I'm retranslating Secret of Mana. (thread II)

I was meaning to up the old thread, but the lock took me unawares.

I'm proceeding along with the script. I've noticed that while the biggest cuts are in optional NPC dialogue, that isn't all. Thanatos' speeches and other important dialogues have been trimmed too. For example, Thanatos mentions that the peoples life energy/anima is sealed underneath the altar, and that he wants to defeat the Republic. He also recognizes you as the hero from the legend after you beat the boss, but is surprised that you're so young.

Jema mentions that Thanatos is of the Emperors Shi-tennou (lol censorship), or top four generals (sheex, fanha, and geshtar would be the others). He also mentions earlier that the witch must be stealing the peoples life energy (this was before they knew it was Thanatos).

as for life energy/seiki, I'm translating it two different ways right now. When most people say it, it's life energy. But Thanatos uses the classical word anima, because he's above mere mortals.

Also, you can't enter Pandora before the water palace because of an ofure, or official edict forbidding entry. Jema tells the guard to let you pass.

Priestess Luka is over 200 years old, but she looks very young, almost childlike.

I'll definitely keep updating on this. Ideally I'd like to do it by the end of this year, but if I have to run into 2013 then I will. I want to do as well on this as I can, and then there's going to be the whole organizing/romhacking/betatesting phase. I don't like to push things back like a typical game dev, but I don't want to gloss over anything either.

I will say this though - I swear upon the Mana Tree that, barring physical incapacitation, this WILL be a working patch by next year.

reply to Jeansama:

First off, I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing this. This game has needed a retranslation much more badly than any game I have seen them done for, and it seems to be coming along very well. I'm loving your translation comparisons, I can already tell a retranslation will make this game the perfect game it could never quite be with the dialogue and story/characters feeling so stinted.

the support is definitely appreciated.

The one thing I think is sacred in games is character names. I don't agree with changing them just because they sound Japanese--it IS a Japanese game, and even in a world not based around Japan it is not unthinkable that there would be Japanese characters. Plus, Elinisu should become Elinise/Elinice, since that's most likely what it is supposed to be in Japanese anyway, and neither of those are Japanese names. I would understand if it's a name like something that translates into "Dark Wizard", since that isn't... a name, it's a title, and leaving the Japanese for that is just silly.

I'm using Elinise right now. I want to stick closely to the original names, while not making them pure romaji.

I think what you said there is reason enough to not change a few names to sound un-Japanese just because they are Japanese.

There's also the point that people will be playing this through expecting it to be a retranslation, hence expecting the original Japanese names. The one choice I really didn't like that Mato made in the Mother 3 translation was changing Yokuba's name to Fassad. I understand that it's because of wanting to make a similar appropriate pun in english, but
.....
I don't think one or two Japanese names is jarring in any sense. They won't be more jarring than any other name that is different from the localization for anyone playing.

as someone with translation experience, I was very impressed by Mother 3.

I'll consider what you're saying. I am sticking closely to the original, but I think it makes sense to anglify the pronunciation a bit, rather than making it sound purely like kana.

(cont'd)
Monster names I think are less important, but choosing a few localizations over the originals just because the Japanese names sound silly is a bit strange to me. I'm all for smoothing out translations and having text come across naturally, but swapping out some names for the localization's because you prefer them seems... wishy-washy? I hope I can speak for more than one fan when I'd prefer even Rabi; if I want to play the original game I am curious as to what ALL the original enemies and bosses were called, not just the ones that sound cooler. ...

maybe. in any case, I'll make explicit notes about any changes that I make. it's not about being wishy-washy; there are localized names that I prefer, but still changed (boreal face -> otyugh face). However, in the case of Raby, Bee-bee, and Bud, the difference is huge. especially considering that those sounds work better in Japanese than english. Rabites are of crucial importance, because they are the mascot of the franchise.

Seeing as how Seiken Densetsu literally translates to Legend of the Holy Sword, just for the sake of accuracy, I would keep Holy Sword where it appears in the text. It's not uncommon for that to happen in other translations, anyway.

it could be holy or sacred, though.

