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1 month ago#71
- Filler Tier –
This tier is for characters who don’t harm the show they’re on, but who either do nothing of importance or whose negative qualities perfectly balance their positive ones.

52. Janice Rand
“Is not a Starfleet officer entitled to the sweat of his own brow?”

Janice Rand is the ultimate “real life story is more interesting than the fictional story.” The only interesting thing about Rand is why she was kicked off of the show. According to the actress, she turned down a producer’s advances and got canned for it. According to the studio, the producers were concerned that Kirk having a steady love interest would mean he couldn’t romance the girl of the week, so they got rid of her for that sake. Which is true? It doesn’t matter, because neither has much bearing on Janice Rand herself.

This character squeaks into Star Trek rankings purely because of how 1960s television shows credited actors. Because the format, opening credits only credited the main actors (Shatner, Nimoy, and Kelley), and everyone else had to wait for the back credits. This technically makes Rand as much of a main character as someone like Scotty. But for this technicality, no one would ever bother ranking her.

I’ve watched every episode of every Star Trek, and I can remember exactly one Janice Rand moment. The actress’ boobs got huge as she got older, so when she appears in that one episode of Voyager and Janeway has to steal her uniform, it’s like comical how Janeway puts on the uniform of a woman with a chest three times her size and the editing cuts around it so the uniform just fits. And here’s the thing: that’s not even really a Janice Rand moment.
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1 month ago#72
Ah yes, the hallmark of Janice Rand -- Captain Kathryn Janeway
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1 month ago#73
51. Travis Mayweather
“I’ve been to space.”

Mayweather is the ultimate not a character character, because he’s not a character. He gets into these lists because he’s listed as a character and he appears in almost every episode, but he’s not a character. He’s a glorified extra. There are single-episode characters with more to them than Mayweather got during four seasons. No one likes this part of the list where people have to just get rid of the chaff, but Mayweather’s technical inclusion as a “main character” forces everyone’s hands.

I assume that the writers invented him figuring they’d do something with him eventually, then just realized it was a better idea to focus on the characters that matter, leaving him flailing around uselessly. At least the actor knew enough to stay on for the royalties. Was he just smarter than Denise Crosby, or did he know because he’d seen her screw up? We’ll never know.
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1 month ago#74
The first Travis falls . . .

Gonna write something up after class.
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1 month ago#75
#56 Christine Chapel
”I like Spock.”
-Discovery writers if they had decided to recast this legendary nothingness character

If for some strange reason anyone is lurking this topic and they’re purely interested in my writeups, I have two things to say to you. First of all, read the other writeups too. They’re sometimes funnier than my own. Second, I’m so sorry that my week has been as boring thus far as Janice Bland and Christine Chapstick.

Look, I’ll admit, Chapel at least exists for far longer than Rand does. That’s something. But when the most eye-opening thing I remember about this woman is that her vanished-then-found husband’s strange android girlfriend is f***ing gorgeous, I’ve gotta admit that I’m being shallow, but I can equally accept my shallowness today because it’s literally Christine Chapel memories otherwise. Apparently, Christine Chapel nearly drowns in The Animated Series, so, um, I’m sorry to hear that? Also, she likes Spock, but we’ve covered that already.

The best thing about Christine Chapel is that her actress, the late and great Majel Roddenberry, goes on to play Lwaxana Troi in TNG and DS9. Contrary to most folks, I don’t dislike Lwaxana Troi — every two to three episodes or so. Her character is occasionally terrific, like in TNG’s “Half a Life” and DS9’s Odo interactions. So yay. There’s that. But this paragraph has turned into a subpar Lwaxana Troi writeup, so needless to say I’m willfully off the rails.

I live near Chapel Hill, North Carolina?

Anyway.
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1 month ago#76
50. Hoshi Sato
“Why do we even have communications officers anyway? Seems like this job could be combined with any of three other bridge jobs.”

Travis Mayweather has one personality trait: he’s earnest. He’s enthusiastic. He wants to do his job and explore space. Hoshi Sato, I don’t know. I watched every episode of Enterprise, but the main thing I remember about her is that the Blu-ray of the Mirror Universe episode accidentally made a computer screen visible that wasn’t intended to be, where someone had jokingly written in her biography that she dies when Kodos murdered half of the planet Kirk was on when he was a kid, and now it’s really vague if that’s canon or not.

Jesus Christ, at least Mayweather has the joke about him not being a character, Hoshi has nothing.
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1 month ago#77
49. Christine Chapel
“I’m literally having sex with the showrunner.”

