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  2. Final Fantasy
  3. 2 Thieves and 2 Black Belts

User Info: The_Hacker

The_Hacker
4 months ago#1
I decided to try a TH/TH/BB/BB party. I will use whatever strategy I need to push through the game, without partiality to either class. If anyone falls behind in level, too bad. I'm not going to bother with weird shenanigans like stat-maxing or ship game abuse. The warriors get what they get. And because I wanted to add a touch of humor to this otherwise run and grind party, I present:

The Story

Twin thieves, whom their adopted dad Bikke named Run and Hide, were caught attempting to break into the Coneria treasury. Obviously they failed, and were thrown in jail. They happened to be in a cell opposite twin black belts, named Iron and Fist, who landed behind bars for streetfighting without a permit.

The pairs of twins insulted each other and argued through the night about who was better, thieves or black belts. In the morning they were released, and went their ways. The king offered a surprise reward to whoever rescued the princess. No one knew what the reward would be, not even the king.

The twin thieves were first to accept the task, and they ran to the king, expecting at least a down payment. But to their disappointment, they recieved a meager 100 G each. They made their way to the weapon shop. Of course the owner put up his crossbow, but before he pulled the trigger, the thieves yelled "Don't shoot!" "We want to buy!" This would be a regular hindrance for the infamous "Bandit Bros".

The "Belt Bros" prepared to meet the king. They were so poor, they had only one belt. Black not from years of experience, but instead from dirt. One bro wore the belt, decided by rock, paper, scissors. While the other kept his pants up with a clenched fist. The Belt Bros flexed their muscles in front of the king, who snorted trying not to laugh. They took their 100 G each, a small fortune to them, and went to the weapon shop, where they met the Bandit Bros.

"Well if it ain't the Panty Bros" chuckled Run. "That's BELT BROS! SHUT UP THIEF!" Yelled Iron. "What are you losers doing in here anyway?" Whispered Hide. Fist growled and shook his, um, fist. He rarely spoke, due to a very bad stutter. Iron spoke up, "Duh! What do you think? We're buying nunchucks!"
"I thought black belts didn't use weapons" said Run. "Well, uh, duh! Shows what you know!" Said Iron nervously. "I use m-m-my fist!" Stuttered Fist.

"Listen here lad, if yer goin ta save the princess, yer goin ta need a better weapon than yer fist." Said the shopkeeper with a thick Scottish accent.
The pairs of twins looked at each other wide eyed and open mouthed. "We're saving the princess. Not these knuckleheads." Said Run. "No way! We're saving her!" Said Iron. "It seems yer goin ta haf ta team up lads." Said the shopkeeper. All 4 warriors let out a nervous laugh. But they knew deep down he was right.

User Info: Jay_Shaw

Jay_Shaw
4 months ago#2
Great intro, and should be an interesting party to play through the game with - good luck on your playthrough!

--Jay

User Info: The_Hacker

The_Hacker
4 months ago#3
The Bandit Bros and Belt Bros headed out, separately, to rescue the princess. But they all were too proud to admit they were scared to do it. Even with rapiers, nunchuks, and wooden armor. So they picked on wimps until they reached level 2. Then both teams spotted a grimp napping on a log. It was a mad rush to see who killed it first, and after a flurry of chucks and swords, the dust cloud settled. No one was quite sure who actually killed it, but they all claimed it as "My kill!", except Fist, who simply shook his fist, which probably meant something. But no one cared.

Killing the grimp gave the warriors courage. And the Belt Bros strutted to the Temple of Fiends. "Race you there!" Said Run, as he and Hide took off ahead. The Bandit Bros stood at the doorway. The Temple was much scarier than they thought. "Hey Run, let's let those boneheads go in first." Said Hide. "What, are you scared to go in?" Said Iron, pulling up his pants extra high (Fist had the belt). "No way! We ain't scared!" Said Run. And all 4 stepped inside, trying to act brave.

