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User Info: DragonFistAbysi

1 month ago#151

In the late afternoon, the airship and a bunch of people riding it arrive within the dragon's domain and soon meet up with Bajamut.

Eli: We got you the cookies. Minus the Captain's portion.
Bajamut: Excellent! *Crunch!* This is exactly what I needed! Now, come along. We'll get the hard ones out of the way first.

The large dragon escorts Captain *****slapper, Michelle and FIGHTER out of room. Moments later:

Captain *****slapper steps out.
Captain: Check out my crisp new hat! It's actually the old one, but the dragon added a silver lining to it, so it's just like new now!
Eli That would the only silver lining!
Captain: Afraid so. I hoped he'd put them on my pants, but he gave me new admiral style pantaloons. Not bad for a captain. Oh, and he gave me embroidered boots! *Stomps leather boots on table which are instantly weathered by degree because they are the Captain's boots. Embroidered into the leather is a Bajamut insignia which reads "FOR HAPPY COOKIES, YOU CAN LOOK SWANK, TOO!"
Ramboner: Is that hard to do?
Captain: Sure is. There was a shirt, but it sorta melted.
Ramboner: I bet!

FIGHTER bursts out of the dressing room
Eli: Any new armor?
Eli: So, no new armor?
FIGHTER: EyE GOtS a crOwN AnD caPie!
Eli turns to an approaching Michelle: So, what did you get?
Michelle tackles Eli and starts carrying him off.
Horror: Put that down! Who knows where it's been.
Michelle juggles Eli in her mouth and starts to run off. Horror chases her down to pry Eli out of her mouth.


Captain *****slapper walks into a bar. *Snap*


Ramboner takes off his hat and walks toward the changing room. As he does, his hair explodes into a massive curvy fork Japanese anime hero do.
Horror: Since when do you have hair that bad?
Ramboner: It's not bad!
Horror: Without your hat, you can't even walk through a door without turning to the side.
Ramoboner: Yes, I can. *Boing!* Trying to walk through the door straight is flung back by his hairdo.
Horror: I told you so.
Ramboner: It's not that bad. It's just like that cuz I stopped to play with the ladies at the tavern.
Horror: The one we passed? *Ramboner nods* Filled with dragons? *Ramboner nods*
Horror: Thank you for giving an excuse to burn your hair away.
Ramboner: O.O'


As Ramboner leaves the changing room, eyes fall on him like lead waits. His hat is pink with red lights and a bigger plume. His red coat is now pink and his cape is replaced by a sparkly long coat with refillable glitter. His pants make him look skinny. His gloves and boots are so white that dirt makes it even whiter.
Ramboner: It came with a free spiffy cane. *The cane has a worried looking bow maiden on the end.
Horror: Eli! Call the police!
Eli: Right! *pulls out cell phone*
Ramboner: How does Eli have a cell phone and I don't?!
Horror: How could you have one? They don't exist.
Ramboner: Then how does [b]HE[/b] have one?
Horror: We really need to have a discussion concerning the importance of defined technology at some point. Probably when this is all taken care of.
Eli: If we talk about it then, then what would be the point? *Gets hit with fire ball*


Captain *****slapper: Who's throwing metal slugs at me?!


Two dragons, fighting roll into the staging chamber.
Dragon 1: Dude, where are my glasses?
Dragon 2: Dude, I've hidden them where you'll never find them.
Dragon 1: Dude where?!
Dragon 3: D00d, in front of your own face!
Dragon 1: Y-You fiend!
A moment later, their battle carries them from the room.

Eli: Did that remind you of anything?
Horror glances after the dragons: Nah, all idiots look the same to me.
Eli: I'm not asking.
It is a good story, and it helps a marine.

User Info: DragonFistAbysi

1 month ago#152

[b]Oh my god, I have a day off and I'm posting things. Hell or some other hot place has frozen over. Just not in my neighborhood.

Horror: Are you actually glowing?
Ramboner: More like magic, my own flyness...and PureX.
Horror: Really?
Ramboner: Yah. You think duds like this would be dry-clean only! And...

Ramboner snaps his fingers in Horror's direction.
Nothing happens.
With a frown, he snaps his fingers again.

Horror: What...what are you doing?
Ramboner: You're suppose to be off my arm and quite possibly with a leg up.
Horror: You want to say that again in a way where I don't burn your wig.
Ramboner: It's not a wig! It's totally my own hair. See, they take the follicles-
Horror: I'm sorry, that was not the correct answer.

