Review by Laladien

Reviewed: 08/05/02 | Updated: 08/05/02

Just keep telling yourself, it's only a game...

I have heard the jingle and it has made me quite, quite mad. No, I am not insane, but the opening music from Awesome Possum could easily make one appear so. Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Once your will has succumbed to the mind-numbingly awful opening song, your soul will be sucked away by the lack-luster gameplay and graphics that Awesome Possum has to offer. Whether developed as a bad joke or as a programmers project, Awesome Possum places people into a platforming nightmare that even Lovecraft himself would never have have writ.

The nightmare begins as you take control of our hero, a hero who is on a crusade in the name of ecology. An environmentally safe hero, who only eats dolphin-safe tuna and who wants to save the whales. The control is pretty straight-forward, though the animation and responsiveness is as jerky as that kid who beat you up at school for your lunch money. That's not all, however, Awesome Possum... ok, wait a second, I just can't keep calling him that... it isn't fair because he isn't awesome in any way. We'll call him ''Buttsmack Possum''. In any case, Buttsmack Possum shares a common denominator with Bubsy Bobcat! He can talk. A lot.

Where Bubsy's comments were funny and relevant, Possum-boy's are simply irritating and awful. He suffers from post-nasal drip and his voice echoes this fact nicely, as he his vocal brilliance is about as shiny as a piece of coal. It wouldn't be so bad, but he just keeps talking. In mid-air he quips, on the ground he mutters, as he dies he sighs... BUT HE NEVER SHUTS UP!!!!

Please, let me tell you, this game has no merit. The graphics are as intresting as a straight to home Disney movie release, the music sounds as if someone used a Tandy home computer system to design it, the character designs are piss-poor and the evil possum voices are trapped in my head forever; and that damn jingle. It won't go away. It's haunting me. I JUST HUMMED IT! OH GOD MAKE THE JINGLE STOP...

STOP.

There are so many platformers out there far more worthy of play than this heap of dung. Believe me, Awesome Possum is one of those games that if you were to buy it (and I would you wouldn't), please seal it in shrink-wrap so that it may forever rot in silicon hell.

Rating:   1.0 - Terrible

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