• Topic Archived
You're browsing the GameFAQs Message Boards as a guest. Sign Up for free (or Log In if you already have an account) to be able to post messages, change how messages are displayed, and view media in posts.
  1. Boards
  2. A-Go-Go
  3. Hey TGG, I acquired Hellbound

User Info: GeneralKenobi85

GeneralKenobi85
3 years ago#1
I did say I would buy it, just took me a few years. I don't know if you still make any money off of it either, but I was interested in reading it regardless. So I guess I'll use this topic to share my thoughts on the book.

Also, this will be the first book I've read in 5 years maybe? Something like that. That's pretty pathetic.
Ah, yes, the Negotiator: General Kenobi
<sneaky beeping>

User Info: GeneralKenobi85

GeneralKenobi85
2 years ago#2
Okay I have a few criticisms from the get-go. Now willing myself to read anything is difficult, so I've only read the first chapter. But just a few things I wanted to point out already. I also wanted to preface by saying:

A. Since this book was written 3 or 4 years ago, your writing has most likely improved by now
B. Since I'm not exactly an avid book reader, my criticisms may not actually be all that constructive. Take them as you will.

First of all, why the f*** does the back cover spoil that the story ends where it begins? You probably could have cut off that last sentence and it would have been fine. Nitpicky, I know.

Another nitpicky one, but most of the stuff in your Introduction really doesn't have any place being in an Introduction. Your plans for a series should be in the afterword, which I assume it is since you do appear to have an afterword section. It's just kind of a weird thing to read in an intro for someone starting the book and having no idea what it's about.

Finally, I found in the first chapter that you go into detail for things that really don't need to be detailed, but you don't go into detail on aspects that do. I have an example of each. The story of the cemetery's origins for example. I think that should have been put in a separate chapter, either before of after the first one. The first chapter is about Matt reflecting on his daughter's death and the anguish it's caused him, followed by the main plot kicking off with the appearance of The Business Man. I know the story of the Arens and the Grave Digger will likely end up being related to the book's plot, but planting it in the middle of Matt grieving is kind of jarring.

For an example of something I thought could use more detail, Matt mentioned he had a falling out with his brother, but you didn't touch on it at all. I assume you will later in the book, but it seems like it would have been good information to include in this chapter to really show how crappy Matt's life has become.

So overall, some minor, perhaps nitpicky criticisms. I know I've only read a single chapter, but those were my first thoughts after reading it. Now to stop being lazy and continue on.
Ah, yes, the Negotiator: General Kenobi
<sneaky beeping>

User Info: GeneralKenobi85

GeneralKenobi85
2 years ago#3
Also you use the word "simply" excessively.
Ah, yes, the Negotiator: General Kenobi
<sneaky beeping>

User Info: GeneralKenobi85

GeneralKenobi85
2 years ago#4
"As I simply continued to watch my memory of that fateful night restart, I simply continued walking through the streets of Windfield past those that were going to work that morning."

TGG pls

This is simply absurd.
Ah, yes, the Negotiator: General Kenobi
<sneaky beeping>

User Info: GeneralKenobi85

GeneralKenobi85
2 years ago#5
@TheGamerGod____ pls
Ah, yes, the Negotiator: General Kenobi
<sneaky beeping>

User Info: TheGamerGod____

TheGamerGod____
2 years ago#6
holy s*** why thanks for the two dollars (if you bought it from Amazon, I get a royalty of two dollars. If you bought it from Createspace, I get a royalty of four dollars, but literally nobody buys from not Amazon) I GUESS

enjoy the mediocre terrible story that will never be continued!

Hellbound is honestly the best complete thing I've ever written but just a few years later and I absolutely hate it but less so than something like ANDoH

nonetheless though, I'll be happy to... respond... to any points you have in response to reading the... urgh... story!
Griffith did nothing wrong. http://puu.sh/n7kJt.jpg
http://anilist.co/animelist/TheGamerGod333 | http://www.last.fm/user/TheGamerGod333

User Info: TheGamerGod____

TheGamerGod____
2 years ago#7
GeneralKenobi85 posted...
pls


I would like to believe my writing has improved since then yes, but probably not! I should note that Hellbound... started as some random dumb thing I started writing back when we were still doing NW, and it went through numerous revisions. But the very first iteration of it, perhaps like until halfway through the story, it was more... on the comical/dumb side? I should note that when I was first writing Hellbound, I was still the "uses profanity every line of his writing" TGG. Less so than the ANDoH times, but still.

I don't remember what I put on the back cover, but it and the summary on Amazon/Createspace I both wrote like in a couple of minutes and just went with what garbage I had written

Yeah the introduction was probably unnecessary but I figured this book would only ever be read by my relatives so I figured to preface it (though I also don't remember what I put in the introduction either)

I should already state that the first chapter of the book is actually probably my favorite (and perhaps best) part of the book. So that should just about give you an idea of what to expect continuing on. I had written like actually six or seven different prologue things, one of them was actually straight up the ending of the book and it was going to be like a flashback thing, and I realized all of these prologues were garbage and just made the chapter after it be the very start of the book.