Horror sets Ramboner on fight. Surprisingly, while the hair catches on fire, the hat stays perfectly pressed and unflammed.

Horror: That...that is really impressive.

Ramboner uses his hat to smother out the flames. Then releases a smoke signal in the shape of the male sign. His other hand keeps snapping.

Ramboner: How-bout-this-

Suddenly, a lithe green-haired woman appears like magic, leg up and tittering

Ramboner: Now that's what I'm talking about.
Horror: You do realize ever staff here is some sort of dragon.

Ramboner blinked and gave the Random Lady, noticing the patchwork of green scales, clawed fingers and clawed feet, slitted yellow eyes, a tail and rather sharp teeth.

Ramboner: I'm okay with that. In fact, I'm pretty sure we've established I'm very okay with it. I would probably be still there with a bunch of other lovely scaled femme fatals if someone didn't walk into a support wall.


Captain *****Slapper looks against a bunch of upset, collapsed upon, drunk dragons, smoke rising up from various orifices and various ivory claws and teeth and tails shining from the ruins of the bar.

Captain: This will either be my finest hour or I'm going to be **** tonight. Literally.

The Captain shrugs and jumps right into battle with a scream.

*Back to the other area*

Ramboner: Besides, I'm pretty sure on some profile somewhere about monster chicks liking me.
Horror: Oh really? I seem to remember several maulings that you had that were not the fun type.
Ramboner: Well, besides maybe that pet thing of yours.
Horror: Well, to be fair, Michelle is-wait, how do you know that's not a male?

Ramboner pauses, his magical glossiness fluxing, and stares in the middle of the finely augmented chest against his chest.

Ramboner: Tell me you lay eggs.
Random Dragon Lady: Yes.
Ramboner: And you need another gender to fertilizing them.
Random Dragon Lady: Yes...are you offering.
Ramboner: ...I'm okay with that.

Ramboner grabbed right above the tail bone. The RDL made a sound between a squeal and a growl and soon the inter-species couple runs off.
Horror blinks. She looks around. She looks above. And she looks around again. Finally, she allows herself one moment of envy.

Horror: ...I hope my hat can do something like that. *bounces on her the balls of her feet with a little squeal* That would be really awesome.

Horror puts back the mask of being an ultimate kick-ass "witch" with a smirk and a shake of her head and hips.


Suddenly, Ramboner comes back. Sprinting. Around the corner. With flames spring up from his shoes.

Horror: Are you doing the flames or was that from her.
Ramboner: She was a little pissed I came back. But I had to. You won't believe what I just saw!
Ramboner: What? What about my hat?
Horror: Nothing. Nothing at all. You tell me what you saw. Right now.
Ramboner: ...Okay. Like I was saying, I just saw something that is worth delaying getting my rocks off with the rock and roll. And yes, I know what I just said. I can't believe either. And my pun was pretty awesome, too.
Horror: I don't get the pun.
Ramboner: Well, see, if you see actually dragons going at it, it's kind of like two mountains-
Horror: Okay, I don't care if I get it or not.
Ramboner: Anyways...this is-No. You have to just watch. And See. And enjoy. Because I did and this has to be shared with others.

Ramboner wraps one arm around Horror's shoulder and pulled her to the entrance of the hallway.

Horror: If you touch my ass, the suit will be the only think left.
Ramboner: Trust me, this is humorous in a non-bonable way.

And Ramboner and Horror waited. And then they saw. And they stared. And then they laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

It is a good story, and it helps a marine.

User Info: DragonFistAbysi

1 month ago#153

Michelle walks around.
Random Dra-goon: Hey, you just walked into me!
Michelle turns.
Random Dra-goon: Just cuz you're a dog, you think you can just walk into someone and not apologize, huh?
Michelle tilts head.
Random Dra-goon: You think I'm being funny, don't you? You think I'm making a joke here, huh?! *leans over menacingly*
Random Dra-goon was later found in an alleyway with unidentifiable wounds covering his body. Of note was the peculiar way his wings were tied in a knot.

This script brought you by, "Hey, what the **** is that!? *points and runs away*


Ramboner walks down a hall and snaps his finger.
Scarf-boy falls into his arms: Thanks, man! I was in a real jam. This psycho lady was trying to kill me. *Scarf-boy wanders off to the tavern.*
Ramboner: I was actually trying to save the psycho lady.

