League of Lore #14: Galio Prime the Autobot

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User Info: SpunkySix

SpunkySix
1 month ago#1
Who next who next who next? - Results (8 votes)
Ornn
0% (0 votes)
0
Zoe
0% (0 votes)
0
Vi
12.5% (1 vote)
1
Annie
0% (0 votes)
0
Caitlyn
12.5% (1 vote)
1
Teemo
12.5% (1 vote)
1
Anivia
12.5% (1 vote)
1
Tristana
12.5% (1 vote)
1
Ahri
25% (2 votes)
2
Rumble
12.5% (1 vote)
1
This poll is now closed.
Wow, it feels like it’s been way more than a week since the last post in the Ryze topic, but I guess not. Weird. Anyways, as promised I’m back now with Galio’s lore, and I don’t think anyone will be surprised one bit to hear that I really think it's- well, I’ll get to that when I get to it. For now, here’s the diggly-dang lore:

Galio, the Colossus:

https://youtu.be/KmvLl6WHvWM

Empire State Human by The Human League because f*** it it’s a fun song:

https://youtu.be/8XL5Tm7RAUI

https://www.newgrounds.com/dump/draw/cccd6130f2b70a80546955770d6f1470

Galio is a bigboi built out of stone so that he could protect Demacia. Sadly for him, the only thing that wakes him up inside is magic, and he’s designed to kill people who use magic, so… most of the time he just kind of has to stand there like a big dumb statue. Whoever made him neglected to fix that design flaw before they set him in action, and I guess Demacia’s bug fix schedule is about as efficient as Riot’s since he’s been around for centuries yet that still hasn’t been ironed out.

Galio was the stone goliath equivalent of a fetus around the time of the Rune Wars, which you can read about in the Ryze topic but to recap, @BurritoGod they were wars using runes as weapons that caused the whole world to go boom. During this era, people were running away from magic like scared little b****es because they didn’t also want to go boom.

In one particular case, some evil magebois were chasing some normies for days, only to discover that when they entered a certain forest, their magic stopped working. As it turned out, the reason for this was that the fossilized trees in this forest worked to cancel out their magic, kind of like how being on Gamefaqs works to cancel out rational thought. Suddenly the tables were turned, and the people who were running away pulled out their swords and started kicking mage ass. Once all the mages were chopped into nice little meat strips for cooking, the refugees decided to stay and live in the forest as protection from magic.

Over the years, it was discovered that the magic-canceling tree stuff could be mixed with other stuff to make a type of stone, also resistant to magic. Oh btw, the place the refugees lived ended up becoming early Demacia. Whoa, plot twist.
What doth life?

User Info: SpunkySix

SpunkySix
1 month ago#2
Confusingly, Demacia was safe from magical harm within the walls of their kingdom but they didn’t use any of that stuff they had that canceled out magic when their armies went out to fight. So then they commissioned a sculptor guy named Durand to make shields out of that stuff? You’d think that shields would’ve been like the first thing he made out of the stuff but I guess not. Also I keep calling it ‘the stuff’ but its actual name is ‘petricite’ so I’ll just say that from now on.

Instead of constructing shields, Duran made a giant f***ing Megazord out of the petricite because why not and named it Galio. I like this guy’s style. Because Demacians were too dumb to realize that small amounts of magic from an allied force would be useful to power Galio, and nobody could come up with a different source of fuel to power him, the Demacian army used an overly complex system of pulleys to drag him around everywhere when they went out to battle. That’s what happens when you refuse, for centuries, to use any magic at all in a world that straight-up runs on magic.

…except wait, fun fact, Galio was never meant to come to life. Which is kind of a weird waste of materials then that calls into question if it was really worth dragging that s*** around instead of just using shields, but apparently that whole ‘living' aspect of his design was a complete accident that they only discovered during a big battle with Noxus when “for 13 days, the Demacian army was pounded by their foes”- Riot’s words, not mine. After taking enough magic up the ass, Galio came to life and started to talk and move. Then, his very first act as a sentient being was to stomp the everloving s*** out of the attacking Noxus mages like tiny insects that he really, really hated. Not quite Frosty the Snowman, but hey, it worked.

It’s also pretty lucky that he was built in the shape of a humanoid, and not an abstract art piece. Imagine if he came to life but he was just some kind of horribly twisted mass of petricite given sentience and he could only spend his waking hours begging for death in his own mind because he had no mouth to scream with and no limbs with which to communicate. Imagine if the Noxus mages killed all the Demacians and then Galio was forced to watch as his nation was destroyed around him because he maybe had eyes but not anything to actually fight or move with. Convenient really, how that didn’t happen.

Well anyways when he was done indulging in his crushing fetish, Galio returned to his original pose and then froze. The army went home to tell the other Demacians about this, but everyone thought the army was pulling a prank on them. Sadly for Galio, this meant standing around and doing nothing for years and years, trapped in complete immobility like my love life. Absolutely tragic, and really friggen boring too.

