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Store Link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/912210/Achievement_Collector_Cat/
I just... wait... what? Okay, hold up. So you see the rainbow background and think "whee, a seizure simulator, looking forward to the spiral effects really drilling into my eyes," but then it's just a stationary background? The horribly cut and pasted images of a random woman and a cat's pretty cool, too, but the real winner is the poop-brown "WOO" and "d" you must collect, for some reason.
*potentially nsfw warning* Hentai Shooter 3D
Store Link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/914690/Hentai_Shooter_3D/
Typical DOOM clone, sure. I get it. What I do not understand is the bullets that fly from the crotchal-region of the anime ladies, or the fact that you must bludgeon them to death with a pickle. Be sure to look for that two-tomato upgrade to your pickle for extra innuendo. When people ask me, "why don't you work in the office?" I usually reply with, "because my SFW is NSFW."
Need for Spirit: Drink & Drive Simulator
Store Link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/924670/Need_for_Spirit_Drink__Drive_Simulator/
Look, we've all got that uncle. You know the one. He visits strip clubs on Christmas. He offered you a cigarette when you were 5. He insists that he's a better driver drunk than when he's sober. Hey, if you don't have that uncle, you might BE that uncle--especially in Need for Spirit: Drink & Drive Simulator. I can't figure out if my favorite part is a polka song from the worst Mr. Bean movie imaginable or the fact that 90% of the trailer looks like normal off-road driving you'd see in a GTA clone.
Thanks, y'all. Inspired by Eminem and Machine Gun Kelly, I've got some sweet diss tracks to drop on these Steam games by week's end. Had to skip a week since I went on a mini-vacation to get away from adding these atrocious monstrosities. A palette cleanse, if you will.
Figured I'd collect a bevy of nausea-inducing titles for all of us to collectively lose our appetites to over several weeks, and I'm happy I did. I wanted even more horrible titles, because I'm a glutton for punishment, but alas, this is all I could dig up over the past two weeks. Enjoy!
Store Link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/941480/Giraffe_Town/
Okay, what is going on here? Is this the closure of Toys R Us as directed by David Lynch? Why does it look like Geoffrey is lost in Silent Hill? The contrast of goofy gameplay and that happy giraffe in the stark, earth-tone world of Silent Bankruptcy is really messing with my head. "Remember that time in the hotel..."
Store Link (Possibly NSFW): https://store.steampowered.com/app/933920/GIRLS_VR/
Have you ever had one of those dreams where you're making out with Posh Spice from the Spice Girls and all of the sudden she slowly begins morphing into the thing from John Carpenter's The Thing until your bodies begin melding together, creating one blobulous DNA congelation monstrosity? Yeah, me neither.
Bad Day Betsy
Store Link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/941580/Bad_Day_Betsy/
A video game about a woman who kicks me in the front-butt DEFINITELY not made by men for other men or weird sex perverts with horrifying browser histories.
Oops!!! I Slept With Your Mom
Store Link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/930320/Oops_I_Slept_With_Your_Mom/
When I first saw this in the queue, I thought "oh boy, here comes some hot garbage visual novel about shacking up with your mom," but then became horrified to find out it's about an ABANDONED BABY LOOKING FOR THE MOTHER WHO DESERTED IT. Jesus Christ.
Doll of Resurrection
Store Link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/927190/Doll_of_Resurrection/
I don't know what it says about me that I would totally play this, but I would. Be sure to go to the Steam store and watch the video. There's nothing better than the blow-up doll blowing itself up. This is the winner for the past month, easily. Remember that commercial where the guy throws out the lamp and it starts raining and you went, "aw, I feel bad for that inanimate object"? Well, the guy who made this thought the same thing, but about discarded sex dolls.