Ramboner walks down a hall and snaps his fingers.
A severed computer cord falls into his hands. Predictably, its a female half of the computer cord.
Ramboner: I'd prefer to plug into the usb port.

Ramboner walks down a hall and snaps his fingers.
A skeleton falls into his arms.
Ramboner: Even necrophilia has its limits. I'm not even really sure how this would work. I know where the parts are supposed to go, but still...
D?agonbone: Oh, you found G;anny. She died a hunde,d yea/s ago. We have been looking for he# the whole time so we could put he* in the g&round.
~amboner tu-n ove| G%anny to D>agonbone.
In othe) news, D$agonbone corrupts *'s, so no one can type them once he appea!s!
DÂșagonbone! The exception is corrupt cuz it just happens to be funnie" that way.


Eli stared down at the grown woman on the ground, tapping his foot as she clung to her sides as she laughed.

Eli: I fail to see what is so funny.

This causes Horror to laugh a even louder.

Eli: You know what? I like them. I feel good in them. I feel great!
Horror: Your ****ING hat!
Eli: Oh, just because not all of us want something with a bit of regal and grace to it.
Horror It's GOLD!
Eli: I fail to see the humor.
Eli: There is nothing sticking out of the hat!

Horror takes a few gulping breath.

Horror: No *huff* I mean *huff* the hair *huff* extensions.
Eli: What hair extensions?
Horror: The ones melted *huff* to your hair *huff* jack-ass.

Horror let out a content sound and placed a hand on her bosom. Normally, such a site might distract lesser man, or even greater men. Most men. And a number of women. And quite possibly Eli. But he had more important things to worry about. He blinked and gripped his hair. And started to pull. And pull. And pull.

Eli: What the hell...what the hell...what the HELL.
Horror: Hey, at least they look real. Unlike someone else who just got plugs.
Ramboner *offscreen*: They are real follicles!

Ramboner walks back to the hallways in a strut

Ramboner: Oh hey, you're still here. And you're still dressed in a dress.
Eli: It's a surplice with an under robe!
Ramboner: So...you are wearing two dresses.
Eli: ...No.
Ramboner: Right...and the low v neck and half-lace is just as holy, too.
Eli: I need a little more room in my clothing then most.
Ramboner: Yes, and how lovely they make your figure.
Eli: Are you saying I look fat in this?
Ramboner: No, I'm saying you're dressed like a very elegant and very old woman. That gives me an idea!

*Ramboner snaps his fingers. Another skeleton falls into his arms*

Ramboner: Why is it always skeletons!?
Eli: Did that just really happen
Ramboner: They don't work quite like the Fonz. Maybe more practice.
Horror: Yah, that's exactly what I was thinking, too.

*Horror yet again sets his hair on fire. Yet again, Ramboner puts it out with a pull of a hat*

Horror: Damn that hat!
Ramboner: Oh yah, Mr. Dragon said he's got a piece of resistance of you.
Eli: I think you mean plat de résistance.
Ramboner: I think I can translate pretty well and that is the same thing what you said.
Eli: Hey, where did she go?

*All that is left of Horror is a puff of smoke*

Ramboner: Guess she wants a piece of resistance.
Eli: Because she wants something grand?
Ramboner: No, because she needs something to keep them in resistance. Our maybe something to hold people in resistance.
Eli: That was horrible.

*Ramboner snaps his fingers again. He ends up with Eli's outfit in his grasp. Eli ends up in just his hat and skives.

Ramboner: I told you it was a dress.

*Ramboner tosses the robes back*

Ramboner: Hey, look on the plus side, at least you were not wearing any under garments that were feminine. That would have been awkward.

*Eli grumbled as he re-dresses himself*


Bajamut gesturing for Horror to follow: This way, please.
Horror looks at him: Make sure you keep your hands under close watch. Oh, and if I end up looking like Eli, it'll be...
Bajamut: Please, young lady, you insult me! I never make the same peace twice. *Hastily shoves black surplice and robes behind curtain.* First the hat.
The Dragon hands Horror a hat which looks like a black replica of his previous straw hat, but it has an obscure simple on the front.
Horror: Does this snuff out fire like Dofus' hat?
Bajamut: Honey, all of my hats snuff out fire.
*Girl mage grins* -- *It would be cute the way she has both hands lightly gripping the edge, but Horror is never cute. Sexy? Yes!! Scary? Definitely!! But in this case, there is just something altogether evil about her smile which rattles even Bajamut's own soul.*

Bajamut clears throat: Ahem!
Bajamut: Anyway try these! *hands over a selection*
Slideshow of Horror slides by as she appears first in a fluffy white ballroom dress, plaid pajamas leaning forward with cleavage which plaids should find impossible to show, and a cheeky grin, the last scene is a Horror covering her naked body while a fire ball flies at the camera man. As the camera was destroyed, no other costumes can be viewed.

