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I'm David, and I take care of the games database here at GameFAQs. Yeah, yeah, you didn't even know I work here--neither does Allen or Devin, so you're not special. I look at hundreds of games every day, both in the news and coming through the digital networks like PlayStation Store and Steam. I see way too many games that I'd love to play, but don't have the time to invest in. There's a myriad of tremendous games on Steam every week. The type of games that make you salivate over the art style. Platformers that you wish you could toy around with. Faux retro open world action/adventures that harken back to the times of Super Metroid, or brand new logical puzzle games that make you feel smart (or as I call them, "games that lie to me"), or even a fun futuristic sports game.
That is not what I'm going to be sharing with you all.
No, no, you won't get the fruits of the labor (or "labour" for all of you English people... yeah, I'm smart and worldly, deal with it). If I have to go through this crap*, so do you. C'mon, it'll be fun. For about a year and a half now, the good folks at Steam just sort of threw their hands up in the air like a single parent with triplet toddlers in Walmart. Ever since then, I see a lot of low-quality titles, or simply waaay off-beat, goofy games coming in on the daily. I figured it would be fun to post the worst of the worst, the weirdest or the weird, or the pet coon goofiest** stuff that I can find. It's better to laugh together than by yourself. I'll begin posting games from time to time when I find them in the comments below.
As a disclaimer, some of the games I post will be offensive in some capacity. They all offend me. In all of my senses, even. I'll steer away from stuff like hate speech games, because booooo. I'll also steer away from full, outright nudity (the game itself might have it--I don't know, because I'm not playing it, but the preview will not). Also, I'll try not to post the ELEVENTY MILLION visual novels that hit the site on a daily basis. Seriously, is this what you kids do these days? Just sit around and create erotic slashfic between werewolves and werebears that requires 270,000 words, yet only two expressions for each character? Could you only draw two poses each for Meowra and Growlie? But I digress. Some of the games may have adult themes or crazy sound, so please be advised when clicking. It could be NSFW. I found a 2D platformer a few weeks back where a woman just kept moaning and screaming "give it to me" as the player had to navigate around angry strippers without touching them. Imagine explaining that at the ol' in-law family reunion when people ask me, "so what do you do for a living?"
So let's have some fun! Fun involves sobbing now, because it's 2018.
(*I don't know if these games are actually bad or not. You think I'm some professional games person? Psssshhh. Buy them and play them yourself! I'm too busy entering them into this database, ya ninny.)
(**racoons are adorable, if you're a raccoon and you're offended by this, I humbly apologize. You can never be too safe with who you might offend on the Internet these days.)
But lol I do remember hearing from a few friends of mine some comments you left when they added some pretty crappy Steam games to the database. I can feel you facepalming through the screen every time you add a crappy game like that. xD
Anyhow tag af, let's see whatcha got.
See me on Discord! ^.^ Eevee's Mystery Dungeon: https://discord.gg/qavbtaQ
Store link: https://store.steampowered.com/app/907630/Haunted_Showers/
Okay, ONE haunted shower, I can get behind. Spooky bathtub, right? I've seen the Shining, sure. But PLURAL showers? Hmm, I don't know. Plus, read the description.
"Would you look at that. A letter containing the will of your now deceased Great Grand Uncle. How lucky! Did you even have a Great Grand Uncle? Who knows; but this offer is too great to pass up. In the will it states that you have to scrub yourself clean in a shower? Seems kinda strange."
Wait, hold up. Time out. A person claiming to be a ghost left you a letter saying to get in the shower and soap yourself up and you'll receive money? First off, I've had that happen to me before, and it was just a guy with a GoPro on the shower head--unequivocally NOT a ghost. Definitely do not trust. I do like how fancy that bathroom is, though. Expensive renovations for a guy who recently died... I'm not sure I trust that there's much money left in that supposed will. It probably all went towards that GoPro.