mental wellness at board 8 [depression] [anxiety] [love] [understanding]

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User Info: GTM

GTM
1 month ago#1
goshsarnit it keeps purging
GTM - Boko United
survivor and dillos and nintendo and wrestling

User Info: GTM

GTM
1 month ago#2
and I mean give yourself love and understanding, cause you know you can give it to others, just do it to yourself this time
GTM - Boko United
survivor and dillos and nintendo and wrestling

User Info: GTM

GTM
1 month ago#3
love
GTM - Boko United
survivor and dillos and nintendo and wrestling

User Info: Zachnorn

Zachnorn
1 month ago#4
I think I beat depression (for now) and found some of the most major factors involved with causing it.

A few weeks ago, I had surgery and I've been out of work since. Meaning, I'm not working in a job that drives me insane and often makes me feel bad about myself because of people that tell me that job is below me since it doesn't require the skills and education that I have. This also means that instead of being forced out into the world, I'm able to just lay down at home, play games, watch movies, chat with my online friends, and generally be almost completely checked out of normal society. Instead of being around a community I'm pretty incompatible with, I've been able to pick and choose the people I talk to online. I'm being paid for now (about to run out of sick days though) so I haven't needed to think about money. Instead of being expected to do anything, I've been able to finally relax.

In truth, I should have been doing more in terms of looking for work. I have a little bit recently (I did not for the first 2 weeks since I couldn't interview for them anyway). But that's still depressing to me.

This period of time where my doctor has declared me unable to perform work and effectively temporarily disabled has been relaxing and enjoyable. This isn't because I like being and feeling unable to do anything, but because for the first time since I was a kid, I've been free of people bothering me and able to isolate myself. I'm at home, and I can do whatever. I'm not expected to spend 40 hours a week plus 10 hours driving in traffic. I'm not expected to do favors for people because "I have time" since my doctor wants me to be lazy. I'm not expected to be looking for work due to not working, as I still have a job which is paying me to recover. I'm only expected to relax and recover, temporarily checked out of the stress of modern society.

And I really don't like that I feel this way. I used to feel motivated and would push myself a lot, even threatening myself if I were to fail. I used to be called overly ambitious and I have awards and other honors to prove it. I really think that the events of several years ago have broken me more than I've ever realized and I'm not sure I see a way of bringing myself back to the motivated person I used to be.

With that said, I usually fall into a major depression 1-2 times per month, where I feel apathy to death, test fate, and sometimes worse. Between my time off work for surgery, an early vacation I was forced to take (or I'd lose vacation days) and only a week of work between that...I've yet to have a depressive episode in 6 weeks, at least not one that didn't go away after a night of sleep. This hasn't happened in years. Probably not since I was 19. I'm 28 now.

My cure for depression has been to withdraw from real life and society due to the orders of my surgeon for an unrelated condition. I know I'm going to be depressed again once I'm back to work and now I'm really concerned that I'm not going to be able to handle this in the long term. It's strange to me still though, because this implies that I'm lazy, when I still get performance reviews saying that I'm able to handle a lot of work with minimal supervision.

If I'm depressed due to the demands I face in normal life, which are all mandatory, what can I do about it? I'm not willing to take antidepressants unless I feel my life really depends on it due to philosophical problems I have with them; if I force them with those types of feelings, I feel like they would become dangerous. So I'm not sure what to do.
<D
(edited 1 month ago)

User Info: GTM

GTM
1 month ago#5
bump
GTM - Boko United
survivor and dillos and nintendo and wrestling

User Info: Corrik

Corrik
1 month ago#6
If the topic keeps purging, maybe it is no longer truly needed.
LoL ID = imajericho
XBL GT = Corrik

User Info: Mr Lasastryke

Mr Lasastryke
1 month ago#7
It's still needed for me, and I'm sure it is for others as well.
Geothermal terpsichorean ejectamenta

User Info: Nelson_Mandela

Nelson_Mandela
1 month ago#8
Zachnorn posted...
If I'm depressed due to the demands I face in normal life, which are all mandatory, what can I do about it?

This is exactly the kind of thing you should talk to a therapist about. You can always find someone who is less inclined to prescribe meds.
"A more mature answer than I expected."~ Jakyl25
"Sephy's point is right."~ Inviso

User Info: Zachnorn

Zachnorn
1 month ago#9
Nelson_Mandela posted...
Zachnorn posted...
If I'm depressed due to the demands I face in normal life, which are all mandatory, what can I do about it?

This is exactly the kind of thing you should talk to a therapist about. You can always find someone who is less inclined to prescribe meds.

I've thought about it, and I'm afraid of tacking on another preexisting condition on top of my other conditions I'm dealing with. Unless there is an affordable way to do this without it going on my medical record.
<D

User Info: Nelson_Mandela

Nelson_Mandela
1 month ago#10
Zachnorn posted...
Nelson_Mandela posted...
Zachnorn posted...
If I'm depressed due to the demands I face in normal life, which are all mandatory, what can I do about it?

This is exactly the kind of thing you should talk to a therapist about. You can always find someone who is less inclined to prescribe meds.

I've thought about it, and I'm afraid of tacking on another preexisting condition on top of my other conditions I'm dealing with. Unless there is an affordable way to do this without it going on my medical record.

Your medical records are private. What do you fear would happen?
"A more mature answer than I expected."~ Jakyl25
"Sephy's point is right."~ Inviso
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