Please start your own thread to avoid confusion get all the credit.

Indeed. I realized after I posted that with you as the Topic Creator, with that title, it would get confusing - especially for anyone who stumbled in on google.

Not to worry, I'll definitely take the lions share of credit for this, as I'm doing the lions share of work. I'll be sure to shout out certain helpful people in the readme though, such as pokeeiyuu who dumped the JP script.

also, during the romhacking phase, I'm thinking of making a splash screen that comes up during the whale song at the beginning. It would say, translated from the original japanese by Xcalibur, and I think I'll include a Rabite and a Mana Tree artwork.

original thread:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/588646-secret-of-mana/62123598

one more post - this is where I currently stand on the intro text:

In calamitous times,
the people await a brave warrior
who wields the sword.
The holy power of this sword is unveiled
to restore peace to the world.
Excalibur, Kusanagi, and
all the other swords spoken of
in myth, legend, and saga…
People called those swords
by many names.
But…
they all had one meaning.
The one and only…
Sword of Mana.


background: the JP version has the intro in english, but in very choppy prose. I reworked it so that it has a poetic flow with the same basic meaning.

I don't want to derail the topic, but can you explain to me the use of English in Japanese games? English is all over Japanese games. I wonder why and what, if any, the Japanese players generally understand or get out of it.

<< otyugh face >>

This could be "Ochu Face" FYI, if you didn't cop that. I'm not sure which is the correct (mythological?) spelling, but it's always been translated in the Final Fantasy games as Ochu.

I am posting in support of your translation. Best wishes.

VeryFunTimes posted...

I don't want to derail the topic, but can you explain to me the use of English in Japanese games? English is all over Japanese games. I wonder why and what, if any, the Japanese players generally understand or get out of it.

I'm not sure, although I've heard snatches of English in Japanese music too.

Ceebs posted...

<< otyugh face >>

This could be "Ochu Face" FYI, if you didn't cop that. I'm not sure which is the correct (mythological?) spelling, but it's always been translated in the Final Fantasy games as Ochu.

I am posting in support of your translation. Best wishes.

Almost forgot about that, thanks. The use of Otyugh there definitely seemed a bit clumsy, so it's now Ochu Face. However, one of the accessories is Ochu Ring/Otyugh Ring. In this case, either one would work. hm...

The support is definitely appreciated. I continue to spend time on this everyday. Like all worthwhile things, it consists of a long grind towards completion.

Another decision to make: chibidebiru was translated as Imp originally. I could stick with that, or Lil' Devil, or Chibi Devil.

From: VeryFunTimes | #005

I don't want to derail the topic, but can you explain to me the use of English in Japanese games? English is all over Japanese games. I wonder why and what, if any, the Japanese players generally understand or get out of it.

Again, don't want to derail the topic, but if anyone else is interested... it's explained pretty well here:
http://matotree.com/localization/smb/gameplay/

Carry on.

VeryFunTimes posted...

From: VeryFunTimes | #005

I don't want to derail the topic, but can you explain to me the use of English in Japanese games? English is all over Japanese games. I wonder why and what, if any, the Japanese players generally understand or get out of it.

Again, don't want to derail the topic, but if anyone else is interested... it's explained pretty well here:
http://matotree.com/localization/smb/gameplay/

Carry on.

thanks for the info.

A minor question - Geshtar was originally Geshutaru (which reminds me of anime villains). Anyway, would you have me keep the original or modify it?

Mara was Marikuto. I'm leaning towards Marika as a compromise.

A few other points, I forget if I've mentioned these:
you'll remember that Mara's husband was a spy from the Tasmanica Republic, and was captured by the empire. it's stated explicitly that he was executed.

Elman was a cabinet minister who advised the King. also, the girls mom died when she was very young.

From: xcalibur201 | #009

thanks for the info.

A minor question - Geshtar was originally Geshutaru (which reminds me of anime villains). Anyway, would you have me keep the original or modify it?

Woolsey got it right the first time with Geshtar. Hmm, sounds similar to Gestahl.