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User Info: freepizza

freepizza
2 weeks ago#1
I’m worried about not getting it. But I’m even more worried about getting it. I have extreme anxiety about doing something full time. I’ve been freelance for the last two years. I was also getting my real estate license. All things where I have relatively good control of my own time. This would be committing my time to someone else.

My last full time IT job was a nightmare. My anxiety and depression were immeasurable and I wanted to die almost daily. In reality this new job probably won’t be as bad as that one. But it’s got fear really kicking inside me. I’m not sure what to do.
"...you should try reading my posts being getting all emo." --FoxMetal

User Info: Kylo Force

Kylo Force
2 weeks ago#2
This analogy might not scale right, but I know a guy who retries foods he doesn't like every couple of years just to make sure that he still doesn't like them. Maybe if circumstances are different, you can see if this is a thing for you. And if it turns out that you still think that it's no good and it does give you anxiety, at least you gave it another fair shake and now you know how you would rather do things?
"Sa taong walang takot, walang mataas na bakod."
"To those without fear, there is no such thing as a tall fence." - Filipino Proverb

User Info: freepizza

freepizza
2 weeks ago#3
That sounds like a good strategy. However this guy is building out his server IT division and I'll be the guy he puts in position for it. So it will all be riding on me. I don't know if I will feel comfortable just seeing myself out if it gets bad. I may feel stuck.
"...you should try reading my posts being getting all emo." --FoxMetal

User Info: Kylo Force

Kylo Force
2 weeks ago#4
I realize how much "easier said than done" this sounds, but you're allowed to have agency for your own choices. So if everything really is riding on you, that means that you should either have negotiating power to match, or at least slowly get comfortable with that idea.

That, and as someone who has felt stuck in a place because I couldn't fathom how a thing could go on without me (or how some of my students would get by without me), you have to trust that things will be handled. Sometimes you have to take care of your own things, and others have to take care of theirs.
"Sa taong walang takot, walang mataas na bakod."
"To those without fear, there is no such thing as a tall fence." - Filipino Proverb
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