Horror steps out of the dressing room: This looks good!
She walks out with her black hat, a black leather corset which pushes her bust up to change her lethal bust into a cleavage of heavenly destruction (ironic since as a black mage stripper she usually only sends men to heaven rather than bestowing its destruction down upon first). It wraps around her ribs and bust, exposing her belly, and black tulle lining covering her arms. A slim, brown and green leather skirt dares all men present to look on as her knee high boots accentuate her thighs.
All the dragons, and her entire party, including Michelle applaud.
Horror: I like it, but can you do something about the heels?
Bajamut: Those aren't heel boots.
Horror: That's the problem. I want heels like my old boots had. My toes aren't pinched, so it's comfortable, the lining is soft, and they are nice as wide so when I kick someone, they don't pierce the skin. Excellent when you want to drag out torture.
Bajamut: It will take a few minutes, but I can do it!
It is a good story, and it helps a marine.

User Info: DragonFistAbysi

1 month ago#154

Bajamut holds up the new boots: How are these?
Horror looks at the boots: I am highly impressed by the spikes you put in the heels. Nice and wide, VERY painful. These will do nicely.
Bajamut: I have a few other skirts in the style you're wearing.
Holds up a similar mini which are shorts with a front flap which opens out to reveal no front door access.
Horror: This will be great for teasing IT.
IT snaps his fingers and a skeleton falls into his arms: Again?!
Bajamut holds up skirt with lace lining, also shorts, but with skirt wrapping around them and over lapping in front, plus, its re-arrangable.
Horror: This will be great for bar hops, and teasing IT.
IT smiles.
Bajamut hold up skirt. It's a secret, no peeking.
Horror grins.

Dragon 1: Dude!
Dragon 2: Dude!
Dragon 3: D00d!
All three dragons fry.


While Horror was busy getting some *****in' boots.
Captain: Somewhere along the line, Bob here came and then the wolf thing came and...

*The Captain stares off into the horizon. Or would, if he could see the horizon. It was actually a picture on the wall with a horizon included in the picture.*

Captain: It was glorious. There was scales and blood and teeth of various shapes and sizes and colors everywhere.

*The Captain stares open mouth for a good moments. Then (the new and improved and newly "knighted") KNIGHTER mimics him.*

Eli: So, how many dragons did you piss off?
Captain: At first, all of them. You think with their large sizes that they would break more buildings. But after throwing a few of them around, they got less angry and more impressed. It was pretty awesome. Then usually never happens with me in a fight. Usually they just get angry. Or they are all dead.

*KNIGHTER starts drooling.*

Ramboner: You mean there are a bunch of half-injured dragettes that could use a little bit a healing and TLC and have large nest of treasures with...treasures!?
Captain: Um...yeees?
Ramboner: I have to go right now!

*Ramboner runs out of the building*

Captain: Now, we he says dragettes...
Eli: I am positive he means female dragons.
Captain: Oh, that...is still kind of a deviant thing, though different in a way I was think. But makes more sense then what I thought he was going to do. And I mean literally do. Well, to each man his own.
Eli: Is he going to leave us again and we'll come back there will be a bunch of half dragons half whores running and rutting around?
Captain: Oh, you mean like what happened in Corneria.

*Suddenly, bells go off in Eli's head.*

Eli: Oh hell, we were suppose to bring back MOONSHINE!
Captain: The what.
Eli: For the King!
Captain: I'm totally clueless.

*KNIGHTER now has a pudding forming underneath him. Michelle sniffs it. Does a frown as best a wolf can ad curls up for a rest in a dry corner.*

Eli: Remember, the whole reason we are out here?
Captain: A little bit...but we found a few demons and we didn't get any Royal Moonshine.
Eli: But the other way was to go to a city in the mountains in the north somewhere. According to that crazy we only met once and listened to.
Captain: Did you just here what you said.
Eli: Okay, speaking it out loud does seem a bit far fetched.
Captain: No, you forgot the fact I was supposed to get paid for some of this. Which I haven't. Which is upsetting.
Eli: You will get paid once we get the Royal CROWN Moonshine.
Captain: I'm still upset. But I just did face a horde of Dragons. I wonder...I probably need a nap.