Fist punched the door to Garland's room wide open. He then bit his lip to avoid crying out in pain, as he stuffed his throbbing fist into his shirt. The princess was tied up in a chair. "There she is! Let's untie her!" Said Run. "Just cut the ropes, idiot." Said Hide. But before they could take another step, Garland dropped down from the ceiling. "No one touches my princess! You impertinent fools! I, Garland, will knock you all down!" "Whoa...Nice entrance dude!" Said Iron. "I'm n-n-not imp-p-potent!" Stuttered Fist angrily.

The Belt Bros whacked Garland upside the head for 5-17 dmg, while the Bandit Bros preferred a finesse approach, going for weak spots in his armor. But they quickly learned he had no weak spots, and they poked him for 2-12 dmg.

"How do we know when he's dead?" Asked Iron. "He hasn't moved in a few minutes." Said Run, as he continued to poke him with his rapier. Meanwhile Hide was cutting the princess' ropes, as she mumbled something (a sock was in her mouth). Fist pulled it out. "Uck! That nasty sock tasted horrible!" The princess cried. Fist threw the sock into the rafters, and a group of black shadows screeched. "B-b-b-bats!" Said Fist. "I hate bats! I mean, I ain't scared of no bats." Said Run. Suddenly the princess picked up a small stone from Garland's dead body. She held the stone tightly and yelled, "WARP!"

User Info: Fogsprig

Fogsprig
4 months ago#4
Woah, this deserves a romhack!
HYPE HYPE HYPE NERV

User Info: Jay_Shaw

Jay_Shaw
4 months ago#5
Already off to a good start, I see - I could see the write-up for the Bikke portion of the game turning out to be pretty funny given the background you provided in your initial post about the Bandit Bros...

--Jay

User Info: The_Hacker

The_Hacker
4 months ago#6
Back at Coneria Castle, King Coneria the Umpteenth was building a bridge to renew the trade route with Provoka. Though Coneria had a harbor, ship building was never their "thing". Besides that, there were dangerous sahags out there! And the only monsters on land were wimpy imps. Or so they thought.

A flash of light and the princess appeared in the throne room! Along with the confused warriors. "Sarah!" Exclaimed the king. After Sarah explained what happened, the king realized that he had lost his 50,000 G bet to Unne, betting against the warriors. In fact, Unne was the only one to actually bet on them, it being 500 to 1 odds. Unne took the money and ran. "How did he know?" Whispered the king.

Even worse, the king realized he would actually have to reward these bozos somehow. Run said to the king, "What's our reward?" The king said, "Something very expensive indeed!" The warriors' eyes lit up with anticipation. Until the king said, "To aid your quest, I have ordered a bridge built to the new continent. The bridge is yours." The warriors faces went blank. "Whaaat?" Said Hide. The king looked around for something to appease the lucky heroes. Sarah decided to ease the tension and grabbed whatever item was nearby. An old lute. "Here!" She said, handing it to Hide.
"Heeyy! How'd you know I played lute?" Said Hide. "You play?" Asked Iron. "Heck yeah he does!" Said Run. "He used to do solo gigs at the Salty Sea Dog in Provoka." Iron grinned and said, "Well, I guess you guys aren't so lame after all."

User Info: Jay_Shaw

Jay_Shaw
4 months ago#7
Heh - the old linguist is wise, apparently! It would be funny if you could carry the bridge around with you and use it to cross rivers like the step-ladder you get in the original Legend of Zelda - since the group is apparently able to carry a giant canoe around with them later in the game, carrying the bridge around might not be that far fetched....

--Jay

User Info: The_Hacker

The_Hacker
4 months ago#8
From here on I will use script style speech.

In the square, the warriors debated what to do next. They had a decent amount of G from killing Garland, not a lot, but enough for the Belt Bros to buy another belt. Hide was playing lute for Arylon. But Item Guy, Arylon's dad, would have none of it. Item: "Arylon! Get in the house!" Arylon: "But daddy! I was just..." Item: "NOW!!" Arylon skipped home. Hide: "Hey! Mr. Guy! Long time no see. What up man?" Item: "You stay away from MY daughter! Understand?" Hide: "This place sucks. I miss the Sea Dog." Run: "You want to go back? Dad will kill us when he finds out what we did." Hide: "Whatever."

