This game is OH SO TERRIBLE! DON'T BUY IT!

Nintendo and Retro are SO unoriginal! Donkey Kong Country: Returns? More like Donkey Kong Country: Rehash! LOLOL, I'm so funny, I said "rehash" instead of "returns" so that this game looks bad! XDXDXD Let's take a look at why this is automatically guaranteed to fail:

- Everything has an HD look. Everybody knows that high-res sprites are the only option.
- Donkey Kong does NOT look like his old self! He has gree--I mean, black eyes! Eye color is the MOST important thing about a game, and really shows how good it will (or won't) be! This is very serious, guys!
- Donkey Kong's arms are too long
- Tiki guy for a bad guy? His name is Robotn--I mean, K Rool! How could they forget that?
- They should make an original DK game that isn't a rehash. If I wanted to play DKC for SNES, I would.
- They should make an actual sequel to DKC. CALL IT DONKEY KONG COUNTRY 4! And since DK can go into the background in this game, that instantly makes this a gimmick game that has no relation to the old games whatsoever. I want my game to be EXACTLY like the originals!
- They are reusing enemies from the old games! They can't think of anything new at all. They are so the opposite of smart. I am smarter than they are!
- Why isn't this a 3D game? Everyone knows that Donkey Kong 2 Battle (for the gamecube, I think) is the best of the DK games. That was the first DK game I ever played, and it will always be the best ever.

My opinion is fact, so don't bother trying to prove me wrong! If you defend this game one bit, that makes you a Donkey Kong apologist! Lets be sure to do lots of baseless complaini--I mean, constructive criticism, ok guys? I will never buy this game, or come to the message board EVER AGAIN!

See you guys tomorrow.

I didn't even read all of that.

at least there's no way it can be worse than dk 06

My opinion is fact, so don't bother trying to prove me wrong!

I can't argue with that! He must be telling the truth!

The only thing that weirds me out is that this guy could walk next to me in real life and I wouldn't even know it.

...creepy

Bravo! I like this topic!

10/10, would read again.

Ololol nice one.

10/10

Great parody! I wish I saw a lot LESS of the non-parody versions of this on boards all across GameFAQs. >_> I could comment that this:

They are reusing enemies from the old games!

isn't even remotely true, as far as we know, but then, how often do the (genuine) whiners actually bother to verify the things they're whining about?

I want my game to be EXACTLY like the originals!
- They are reusing enemies from the old games! They can't think of anything new at all

I'll pretend you made sense there