*Captain suddenly falls down. Eli looks ready to get his new, mighty healing abilities. Then Captain *****slapper starts snoring.*

Eli: We...that's...great.

*Eli looks over and sees KNIGHTER also sleeping...and still dripping a little.*

Eli: Well, while the brutes take their naps, I'll get the mages and we'll see if the dragons have any idea on the location of the town.

*Eli then thinks about one of the other mages.*

Eli: On second thought, I'll just wait for Horror. I really don't want to see if Ramboner is successful in his...TLC.

*Eli shudders.*

See, I set us up for the next place we need to go. Though if you want to do that other thing you suggested, we can, too. I just thought it would be funny if Ramboner did some more...population growth. Then maybe he can meet another...love.


As the airship comes to a stop and what passes for heroes looks about trying to figure out where the town is:
Horror: What happened to Eli?
Ramboner: I let him read one of my books.
Horror: Your books?
Ramboner: My books. I wrote it. Looks like he's taking it all in.
Horror: Actually, I think he just passed out from over stimulation. Well, at least he's quiet. Seems you can do something good from time to time. *Picks up book and flips through the pages* You know, it helps to write the story BEFORE you start doing the illustrations. I'm going to have to try this position.
Ramboner: I free right now. *Horror raises her hand for flaming back hand* Hey, wanna draw stuff on his face?
Horror, Captain, KNIGHTER, Michelle: Yes! *woof*
Horror: Aren't you looking for the town?
Captain: We've been looking for hours. I'm not convinced it ever existed at all. That, or it's so tiny that no one to find it would getting directions first.

Meanwhile in CoRneria
King Haggard: I'm bored. My Rook takes your Boship!
King Coneria: We're playing poker. Oh, look! Tomorrow's taco night.

Meanwhile on the Airship:
Eli covered in drawings of size varied genitalia: NOOOOOOOO! I had a horrible preminition!

Meanwhile in the massive trade city directly underneath the airship (uh, how is it a trade city if there are no trade routes to it? *Mind your business, that's how*)
Man 1: Dude, what is that?
Man 2: Dude, I don't know!
Man 3:...
Man 1 and 2 look at Man 3.
Man 3: You're thinking of the Imps in their varied disguises. I'm actually a human.
Man 1 and 2: Say the line!
Man 3: Absolutely not!


All together now:

Eli, King Haggard, King Coneria, A Man, Hi-Tech, Lost Schmuck: Arienai! *pouty twisting in the wind*


Eli tags Horror: You're it!
Horror waves hand... BWOOSH!
Horror: Wow!! That's new. Is that like Heat Haze instead of fire?


On the roads passing through one of the many valleys of the mountains, a man races along the roads on his sail-wagon. He sails over the land as a pirate would sail over the seas. That's a given since he actually is a pirate. Or something. He made mucho denero selling an ordinary bottle, too. How lucky!


Captain *****slapper spits over the rail.

Man 3 gets hit: Is it starting to rain? Oh, wait. No, NOOOO!!! Ewww!

Captain *****slapper: You hear a death wail, or sumthin'?
It is a good story, and it helps a marine.

User Info: DragonFistAbysi

1 month ago#155

Eli: So, who's the idiot who got us lost in the middle of the mountains?
Horror: That would be you. You suggested that there was a city here. But no one sees it here.
Eli: Well, that's a given. I don't think cities fly.
... Horror blows up the boards under Eli's feet until he nearly falls over the railing.
Eli looks down and sees a vast, impossible to miss city.
Eli: Hey, I found it! It's right underneath us!
Horror looks over: Huh. You'd think at least one of us would have seen it on the way here. Then again, half of us were dealing with that. *points at Ramboner* and the other half was busy avoiding that. *points at Ramboner*


In a central commons, a woman sings every day at about the same time. As days pass, one person after another starts playing music with her as she sings until:
City official: You are by far the best singer I've ever heard. May I ask your name?
Singer: I'm Shin Gar. This lady is Flute, then the fiddler is Fiddleman, and finally Green Biker Dude.
Official: You don't actually know their names do you?
Singer:... no. You guys should introduce yourselves.
Flute player: My name is Flute Cunningham.
Fiddler: I am Teddy Fiddleman.
Green clad man with wicked guitar: I'm Johnny K, also known as the Green Biker Dude.


