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  3. So... I tried to rewrite Leonie/Byleth B support

User Info: Vermillionw

Vermillionw
4 weeks ago#1
What do you think (after reading it ofc) - Results (11 votes)
It's great !
0% (0 votes)
0
It's okay
18.18% (2 votes)
2
It's better than the original, but still has room for improvement
18.18% (2 votes)
2
It's too short :(
0% (0 votes)
0
Try again
63.64% (7 votes)
7
This poll is now closed.
Okay, so I see tons of people who are not satisfied by this support. So I tried to rewrite it... And it was not that easy ^^'.
Trying to keep Leonie's personnality while making her not look like a douchebag... Well Because of her strong rivalry personnality, I think I had to erase it a little.
Anyway here goes nothing (oh and it was written like byleth was actually really talking so do not be surprised if you see long sentences from him/her) :

Leonie : Professor…
Byleth: What’s the matter Leonie?
Leonie: I’m sorry for what I said during our last conversation, I shouldn’t have act like this. It’s just that I always strive for greatness and… let’s just say I got carried away
Byleth: … It’s… Already forgotten, do not worry about it.
Leonie: Really? You know, the more I stay alongside you, the more I realize how much you look like master Jeralt, you’re always so caring and watchful toward your students. You never judge them, and you’re always ready to boost their morale.
Byleth: Thank you, I’m touched, although I don’t consider myself to be that great of a teacher.
Leonie: I am sincere, you’re amazing…
Byleth: …
Leonie: Err… Hey don’t get the wrong idea though!
Byleth: ...Is there anything else you wanted?
Leonie: No… Actually, I wanted to know how you were doing.
Byleth: Well, I’m trying to overcome the grief, although it’s not that simple. What about you?
Leonie: Hm, me? Well I… What does it matter anyway…? I was only a mere student for Jeralt… argh forget about it.
Byleth: You know it’s not true.
Leonie: *sigh* Professor … I’m sorry… It’s hard for me as well… I just want to act tough but I… *sob* I respected Master Jeralt so much and…
Leonie: I don’t know why I’m saying that, I’m sure it’s even harder for you to move on…
Byleth: Leonie, it’s natural for you to be sad as well, you don’t have to act like that. My father was an inspirational source for you as well.
Leonie: But I…
Byleth: Just let go Leonie, it’s okay.
Leonie: Teac… Byleth, let’s avenge Master Jeralt!
Byleth: Yes Leonie, you can count on it.

User Info: Prince_Bloke

Prince_Bloke
4 weeks ago#2
I can see what you were going for with this, but it has quite a few issues with what they actually say and the overall characterisation of Leonie and Byleth.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
Currently playing: Tales of Vesperia, Last Remnant, Kingdom Hearts, Atelier Arland and Dragon's Dogma.

User Info: Vermillionw

Vermillionw
4 weeks ago#3
Prince_Bloke posted...
the overall characterisation of Leonie and Byleth.


Yeah, Leonie is so hot headed, so trying to make her emotional is a bit weird.
And Byleth is a bit too expressive for when this support is suppose to happen.

First attempt to write a support so yeah, Better luck next time!

User Info: Zeveria

Zeveria
4 weeks ago#4
I prefer the original. Leonie needs flaws, insecurities, and bad moments to have any depth as a character. The timing should just be switched from "After Jeralt dies" to "After Kronya is killed" to give a little time for both parties to heal.

Also Byleth's speech is a little too flowery and expressive. His character is more blunt and guarded.
TP > OoT = MM > ST = SS = tWW > TFH > ALBW = PH > BOTW = MC > OoA > OoS > LA > FSA > FS > LoZ > AoL >>> aLttP

User Info: CharizardFire

CharizardFire
4 weeks ago#5
Leonie never calls him "Master Jeralt". She calls him "Captain Jeralt"!
http://s458.photobucket.com/albums/qq303/CharizardFire6/

User Info: Vermillionw

Vermillionw
4 weeks ago#6
CharizardFire posted...
Leonie never calls him "Master Jeralt". She calls him "Captain Jeralt"!


YEEEESSS, f***
I keep on forgetting How she calls him...

User Info: Zer0billion

Zer0billion
4 weeks ago#7
You have Byleth speaking entire sentences 0/10

User Info: BloodMoon7

BloodMoon7
4 weeks ago#8
Why is Byleth talking. This greatly disturbs me.
Memes
Mommy Rhea's lap is best lap.

User Info: Kletian999

Kletian999
4 weeks ago#9
She apologizes in A support, so that B conversation was supposed to end badly.

User Info: haladapted

haladapted
4 weeks ago#10
Leonie:"Oh god I want to sleep with your dad so BAAAAAAAAAAAD."

Every support with her should just be this in varying tones.
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