As he stood around, Galio witnessed human lives passing on but he didn’t quite understand how they worked, and it disappointed him to find that his ginormous stone dong was way too big to fit inside of any of them even if he could move to attempt to mount one. Still, he felt like he cared about them. It was only later that he realized that people could not simply be fixed like he could, and so with his discovery of death, he made it his mission to protect his people above all.
What doth life?

User Info: SpunkySix

SpunkySix
1 month ago#3
Galio rarely gets to fight and he can almost never move his hand to masturbate, so when he does get the opportunity to do either, he makes the most of it. Oh also there’s some really important part of Lux’s lore that is only described in one of Galio’s side stories, but apparently that’s not important enough to touch on in Galio’s actual lore. Oops.

Look, this lore has some really great concepts. Being frozen but still conscious, having to battle the very source of one’s life force, both of those are fantastic ideas. It’s also cool that he has some more connection to Demacia’s past and the Rune Wars even. But he's not Galio. Galio is a smallish blue and gold gargoyle who flies around and was built to protect his sculptor (Durand Durand) from harm, failed, and then sat still like a statue in utter betaboi shame until eventually Poppy passed by and inspired him to be an alpha again. Now Galio is a gigantic Transformer thing, Galio's sculptor is only briefly mentioned, Galio walks around most of the time, and he doesn’t even know Poppy apparently. And he’s white now, for reasons?

Thing is, that’s not the only issue with this lore. It’s not just a departure from the old story, it’s also… kind of glaringly dumb in execution. The other problem is that it makes Demacia look like a bunch of stupid a******s. They have at least one semi-known mage woman (Lux) who is undyingly loyal to her country and exceptionally skilled and is able to power Galio solo… but she’s not allowed to because “mage-ic is bade”. Essentially Demacia has this OP stone motherf***er who could almost solo Noxus’ army, but they won’t let that happen because of some bad stuff that happened centuries ago and had nothing to do with the type of magic Lux or anyone else would be using, even though again, their whole world practically is powered by magic somehow. Apparently just about every citizen agrees that this makes sense. Is the point to make us want Demacia to get crushed for being so damn stubborn? This isn’t really even pre-reboot creepy oppressive break-Lux’s-will Demacia, this is “every citizen in Demacia is a moron” Demacia.

Plus, there’s some character weirdness here that I don’t understand. Okay, fine, this big stonebro comes to life when exposed to magic… but wasn’t it established that Galio nullifies magic? That’s his whole thing, and that’s what petricite does? There’s a brief mention of the Demacians being shocked that “the projectiles tore through Galio’s anti-magic shield” but we’re given no reason why this should even be able to happen. You can sort of assume it’s because the magic was stronger, but in that case how come none of the stuff that was exposed to magic during the Rune Wars ever started moving around? And how were they even able to cast it to begin with, wouldn’t stronger magic require more magical power to even initiate? Maybe these questions have answers, but they’re not in the lore.

Finally, and this is kind of petty but… why the everloving f*** does Galio have that dumb c***ney accent? Garen doesn’t. Lux doesn’t. Most, if not all, of the champions listed as Demacian don’t. So why does Galio? Were modern c***ney accents even a thing back when Galio was built? That’s such a weird trait for him to have.

So good concept, credit where it’s due, but very poorly though out in some respects, and this really should’ve been a new champion’s lore more than most reworks even. That’s that, and I’ll see you next time… with hopefully less of a delay between editions this time around. We’ll see, I’ve got so much Tristana hentai to Lod to and so little time. Still, bi-weekly isn’t too bad, I hope.

Regardless, until then, peace fams and Stay Spunky™
What doth life?

User Info: BurritoGod

BurritoGod
1 month ago#4
Nice. So the rune wars is why Demacia hates magic? Or is it because of those random mages that chased them around? Also it wouldve made a lot more sense if Durand Durand XD made Galio sentient to begin with and not have him randomly come to life.
GT: WiestdaBeast

User Info: aHappySacka

aHappySacka
1 month ago#5
"White Power!" ~ White Power Ranger
You are now blinking and breathing manually.
https://media.giphy.com/media/w9anbv8X6xovjNwIub/giphy.gif

User Info: Exterminateer

Exterminateer
1 month ago#6
So basically we did some very stupid random things and now we have a gigantic stone dude but we refuse to use him properly.
Wonderful

Im thinking of voting ahri just for the potential semi pornish fanfic material youre gonna give us but also horrified by the not so okay fanfic material you could bring up.
According to chemistry alcohol is a solution.

User Info: SpunkySix

SpunkySix
4 weeks ago#7
Exterminateer posted...
Im thinking of voting ahri just for the potential semi pornish fanfic material youre gonna give us but also horrified by the not so okay fanfic material you could bring up.


If you can't handle me at my spunkiest then you don't deserve me at my funkiest.
What doth life?
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