As the ship lands on the city's border, someone screams: MY HOUSE!!! [(O_O)]
Woman in a robe: What? What happened!
Someone: Look at that nice decoration! Who did that? It is absolutely darlin'.
Woman in a robe: I don't know, but I must get a ship on top of my house!
Man in a wagon sweating from hard journey: *huff* That is a spectacular decoration! *starts scheming ways of stealing decorative airship and putting it on his own house.*


Horror sneezes.
*BOOM!* There goes the neighborhood.


King Haggard sits down at his table.
King Haggard: This table does not make me happy.
Butler: You don't seem to be happy very often. What does make you happy and peppy?
King Haggard: Peppy doesn't make me happy.
Butler: Then what makes you happy?
King Haggard:...Ice cream makes me happy.


Villager: How can you go about parking your ship on top of our houses?
Eli: If it crashes, we get a new one.
Villager: What?
Eli: We just saved a bunch of money by switching to Gecko!
Villager: Gecko? Isn't it Geico that does that?
Eli:... I think we will move our ship.
Villager: Please do.


As the members of our favorite party gather for Thanksgiving eatings, peace descends upon the land.
Except for that certain town where a certain pack of six squabble over bits of food.
Horror: Eli, THAT was my turkey leg!
Eli: Me!? Captain *****slapper snatched it.
Captain: Wasn't me, I have my own two turkeys!
Horror: Well someone took my leg, and I wanna fricassee them right now!
Eli: Can't you just get another leg?
Horror: No, you can't just get another leg, you only get two.
Eli: What happened to the other leg.
Horror: I gave it to the only other member of the group that deserves it.
Eli looks at Michelle: What if she took yours, too?
Horror eyes Michelle: She knows better than that.
FIGHTER chews on some shoe leather someone*Horror* told him was turkey and gulps down spoonfuls of Cranberry sauce.

In the corner:
Ramboner leans forward and whispers sweet nothings into the ear of his next conquest. As he reaches out his hand a thick heel slams down.
Horror: Now, Slime, you wouldn't happen to be the one to take my turkey leg. *eyes the leg in front of him*
Ramboner: Perish the thought. I wouldn't do that. *Panics and Starts to trying to pull his hand free*
*As Horror reaches down to retrieve the leg* Eli: Uh, after he's been handling that, you sure you want it now.
Horror looks at a smiling Ramboner, then at the leg.
Horror burns away both: I see your point. Who knows what he's done with the leg?
It is a good story, and it helps a marine.

User Info: DragonFistAbysi

1 month ago#156

Eli trips.


Eli headbanging somehow doesn't work.


Horror sewing was sexy until she started smirking wickedly. Now we all just kid of hang out in a corner somewhere.


Eli turns into a girl. Despite his complaints, no one notice that anything is different. Horror seems much more antagonistic than before. Sadly, it was just a dream so we can't really make much fun of him for this... or can we?


Fairy thief riding around in carriage: Tom-Tom, where are we?
Tom-Tom: Bangladesh.
Fairy thief: How the **** did I end up in Bangladesh with computer guidance?!
Tom-Tom: Shut up, Dude! I'm doing the best I can with what you give me!


As they walk through the streets of Gaia, Eli poses a question.
Eli: So, what is Captain *****slapper a nickname?
Captain: No, it's a family name.
Eli: Oh?
Captain: Been that way since Great Grand Uncle Horslapper changed it.
Eli: So what was it before.
Captain: We used to be the Wifebeater clan.
Eli: I can't imagine why you changed your name.
Captain: I know what you mean, but you see, that name had a bad tendency to turn away good women, and had a bad tendency to attract a women with rather strange tastes.
Eli: You don't say.
Captain: Now, *****slapper improved things. See with the '*' we could claim that it was one thing or another, even thought there is really only one it could mean.
Eli: Oh, you mean 'B...

Nighty night, peoples. We had to do stuff to Eli.


Ramboner walks to a pond.
Ramboner: This looks like fantastic place to pick up chicks.
Grissled Captain: Aye, and there was a pretty li'l thing that was here. T'was only a short while ago.
Ramboner: What happened to her?
Grissled Captain: I caught and sold her to a traveling caravan.
Ramboner: You did what?
Grissled Captain: I caught and sold her to a traveling caravan.
Ramboner: I see. You know, I've always wanted a legitimate reason to do this. *Snaps his fingers and Horrors falls into his arms.
Horror red faced: Ramboner! You know what comes next right.
Ramboner whispers in Horror's ear, she nods.
Horror: I see. Well, then I'll let it slide with only minor lacerations this time. *turns to captain and lifts arm.* You might want to start telling your story.
Grissled Captain turns blue and starts talking.

