enemy voices have no redeeming qualities though, featuring either 1 or 2 lines (depending on which enemy you're facing) of incomprehensible garble. Bad as they are, the enemy voices aren't the worst sound related items in the game, that title goes to the background music. Throughout the whole game is this monotonous banjo tune that is original for about 15 seconds, then loops back to the beginning. This will drive you crazy, but thankfully you can lower the BGM in the options menu.

The gameplay is atrocious. Every level is the exact same: Go to this location, make sure no enemies make it to this red beacon thing. That's it. If an enemy makes it to the red beacon, you play a side game where you must kill them all in a small area before the "Town bar" reaches zero. If you couldn't tell, This game features absolutely NOTHING in terms of gameplay. No stealth, no secrets, no sidequests, no open-ended gameplay, it doesn't even matter where you hit the enemy as headshots do about the same damage as shooting them in the leg. Wanna kill a ton of enemies? Backpedal and fire with the infinite ammo snowballs. You basically charge through the game holding down the Z button with whatever weapon you have, occasionally encountering a "Tank" enemy which features a health bar and spawns more of the grunt enemies until you kill it. Each chapter features a boss at the end of it, which are either incredibly easy, or incredibly frustrating. They are the highlights of the gameplay however, as sad as that is.

The multiplayer is absolutely horrid. I'm sorry but that's all there is to it. It slows down so unbelievably much in multiplayer it's not even worth it, but I'm obligated to tell you more about it. You unlock characters by being told cheats after beating levels in the single-player, but if you're reading this you probably got them from this games cheat section. As if slowdown wasn't bad enough, the characters themselves are so imbalanced it's not even funny. Pick the smallest guy you can find and not only can you run faster than all the other characters, but you're nigh-impossible to hit. It's almost like cheating, and is not fun at all.

In closing I have to say this game was yet another attempt to cash in on something based on its name alone. It's a horribly programmed game with an equally horrible story. The graphics are absolute trash and will make you feel dirty if you play for too long (no joke). The best part about this game are the overused but still funny phrases the characters say, which is the sole reason I'm not giving it a 1. This game is not worth your time or you money. It wasn't worth it when it first came out, and it sure isn't worth it now. Avoid it at all costs.

Rating: 2

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