The warriors went to see their rickety bridge, which consisted of 2 ropes and some old pallet boards with the nails sticking out. Hide: "Coneria sucks." Run: "Big time." Iron: "Wanna go with us to Granny's?" Run and Hide: "No!" Iron: "She makes good cookies! And potions! And tea!" Run: "Potions? Sure we will go." The Bandit Bros smirked at each other. Of course the Belt Bros were too dumb to know that the thieves intended to rob Granny blind.

And so, their journey begins. What awaits the Four, they do not know. Programmed by Nasir. Iron: "Who's Nasir?" Hide: "Wasn't he that guy in "Lagoon"?" Run: "Yeah. I guess he took to programming after he rescued Felicia."

Along the way, Hide showed off with a 40 dmg crit on a wolf, much to the embarassment of the Belt Bros. Granny's cave was a bit of a detour, but as they got close, they smelled the aroma of fresh baked SOFT cookies. Iron: "Granny!" Granny: "Munchkins? Is that you? Come on in, the door's open! Sorry kiddos, I lost my glasses. I can't see anything without them. It's you Fist! Give Granny a hug!"

Granny went to hug Run, who narrowly evaded her shaky arms and litterbox smell. Granny was about 500 years old, shaking from parkinson's, with one tooth, in the front. She served up cookies and put on a pot of tea. Granny: "If only I had my glasses. I think this is it..."(As she squinted at various bags of ingredients and dumped them in the kettle). Fist was stuffing his mouth with cookies. Granny patted him on the head. Granny: "Who's a good boy?" The thieves laughed as Fist went red in the face.

Run was watching a broom sweep by itself! He grabbed it, and it smacked him between the legs, and then continued sweeping. Run: "Ooooo!!" Granny: "What's that sonny? You like my cookies?" Hide looked for her stash of SOFT potions, but Granny wasn't born yesterday. Granny: "Oh! I'm all out of SOFTs. Too bad. I wanted to make more cookies."

The kettle whistled. Run grabbed a cup. Run: "Me first!" Granny went to pour him a cup, but she accidently poured it into Iron's cup instead. Run sighed. Granny walked over to Fist, and Run put his cup under the kettle, but she shook suddenly and poured it into Fist's cup anyway. Run was getting annoyed. Run: "Pour me a cup!" Granny: "Again? Well if you insist." But her parkinson's went haywire and she splashed half of the hot tea in Hide's cup, and half in Run's lap. Run: "Oooooo!!" Granny: "You like my tea too? It's my secret recipe." Hide took a sip, and choked.

After leaving Granny's cave, the Bandit Bros looked back to see the Belt Bros following. Run: "Are we taking them along?" Hide: "It wouldn't hurt to have them as meat shields, just in case." As they caught up, Run poked Fist in the belly with the handle of his rapier. Run: "Who's a good boy?" The Bandit Bros burst into laughter, as Fist clenched his fist and took a swing at Run, missing him. The Bandit Bros ran ahead, with the Belt Bros trying to keep up.
(edited 4 months ago)

User Info: Jay_Shaw

Jay_Shaw
4 months ago#9
Not bad - I remember that when I played this game as a kid, it took me forever to figure out that the code the brooms tell you actually works, but only *after* you actually exit Matoya's cave and return to the overworld....

--Jay

User Info: The_Hacker

The_Hacker
4 months ago#10
Sadly, none of the warriors were smart enough to know what those brooms were singing about. And Iron and Fist grew up with them. But Fist loved to sing the tune over and over. Fist: "Push B-B-B select!" Hide: "I tried! B,B,B, select does nothing!" Run: "Maybe you ain't pushing it fast enough. Bbb select. Real quick you know? You gotta mash those B's!" Fist kept repeating the tune all the way to Provoka.

The warriors arrived in Provoka. The sounds of yelling, drunken laughter, and broken glass were heard, along with piano music. Iron: "What's that catchy tune?" Fist snapped his fingers to the beat. Hide: "Johnny C. Bad." Run took a deep breath of the scent of salty tobacco smoke and grilled fish. Run: "Ah. Home sweet home." A bottle broke against the wall, about a foot above Iron's head. The thrower was a drunken pirate across the canal. Drunk: "Gyahaha! Almost got 'im!" A group of pirates laughed. Iron reached for his chucks, but Run stopped him. Run: "It ain't worth it".