Unlike Hoshi, I can at least name a character trait Nurse Chapel possesses: she’s very romantic. She kind of varies between wistfully thinking about Spock or cooking his food or whatever and just doing her job normally with no particular personality. The problem is that I don’t care, and no one cares. The best I can say about her is that at least unlike Mayweather and Hoshi, she was never really intended to matter. There was no hope this would be an interesting character, she existed purely to be Spock’s Yeoman Rand. She’s so boring that even Star Trek 09 doesn’t include her, and instead just folds her role into Uhura to give her something more to do.

I can’t think of any kind of actual emotion Nurse Chapel summon out of me, so this writeup will also be short, sorry.
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1 month ago#78
Anagram posted...
50. Hoshi Sato
“Why do we even have communications officers anyway? Seems like this job could be combined with any of three other bridge jobs.”

Travis Mayweather has one personality trait: he’s earnest. He’s enthusiastic. He wants to do his job and explore space. Hoshi Sato, I don’t know. I watched every episode of Enterprise, but the main thing I remember about her is that the Blu-ray of the Mirror Universe episode accidentally made a computer screen visible that wasn’t intended to be, where someone had jokingly written in her biography that she dies when Kodos murdered half of the planet Kirk was on when he was a kid, and now it’s really vague if that’s canon or not.

Jesus Christ, at least Mayweather has the joke about him not being a character, Hoshi has nothing.

LMAO oh god the vid screen incident. So good.
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1 month ago#79
#55 Tasha Yar
"I quit! ...So when do you need me back?"

Tasha Yar isn't an interesting character. And that's a crying shame. Despite Gene Roddenberry's push for picture perfect human harmony aboard the Enterprise-D, which was stupid, Yar's series bible entry mentions that she's from a planet filled with literal rape gangs, so needless to say everything else dreadful is going on there as well. In the third season, we get to briefly explore that planet, via Tasha's somewhat more interesting sister. But Yar herself is long gone -- dead thanks to a salt monster, I cannot make this s*** up -- because Denise Crosby didn't think she was receiving compelling enough material to continue. And you know, she wasn't wrong, it's just that hardly anybody was in season one, because the writers didn't just screw Yar up. They screwed the whole shebang.

But back to Tasha. I liken her to the earliest episodes of Stargate SG-1 as the very clearly male writers scrambled to define Amanda Tapping's character, Samantha Carter. Instant verve! Let's give them both diatribes about girl power. Now what? Um, no idea. I got nothing. Stargate SG-1's worst ever episode comes blissfully soon (or awfully soon, if you're trying to recruit friends as newfound fans). It's called "Emancipation" and it's written by a woman named Katharyn Powers. I truly hate to throw this woman under the bus when so few women were writing for television (and certainly not science fiction) at the time but she is an atrocious writer. In "Emancipation", Sam Carter is kidnapped by a sexist backwards warlord who is a person of color and proves her mettle by fighting. In the worst episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, which comes blissfully soon (or awfully soon, if you're trying to recruit friends as newfound fans), Tasha Yar is kidnapped by a sexist backwards warlord who is a person of color and proves her mettle by fighting. In both instances, what is intended as a statement against sexism collapses into an ugly racist sentiment with feminism so dense it manages to destroy itself despite its aims.

After Tasha Yar was killed thanks to a salt monster -- again, I cannot make this s*** up -- Denise Crosby wanted back on the show so the excellent "Yesterday's Enterprise" was written two years later. This is Yar at her finest, though it's far more memorable for the reactions from the Enterprise crew than Crosby's own performance, which is... fine. Now that Yar's fate was different -- heroic sacrifice, predestined -- Crosby then suggested that Yar survived the incident and was made a slave and concubine of a Romulan officer... because, I guess. Their offspring is Sela, who is Denise Crosby with half-Romulan forehead ridges, and while she's kind of a comically two-dimensional villain I still hate how her last canonical scene involves her, like, running away never to be seen again. She should have gotten something more but I guess these silly ideas meet silly endings.

She also showed up in a downright bizarre skin-revealing outfit to f*** Data.

But enough about plots that would have felt right at home in Star Trek: Voyager.

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Seginustemple
1 month ago#80
Dang am I the only one that straight up likes Discovery? I mean it has flaws (some ridiculous writing, excessive burnham waterworks) but I'd argue it's the strongest first 30 episodes of a Trek since TOS. Season 2 was trending upwards, the cast has been great so far. I'm excited to see where it goes.

Just waiting on Ash Tyler to reveal he is also secretly Tasha Yar in anagram form
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