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User Info: kirpikong

kirpikong
8 years ago#481
It doesn't sound bad because I don't know what being torn apart entails or how being together is almost as bad.
I've got a silver hammer!
Twitchy eye? I've got a solution!

User Info: Tmk

Tmk
8 years ago#482
Bleh. :|
I am snazzier, hot, hot rant. Warily slight as.
Over an evil. A cherished vehemency ovation ::)

User Info: kirpikong

kirpikong
8 years ago#483
Oh bleh yourself >:O
I've got a silver hammer!
Twitchy eye? I've got a solution!

User Info: Tmk

Tmk
8 years ago#484
I think people putting me down because I'm an only child messed me up. People always thought I was just SO lucky and get so much more and am treated so great because of it. I think it made me feel like I don't deserve anything and just overall greatly lowered my self worth.
I am snazzier, hot, hot rant. Warily slight as.
Over an evil. A cherished vehemency ovation ::)

User Info: kirpikong

kirpikong
8 years ago#485
each age thinger has its own bad bits <_>
Just keeping the old sig for sentimental value.
Looking for new ones. I guess.

User Info: Tmk

Tmk
8 years ago#486
Recently, I've been thinking about how closed off I might be. I think deep down I'm aware of it, but usually I keep that thought away from the surface. What it looks like to me, is I was really receptive and sensitive and open, and for that time, I was subjected mostly to negativity that because of my openness and sensitivity to it, it had a pretty bad impact. In reaction to this, I shut myself off and became very resistive to making any significant movements based off others. Which is a shame, since it seems like a lot of the better, nicer things people have said to me came after I shut myself off.

But, I am rather open, still... But, I mean, look at the things I've already told you and everyone else. They're not exactly the sort of personal things anyone would just blurt out. Even addressing my parents directly about how I feel about my impact on their lives, which I just talked about here. These do not seem like the behavior of someone so closed off... But that's actually just part of the defense mechanism. A long time ago I realised a very potent means of deception was to not explicitly lie, merely not reveal all truth, and so long as SOMETHING attention-grabbing and...severe, is revealed, that people would assume to be kept secret if anything were to be, it will throw nearly everyone off of even CONSIDERING there is more there to discover. As you already know, despite all I have shared with you, there's more. No matter how open about some things I have been with you, part of that has been for the purpose of deceiving you away from pursuing the other information about my life that I'm far more protective of. Sort of misdirection.

Though that's not the whole reason I share what I have. I do want to share, so that's a motivation, too... I'm just a bit conflicted, between optimism, and a defense mechanism that... I don't really think I should remove it. Even with it I'm hardly invulnerable to being made unhappy by others. I mean, hell, this is me with my defenses up. >_> Not good at all...
I am snazzier, hot, hot rant. Warily slight as.
Over an evil. A cherished vehemency ovation ::)

User Info: kirpikong

kirpikong
8 years ago#487
well... I guess it's good at least that you are aware of it all <_> but you certainly are mystifying!! this means there's other stuff besides your parents.... kind of makes me not want to ask any more because I don't know what else could be causing problems. so yay, it works?
I've got a silver hammer!
Twitchy eye? I've got a solution!

User Info: Tmk

Tmk
8 years ago#488
Or maybe there's more involving said parents, too. >_>
I am snazzier, hot, hot rant. Warily slight as.
Over an evil. A cherished vehemency ovation ::)

User Info: kirpikong

kirpikong
8 years ago#489
is there an abusive relationship? <_<
I've got a silver hammer!
Twitchy eye? I've got a solution!

User Info: Tmk

Tmk
8 years ago#490
Was there ever a point recently you can recall where I seemed happy?
I am snazzier, hot, hot rant. Warily slight as.
Over an evil. A cherished vehemency ovation ::)
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