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User Info: HeyDude

3 months ago#1
OK so Jessica was my first and then we got married and she was my only. Since I moved out and we were separated and she started borking other dudes, I thought it might be okay to talk to some women. I totally didn't plan on having sex, the first time it happened. Then after that I continued with that woman. I stopped seeing her about a month and a half ago and since then have been involved with two more.

I feel like a crazy person and I'm overall not enjoying life.

Never get divorced y'all.

EDIT: I know this is TMI but I have a long tradition of TMI with this board!

User Info: PaperSpock

3 months ago#2
What about this situation is getting you down the most?
Fame is but a slow decay.
-Theodore Tilton

User Info: Jacehan

3 months ago#3
If PMS isn't for TMI, I don't know what is.

I follow up with the same question.
"To truly live, one must first be born." ~ Evan [aX]
Paper Mario Social:
The Safe Haven of GameFAQs. (Board 2000083)

User Info: HeyDude

3 months ago#4
I guess my problem is I never learned to be single? Like yes my friends love me but for some reason I still only feel "loved" when it's romantically, from a woman. The frantic searching for a woman to replace Jess has ultimately made me unhappy. If it had had better results, I'd probably be more happy in a temporary way, but without ever addressing my compulsion to be in a relationship.

So the most recent girl is Sara and things were going great from my perspective, with flaws but not dealbreakers, and then she told me she wants to slow down and just visit each other once in a while, and then the next day she said maybe not at all? She said she'd think about what she wants and let me know and to give her some time. It's been four days and not a peep. Pretty sure she's ghosting me.

So the immediate cause of my grief is I lost Sara and she's the first person since Jessica that I thought maybe I'd actually enter a relationship with. But I only knew Sara a month, so the underlying cause of my grief is I'm too dependent on these things.

I just don't like being alone!

User Info: ShadowSpy

3 months ago#5
Being lonely sucks! Especially when it feels like the only way to stop the loneliness is through romance. Hopefully, you can find a different source of "love".

What have you been up to in your free time? Hopefully, there are things you can try now that you are your own person and not attached to someone else's life.
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

User Info: HeyDude

3 months ago#6
Mostly moping. I think at some point that's gotta get better. I can imagine I might start reading for pleasure (I read a lot but it's for school and self-help).

User Info: willis5225

3 months ago#7
I'm sorry man. Dating after any breakup is weird and disorienting and you're not sure what you want out of it, but what you want out of it probably isn't what it's for. I know the last time I was in that situation, all I wanted was to get back to the place where I had a loving household and somebody to come home to and pets and such, which just isn't how that works. It takes time to build up to that, which is a serious drag, but it makes sense.

If you can stop thinking of that as the end goal (which I realize is easier said than done) you might have a better time dating? I dunno that's the advice I would give 2012 me.
Willis, it seems like every other time you post, I need to look up a word that's in the OED or Urban Dictionary but not both.

User Info: LinkPrime1

3 months ago#8
As someone who's chronically single, I can't really relate to how it feels to go through a divorce, much less any kind of significant relationship. I only dated my ex for 3 months and I still think about her!

But there was one thing that really struck home with me:

Like yes my friends love me but for some reason I still only feel "loved" when it's romantically, from a woman.

This I get. And I think I have a really good idea of what you're going through here. I had a very similar mentality, yes I have friends and family, but it's not the same. I get it, and I still have those thoughts a bunch.

This is gonna sound clichéd, but a big part of kind of getting over those thoughts is replacing that desire and those doubts with self love. Getting to the point where you love yourself enough where you don't need to have the validation of another in order to feel "complete". Working out has been a big part of this, a long with lots of yoga.

Now I'm not saying I'm supreme Mr. Macho Got Confidence for Days, but I'm happy(er) with who I am. That doesn't mean I'm satisfied with who I am, far from it.

I'd say try focusing more on yourself. Idle time can lead to both bad habits and bad decisions IMO. Occupying that time with self-improvement keeps your mind focused on what's most important - you.

You did a Couch to 5k Program awhile back. Maybe think about doing it again? Maybe go for 10k this time? Just something to put your focus on yourself, not on how you think you need something from someone else.
Well, there is a new accent of n00b language. It's called: Vet LUEser goes Foreign!-MegaSpy22
Those must be the pants of the gods!-Digitalpython

User Info: HeyDude

3 months ago#9
This is all good advice.

I've begun journaling. Tonight I began making a "stuff I hate" list so I can stop having it in the back of my head just making me grumpy. Later after I've finished writing about that, I'll go through it (maybe after December 7th, my last day of school) and journal about various paths away from / through those things. Some things I may decide are best accepted.

Being single is definitely one of them (one of the things I hate, and also, one of the things that may be best accepted).

User Info: PaperSpock

3 months ago#10
There was a girl I had a crush on big time. Asked her out on a date. We did go out but only once...but she was ultimately uninterested, and I spiraled...and then I journaled. I’ve got some ugly, ugly writing in there. Rewriting the same idea of a poem four different times about how I felt. Plans on how I was going to change my life. Lists of what was wrong with me. Lists of what I should be looking for in a woman going forward, I’d be half embarrassed to look at the thing, I’m certain...but it really did help. I powered through, directed my energies elsewhere, and had one of the most meaningful 4-6 months of my life.

I know, massively different situation, but journaling really helped me through that time. I hope it helps you too.
Fame is but a slow decay.
-Theodore Tilton
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