The Bandit Bros stopped the Belt Bros from entering the Salty Sea Dog Saloon. Run: "You two better not go in." Iron: "You're not our boss. We go where we want." Run: "Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you." The Bandit Bros stepped up to the bar and ordered shots of rum. Bartender: "Well lookey here! The Bean Boys are back!"
Crowd of Pirates: "Ahoy! Bean Boys! Welcome back!" Iron: "Bean Boys?" Hide: "Don't ask." Iron: "I'd like a drink, please." Suddenly the whole saloon went dead quiet, the music stopped, and all eyes were on the Belt Bros.

Bartender: "We don't serve your kind here." Iron and Fist looked around fearfully. They realized they were the only brown haired black belts in an army of blue haired thieves and pirates. Hide: "Settle down sea dogs. We own these black belts. They're our pack mules." Iron: "Whaa-". Crowd: "Gyahaha! Pack mules? Put them mules to work!" The music resumed.

After a few drinks, lute solos, games of poker, and fish stories, it seemed like old times. Of course, no one believed the princess story. But the Belt Bros had to stay in the stable. They were hungry and thirsty and ready to fight. The Bandit Bros heard the sound of pock pock pock on the boardwalk outside. They turned pale with fear. In the doorway stood the fattest, ugliest, saltiest sea dog that ever sailed the Aldi Sea. He had two peg legs, two hooks for hands, and two eye patches. Though he wasn't blind, he had two lazy eyes, and kept a random patch open to confuse the enemy.

Bikke: "You scallywags got a lot o' nerve showin' yer landlubbin' faces here, after what you'ns did to me." Run and Hide took a shot a rum, with shaky hands. Bikke: "You scumsuckers made off wit me chest o' gold. You'ns owes me 10,000 G. Now pay up." Hide: "Pops! We'll pay ya! Just give us time!" Bikke: "Time's up boys. Shake 'em down mates!"

Run and Hide leaped onto the bar and drew their rapiers. Bikke: "Is this how you'ns treat you's own dad?" Hide: "You're not our real dad, Bikke!" Run: "You kept us chained in the hold all the time! And you kept mom chained to the poop deck!" Bikke: "So this be the thanks I get fer raisin you'ns? Ever since you's skanky mum died, I took care o' you'ns! I fed you'ns, I-". Hide: "You fed us rats and beans! That's all we ever had to eat! Rats! And beans! Beans beans beans!"

The Belt Bros heard the word "beans", which happened to be their favorite food. Fist: "B-b-b-beans?" Iron: "I'm getting some." The Belt Bros entered the saloon. Bikke: "What the devil?" There was stunned silence a moment. Iron: "Aw, what the heck!? Let's fight!" Bikke: "Mates! Get them landlubbers!" The drunken pirates scrambled for their sabers and staggered into battle. They were already seeing double, and with two sets of twins, they were so cornfused they didn't put up much of a fight. Both sets of twins did roughly the same in combat, with damage in the mid 20's. The pirates had 6 HP.

Bikke hobbled to escape, but was cut off by the Belt Bros. Iron tied Bikke's hooks behind his back with his chucks, and Fist put him in a chokehold. An old pirate with a hammer walked in. Old Pirate: "Cap'n! Yer ship's all fixed! She's good to go!" Bikke tried to yell, but Fist tightened his chokehold. The Bandit Bros smirked at each other. Hide: "You thinkin what I'm thinkin?" Run: "Our ship is ready." Bikke's lazy eyes bulged out of his red face, and he passed out. The warriors ran onto the ship, as Hide cut the tie ropes, and the Belt Bros shoved off. They hoisted the main sail, and the Belt Bros threw a few remaining pirates overboard. One sleeping pirate rolled off deck when they turned the ship about. Then they sailed off into the sunset.
(edited 4 months ago)
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