Review by CXKid

Reviewed: 05/12/10

To say I hate this game is an understatement.

Honestly, this is perfect port of the original Battletoads, unfortunately I hated the original Battletoads. Actually I couldn’t even bring myself to play the game before reviewing it. It’s that bad.

Story 4/10
The bad guy, supposedly called the ‘Dark Queen’, kidnapped the ‘best looking girl in the galaxy’. So you have to go save her… that’s it. It’s so horribly mediocre I almost shot myself reading it.

Graphics 9/10
The graphics are pixel-for-pixel identical to the NES version (minus the colour of course). Everything looks surprisingly good. And the lack of colour doesn’t really matter, partially because it’s a GameBoy game and partially because you’ll be seeing red whenever you play this game anyway.

Music/Sound 6/10
The music is…good, I guess. I don’t really remember any of it but that might be a good thing because if I don’t remember it, it probably wasn’t bad enough to give me a headache.
The sounds are basic beat ‘em up sound effects. Your standard ‘thud’s and ‘pow’s with some occasional ‘SHAFA-KOOM’s.

Gameplay 2/10
The gameplay is based on a simple concept, run up to an enemy and mash B to unleash a series of attacks upon them regardless of whether they’re knocked down, attacking you, or anything else. This works only because which attack used is purely situational, for example if an enemy is knocked on the ground you would kick them. And if you use a certain number of attacks in succession on them the final hit is a super strong attack that gives you extra points and instantly kills the enemy. Unfortunately this game is not a side-scroller, it’s shown from a perspective reminiscent of Golden Axe, wherein you have to be exactly in line with the enemy to hit him. There’s a rather pitiful variety of enemies so you’ll get the feeling that you’re making no progress because you’re killing the same enemy over and over again. And of course, between levels you’ll be taunted by the ‘Dark Queen’ which really only serves to warn you about what to expect in the next level (i.e. ‘Those toads will never get past my Venus Toad Traps!’). Of course, there is a lives system and you only get THREE lives unless you pick up more or get 100,000 points.

And then there’s the bike sections, you get on a bike (obviously) and then ride to the right until you get to the end, sounds simple right? Wrong. Anyone who’s played a Sonic game knows that when you go really fast it’s hard to avoid obstacles, especially when those obstacles instantly kill you. Battletoads didn’t quite get this concept. You have to avoid walls that are blocking your way for no reason whatsoever by jumping over low ones and going around tall ones and the game gives you a little heads up about it, but you just go too fast. The only way to get past these parts is to tap into your omni-potent god powers and see the walls coming or to freaking memorize the pattern of the walls. Of course even when you do that there are the ramps. When you get to a ramp you have to jump off of it, you’d think this would be automatic or at very least, easy, but no, it requires split-second timing and sometimes even when you get it, you don’t get it and you fall into the pit anyway, leaving you with a horrible sense that the game is prejudice against you, but it’s not, it’s prejudice against everyone and everything ever.

Overall, the idea is there but the execution kills any fun there might have been.

Control 10/10
The controls are basic and responsive like most GameBoy games. No complaints.

Replayability 2/10
This game actually does have a lot of replay value, but due to a massive frustration factor you’ll light the cart on fire before you consider playing again from the beginning.

Frustration Factor 10/10
You will die. And you will die repeatedly. And then you’ll get on game over and have to play from the beginning. Well, I assume you have to play again from the beginning, usually when I get on game over I toss the game in a drawer for 6+ months. The point is that this game is f**king HARD!

Fun Factor 1/10
Unlike Power Quest, another horribly frustrating game, Battletoads isn’t fun at all either. In fact it’s almost a torture device. This game is about as fun as smashing your face against a slab of concrete repeatedly, jamming bamboo reeds under your fingernails and then unleashing an army of fire ants on yourself, all while singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Satan himself.

Verdict 40% rounded to 4/10 for GameFAQs scoring
I sentence this game to never ever be enjoyed by anyone that ever existed anywhere ever.

Rating:   2.0 - Poor

Product Release: Battletoads in Ragnarok's World (US, 06/30/93)

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