The cemetery story/Arens thing was I think a side chapter from some other part of the book that I for some reason decided to relocate to the first chapter for some reason. And yeah it does sort of come back later.

I don't think I actually ever really wrote in detail the actual falling out between Matt and Ryan, but I remember writing it for the story that followed Hellbound as a sort of flashback thing. Of course, halfway through writing that story I realized I kind of actually hated a lot of the decisions I made with Hellbound and realized the story was absolutely bats*** absurd for numerous reasons so I stopped and started trying to write different new original stories to perhaps

I wouldn't say outdo Hellbound but try and do something "better"
Griffith did nothing wrong. http://puu.sh/n7kJt.jpg
http://anilist.co/animelist/TheGamerGod333 | http://www.last.fm/user/TheGamerGod333

User Info: TheGamerGod____

TheGamerGod____
2 years ago#8
but yeah you haven't even seen anything yet

to give you an idea I'd probably say ANDoH is more of a logical story and/or has better pacing

I s*** you not, in Hellbound, there's straight up a point where like flipping a switch, an apocalypse straight up starts happening

like why, the Business Man could have started it at any moment but he just decides to do it then like okay that makes SENSE

I mean I still think it's better than ANDoH because I was at least writing something completely just straight from my mind but it's all bats*** insane and ludicrous

at least I never self-published Hellbound's spin-off about Windfield's insane asylum I wrote as a part of NaNoWriMo

that story somehow managed to be even more bats*** insane to the point where unlike Hellbound, I decided it wasn't even worth revising like right after finishing it

there's straight up a character whose whole thing is

he has an obsession about chairs

and is named Chair

and he's the most important character of the book like what

actually you know what, I think I actually included an excerpt of after the very end of Hellbound in the book

that was probably a horrible mistake!
Griffith did nothing wrong. http://puu.sh/n7kJt.jpg
http://anilist.co/animelist/TheGamerGod333 | http://www.last.fm/user/TheGamerGod333

User Info: GeneralKenobi85

GeneralKenobi85
2 years ago#9
Yeah bought it from Amazon, so enjoy your two whole dollars.

Funny you mention the apocalypse just kind of suddenly happening, since that is the chapter I just finished reading. Also, now that I'm a hundred pages into the story I actually do think the first chapter was one of the better ones.

The pacing is something I was absolutely going to point out as well. There's no real flow so far. I think it's generally better written than ANDoH was, but ANDoH's story still followed a linear, relatively clear path. For Hellbound it feels like you had ideas but just kind of threw them around all over the place. I mean it's been like what, ten or so chapters since The Business Man made his deal and there hasn't even been an inkling on what he wants Matt for.

See I assumed Hellbound was going to be about Matt's journey through Hell from what details you did give me when you first started writing it. Clearly that doesn't appear to be the case. But I did skip to the afterword and saw that you intended for that to be the fourth book. I think that sounds far more interesting and would also allow you to create a better flowing story. I also think Matt narrating from the future as we see the events unfold doesn't really work. I assume for the fourth book you would have had Matt narrate in real time. I think that is the way to go unless you're an experienced writer.

Anyway, I'll be honest, the book isn't great. But it's readable and I'm interested enough to read it all the way through. And that's better than nothing.
Ah, yes, the Negotiator: General Kenobi
<sneaky beeping>

User Info: TheGamerGod____

TheGamerGod____
2 years ago#10
to be honest

the entirety of Hellbound is a third of the novel I set out to write when I decided to actually write Hellbound as an actual novel thing rather than just some dumb idea I was kicking around

the first third was going to be matt robinson dealing with the apocalypse
second half was going to be him journeying down and through hell to battle the business man
and after some shenanigans he was gonna go pay heaven a visit for plot reasons

but by the time I got to when matt was going to go jump into hell, I realized I was over 100,000 words and was like okay I GUESS I'LL DO A SERIES

when I was writing Hellbound for at least the "apocalypse" portion, I had like a list of characters/things I wanted to do, and was just going through them like a checklist and ended up changing the order a bunch of times. Was just putting all this s*** between Matt and the Business Man for him to deal with

I think I may have sort of hinted about or had a reason for why the Business Man wanted Matt's soul but if I did, I'm pretty sure it really didn't make sense

and yeah, Matt's narrating/writing the story from like after going through Hell and I think before he goes and visits Heaven

also that's probably the most positive comment I've gotten from somebody reading/who has read Hellbound that is also honest/able to criticize/point out glaring flaws in writing/stories
Griffith did nothing wrong. http://puu.sh/n7kJt.jpg
http://anilist.co/animelist/TheGamerGod333 | http://www.last.fm/user/TheGamerGod333
  1. Boards
  2. A-Go-Go
  3. Hey TGG, I acquired Hellbound
  • Topic Archived