... Grissled Captain was never heard from again.


Just as quickly as they arrive, our band leave Gaia and pass into the might blue ether. It was a side trip on the way to the sky above.

As they sore over Castle of Ordeals, Captain *****slapper looks at Horror.
Captain: So, where are we headed? Are we supposed to be rushing?
Horror: It seems to think so. *points at Ramboner, aka 'It'*
It: There's a faerie locked in a bottle out there, somewhere!
Captain: Okay, so where are we going?
The ship passes over the Castle of Ordeals twice more.
It: A caravan somewhere?
Horror: I hope she does well in captivity, cuz the only one I know who can channel the dead is my brother.


[This message was deleted at the request of a LICH or KARY]


After an exhaustive search, the airship lands in a marshland.
Horror rides on Captain *****slapper's shoulders.
Captain: Are you sure this a the proper method of divination. Yeah, just keep walking. As they come to a river, because we don't have the patience to explain why they have an intact boat that has not been abandoned, a canoe magically appears out of nowhere. It fails to eat anyone.
After a short boat ride and a fight with rabid nachos and fish, they arrive at a large town.
Ramboner: Well, this place looks cheery.
Eli: Cheery how? There's an old man being beaten by a strange shark man.
Horror: Let's get this over with. Hey, Ramboner, make sure you get some decent directions.
Our band of vigilant heroes, defenders of the weak, walk past the old man being beaten by the strange shark man, who is begging for help.
Captain: Anyone wondering why the strange sharkman is begging for help?
Eli: We'll never know. *A loud explosion erupts behind them*
Ramboner: Truly. It'll be a mystery til the end of time.

It is a good story, and it helps a marine.

User Info: DragonFistAbysi

1 month ago#157

A vast city with thousands and thousands of houses looms before their very eyes. The city of Onrac. For some reason, the second anyone walks through the city gates, the blue sky becomes a brilliant white.

Horror: I get the impression that this will become a hassle.
Captain: This looks like a great sea worthy town.
Horror: That is why I said it will be a hassle.


Ar' Heros enter the city expecting a full welcome. Unfortunately, their fortunes prove painful and within a matter of days, they are brought to bear, both physically and emotionally, and in the end, they all agree that it is time to leave this horrible city. Provoka has proved to be their undoing.

Eli looks around the inn: This place looks pretty good. The only problem is the creep innkeeper that keeps watching us. Horror, put something more conservative on, maybe he'll lose interest.
Horror: You must be kidding. If I wore a box, men would still watch me like hawks. Anyway, he is not interested in me.
Eli: How do you know that?
Horror: If he were, I'd definitely know. It's a skill that helps me clean up during dances.
Captain: How 'bout a demonstration. *Horror hits Captain *****slapper with a free chair* Clearly, you are a master at your craft.


As the group gathers at a table, a young lady with blue hair steps forward.
Eli: How 'bout some tea?
Waitress: I have legs.
Eli:...good for you. I'd like to order tea.
Waitress: You have legs.
Eli:...Apparently. Tea?
Waitress: My legs are beautiful.
Eli: Horror, I think it would be better if you ordered.
Horror: I don't think I have that much patience. I'm pretty sure this isn't that kind of bar, so the owner must be very nice, reckless, and a complete moron with a love of legs.
Waitress smiles: I have legs.
Horror: I think the owner is calling you.
The waitress smiles and bounces away.
Horror: Not quite the word I would use. Then again, this strip would disappear if I did use it so, yeah, let's go with that.


Hedley Lamaar: (...what ...the ...****??)

*sneaks back behind door*

*emerges again covered in cream*


Captain *****slapper slaps Hedley Lamaar on the back: Sorry about that, I get a little excited when I play GTA, and have pie. But at least with pie most of the city still has it's populous.
Hedley Lamaar: You don't say....


Various attempts have been made to kill Horror O'Riley. The end result is twelve wet T-shirt contest 1st place trophies and a brand new grave yard.


Various attempts have been made to kill Eli. The authors would not allow any harm to come to him, however, a new fetish has arisen among fans.


Various attempts have been made to kill Captain *****Slapper. The moral of the story is that you should never try to kill a psychotic GTA addict going through withdrawal.


Various attempts have been made to kill FIGHTER. HE Kep ComiNG BAK. RON! RON!


Various attempts have been made to kill Ramboner. He, uh, reproduces so quickly that they just gave up. Anyone to Ramboneria, uh, Corneria... I added an 'r'.


Various attempts have been made to kill Michelle... The results, uh the results are just not pretty.

It is a good story, and it helps a marine.

User Info: DragonFistAbysi

1 month ago#158

As our heroes walk into Gaia, a great evil steps forth to oppose them. But this is not our concern today.

As Eli, Horror, Ramboner, Mr. Hoggish, Captain *****Slapper, KNIGHTER and Michelle sit at the table, Horror orders a coke.
Waitress: What's a coke?


KNIGHTER gets drunk. I'd like to say he does something stupid, but it's KNIGHTER. For some reason, when he gets drunk, he goes to a library and reads like a scholar.


Dream Island welcomes you. Please enjoy your stay.

Horror: Okay, we're leaving now.
Captain: But we just got here.


As our hero's monster team leaves the pub, Horror kills the narrator.


Horror O'Riley steps onto a table and shouts: I am all powerful. Be warned that because it is Irish day, I rule ALL!!
Lightning roars and thunder flickers! The world turns as a new dark rule envelopes the land.

Eli looks at an unconscious Ramboner: What do you suppose he's dreaming about?
Horror: Nothing good, I'm sure. Must be nice to have such dreams.

In Onrac, there are legends of a creature lost to myth. A woman confined to the sea, half fish, half woman, and by all accounts, glorious. But for hundreds of years now, no one has glimpsed such beau-
"I did!"
Well, Barney did. No one knows from whence these creatures have gone.
"They are actually on the top floor"
Would you shut up! Fine, you know what?! Who cares? They're not legends. They are residence of the parkway, and come out in the evenings to woo the men! You happy now?
"Not really. They're actually on the top of the Sea Shrine. You should totally see yourself though. Your face is redder than your old convertible."

As our heroes wander the city of whatever the heck its called, Horror, Eli, Captain *****slapper, Michelle, KNIGHTER and Ramboner enjoy the local liquors. Of course since this isn't a story revolving around our heroes, or our hero's monster team for that matter, we will completely disregard anything that has to do with them and pretend they do not exist until they randomly decide to take revenge against those who have stolen their thunder.

Surely, you wonder what happens with Horror, Eli, Captain *****slapper, Michelle, KNIGHTER and Ramboner who currently complain about watered down sludge. We don't care. Use your imagination people. Today, we spy upon the mysterious ruler of the city who even those have played won't know cuz while reading this, they have not yet played, cuz science.

The mysterious figure plays, clicking buttons.
Hi-Tech: Dude, why are you playing that?
Mysterious Figure: I fear that those who will depose me have appeared in the city. The four carrying crystals. I must find out how they will beat me.
Hi-Tech: And you are doing this by playing a game?
Mysterious Figure: Yes.
Hi-Tech: Can I play, too?
Mysterious Figure: No.
Hi-Tech shrug and takes a toke.


In the city of Onrac, trouble brews in the streets. Mermaids, once the symbol of this once, most glorious of cities, have disappeared, and in their place, the armors avengers who guard the new lord who rules over the city from the streets. Though rebels have sought to end his rain, along with his reign, (actually many of his dastardly policies have been rather progressive and beneficial) he has remained hidden through the many years of his reign, probably not from the streets.
The avengers, like many dark minions, hunt the street moving through the streets like missiles and when they find their prey in the streets. It seems the streets are where they find the beautiful girls for the master to satiate his appetites. Fortunately, he isn't a human, so this isn't cannibalism.

This night, they have found a truly beautiful victim in the streets, currently retching in the streets, which are already quite filthy... streets.
As they close in, the victim turns and realizing the fate which awaits.
Eli: There are monsters in the streets! Waah!

Inside the bar:
Horror: Did you hear a really wussy scream?
Captain: Actually it was kinda re-tarted, wasn't it?
Ramboner: You know that's really offensive, you know? You should use a more accurate term.
Captain: Okay, how would you describe the scream?
Ramboner: Derpy, doofy, wonky, funky, bonky, Scooby? Take your pick.
Captain: Actually, using Scooby is offensive against cowardly dogs with a speech impediment.
Ramboner: Oh, sorry. I guess I'm the pot calling the kettle black, huh?
It is a good story, and it helps a marine.

User Info: DragonFistAbysi

1 month ago#159
I've been busy, so I forgot that I wanted to do this.
It is a good story, and it helps a marine.
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